Finding Dell (15 page)

“People in glass houses, Dell.”

I shook my head.
Weren’t we just laughing a few moments ago?
I wondered.

Natalie’s words struck a chord of truth in me. She may think so, but I wasn’t blind to the ways I tried to push a problematic relationship—I just couldn’t bear to give up before I was ready.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” I conceded. I stood up and
walked over to Natalie’s bed and sat down, my feet dangling off the edge.

“If you keep being such a bitch all the time I’m not going to introduce you to Sebastian,” she said. She lifted a pillow from behind her head and hit me with it playfully to show she was joking, but I detected a note of honesty in her voice.

“Call him soon,” I said. “My heart has a heavy door, and it only opens a little now. I’ve let in too many wars by mistake. So call him before it closes again, because I’m not sure when it’ll open after that.”

I tossed the pillow back to her to show that the mood was still lighthearted, but my words surprised me and I couldn’t bring a smile to my face. I worried that what I said was true, and then I worried about what would happen if the door closed.

CHAPTER 16

THE STANDS WERE
a sea of royal blue as students sported the Seneca University school color. I scooted through the narrow walkway of bent knees and discarded beer cups until I found a tight spot to sit between Rocco and Dean. Rocco was the last person I wanted to sit by, but maybe if I pretended we were friends, he would tell Will good things about me later.

Dean hunched his broad shoulders, trying to make himself smaller in the crowded space. He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, concentrating on the game, where the quick-footed left end tackle blocked a pass rusher.

Ruby leaned backward then forward, trying to see around Dean’s bulky frame to make eye contact with me.

“Is Natalie coming to the game? I want to be there when she introduces you to Sebastian,” she chirped.

“She’ll be here after half-time,” I said, hoping Rocco wouldn’t overhear. I hadn’t seen him since the Halloween party, but I knew better than to ask if his presence meant Will might show up.

Ruby scolded Dean for blocking her view of me and flirtatiously placed her arm on his knee, laughing at his concentration on the game. I watched him flinch nervously at her touch and I smiled. But when the crowd had an angry outburst in response to a messy fumble, Ruby gave up leaning over Dean’s lap to talk to me and instead turned her attention to Helen, who sat beside her. Helen’s thick Southern accent strengthened Ruby’s faint drawl, and when they talked their accents picked up until they were almost impossible to understand.

I scanned the field for Sebastian, but I couldn’t find number forty-two on the field. I finally spotted him sitting on the bench with a few other players. At this distance, I couldn’t make out his features, but I kept an eye on him rather than the action of the game.

A hand touched my shoulder from the aisle behind me and I whirled around, expecting, wishing, to see Will standing behind me, looking for a seat by Rocco. It was an unsteady drunken stranger eager to push through the crowd, probably headed for another beer or the bathroom.

“Hey, could you scoot down a little? Bernie just got here.” Dean motioned for me to move closer to Rocco. I glanced up to see Bernie slide next to Helen. She was followed by Cam, who waved awkwardly.

“That’s the guy who fixed your bike and brought you flowers, right?” Helen whispered—not discreetly—as she leaned over Ruby and Dean.

I bowed my head in embarrassment and gave a half-nod. I could feel Rocco listening attentively to the conversation. I didn’t want this to get back to Will. Will might be Rocco’s only friend, the only person Rocco had influence over, but he was the only one who mattered.

“I do declare, he looks at you like a puppy dog.”

A cheer erupted from the stands and Dean groaned.

“That’s what I get for listening to you girls gossip about Dell’s love life,” he said.

I laughed, but I was secretly relieved. I wagged my finger at Dean. “Now, pay attention to the game.”

I shivered as a strong wind blew in with the cloudy sky. It was the last game of the season, and it was noticeably colder in the stands than it had been earlier in the fall. The football sailed between the goalposts and was ruled a field goal for the opposing team. A chorus of boos went up from the stands.

In the third down, a hand touched my shoulder again, and thinking it was another person trying to maintain their balance in the bleachers, I didn’t turn around. When the hand remained on my shoulder, I turned reluctantly.

