Find You in the Dark (11 page)

 
I know I stopped breathing.  He thought I was cute?  Our eyes held each others', not moving away.  A moment began to build and Clay took in a sharp breath.  His eyes dropped to my lips and I could have sworn he wanted to kiss me.  My tongued darted out and wet my suddenly dry lips and I watched his eyes follow the movement. 

 
The air crackled with the tension.  Clayton's eyes burned with intensity.  I felt like we were trapped in slow motion.  His hand came up and lightly touched my face.  I angled my cheek toward his palm and I closed my eyes.  “Maggie.” He whispered, his breath on my face as he moved closer.

 
And my phone started buzzing in my pocket.  Why did this always happen?!  Clay immediately jumped back, putting space between us.  He was suddenly focused on finishing his task of unloading the boxes on the floor.  Crap!  Someone had better be dying!  I glanced at the screen on my phone and saw Rachel's name. 

  “
What?”  I barked after I answered.  “Jeez.  Who pissed in your cornflakes?”  Rachel's testy voice asked on the other end.  I took a steadying breath and tried to calm the frantic beat of my heart.  I looked back over at Clay but he had turned away from me. 

  “
Sorry, Rach.  What do you need?”  I mollified, trying to not sound as agitated as I felt.  “I was just calling to see what time you wanted me to pick you up tonight.”  She said, still sounding miffed by my earlier attitude.  “You're not going with Daniel?  I thought you guys were riding over together.”  I asked, already fearing the answer.  Daniel must have bailed on her, thus her prickliness.  Confirming my thoughts, Rachel told me that he had called an hour ago and said he'd be taking Kylie to the party.  Rachel sounded so dejected that I wanted to call Daniel and ream him out.  I was sick of him doing this to her.  Even if he was my other best friend, it didn't mean I had to sit by and watch him be so thoughtless all the time.

 
I didn't comment on Daniel's ass-itude, knowing that it wouldn't help Rachel feel better.  “Hold on.”  I told her, covering the mouth piece with my hand.  “Hey, Clay.”  I whispered.  Clay turned around, not really meeting my eyes.  His expression was cold.  Great, he was totally regretting our little moment earlier.  Whatever, I could play the I- don't- care game with the best of them.

  “
Do you want to ride with me and Rachel?”  Clay shrugged.  “I can just meet you guys there.  Don't worry about me.”  He said, turning back around, walls firmly in place.  His nerves from earlier seemed to have taken a back seat to his need to stay away from me.  I suppressed a sigh and returned to my conversation with Rachel.  “Eight-thirty sound good to you?”  I asked her, trying to sound more upbeat.  The truth was I was bummed that Clay wouldn't be going to the party with me.  Sure he said he'd meet us there, but it's not the same as actually arriving together. 

  “
Sounds fab.  I'll see you then.”  And with that, Rachel hung up.  I put my phone on the table and picked up my jacket.  Jamming my arms through the sleeves I roughly zipped it up with an annoyed huff.  Clay turned at the noise and looked surprised.  “You leaving already?”  He asked me.  I met his eyes defiantly.  I was hurt by his attitude after our near kiss minutes earlier.  Maybe I was setting all my hopes on something that most certainly wouldn't happen.  But it didn't stop the stop the sting.  I just wanted to get out of there, put some space between me and this moody boy who I felt that I would never understand.

 
Clay's face softened, as if he were reading my thoughts.  “Okay then.”  He said quietly, taking a small step toward me.  I held my ground, not moving toward or away from him.  “Guess I'll see you tonight.  You're not going to bail at the last minute are you?”  I asked him, frustrated by the needy note to my voice.  “No, I'll be there.  Wild horses couldn't keep me away.”  He said with his ironic smile.  I didn't smile back, my feelings still hurt too much. 

 
I turned away and walked toward the door.  “See you then.” I called over my shoulder, refusing to show how badly I wanted
that
moment to happen.  How much I wanted him to call me back, pull me in his arms, and kiss me senseless.  When did I become this gooey romantic?  When did I become freaking Rachel?  I shuddered.

