For All of Her Life (34 page)

Shadows twist and rise and call;

Shadows dart along the hall, and

Shadows dance upon the wall...

Shadows...

Shadows...

Dark...

Dim...

Haunting...

Falling...

Shadows...

One after the other, their voices fell upon the chorus, the harmony amazingly like that of waves upon the ocean, lulling, soft, hauntingly beautiful, fading away, the two women picking up the verse once again.

Unbelievably in sync.

“I can feel them reach for me,

Shadows will not set me free,

Shadows harsh and shadows kind,

Shadows play upon my mind.

Shadows of the days gone by,

Hear them laugh, and hear them cry,

Shadows...

Once again, the voices of the men falling upon each other as they picked up the chorus. Then their voices fading away, the sounds of the instruments blended, fading away, and in the end just the beat of drums and the soft, magical whisper of a flute.

And when they finished, silence. They stared at one another. Something suddenly electric, exciting, filling the air. A magic.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Judy stated flatly. “I wouldn’t have believed it.”

“Shit! We were good,” Larry said, startled himself. “We were—”

“We were
wicked
good,” Miles said, incredulous.

“And we’ve got to keep it up,” Jordan said firmly. “That was one song. We’ve got lots to go. Let’s not go patting ourselves on the back too hard yet, huh?”

“Sure, right.” Miles responded, but he winked at Kathy. She saw that he was delighted.

And despite Jordan’s skepticism, the session continued to proceed as if charmed. They had created such excitement amongst themselves that the rehearsal seemed effortless. They went from song to song. Switched instruments upon occasion, switched positions, harmonies. No one suggested a break. No one noticed the passing of time.

Eventually, when they finished with a soft ballad, they heard a knocking on the door. Judy dutifully rose and went to it. Through the glass, they could see Tara and Jeremy.

Judy looked at Jordan who shrugged. She opened the door.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Jeremy said cheerfully, “but Peggy suggested that, despite her best efforts, her dinner will not be edible if you don’t all come and eat very shortly.”

“Dinner?” Shelley said.

“It’s six o’clock,” Tara informed them, a slight edge to her voice despite her smile. She looked strained, Kathy thought.

“Wow! Wow!” Larry said excitedly. He turned to Miles. “Eight hours! Eight hours and we’ve been great—”

“So damned good we didn’t even notice the time!” Derrick said happily.

“You were so good I didn’t even notice the time,” Judy said with a grin.

“Really?” Shelley asked her. “All of them? It felt good. Wonderful. Tight and right and great even though Keith—” She broke off, then stared at Jordan. She seemed confused. “Jordan, we were good. Even without him. Right?”

Jordan nodded solemnly to her, then smiled slightly. “Keith was good. Maybe the best. But we were all good, Shelley. Part of a whole. And yeah, we can be great—even without Keith.”

“Well, I don’t like to break up this mutual admiration society,” Tara said sweetly, “but Peggy is waiting.”

“And it has been a productive enough day.” Jordan looked happy. “Let’s call it quits and eat.”

Tara slipped into the studio, going to him, slipping an arm around him. “You must be exhausted.”

“I feel great,” he told her. He studied her, seemingly oblivious to all else.

A coldness slipped over Kathy. She wanted to kick herself. This was crazy. And maybe her own fault. He was enjoying entertaining himself with her. A week with the ex-wife, with his girlfriend in residence. With Jeremy very nearby—and Jordan completely unaware that Jeremy had no sexual interest in her.

Well, she was a fool. Clinging to the crumbs that fell her way, convincing herself that she was glad of his protection.

“Dinner,” she murmured, her own triumph and exultation over the incredible session ebbing away. She hurried out of the studio, not wanting to watch Jordan with Tara.

She wasn’t even aware of the man following closely behind her until she heard Jeremy whisper, “Hey, wait up, will you? I’m trying to be the perfect lover and you don’t even notice when I’m about to put a loverly arm around you!”

She slowed her pace, glancing up at him, offering him rueful smile. “Put that loverly arm around me, huh? I could use a good hug from a friend.”

He hugged her. The feeling was warm and fierce. She closed her eyes, grateful that she had such a good friend. She opened her eyes just in time to see Jordan passing her in the hallway.

She felt a little queasy.

Then she caught herself.
Good!