Alex crouched in the aisle. “Dell, hey. I’m sitting a few rows down, but I thought I’d say hi.” He glanced up to see a man carrying a tray of nachos waiting behind him. “Looks like I’m holding up the aisle, so I better get moving. Good to see you, though.”

Alex rubbed my shoulder affectionately before he stood up. When I raised my eyes, Rocco was watching Alex’s hand.

“You sure have a lot of guys interested in you.” Rocco’s voice dripped with judgment.

Shit
, I thought.
He’ll definitely tell Will about this
.

“Alex?” I heard my voice become high-pitched. “We’re just friends.”

“My friends don’t touch me like that.”

I averted my eyes and stared out at the field in mock concentration.
Maybe it’s because you don’t have any friends
, I thought bitterly.
You’re just jealous because all you’ll ever be is Will’s sidekick
.

My phone rang in my pocket and I was grateful for the distraction. I cupped a hand around my ear as I struggled to hear
Natalie’s voice over the rising excitement of the crowd.

“Come to the north end zone,” Natalie shouted. “I’m waiting outside the locker room.”

I laughed into the phone. “I’m coming.”

I started to edge through the narrow aisle, squeezing past Dean’s pudgy knees and empty cups of beer. As I passed Ruby, she slapped me on the butt.

“Go get ’em,” she cheered.

Bernie tugged on my hand as I inched past her.

“Remember. Confidence, Dell,” she said. “Magic and madness.”

I flushed as Cam watched the exchange. His eyes were questioning, but I ignored him and grabbed the metal railing. I hurried past the concession booths to the ground level of the stadium.

Natalie leaned heavily against the concrete wall near the locker room entrance.

We were field-level; the bright green AstroTurf and thousands of stadium seats seemed even bigger from down here. The game had ended and the crowd moved on to the parking lot or bars on the Pass, and it seemed that Natalie and I were the only girls left in Whalen Stadium.

The wide doors leading to the locker room opened and let out a blast of shouts, laughter, and steam from the showers.

Jesse trotted out, followed close behind by a tall boy with sturdy shoulders and dripping wet hair. He shook his head, sending a spray of droplets to the concrete floor, and smiled apologetically from behind his messy hair.

Jesse flexed his muscle as he pulled Natalie closer. He kissed her greedily while the boy and I looked on, embarrassed as we waited to be introduced.

Jesse steered Natalie until her back was against the concrete wall. He kissed her harder and her hand moved into his hair.

My eyes widened and I turned away and glanced out at the field. The darkening sky was outlined in the sharp lines of the white goalpost.

“Come on,” the boy said. He nodded in the direction of the field with a shake of his wet hair and I followed him.

“Are we allowed to be out here?” I asked as my shoes touched the AstroTurf.

“Better than being over there right now,” he said. “I’m Sebastian. Natalie told me she had a friend for me to meet. You must be Dell.”

“That’s me.”

“That’s an interesting name.”

I looked up at him and smiled. “That means a lot coming from a guy named Sebastian.”

He laughed. “Natalie was right. You’re a firecracker.”

We padded to the ten yard line.

“So how did I do out there on the field today?”

I bit my lip and wondered if he was searching for a compliment. He probably had girls fawn over him all the time, especially if he went to Sidetracks after a winning game. Hell, with that smile, it didn’t matter if it was a losing game.

“You’re number forty-two, right?”

“Yup, girlie, that’s right,” he said. He had a slight Southern accent.

“To be honest, I didn’t see you play. I saw you on the bench, but not on the field.”

I eyed him to see if I’d offended his masculinity by suggesting he was a benchwarmer, but instead he laughed heartily.

“You passed the test, Dell. You wouldn’t believe how many girls lie and say I was great on the field when I didn’t even play.”

“Hey,” I protested. “No fair that you’re testing me!”

I lifted a hand and playfully swatted him on the arm.

The overhead stadium lights started to click on one-by-one, spotlighting the field numbers and end zone lines. Sebastian looked up with a flick of his neck and sent a spray of water dripping onto my shoulder.

“I think that’s a sign to get off the field,” I laughed.

Sebastian and I crossed the field to join Natalie and Jesse. As we walked, he clapped a hand on my shoulder and moved closer. He smelled like soap and laundry.

