Falling to Pieces (12 page)

“No.”

My stomach lurches. “Asher, they could’ve killed you.”

“They didn’t.”

I sigh loudly.

Asher leans toward me. “Ives, I’m fine, really, and now it’s over.”

Pulling out of the parking lot, I think about how badly I want to believe him. If only it really could be over. But it’s not. It never is. As I drive through the Folsom streets, Asher flicks on my radio and finds a hip hop station. It reminds me of when we were in high school.

“You still like the same kind of music, I see.”

“Oh no, don’t tell me you still listen to that heavy metal crap,” Asher says.

“It’s not crap. It’s better than this.” I indicate the pulsing beat that pours from my speakers.

“What’s wrong with this?”

“First off, it has no meaning. It’s all about sex and drinking.”

“And your heavy metal music has deep meaning?” Asher rolls his head to look at me, and I feel his gaze searing into the side of my face.

“Sometimes.”

“Whatever.” He chuckles, turning his head to look out the window.

After pulling into the apartment, I see that I have tons of texts from Billie.

Had a little emergency.
I text back.

U ok?
Her text comes almost immediately.

Yes.
I hope that appeases her, but I’m sure it won’t. She’ll be home soon in a total panic. I glance up at Asher who is looking at me expectantly. “Sorry, I was supposed to meet Billie for dinner, so she’s just a little worried.”

“You two are pretty close, huh?”

I nod.

“Like you and I were?”

“It’s different.” I reach over and unlatch my door, not wishing to explain how it’s different.

W
hen we get inside the apartment Asher plunks down on the couch, and that’s when I notice what he’s wearing.

“You were out jogging?”

He nods.

“At night?”

“I like jogging at night. It’s cooler. Besides, it gets me away from my mom’s constant nagging.”

I go into the hallway to grab a couple of towels and washcloth from the closet. “She just cares about you, Asher.”

“She needs to spend more time caring about my brother.”

I pull out a white washcloth and blue towel, and turn away from the closet. “Reece still causing trouble?”

“Always,” Asher says with a smile, as I come around the couch.

“Here you go.” I hand him the towels. “You can go wash up.”

“You wanna help me?” He cocks an eyebrow, causing my mind to travel to places it shouldn’t.

Pressing my lips together, I shake my head.

“Fine, but it would be more fun with your help.” He smiles as he gets up from the couch. When he passes me, his fingers light on my shoulder for a minute, causing a flush of desire to run through me, and I shudder. The minute he’s safely in the bathroom I exhale loudly to calm my nerves. I hear the shower turn on, and I sink down onto the couch, my insides quivering.

My cell phone startles me. I grab it from the coffee table.

Where r u? What’s going on?

So much for appeasing Billie with my last text. I guess I should just tell her the truth.
At home. Asher’s here.

Ok. Have fun
.


I giggle at the conclusion s
he just jumped to, although it’s better than her knowing the truth. The door to the bathroom pops open, and I hear Asher’s feet shuffle on the carpet. When I whirl around to face him, my mouth drops as if it’s come unhinged.

Asher laughs. “What’s wrong, Ives.”

My mouth opens and closes like I’m a fish out of water as I take in Asher wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Moisture beads glisten in his hair and drip onto his shoulders. Hard as I try I can’t tear my eyes away from his tanned chest, taut with muscles. “Where are your clothes?”

“They’re all dirty.” Asher winks.

I throw my arms up. “Well, you’re gonna have to wear them. I don’t have any guy clothes, and it will take too long to wash yours.”

Asher gives me an amused look that causes my skin to prickle. “Fine. I’ll put mine back on. I actually just wondered if you could help me clean off this head wound. I can’t reach it.” He holds out a washcloth and bends his chin down.

I glare at him. “And you couldn’t have gotten dressed first?”

“No, I couldn’t.” His tone is sarcastic
, and I want to smack the silly grin off his face.

“Fine.” I sigh, moving toward him. I snatch the washcloth from his fingers and then look at his head. The scent of shampoo wafts from his hair, and it smells like me. It feels weird to have the smell coming from him.
Having him here in my apartment half dressed and using my shower seems so natural, like it’s the way things should be. Emotion bubbles inside of me, and I fear that it will spill out like that beer I dropped the other night. Only I’m scared of what will happen if I let it. So I quickly swipe the rag in his hair and then take a step back.

“It’s fine. It’s only a tiny cut.”

Asher grabs my arm before I can walk away. “Thank you.”

I nod, afraid to speak. I’m acutely aware of the fact that he’s standing too close and is only wearing a towel.
Studying his face, I realize that he really is okay. The damage isn’t as bad now that he’s cleaned up. Sure, his eye is swollen and an ugly bruise is forming on his cheek, but for some reason it just adds to his rugged charm. My gaze lands on his lips, which still look perfect, and I find myself wanting to kiss him. Shaking away the thought, I yank my arm away and walk back to the couch.

“Have it your way,
Ives. I’ll go get dressed.” He chuckles as he retreats back into the bathroom.

What is wrong with me? Why was I thinking about kissing him?

I mean, sure I’ve thought about it before dozens of times, but not now. I can’t think like that now. There’s too much at stake.

“This better?” His rich voice speaks from over my shoulder.

I glance behind me, taking in his gym shorts and t-shirt. “Much.”

He moves toward the couch and sits directly next to me. His thighs are so close they touch mine, but I don’t move away. I stay still like a statue
, and I sort of feel like one right now. I’m trying to feel as numb as possible, fearful of my own thoughts and emotions. When I peer over at his face, I wince. "Let me grab you some ice. Your face is starting to swell."