  “
Maggie.”  He stopped me with the sound of my name on his lips.  I didn't turn around and he made no move to come any closer.  Every second that passed amped up the angst level to an unbearable degree.  Did he realize how much I wanted him?  Needed him with a passion that scared me? Or was he a dolt just like Daniel?

 
Clay cleared his throat.  “I can't wait to see you tonight.”  He said, almost strangling on his words.  My cheeks flushed hot.  I nodded again with my back to him, and left. 

 
Dolt it was.

 
Once outside with the door firmly closed behind me, I sagged.  I wasn't sure how long I could keep up this “friendship.”  Not when I wanted so much more.  I'd never experienced anything like the crazy feelings that Clayton stirred up inside of me and I didn't know what to do about it.  There had been about thirty seconds there when I just knew he wanted the same thing I did before the window slammed shut. 

 
Was I expecting too much too fast?  Maybe I was being pushy and inconsiderate of Clay's feelings and needs.  Should I back off and let him come to me when he was ready?  As great and thoughtful as that all sounded, it so wasn't me.  I wasn't one to sit back and wait for shit to happen.  So that's why this whole will- they-won't- they thing was exhausting.  But I didn't want to give up.  Clay was worth more than that.  Our friendship was something special and I couldn't ruin that. 

 
I chuckled to myself and I headed home.  Damn it if Daniel hadn't been right -(not that I would EVER tell him that-).  He had told me that one day I would get what all the fuss was about, and that day had just arrived.

                                                
Chapter Seven

  “
It's packed!  I don't even recognize half of these people.”  I whined as Rachel and I parked my Corolla in the field behind Melissa James's house.  Rachel pulled the visor down and touched up her lip gloss and fluffed her hair.  “Awesome!  I'm down with meeting some new people tonight.”  Rachel said, pulling on her pink cardigan. 

 
I was less enthused about getting out of the car.  The thing I had always liked about Melissa's parties was that they were usually small and relatively controlled with no more than eighty or so people.  I could relax and hang out without dealing with drunken idiots trying to cop a feel.  If I was going to be groped, it would be on my terms only.

 
But this party was heaving.  There were at least 100 cars parked in the field and crowds of people dancing and drinking out of solo cups around the humongous bonfire.  “Get out of the car, Mags.  Lets go mingle.”  I ran a brush through my limp hair and finally gave up and pulled it back in a ponytail.  “Uh uh.” Rachel said, pulling the tie out.  She hated it when I put my hair back, telling me I was so much prettier with it down.  She threw the hair tie out of the window.  “Rachel!” I yelled.  But she was already moving away, toward the huge fire leaping against the dark sky.

 
I looked quickly around, trying to spot Clay's BMW in the throng of cars.  I couldn't find it, so I grudgingly followed my friend.  “Hey, Maggie.”  A guy slurred as I approached the party.  I squinted in the darkness and made out Raymond Lewis, a guy in my grade who was friends with Daniel and often hung in our circle.  I was friends with his girlfriend Clare, who had been in French Club with me freshman year.

  
It was obvious Ray had already had a lot to drink, as he hung onto me for support.  Damn it, I had told Clay this wouldn't be that kind of party.  I was just made a liar, and that pissed me off.

  “
Get off, Ray.”  I shook my arm, trying to get loose.  Raymond awkwardly slung his arm around my waist, more in an effort to stay upright it seemed than in any kind of friendly affection.  “I think you need a drink, Maggie.  Come on.”  I wiggled out of his grasp and didn't follow as he tottered off in the direction of Melissa's house. 

 
I found Rachel, red cup already in hand, who had been intercepted by Jeremiah Higgins and Lila Casteel.  Rachel gave me a smile as I approached before turning back to her conversation with Jeremiah and Lila.   They were apparently trying to recruit her for the Humanitarian Club or something equally boring.  I stood there not really listening, tapping my foot, and scoping out the party.

 
People were really drunk.  I could see a few girls throwing- up in the bushes already.  Couples were  grinding against each other as they danced badly to the techno music blaring from the house and people were sneaking off to do god knows what in the woods.  Wow, this was seriously awful and I couldn't believe I actually wanted to come.  I just hoped Clayton had decided to bail, even though I had asked him not to.