“You’re fresh air, Dell,” he said. “This may be forward since we just met, but my fraternity is having a winter formal next weekend. Would you like to go with me?”

“As your date?”

He laughed. “I’m not asking you go as a chaperone, that’s for sure. Yes, as my date.”

I felt my chest bubble with excitement. I stepped closer to Sebastian and relaxed my shoulder under his touch.

“Well, in that case . . . I’d love to.”

I realized just how much I loved—and missed—that feeling of excitement over a new person.

CHAPTER 17

ONE AFTERNOON, AFTER
my shift at the modern art gallery during summer break, I entered a small lighting shop next door to buy a fan. It was hot outside—I remembered rolling up the sleeves of my crisp collared shirt to cool down—but hotter inside the lighting store, where the glow from the lamps raised the temperature. An eager man mopped at his forehead with a handkerchief as he showed me the selection of fans. I told the man I needed a sturdy but portable fan, something sleek, because my boyfriend couldn’t sleep without a fan at night. Coming off a shift at work, making a practical purchase for a boyfriend—it all felt so
adult
. I was proud when I marched to my car in heels, carrying a pretentious logoed shopping bag.

Now, the fan twisted soundlessly in the room. Bernie stood behind me at the mirror curling my hair. She looked like a bohemian attending a summer music festival in a cropped top that showed her bare stomach despite the chilly air.

“Do you think I’m wrong not to tell Natalie that I’m going to the formal with Sebastian tonight?”

“I think you’re too easily swayed by other people’s opinions, Dell.”

“She introduced us, though. I should have just told her when it happened at the stadium, but for some reason I kept it a secret. Now I feel guilty, like I’m lying by not telling her.”

“It’s not guilt about keeping it from her. It’s knowing that your friendship is now at a place that makes secrets possible,” Bernie said as she wound a long strand of hair around the curling iron.

I felt a wave of recognition as I studied myself in the mirror above the sink.

The door clattered open with a bang and I turned to see Natalie in her clothes from last night. Bernie grasped my chin. “Keep still or I’ll burn your neck with this thing”—and she continued to curl my hair without greeting Natalie.

As Natalie crossed the room, I could feel the cold air from outside coming off her in waves. In the days following the game, she had become cool toward me again, and I started to realize that our harsh honesty toward each other all semester caused more damage than I knew. Natalie glanced over her shoulder with a studied nonchalance.

“What are you getting all dressed up for? Is Dean having a theme party or something?” Natalie asked as she eyed the fuchsia dress laid out on my bed.

Natalie’s voice dripped with just enough disdain that Bernie spoke up when she saw the muscles in my neck tighten under the barrel of the curling iron.

“I’m not surprised you haven’t heard about it. It’s probably not a popular topic of conversation among the horse club, or wherever it is that you spend your time, but Dell has been invited to a formal event tonight, so she doesn’t have much time for chit-chat.”

I tilted my head as far as Bernie would allow to hide my amused expression. I bit my lip to stifle a laugh. Bernie outwardly condemned the concept of fraternities and their parties, and had spent the better part of a half-hour explaining her disdain to me before Natalie arrived.

“Who do you know who would take you to a formal?” Natalie didn’t hide the contempt in her voice.

“Sebastian. Seems that Madeleine made quite the impression on him,” Bernie said.

“You don’t have to answer for her,” Natalie said.

“And you don’t have to be so rude, but I suppose that’s just the way you are. “By the way, your hair’s crooked.”

Natalie snapped her hand to her head self-consciously and fumbled with her clip-in hair extension. Her eyes narrowed as she studied us. She shrugged her purse back onto her shoulder and crossed the room.

“I’m not putting up with this in my own room,” she said. “I’m going out with Jesse tonight.”

On her way out of the room, Natalie tripped on the cord to the curling iron and stumbled into the doorframe, cursing as she regained her balance and smoothed her hair. She slammed the door with a loud clatter behind her.

“Good riddance,” Bernie muttered.

“I wish you were always here to fight my battles for me.”

Bernie’s mouth turned up at the corner in a forced smile. “I’ll teach you to fight your own battles, stormy.”

She set the curling iron down on the tiled sink.