Fighting Back (Mercy's Angels) (11 page)

Rebecca

Who would have thought that the doorway into my own home could make me so nervous? Common sense told me I was safe. Charlie unlocked the door and was keying the security code into the keypad on the wall to our left. I knew I was safe, I knew there would be no figure cloaked in darkness ready to grab me. I was scared, but safe, yet I still couldn’t force myself to move. My mind was clogged in a fear so all-encompassing that I could almost taste it. Through that fear I peered across the perfectly tidy living room. No longer were there flowers strewn across the wood floors, the small magazine table beside the couch sat upright, the magazines stacked neatly atop it. The kitchen beyond looked just as it should—empty. My vodka, sitting in the glass door cabinet on the wall, was demanding me to get my pathetic ass over that threshold and possess it. Sensing my obvious distress, Charlie stepped into my line of vision. His smile was gentle, opposing the fierce warrior that I knew lurked underneath. He took my hand and raised it to his lips, kissing my fingertips, his eyes never leaving mine. I couldn’t draw my gaze away from his if you paid me.

“Breathe, Betty Boop,” he murmured.

I wasn’t even aware that my lungs were full, holding precious air in. They say the first step is the hardest, they seriously have no idea. Hard didn’t even begin to express the difficulty I was having taking that first step.

“You know, if you don’t come in here soon, I’m going to go looking through that drawer next to your bed, the one that you told me to stay out of.” Charlie’s eyes sparkled with mischief.

I knew which drawer he was referring to, the very drawer I nervously asked him not to look in the night he packed a bag for me following my attack. The drawer where Big Red lived. I immediately stepped across the threshold.

Charlie laughed. “Damn, now I’m going to be thinking all sorts of wicked things.”

I blushed like a schoolgirl and pretended to ignore his eyes full of playfulness. As I walked further into the room, the easier I found it. My house was just as it should have been: quiet and clean. I walked around the living area, taking in every little detail, looking for anything out of place, and nothing was. I moved to the kitchen and did the same thing, my eyes and hands moving across everything familiar, everything safe. Eventually I came to stand at the narrow hall that led to my bedroom and I froze. During my entire exploration thus far, Charlie followed behind me quietly, not pushing, not teasing. There were no questions about what the hell I was doing. Somehow I think he understood. I was forcing myself to see what was in front of me: my home and my things, untouched and safe. There was that word again—safe. It felt foreign. Again, Charlie didn’t push, he just simply stood at my back, the warmth of his body drawing me against the solid wall of his chest. I leaned against him and his arms came around me, holding me tight. Charlie’s earlier confession
whispered through my mind, calming me, giving me a new focus and a break from my fears. He promised that he wasn’t going to let me go again, and as possessive as his words had been, I held them dear to my heart. It didn’t matter if I couldn’t be with him intimately, he still wanted me. His staunch determination and his unyielding promise made me feel truly cherished for the first time in my life. I clung to him a little tighter and he didn’t hesitate to squeeze me back. My token jealous streak caused my heart to ache at the thought of the other women he’s been with, both before me and after our interlude, over a year ago. The warmth of his body by mine, his breath tickling my ear, and his declaration of propriety helped lessen that ache though. I wanted him, I always have. Suddenly the only thing that mattered was that he was mine now. The past was just that—the past—it couldn’t be altered, it couldn’t be reshaped, and with time the memories would fade. Right now and tomorrow was where my heart and focus needed to be.

“What’s goin’ through that head of yours, Betty Boop? I can hear the wheels turning.”

“I’m glad you’re here with me.” There was no need to explain further, those few words summed it all up. I felt the deep rise and fall of Charlie’s chest, as if a heavy sigh had silently escaped his lips.

“There is nowhere else I would rather be,” he murmured. We stood like that a little longer. Charlie’s arms were wrapped tightly around my shoulders, my back pressed hard against his front.

“This is freakin’ crazy. I mean, I know there is no one down that damn hall, you’re right here, and I’m completely safe, but I’m still scared. Maybe those bumps to the head dislodged something,” I whispered.