Downstairs, she discovered that Peggy had set out a beautiful buffet. The girls and Angel had started getting their plates, but Sally and Gerrit were nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s your grandmother?” Kathy asked Bren.

“Ummm, out by the pool, I think. Want me to look?” Bren asked.

Kathy shook her head. “I’ll go.”

She hurried out to the patio, glancing to the guest house as she did so and wondering again who in God’s name could have dressed up to look like her and run around the estate. So much was confusing.

And scary.

She shook the thought, determined to ask Jordan about getting a gun herself so he wouldn’t feel obliged to
protect
her at night.

She walked around the pool, startled to see her mother and Gerrit’s father sitting in lounges so close to one another that Kathy was surprised they weren’t toppling over. Their heads were bowed together, extremely close. So close that they appeared to be...

Kissing.

Startled, she stopped.

“Mom?”

Sally looked up. She smiled.

“Dinner’s ready.”

“Oh, how lovely,” Gerrit said.

Kathy finally realized that she was staring at them, open-mouthed. In fact, her jaw was almost on the ground.

“I... I... uh... I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I—My God, were you... necking?” she heard herself blurt out. She winced.

“Necking?” Sally said. She looked at Gerrit.

He grinned. “Do old people
neck?”
he asked Sally.

“Do they?” Sally laughed.

He shook his head sadly. “Ummm, I don’t think so. Sometimes they
look
like they’re necking, but they’ve actually just fallen asleep upon one another.”

“Ah!” Sally said. She grinned at Kathy. “Guess we weren’t necking, just
napping.
Do you mind?”

“I... Of course not!” Kathy gasped. Her cheeks reddened, then she started to laugh. “I’m just—”

“Shocked?” Gerrit teased.

“No! Yes, come to think of it, I guess so. But happy. I don’t think you’re too old to neck!” She smiled sweetly at her mother. “Even if you are past your prime!” she told Sally.

“Past my prime!” Sally protested, then she remembered.

“What was that?” Gerrit asked.

“Nothing. Ignore her. Wretched child. You know how they can be.”

“Do I!” Gerrit said sadly.

Kathy grinned, then spun quickly on a heel, ready to burst into laughter. Her mother. And Gerrit’s father. How sweet, how wonderful...

What torture! If the two of them were together, her ex-husband would be even more ingrained in her life.

If she had a life when this was over!

Dinner was a boisterous affair that evening, everyone in the group excited that their first practice session after nearly ten years had gone so well. When dessert was being served, Jordan excused himself, saying he had phone calls to make concerning the performance. Because the night was so balmy and beautiful, they naturally seemed to ebb outside toward the patio, finding chairs and lounges near to one another.

“It’s all very well and good that you’re so industriously congratulating one another,” Tara said, “but when do we plebian partners get to judge?”

Miles, smiling, glanced at Kathy, then Derrick. Derrick grinned and looked to Shelley, who stared over at Larry. “As far as I’m concerned,” Larry said generously, “anyone can listen in at any time.”

“You couldn’t have been that good! Not after all those years,” Gerrit warned gruffly. Kathy noted that Jordan’s father and her mother weren’t as closely knit as they had been before, but their chairs were still drawn companionably close. And they both seemed so happy. They’re special people, she thought. Both of them. They had loved and lost, but both had known a special beauty in their loves, something many people never know, no matter how long they live. Both had always been good and generous to those around them, and they’d probably missed having a very special person in theirs lives for a long time. It was just... rather a surprise. But a good one.

“But they were,” Judy said, a strange tone in her voice, as if she still couldn’t believe just how good. “It was as if they’d never stopped playing together. As if they were just the same. Just as if—”

“As if Keith were still with us?” Shelley suggested.

Judy shrugged, swinging her feet over her lounge. “Actually the group sounded better to me than it ever had. There was no hint of tension in the room. Don’t you remember some of the last few sessions before Keith’s—before the band broke up?”

“Yeah, I guess we all do,” Miles said huskily.

Kathy closed her eyes. Larry answered Miles, and the discussion continued, then altered, then changed. Conversations around her seemed to fade.

She could remember one practice session all too well. This morning she remembered it with a great deal of discomfort.

