Fatshionista (23 page)

I hadn’t planned
on our encounter; well, I mean I had dreamt about it, longed for it, wished for
it in the dark of the night when I climaxed alone and yelled his name. But for
it to have actually happened…wow. And who knew how far it might have gone if
Mama hadn’t called. I had been fully prepared to follow him down to the hard
surface of the stage and scratch the itch that had been plaguing me for weeks.

But in the calm
after the storm, life came back to rear its ugly head and remind me that I had
a decision to make, a show to produce, and a column to write. And unbeknownst
to him, Daniel had given me the perfect topic for what could very well be my
most popular blog post.

How shitty was it
that the news that made my day could also be the news that ruined his? I knew
he was overestimating what people would think about him being straight and
underestimating what they would think about him being a liar. He couldn’t
maintain this façade once he became popular, and based on what I had seen of his
talent, I had a feeling he was going to hit the US fashion world radar about
ten minutes after his show ended.

The fashion world
ran on the same premise as the real world—the illusion of beauty masking
a world of ugliness. There were amazing professionals in my industry—huge
talents, people who had redefined what it meant to see and be seen. But at the
end of the day, they were people, too. And everyone loved a scandal.

Daniel obviously
thought the Western fashion community would more easily accept him if he was
gay. But I knew that sexuality had nothing to do with talent and that when
people saw his work they would appreciate what he brought to the table.
However, the fashion world didn’t like to be the butt of any joke. And if they
made Daniel the new darling of the New York fashion world and later realized he
had lied about himself, they would turn on him, and it would be as if he never
existed—in fashion, that was.

I had also been
around long enough to know that this business was show business. And in show
business, there was no such thing as bad publicity. And there was only one time
to grab the spotlight, and that was the first time you hit the stage.

Even as I was
typing the words into my laptop, I knew this decision would come back to haunt
me. Revealing his lie prior to his collection premiering would only bring more
attention to his work, more people to the show, more buyers in the audience.

And Daniel had
never really said publicly that he was gay; it was his every action that led
anyone with a brain to draw that conclusion. So outing him as straight in my
blog wasn’t calling him a liar; it was merely setting the record straight. He
had been around town enough, and there was enough interest in him already that
a full post on my blog dedicated to telling his story would push him over the
top. I had an average of fifty thousand readers a day, and my posts were picked
up by major fashion magazines and their blogs.

All this
justification didn’t help me feel any less like shit as I edited the post and
added some pictures from his Indian collections. My only saving grace was that
no one but Avis knew I was the author of the blog. Daniel would never know how
anyone found out about his secret, and I would be right there by his side to
help him navigate the minor fallout that would happen tomorrow.

In the long run,
this would help his career. On a personal level, I was gleeful that the truth
was going to come out. Once he knew he didn’t have to live this lie, we would
be free to explore wherever we were going with this relationship.

I saved the post
as a draft and went into the kitchen for more coffee. I leaned over the counter
and stirred in the spoonful of sugar. I tried to let go of the sense of dread
hanging over my head. Intellectually, I knew this was the right thing to do.
Emotionally, I was anxious at the idea of what might happen between us once
this lie was out of the way.

I hoped I was
right and not doing this for all the wrong reasons.

“You’re right. He
can’t lie about this forever, and he wants a career here. You’re helping him,
not hurting him. And if you get to be with the man you love, then that’s just a
win-win.”

Somehow, saying
it out loud made me more confident, and I quickly sat back in front of the
laptop, took a deep breath, and published the post.

I waited until I
was settled down in the bed before I picked up my phone and read the ten
messages Daniel had sent over the last hour. They were all basically the same:
Where the hell are you? Why aren’t you answering my calls? What the hell
happened yesterday?

I sent him back a
quick text saying everything was okay, I had just gotten busy and I would see
him in the morning at the show. I turned my phone off, something I had never
done since I started working for Marta, and tried to quiet my mind and get some
rest. I knew Daniel would be a wreck tomorrow anyway, but add to that my little
revealing blog post, and I would be completely occupied with keeping him calm.
At least the details of the show were ironed out, and I knew my crew would do
another great job.

As I drifted off
to sleep, I knew I would have to tell him it was me who wrote the post. I would
have to find the right time, preferably sometime after I had seen him naked.

The next morning
I walked into chaos. And not the normal chaos of backstage before a runway;
this was Armageddon-level chaos. Nothing was running on schedule, everyone was
just standing around chatting in these little groups, and no one seemed to be
very concerned that there was supposed to be a fashion show happening in two
hours.

As I walked
through hair and makeup, I saw a woman surrounded by luggage and talking
animatedly on her cell phone. When she turned toward me, I realized it was
Daniel’s mother; I recognized her from the photograph I saw on the internet. I
wanted to say hello to her, but I needed to find out what was happening and why
nothing was getting done.

I walked through
a group of grips and shot them a “get your ass in gear” look, causing them all
to scatter to various points backstage. I searched around for Lizzie since she
usually got there about an hour before I did.

I found her in
one of the backstage dressing rooms perched in front of a laptop Scarlett was
holding. What was she doing here? I had successfully avoided her for days and
had almost forgotten she even existed.

“Lizzie, what the
hell is going on? Why isn’t everyone getting ready for the show?”

Lizzie jumped up
from her chair, almost causing Scarlett to drop the laptop. “Millie, we have a
huge problem on our hands. That blog everyone reads—you know, the fashion
bitches one? Well, they just published a huge freaking story about Daniel, and
now he’s nowhere to be found. His mother showed up looking for him, straight
from the damn airport, and I had nothing to tell her. I was going to call you,
but I knew you were already on your way.”