Charlie’s head dipped down and his lips brushed against the gentle curve of my neck, causing something in my body to hum with unspoken desire. My eyelids fluttered shut and a small sigh escaped my lips. In that moment, I was filled with two thoughts. Number one, I didn’t think my body would respond to a man’s touch ever again, so this was kinda awesome. Number two…number two? Charlie’s lips moved to the delicate shell of my ear. Oh hell, thought number two was gone along with every other cognizant thought.

“There is nothing wrong with your head. After what you have been through, being scared is perfectly normal. It can do strange things to the mind. The first step in healing is to acknowledge your fears, and you’ve done that. The next step is to defeat them.” Charlie’s arms slipped from me and I instantly missed the contact. He slid by me and stood halfway down the hall, facing me with a cheeky grin that made his roguish good looks suddenly more boyish. “How about we make this interesting?”

It took a moment for his words to sink in and I shook my head. “What the hell are you talking about, Charlie?” I wondered out loud. Was my all-consuming fear not interesting enough for him?

“Well, if you can make it to…” he glanced around and took two more steps away from me, “here, I will give you a reward.”

From the sexy grin on his face, I had an idea as to what my reward might be, and my body responded appropriately. My mind, however, was still nervous as hell. He had to be no more than ten feet away, a few steps, easy. I almost snorted, a few steps down my own God damn hallway should be more than easy; they should be thoughtless! One deep breath later, my shoulders back, head held high, I stepped down the hall. You’d think I was descending into the depths of hell from the way my heart was pounding with irrational fear. I kept my eyes on Charlie though and he reached out his hand out as I drew closer. I automatically grabbed for it as if his touch alone could save me from falling into an abyss from which there might be no return. Charlie pulled me roughly into his chest and his mouth crushed against mine in a brutally passionate kiss. By the time he pulled away, I was breathless. My fingers lingered over what I was sure were kiss-swollen lips. Charlie’s forehead leaned against mine, a position we seemed to find ourselves in often.

“Do you realize how fucking incredible you taste.” He sighed. “I could never forget that taste, not in a million lifetimes.”

My heart tripped over his words as he began to pull away from me. I stood there, feeling dazed, thrilled, and thoughtless! Fearless! I smiled a little. Charlie now stood level with my bedroom door and all of a sudden that fear was back.

Charlie glanced into my bedroom. “Empty, Betty Boop. Nothing but your things. Go take a look and I’ll give you another reward.”

I eyed the doorway to my bedroom nervously before looking back at Charlie. My breathing sped up and my heart was beating furiously, but no longer from excitement, now it was out of fear. I closed my eyes trying to block out the images that flashed through my mind. Images of him, images of that night.

“No, Rebecca!” Charlie demanded. I opened my eyes immediately. “You keep those pretty blue eyes open and you keep them on me. It’s just you and me here, and I don’t want you to forget that.”

I nodded and bit my lip nervously. Less than ten feet this time—I could do this. Hell, I just wanted another one of those blazing hot Cole kisses. Charlie raised his hand, and without another thought I took the four quick steps forward, practically throwing myself into his strong body. I held on tight, and in return, Charlie held on to me just as tight. I was breathing hard and fast, my head pressed against his chest, my eyes squeezed shut again. The loud beat of his heart was right under my ear and I focused on its steady rhythm, letting it lull me into some resemblance of calm. Finally, I was able to open my eyes and though my hands shook and my knees felt weak, I was okay.

Charlie took my face in his big palms and looked down at me with a look that I could only describe as pride. “Good girl,” he murmured before pressing a slow, soft kiss to my lips.

