Evolve Series Box Set (13 page)

“I know exactly how you feel, precious girl.” He kisses the top of my head. “We’ve never been more than a stone’s throw apart. It’s going to be different and it sucks.”

“It’s not just that. I’ve met a few fun people, most are guys, and I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Then I wonder what you’re doing and it eats away at me, Evan.” I plead to him silently, tell me the answer, Evan.

We snuggle and talk and he opens up more; he felt the same way—worried and insecure about what I’m doing all the time. His social life is apparently a lot wilder than mine, and he’s forthcoming that I’d been scarily accurate about the temptations he faced. He doesn’t, however, admit anything specific, like what I saw in the picture. I say nothing. There’s absolutely no point. Sure, I can make him feel guilty or get mad, but enough with the merry-go-round.

“It’s not that I want them, Laney. I want you, but I can’t have you…and sometimes the thought crosses my mind that it’d feel good to fill the void. Not sex, just someone to hug or spend time with, but the thought of another man touching you makes me want to kill someone, so then I’m a hypocrite…a lonely, depressed hypocrite. Do you know what I’m trying to say?”

“Yes, I do. Evan, I want you to be happy. I want you to do whatever you want, whatever gets you by. Well, I mean, be careful.” I blush and let out a sarcastic snort. “Know that I don’t hold you to anything. We agreed. Just be happy.”

It feels like my heart is splitting in two and half of it will be heading back to Athens, but it’s also suddenly easier to take a deep breath. The thought of Evan with other girls makes me sick, but I know that isn’t his reasoning. That’s a surface issue to the deep emotional havoc, so I don’t outright ask him not to sleep with anyone. The thought of him sitting in the corner of rooms sad and lonely makes me so much sicker.

My entire drive back to school is done with tears clouding my vision, a gripping pain in my chest, and half my soul missing.

CHAPTER 20

Kickin’ It

***Laney***

Bennett is thrilled I’m back early—there’s no school tomorrow and she’s immediately harping on me to go out with her. Has she even noticed I look like hell? That perhaps something’s wrong with me?

Screw this. I’ll call Zach, who has become a great friend. We’ve gotten together a couple times at the nearby coffee shop. He’s a whiz at algebra and I’d be failing without him.

My first impression of him from the Hall Crawl was dead on. He gets cooler every time I’m around him. If he’d have come from back home, he no doubt would’ve been friends with Parker and Evan. A Kinesiology major, he wants to coach football later, and loves to play.

I couldn’t imagine why he didn’t have a girlfriend, but one day he’d told me some about his past, his heartbreak. His high school sweetheart had done a number on him. He found out she cheated on him several times after a picture on the Facebook page of someone who tagged someone who…however that works. That led to him questioning her and her breaking down into a fess-all. I got the picture (no pun intended). He’d been at arm’s length from anything serious ever since. It may have left him love shy, but it hadn’t made him one bit a bitter person, he was as sweet as sugar.

Sometimes I talk with him about Evan and he gives me much-appreciated advice, a guy point of view minus any “I really want to get in your pants” ulterior motives. His heartbreaking relationship had also been long-distance, so he understands exactly how I feel.

He answers right away and assures me Drew is out (his roommate definitely hasn’t grown on me like he has), so I head to his room. The minute he opens the door, he knows something is wrong—thank you, friend! He pulls me in for a hug, rubbing my back, and leads me to sit with him on the couch.

I tell him everything in between hiccups and sobs and he doesn’t interrupt, doesn’t interject with opinion; he just listens. When I take a break, he finally speaks. “Want to know what I think?” I nod into his shoulder. “I think you two have an amazing relationship, even if it doesn’t have a name or a box to fit into right now. It’s no doubt a relationship, and one of the most forgiving, open, and loving ones of all time. What’s that girly poem chicks are always quoting; something about if you love it, set it free?”

“Free, like do you think he’ll sleep with a bunch of girls? That makes me want to puke.” It does—my throat starts sweating.

“I don’t, Laney. I mean, he might, but he sounds different. Believe it or not, some guys do make it through college without a STD. Do you see me sleeping around?”

And just like that, he makes it all better. What he said, that’s exactly what Evan and I have, and that’s exactly what we’re doing—setting each other free to see if we’ll find our way back one day. And Zach does seem fine not whoring, and there aren’t girls coming out of Sawyer and Tate’s room all the time either, although I’m sure that’s more Tate’s influence than Sawyer’s. But it’s another example that not all college guys are bound and determined to sleep with everyone available. Damn, Zach’s better therapy than the actual therapist I used to have. His answer kicked her lame rumblings’ ass.

“So, Miss Laney, what should we do now?”

“Well, Red over in my room would like to go to The K tonight, which I’m assuming is a bad idea. But it’s not really college without a brush with public intox, though, right?”

“How are you gonna get into The K, Laney? You’re only 18, right?” He raises his eyebrows in playful question.

I stick my tongue out at him. “I’ll be 19 in a few weeks.”

“Still not old enough.” He grins.

“Apparently Bennett has connections in the world of fake IDs.”

“Do you want to go to a club, Laney? I mean, I think The K is awesome, but I’m not sure if you’d like it.”

“Honestly, I’m sick of being down, and whatever I’ve been doing isn’t working! I just hurt the person most important to me, so maybe I oughta give something new a try?”

“I’ll go with you then.” Not a question, but not really a command either; just right.

We agree to meet up at my room at 8 and I head back to brave Bennett. She’s lying on her bed when I get there, and sits up when I enter. “Laney, can we talk?

“Yup, what’s up?”