I head into the kitchen and pull an ice pack out of the freezer. Clutching it in my hand, I walk back toward Asher, my hand numbing from the cold. I sit next to him and hold the pack out. "Here you go."

He flashes me one of his lopsided smiles, but keeps  his hands pinned to his sides. "I'm injured. Do you think you could help me out?"

I almost laugh out loud, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction, so I just narrow my eyes. "You didn't hurt your hands."

He just pouts, and looks up at me with puppy dog eyes.

"Fine." I take a deep breath and lean forward, pressing the ice pack to his swollen face. He rests his back against the couch. I feel warmth on my leg and glance down to see that he's placed his hand on my thigh. My heart starts beating erratically. I clear my throat.
“So, I thought you and Cole were friends again? Was he with that group?” I didn’t remember seeing him, but I was mostly focused in on Michael.

“No, Cole’s a good guy. He’s been trying t
o talk Michael out of it for weeks.”

“Good.
" I keep the ice pack pressed to Asher's face, and try not to think about how close he is to me or the fact that he's touching my leg. "I’m glad that you have at least one friend on your side.”

“Hey, I have more than just one friend.” He reaches out and grabs my hand
, the one not holding the ice pack. His large hand engulfs my small one and his thumb circles my palm, sending chills skittering up my arm. “Ives, why did you come after me tonight?”

The question catches me off guard. “Because I was worried about you. When I heard what Michael said I knew I had to find you and make sure you were okay.”

“Why?”

I pause, wondering what he wants from me. And more importantly, what am I willing to share
? “Because I care about you, Asher.”

Asher
pushes the ice pack away from his face and searches my eyes as if looking for an answer in them. “I care about you too, Ives. I always have.” Then his gaze drops to the floor and his expression darkens. “I just don’t think it’s in the same way.”

“What do you mean?” My stomach clenches.

“I thought we had something, Ives.” He releases my hand and drops his palm from my leg. I feel cold without his touch.

“Asher, we’re friends. We’re best friends. You know that.”

“Best friends don’t keep secrets from each other.” He looks at me again, his face ravaged in a way I’ve never seen. “I trusted you completely, and you broke that. You lied to me, and look what’s happened.”

I bite my lip, taking in his cuts and bruises. My eyes fill with moisture
, and I blink them back.

“I would do anything for you, Ives. I have done anything for you. Don’t you care?”

“Of course I care. That’s why I went after you. I just said.” My voice wavers betraying my feelings, and it angers me.

“But you still can’t tell me the truth, can you?” He fastens me with a challenging stare.

I want so badly to do what he’s asking. I feel like if I don’t I’ll lose him forever, but it’s just too much. “Asher, please listen to me. No one has ever meant as much to me as you have, and that’s the truth.”

“
If that’s true, then tell me about that night. The whole story this time.”

“I have,” I say
.

Asher
shakes his head. “No, you haven’t. You see, I’ve been thinking about that night a lot lately, and something just doesn’t ring true. You said that you fell, and it sort of made sense because I know you’re a risk taker. You were the only girl in our group who would go on the rope swing at the lake, or go rock jumping, or ride on my bike, but that’s because you’re an adrenaline junkie. You like the rush. But you’re not athletic.”

“Gee thanks,” I
joke.

“You know what I mean. You don’t play a sport, you don’t like to run. And, despite what you say, you’re not a klutz.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No, Tanya’s a klutz,”
Asher corrects me.

“Okay,
I see your point,” I concede, remembering the girl we went to high school with who was known for knocking stuff over and falling on a weekly basis.

"
I’ve never seen you fall on accident, Ives. So, that’s why I know you didn’t injure yourself. Someone put those bruises on your body, and I need you to finally tell me who it was.”

I shake my head, my lips
shaking. “Asher, please. I can’t.”

His eyes wither, and he puts his head in his hands. “I can’t believe this. You would think after tonight you would tell me. You owe me that much. I have sacrificed so much
, and for what? I don’t even know.” He stands, and I reach for him, panic making it hard to breathe.

“Asher, I want to tell you. I do. I’ve thought about
it a million times.” A tear slips down my cheek, and I swipe it back swiftly with a trembling finger.

Asher sits, facing me. “Then do it.”

“Just give me some more time.”

“I’ve given you a year. I can’t do it anymore. Either you trust me or don’t, Ivy.” It’s the first time in years I’ve heard him use my name like that. No Ives or Poison Ivy, and it saddens me. “It’s that simple.”

I think of Grandpa’s words. Didn’t he tell me to simplify things? Could it be that easy? For a moment I roll the words around in my mind, imagining how they would sound if I ever uttered them out loud. If I ever tell anyone it will be Asher, but I just don’t think I’m ready today.

Asher gets up suddenly as if he can read my mind. “Well, thanks for helping tonight, Ivy.”

I jump up. “Asher, don’t go just yet.”

“Why? Do you have something you want to say?” He raises his eyebrows.

“No, it’s just that you’re gonna need a ride.”

“I can walk.” He turns away.

“I can’t let you walk.” I follow him. “Please, just let me give you a ride. This is ridiculous.”

“What’s ridiculous is that I’ve done nothing but care for you Ivy
, and you still don’t trust me.”

The impact
of his words cause me to stop in my tracks, as if they’ve built up an invisible wall between us. I allow him to walk out of the apartment. As I listen to his footsteps on the stairs outside, the tears start to fall. I know he’s right. He’s the most trustworthy person I know. Why can’t I just tell him? My fingers find my side where I’ve been bruised and beaten, my fingertips moving along my body like it’s reading Braille, remembering all the scars that are no longer visible. The words from my attacker ring through my ears, and then I know why I can’t tell. Because the words spoken were true, and they’re the reason no one can ever know.