 
No such luck.  Just as the thought crossed my mind, there he was.  He had just walked toward the bonfire when Kylie -(Daniels' now on again girlfriend-) and her bitch posse stopped him.  I wasn't sure whether Clay had spoken with any of them since their awkward introduction at Bubble's.  But there they were, chatting it up like BFFs.

 
Grr, that crazy jealousy knifed through me again.  Dana and McKenna laughed at something Clayton said.  Dana in her bleach blond glory, tossing her stupid, perfect curls back and laying her hand on
my
Clay's arm.  Okay, I needed to check myself.  He wasn't
my
Clay.  He was only my friend, who I thought might kiss me earlier today.  That didn't mean I had some sort of claim. 

 
Despite my rationalizations, I was still beyond annoyed by the very obvious flirting happening on the other side of the bonfire.  It was like watching a car wreck.  My eyes were glued to the horror in front of me.  After a few minutes, I was relieved that Kylie and the bimbettes started moving back toward the house.  Clayton stood there in the flickering shadow of the bonfire, looking like some sort of male model in his dark jeans and green Henley shirt.  He was without his faded army jacket for once and he looked almost naked without it.

 
I nudged Rachel in the side and cocked my head in Clay's direction letting her know I was heading over to him.  “I'll be there in a sec.”  She told me.  I walked over to Clay and I knew the exact moment he saw me.  It was like one of those super cheesy movie moments when the boy and girl see each other across a crowded room, their eyes locked only on each other.  They move slowly toward one another, as if pulled by an invisible force.  Then they rush into each others' arms, kissing passionately, and declaring their undying love. 

 
Well, my scene didn't quite go that way.  Clay and I met half way and he kept his hands firmly in his jeans' pockets and nodded his head in my direction.  Though, he did give me an awfully nice smile.  “Hey, Mags.  Raging party.  Not exactly what I was expecting.”  He said jokingly as a junior stumbled past us to puke his guts out in the dirt not even ten feet behind me. 

 
I cringed.  “Yeah, I'm sorry, Clay, it's not usually like this.  Apparently Melissa's parents are out of town, thus the massive kegger.”  Clayton shrugged, trying to act as if the crazy debauchery around us wasn't bothering him.  I lightly touched his arm and he looked down at my fingers and then up into my eyes.  “If this is too much for you, we can leave.  You know, go get something to eat, go see a movie.  Anything really.”  I said, hoping he'd say yes and we could get out of there.

 
Clay looked around, tossing his dark hair out of his eyes.  “No, that's cool.  I mean I'm already here, right?”  I dropped my hand from his sleeve and it hung limply at my side.  We fell into our normal silence as we watched kids from our school and the next town over, partying like it was 1999. 

  “
Hey guys!  Clay, it's so cool that you made it!”  Rachel gave Clay a big hug.  Clayton looked over her shoulder at me, surprise obvious on his face.  Because he and Rachel were definitely not at the “hugging” stage of their acquaintance.  I tried not to laugh.  There was no way she had more than one drink, but here she was acting like she had been mainlining vodka all night.  She was such a light weight.  Looking at Clay, I gestured that Rachel had already been gulping up the happy sauce.

 
Clay smirked and mouthed sarcastically, “No kidding.”  Rachel pulled away and then gave me the same boisterous hug.  I couldn't help but laugh at her.  She definitely put the “happy” in “happy drunk.”  Well, until she was forced to interact with Daniel, who had a habit of setting her off when she was like this.  I was plotting ways of keeping them apart for the remainder of the evening, when I saw him walking towards us with Kylie firmly attached to his side.

 
I sighed and prayed that Rachel wasn't too tanked to keep a lid on the drama.  “Mags!  Rach!  There you are!  I've been looking everywhere for you!”  Daniel gave me a Polo Sport scented hug and I nearly gagged.  He wore way too much and the smell got stuck in my nose.  He then turned and kissed Rachel on the forehead.  Rachel scowled at him.  “I seriously doubt you were looking for us Danny.  You seem busy enough.”  Kylie pulled herself up at Rachel's biting comment and interlaced her fingers with Daniel's in a territorial move.