Finding Carrie (10 page)

“Is your leg okay?” he asked. She looked down and lifted her pant leg up. Lifting her foot, her shin was all red, and it throbbed.

“It’s fine,” she said as she brushed past him to the bedroom. He followed her into the bedroom and drew down the covers. Carrie whirled around, wide-eyed. “You’re not sleeping in here, are you?” she asked almost in a whisper. He stood back up, facing her with the bed between them.

“I was. This is our bed,” he said.

“I don’t feel comfortable with that,” she said, shaking her head wildly.

“What? I’m not going to do anything. You’re my wife,” Isaac said, dropping his arms to his sides. “Okay. I’ll sleep on the couch for you.” He grabbed a pillow and left the room.

Tears streamed down her face. She felt cruel and selfish. How could she kick a man out of his own bed? But she didn’t know him like he knew her. She lay down on the bed and rolled on her side that didn’t hurt. She pulled the blanket up to her throat. She cried herself to sleep, ashamed and desperate.

Isaac stood at the door with his bags in his hands. “Isaac, please don’t leave me. I’ll try to remember, I promise,” Carrie said, begging him to stay with her. Isaac stood there shaking his head. “The girls need you, and I need you.”

“I can’t do this anymore, Carrie. This was the last straw. You’re never going to remember me, and I can’t live with you anymore.” Isaac turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind him. Carrie fell to the floor on her knees.

“Isaac, come back, please come back!” Carrie cried out.

Carrie sat straight up. “Isaac,” she said out loud, tears streaming down her face. He wasn’t in the room with her. She felt bereft. She realized that it was a dream, but she took it as a warning. She jumped out of bed and ran out to the living room. Isaac was fast asleep on the couch. She ran over to him, kneeling beside him. Tears were streaming down her face. She whispered, “Don’t leave me, please. I don’t know how, and I don’t know when, but I will remember. Just please don’t leave me.” She pushed his hair out of his face. Wiping the tears off her face with her arm, she got up and ran back to the bedroom.

Isaac stirred and opened his eyes. Looking around the dark room, he was sure Carrie was talking to him, but no one was there. He rolled back over and went back to sleep. Carrie appeared in the doorway with a pillow and a blanket in hand standing and stared at him for a moment. She put the pillow on the floor and laid down, covering herself with the blanket. She rolled over on the side that didn’t have that bruise on it so she was facing the couch. She let herself drift back to sleep.

Chapter 11

I
saac woke up to the sound of his alarm. He stretched up to turn it off, then stretched again and pushed himself up. With his eyes closed, he swung his legs out to stand up. His feet didn’t hit the floor; they stopped on something hard. He pushed slightly with his foot, and heard a scream. When he looked down with great puzzlement, he saw Carrie writhing in pain.

“Oh my God,” Isaac said. He swung his feet under him and reached down to pick her up to cradle her in his arms. She was holding her side and moaning in pain. Isaac brought her head up to his chin and swallowed hard before he spoke. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were there,” Isaac said, suddenly aware that she was in the living room with him after she didn’t want him in the bed with her. “Sweetheart, why were you on the floor?” Isaac asked. She was making an attempt to speak. She took two big deep breaths.

“I had a dream that you were going to leave me,” she said, shuddering from the pain.

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise you,” he said. He bent down to kiss her forehead. “Not ever, and certainly not because you can’t remember who I am. I’m going to fight that much harder for you,” Isaac said, studying the tears on her face.

Carrie took her hand off her side and put it on Isaac’s cheek. “I don’t know why I feel the way I do, but I promise you that I will do everything I can to remember. I don’t know how or when, but don’t leave me, please,” Carrie said.

“Never,” Isaac said as she dropped her hand to her side again.

“Why does it hurt so badly?” Carrie asked.

“You have two broken ribs trying to heal. I might have pushed them out of place,” Isaac said as the girls ran out to the living room to see what was going on.

“Is Mom okay?” Sabrina asked.

“Yes, she’s okay. Go get dressed, you two,” Isaac said. They did as he said, and they disappeared into their room.

Isaac picked Carrie up and swung his legs out so he could get up. All the while, she moaned and winced from the pain. He carried her into the bathroom and set her down on the sink.

“Here, take your medicine,” he said, handing her a small white pill. He then filled a small cup with water. She took the water and swallowed the pill. He took a tube of BENGAY from the medicine cabinet. “Lift up your shirt,” he told her.

“What is that?” Carrie asked. The bruise was still very nasty. It was shades of black, purple, and blue, and it covered her whole side.

“BENGAY. It should help with the pain,” he said as he gently smoothed it on her skin.

“Ow,” she said with her eyes closed. Her breath came out like a hiss though her teeth.

“I’m sorry,” he said, replacing the cap and washing his hands. He turned to face her. Leaning on the sink with both hands propped on both sides of her legs, he kissed her on the forehead then leaned back to gaze into the blue eyes that he loved so much. “I love you,” he said in English. He mostly said it in Japanese, but he knew she wouldn’t know what he said, and he wanted her to know what he said just in case she forgot. She didn’t say anything; she just looked at him in the face. He watched the worry lines etching themselves onto her forehead.