This was different to the last kiss, which had been full of a fiery craving. This kiss was slow, full of adoration, respect and tenderness. When Charlie finally pulled away, I felt nothing but cherished under his hard body and piercing gaze. I wanted to beat my fears not only for me, but also for Charlie. To see him look at me like that filled me with a self-worth that I only now realized I’d
been missing. Pressing my forehead against his hard chest, I took another long, deep cleansing breath and I turned my head, my gaze now falling on my bedroom. Just as Charlie had assured me, it was empty apart from my belongings. The curtains were pulled back, allowing light to fill the space. It wasn’t so scary, yet I still felt anxious about going in there.

“Someone made my bed,” I whispered. I felt Charlie press a kiss to the top of my head.

“Mercy,” he confirmed.

Clean sheets, but not that clean. I could still picture him holding me down, touching me, tainting me. His hands had ripped away my confidence and left a stain in its place, a mark that I feared might never disappear.

“I need a drink,” I groaned after a moment of silence. I promptly turned and made my way back into the kitchen where I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with a nip of vodka, actually it was a little more than a nip, but I think I earned it.  Charlie followed me and began going through my fridge, pouring the sour milk down the sink and throwing the spoiled food into a plastic garbage bag. I threw back the vodka and coughed as the liquid burned a trail down my throat and into my chest.

“I’m out of practice,” I wheezed.

“You should probably take it easy. I’m sure your doctor would not approve mixing alcohol with your medication.”

I poured another shot as Charlie continued to fumble through my kitchen. “I’m not mixing anything. This is straight up vodka all by its lonesome. And hopefully, if I keep this up, I won’t need any sleeping pills tonight.”

“Well, how about I’m worried. If you get drunk you might try and take advantage of me.” Charlie gave me a serious look and I found myself frowning. He didn’t want me to take advantage of him? Could I take advantage of him? A smile cracked through his serious façade. “On second thought,” he murmured. I hid a smile and threw back a second shot of the burning liquid that was leaving my chest warm and my head a little fuzzy. Charlie carefully poured some water into my
Clitoria
, the green leafy plant whose vibrant deep blue flowers resembled, well, a clitoris.  I couldn’t stop the giggle that bubbled from my chest as he carefully moved the flowers aside to make sure the water reached the soil. “What?” he asked, his brow furrowed with worry.

“You look like you’ve done that before. You are very gentle,” I noted, trying not to laugh.

He shrugged. “I don’t want to be too rough and damage the flowers.”

“Oh, those flowers are pretty hardy. They can handle quite a pounding.” Charlie stared at me, his faced etched with confusion. The shots had obviously found their mark and my giggles turned into hysterical laughter.

“Am I missing something here?” He regarded me, leaning casually against the kitchen counter.

“That is my
Clitoria
,” I managed to say between bouts of laughter.

Charlie looked back at the plant, a horrified expression on his face. “Say again?” he asked for confirmation.

“
Clitoria ternatea
, named so because of its clitoris shaped flowers. It actually grows better as a vine, but I don’t want to put it outside because the snow will kill it.” Charlie’s intense stare made me hesitate. The look wasn’t humor, nor was it anger. It was something else, something more.

“You of all people should know how careful I am with such an exquisite bud,” he said earnestly.

I choked on the mouthful of vodka that had just passed my lips. Cheeks aflame, I turned my attention away from the far too sexy man standing so casually in my kitchen, talking about my plant. At least I thought we were talking about my plant. Maybe our conversation had shifted to something far more personal and a whole lot more erotic.

My eyes settled on a piece of paper that was lying on the hardwood floors just in front of the back door. I considered it for a moment before moving across the room to retrieve it. A small gasp escaped my lips when I recognized the handwriting immediately.

“Rebecca?” Charlie asked from the kitchen. My eyes darted over the few words once, twice then a third time as I tried to make sense of the note.

“Who’s B, and who’s Em?” Charlie murmured from over my shoulder.

“I’m B, when Emily was little she couldn’t say Rebecca so she started calling me B. It stuck and Em? Well Em is my sister, Emily,” I whispered.

“I thought Emily left Claymont years ago?” asked Charlie. I nodded woodenly. “And what is she making right?” he continued, reading the note from behind me.