They’d been in the house, not long back from Europe. Kathy had been certain that the humiliation of the arrest bothered Jordan more than anything. Half of the group had been late to practice, and he had been pacing like a caged bull. Keith had shown up, not quite wasted but certainly under the influence. They’d started a number, just one, and it had been painfully off. They’d never finished it. Jordan had pulled his guitar off his shoulder and had all but thrown it down, uncharacteristic behavior for him. Unlike some of the showmen of that rock age, Jordan couldn’t destroy a musical instrument for anyone’s entertainment.

“Forget it, Jesus Christ, forget it! We may as well toss the whole damned thing in. Keith, you’re loaded.”

“The hell I am!”

“And you’ve got your bloody nerve to be doped up after what you did to us all.”

“I told you, I didn’t try to smuggle any damned drugs anywhere!” Keith lashed back.

And there Jordan had stood, hands on his hips, fury in his eyes. “I can’t—I won’t—work like this.”

“All right, I’m sorry. I’m wrong today. Wrong. But I won’t do it again.”

“Three strikes. You’re out, Keith. And I don’t care how damned long we’ve been friends.”

“Damn you, Mr. Self-Righteous! I didn’t get us all arrested, can’t you understand that?”

He’d sounded hurt, desperate.

Jordan hadn’t supported him. “I can’t work like this. Kathy, you coming?” He hadn’t glanced her way. He’d reached out a hand, waiting for her. But there had been something so desperate in Keith’s denial that she’d waited.

“I’ll be along,” she’d said.

Then he’d looked at her. He hadn’t said a word, he hadn’t forced the issue. He’d thought she’d chosen Keith instead of him. He’d stared at her a moment longer, then had walked away. Jordan, the strong one, the leader. It hadn’t seemed that he’d needed anyone then. Not even her.

And once he’d been out of the soundproof room—cacophony.

“Keith, you stinking lousy bastard!” Judy had hissed. “To the rest of us, this is a livelihood! Can’t you keep yourself straight for a few damned hours a day?”

“Not when you’re always sharpening the edge on that tongue of yours, baby,” Keith said nonchalantly.

“God dammit—” Derrick had said.

“Leave him alone!” Shelley had snapped, whirling on Judy. “Who the hell are you to criticize any of us?”

“If you knew just how many people he’d slept with other than you, pumpkin, you wouldn’t defend him quite so hotly,” Judy said.

Shelley gasped. “You shrew! Leave me the hell alone, and leave Keith alone.”

“Shelley, I don’t need help here,” Keith interrupted coldly, staring at Judy. “Not anyone’s.”

Miles had leapt into it then. “There’s no damned reason to hurt her, Keith. She’s been there for you every damned time, and you treat her like dirt.”

It had gone far enough. Kathy picked up Jordan’s guitar and struck a discordant note, silencing them all. They stared at her.

“You’re all going to get your personal problems out of these sessions, or there won’t be anything left for any of us to worry about, got it?” She stared at them firmly, one after another. She wondered if she wasn’t an incredible fool, risking her marriage to hold onto something that was slipping away from them all. “It all stops!” she snapped. They all stared back at her, finally shamed and quiet. Larry lowered his eyes first. Now she knew why.

She opened her eyes. How different it was tonight! Judy’s words had sobered them all somewhat, but they hadn’t changed them back into a pack of snarling harpies. Judy was talking quietly to Vicky Sue, Miles was smiling over something Shelley was saying. Tara was offering Derrick her sweetest smile as he explained the mechanics of writing music. Larry and Jeremy had turned to a discussion on sports; the kids, who had gone swimming soon after the main meal, were just crawling out of the pool and heading inside to change.

The older generation—not Kathy’s own, her mother’s—were still just cuddly close in their lounge chairs.

“Well, I’m going up. Good night, all,” Judy said.

“Yeah. You know, I’m exhausted,” Miles said. “I was so exuberant—and I still am—but I must be too old to be that exuberant for long.”

Kathy grinned. “Hey, think of it this way. Lots of us older guys are out there working now—just taking carrot juice on tour instead of champagne and the like.”

“Right.” Shelley groaned. “I’m off. See you all in the morning. Tara, tell our host thanks for us all again, huh?”

“Yeah, sure,” Tara said casually.

People began to drift away, toward the house, moving slowly, chatting with each other. The kids were coming out of the pool, drying off. Kathy noticed that Sally and Gerrit were moving on into the house as well—they had both forgotten to say good night to her.