Before I could
even get a word out, Scarlett started in on me. “I don’t understand how you
could have lost our client, Millie. Surely you understand the negative impact
this could have on our company. We have a show that’s supposed to happen in two
hours, and the designer is MIA. I’m beginning to question your
professionalism.” She flashed me that shark’s smile of hers while she put her
laptop in her designer bag and flounced out of the room.

Lizzie was still
standing in front of me, literally wringing her hands. “And the other thing is
the story has caused so much buzz about Daniel that the phones at the office
have been ringing off the hook with people calling, asking for tickets to the
show today. We’ve already given out every pass we had left, and now the press
is asking for interviews with Daniel after the show.”

I sat down in one
of the chairs and tried to take in this deluge of information that had just
washed all over me. I knew when I hit the “publish” button last night, this
would help get the word out about Daniel, but I didn’t think it would have this
big of an impact. And I certainly never thought he would disappear. Had I hurt
him with the story? Did I ruin any chance of us having any sort of
relationship? Shit.

I didn’t have
time to worry about that right now. I had to get this show moving again, with
or without the designer.

“All right,
Lizzie. You get the call sheet and make sure all the models are on their way or
here. All tech crew should be going through their checklists; make sure the
music cues and light cues are ready to go. If we have to, this show will go on
without Daniel. We were hired to put on a professional and engaging show, and
that is what we are going to do.”

I stood up and
grabbed her by the arms, giving her a little shake. She still had this dazed
look about her, and I needed her to be at 100% so I could concentrate on
finding Daniel and trying to fix the mess I had made.

“Lizzie, did you
hear me?” I said as I gave her one more shake.

“Sorry, sorry.
Yep, I’m on it. I’ll let you know if I run into any roadblocks.”

“Sure, I have my
phone, and in about thirty minutes, get your headset on and we can catch up on
any last-minute issues that way.”

“Thanks, boss,”
she said as she gave me a quick hug.

“Don’t thank me
until this thing is over and we’re sitting at a bar.”

She headed out to
check on everything, and I tried to think about where Daniel might be hiding. I
guessed the best place to start was his mother. She had been on the phone when
I came in; maybe there was a slim chance she was talking to him.

I searched the
backstage area, searched the audience in case she had taken a seat out there,
stopped long enough to tell one of the stagehands to set up as many extra
chairs as he could find, circled back to the makeup area, and still no sign of
Mrs. Singh.

Ryan was over in
a corner flirting with some of the models, and I caught his eye and waved him
over. He looked pained to leave their sides, but for once he remembered who was
in charge around here. “Boss, is there any reason you’re interrupting the first
discussion I’m having with the future mother of my children?” he said, grinning
at me as he walked over.

“Oh yes, my
apologies to your unborn children. Have you seen Daniel’s mom? She was standing
back in makeup about twenty minutes ago when I got here, surrounded by about
three giant suitcases. Somehow she’s managed to disappear.”

“She took off.
She got one of the grips to help her take her luggage outside; I assume she had
a car waiting for her. Maybe she was on her way to find Daniel. I heard her on
the phone; she wasn’t speaking English, but it sounded like she was yelling at
someone, so it might have been him.”

Thank God.
“Thanks, Ryan. Before you get back to the loves of your life, can you go find
Lizzie and make sure she doesn’t need help with anything? She’s getting
everything set up while I search for Daniel.”

He looked
longingly at his model friends but then smiled and said, “Sure thing, boss. But
you owe me a drink after this, you know, since you’re breaking up my family and
all.” He winked as he headed out to find Lizzie.

I checked with a
few grips, who confirmed that Mrs. Singh had left in a taxi but had said she
would be back before the show. Maybe she knew where he was and was going to
bring him back.

I tried him on my
cell a few times, but it went straight to voicemail. I had a text from Marta
that said great job, the show was sold out, and she couldn’t be prouder of me.
Really? Now was the time she started showering me with praise? When everything
was falling down around me and I still hadn’t figured out whether or not I
wanted to take over this whole circus of a production company?

Shove it to
the back, Millie.
One more thing to put on the backburner until I got this
show behind me.

Whether Daniel
appeared or not, the show would go on. I let the sound crew know to keep a mike
backstage, either for Daniel to say a few words at the end of the show or for
Lizzie to make the announcement that the designer was unfortunately detained
and all press requests could be routed through the production company. Lizzie
had a great radio announcer voice, and I would be out in the audience, unable
to get backstage to make the announcement.

The show would go
on, hopefully with Daniel. I would hate for him to miss this moment he had
worked so hard for over something as silly as a blog post. Yeah, it was my blog
post, but still. He was taking this thing way too seriously if this was what
was keeping him away.

The house was
opening in about ten minutes. I grabbed my headset, clipboard, and knapsack and
headed out into the audience. Normally I sat in the back of the house, handling
any last-minute issues, but since there was a chance Daniel would be a no-show,
I needed to be front and center so I could troubleshoot any issues over the
headset with Lizzie backstage. She had a lot on her today, but I knew she was
ready for it. She was a great right-hand woman.

I settled into my
front-row seat, behind the photographers who were setting up their equipment. I
exchanged some hellos with some of the ones I knew, and they all had a few
questions about the blog post. Had everyone read the damn thing? Maybe I
should
chuck all this for a career as a writer.