“Isaac, Mom, I’ve got to go,” Sierra said, almost doing a jig in the hall. They both looked at her and her dancing. She was stomping her foot up and down. She had her arms straight as if she was holding on to something. Humor crept up between the two of them. They looked at one another and smiled, trying not to laugh at her. Isaac helped Carrie off the sink and led the way out of the bathroom. Before they could look back, the door slammed, the wind pushing past Carrie’s face.

They both went to the bedroom. Carrie went to the window and looked out. It was a sunny day, and many people were walking around down on the sidewalks. Carrie turned around and saw Isaac undressing in front of her. She went to say something but remembered her dream and didn’t want to push him to that event, so she stopped herself and sat down on the bed, facing the window.

Isaac pulled up his blue jeans and pulled on a t-shirt.

“What are you doing today?” Carrie asked. She wanted to watch him dress for some reason. She was attracted to him but didn’t know why.

“I’m dropping the girls off at school, and I’m going to rehearsal. Today is half dress rehearsal,” he told her, walking around the bed to sit next to her. She looked up at him when she saw him in the corner of her eyes.

“What is a half dress rehearsal?” she asked, looking back out the window.

“We are going to rehearse in our costumes, but with no makeup,” he told her, leaning back on his arms. It wasn’t what he wanted to do; he wanted to sweep the hair off her neck and kiss it. He had been longing to do that ever since they got home. When they were alone, they usually seized the opportunity to show love to one another, but because she didn’t remember, he refrained from doing so.

“Oh, what are you?” she asked, looking back at him.

“I’m a cat in the new animal show,” he said. Before he could stop himself, he pushed the hair off her shoulder. He knew he shouldn’t have done that but waited for her reaction.

She looked at him with wide eyes. Her body tingled to his touch. She wanted to tell him not to touch her, but when she looked at his face, he had love in his eyes. She didn’t want her dream to come true, so she pushed the thought out of her head and all she did was smile.

When he saw her smile, his heart melted as it always did. Not wanting to push any more buttons, he decided to change the mood. “I have to make the girls breakfast before I take them to school,” he said. He got off the bed. He went out to the kitchen.

She sat there and watched as he left the room.
Why can’t I remember and why can’t I recognize these feelings I have for him
, she thought. She wanted her life back—or the life everyone said she had. She felt like an empty shell. It was all too difficult.

Sitting around the table, watching Isaac teasing the girls, she realized that she had a smile on her face and was laughing with them. “Stop, Isaac,” Sabrina said as he ruffled her hair. She was trying not to laugh, but she couldn’t help herself and busted out laughing.

“Ow,” Sierra said, laughing as Isaac pretended to stab her with his fork. She was laughing so much that food was coming out of her mouth. “Look what you made me do, Isaac.”

“Did I do that?” Isaac asked, laughing at her. She was trying to put the food back in her mouth. He glanced up at the clock. “Oh, it’s almost to time for school. Put your plates in the sink.” They all got up, including Carrie. She set her plate in the sink. She swung around and leaned back on the sink. She looked at the family and thought,
I’m pretty lucky
.

“You two look exactly alike to me, how do I tell you two apart?” Carrie asked, realizing she should know but she just couldn’t remember. They all stopped and looked at her with great puzzlement. “Hey, I have amnesia, and it just plain sucks.” They all turned, looked at each other, and busted out laughing.

“You’re getting your sense of humor back, I see,” Isaac said with a huge smile on his face. “Well, girls, stand in front of her, and we will tell her.” They stood in front of her, Sabrina to her left and Sierra on her right. She looked in each of their faces to see something different but couldn’t, so she looked up at Isaac, who was standing behind them. “Well, they are monozygotic twins, which means that they are mirror images of each other. Sabrina is the older one and she is right handed. Sierra is, what, five minutes younger?” She nodded. “She is left handed.” Carrie looked at the girls again and smiled.

“Okay, but how do you tell them apart?” she asked.

“It is very subtle. If you weren’t studying their faces, you would miss it. Along with Sabrina being right handed, she also has two dark moles on her right cheek, and Sierra has the same moles on her left cheek,” Isaac explained. Carrie bent down to look at each girl in the face with great concentration.

“Oh yeah, I see that now. So Sabrina’s are on her right, and Sierra’s are on her left,” Carrie said as she straightened up to look at Isaac for reassurance.

“That’s right,” he said, smiling.

“Well, I can’t forget that,” Carrie said laughing. They all laughed and walked into the living room to leave. Sabrina grabbed her guitar and slung the strap over her shoulder then turned to say good-bye to her mother.

“Bye, Mom. Let’s go,
Chichi
,” she said, heading out the door.

“Bye, Mom,” Sierra said, following her sister. Isaac walked up to Carrie as he always did when he left her, but instead of kissing her on her lips, he kissed her cheek. She didn’t flinch. That meant that she was starting to feel comfortable with him. Carrie just looked at him.

“What did she just call you?” she asked.