“Laney, I noticed you were upset today, but I’d rather focus on fixing it for you rather than dwelling on it. That’s what I do. I breathe the life back into things. It’s my specialty.” Ok, so I kinda smile at that. ”I want to get you out, show you some fun. Come out of your cave, Laney, play with others!”

“Well, since I’m now completely alone, I guess the only sensible thing to do is start over.” Completely alone…my rock rolled away.

“I’d like to point out that you’re not alone. I’m thrilled we’re friends and roomies, and I’d love to enjoy our freshman year together if you deem me worthy.”

She’s really good at the deep stuff and her words hit home. I know how to do Laney the daughter, Laney the ballplayer, and for a while I was pretty good at Laney and Evan, but I have no clue how to do just Laney.

“You know what, Bennett? I’m sorry. I am grateful to have you. This is all new to me and I’m not trying to be a brat. You get me an ID, I’m in.”

I’m an excellent dancer, right? Every stuffed animal I own thinks so. I’d never do it at my old school, but this is my new school, my new life, so maybe I can bust a move or two.

“Laney, you’re the best roommate and new BFF ever!” She claps, jumps up, and gives me a huge hug.

Yeah, I can handle this. “So, what should I wear tonight? What are you wearing?”

“Laney, why do you even ask those questions together? Imma do me, you do…jeans, heels and maybe a halter top? Can you handle that?”

“Only if you have heels and a halter top you want to loan me. “

“Of course I do!”

***

We’re going to The K, which we’ve clarified is short for The Kickback. It’s the most cosmopolitan thing I’ve ever done in my life. I am wearing a strapless bra and there’s false documentation on my person. I’m picturing Pinocchio, when Honest John leads him to the island; we’re all coming home donkeys tonight, I’m sure of it.

Donned in my own MissMe jeans and Bennett’s red high heels and black halter top, I’m self-conscious but as ready as I’ll ever be. I put my hair in a ponytail and wear very little makeup. It’s still me, and I don’t look the 21 my “license” now reads, but if they kick me out, that’s my flashing neon “sign” that this really is as bad of an idea as I suspect.

Bennett has gone all out—she has on a black skirt that could double as a tube top, 6 inch heels, and a glittery silver tank top. Her auburn hair is down and bouncing. She looks old enough to be one of our professors with her makeup job, and the look in her eyes is scandalous—Drama Girl is on the prowl. Well good, I can shrink behind her spotlight all night.

Zach looks great in dark wash jeans, a black button up shirt and his hair is styled; he even trimmed up the goatee a bit.

I send Evan a text on the way. I wish he was with me for many reasons, but at least I know I’m safe as I glance at Zach in the driver’s seat.

Laney: I love you, for all we are and all we’re not right now too. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours.

Evan: I am yours, always have been, always will be. I hate what this did to us, hate college.

Laney: Not a fan myself, but we had to grow up sometime right?

Evan: I will never love anything even half as much as I love you. We will find our way back.

Laney: I hope so.

Evan: Have a good night Laney, be safe.

Laney: Night Ev, u2

“You okay?” Zach looks at me from the corner of his eye.

“Yeah, I’m great.” It’s taking every effort not to let the tears I’m holding back fall. I didn’t think anything could ever come between Evan and me… and look at us now.

“Yes, you are, Laney, one of the best. Now have some fun, okay? You say ready and we’re gone, girl. And keep your phone on vibrate in case we lose each other. You won’t hear it, but you’ll feel it.” Zach seems very sure of his plan, so I relax a little.

“Let’s just not lose each other,” I offer weakly.

“Laney, this is going to be fun, I promise!” Bennett adds from the backseat. She really has no fear.

There’s a huge dude at the door who barely even looks at my ID, but looks at me thoroughly, and just like that—we’re in. I can feel the pulse of the music all through me. I smell smoke and sweat, but I can see very little—this place is dark. I shiver and slide my arm through Zach’s, trusting him to lead the way. He reaches up and pats my hand, making me feel a little better.

“Bennett?!” I all but scream.

“Right here.”

“Okay, don’t you dare run off.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Don’t call me that, and stay around, B, I mean it.” I don’t care if I’m a pain in the ass. If she doesn’t like it, she can quit making me go with her.

Visibility improves slightly the further in we get, so I take my first good look around. I’m pretty sure Boogie Nights 2 will be shot here. The back wall is lined with dark leather, with circular booths and tables that glow blue from underneath. The DJ is up on an elevated stage with so many different lights I can’t look right at it. The dance floor is huge and obviously made to be the main attraction, and the U shaped bar, under lit with red, sits right in the middle of it.

I can barely see the south end, it’s pretty far away, but it appears to have pool tables, darts and is that skeeball?! In the far corner, tucked almost behind the DJ stage, is a staircase. I look up to see balcony seating; must be the VIP section. Are there VIPs in college? I wonder if P Diddy is up there.

Bennett pulls us over to a table on the edge of the dance floor. I scoot my stool as close to Zach as I can without sitting in his lap. We’re quickly approached by a blonde in a Catholic school girl outfit; poor thing lost half of it, for our drink orders. I glance around, taking it all in, and find myself in awe.

I’ve seen people dance and grind, but it was G-rated compared to what some of the couples on the floor are doing now. The music is a little loud, and ew…no elbows on the table, it’s sticky. But other than that, I can start to see the appeal of it. The place is alive, electric, and no doubt better than sitting in your dorm room.

The blonde brings back Zach’s beer and Bennett’s pink thing, and then sets a tall, thin glass in front of me. “Um, what’s that?”

“It’s a champagne spritzer, they’re good.”

“But I ordered water.”

“It’s on the house,” she says with a shrug and walks away.

I look at Zach with confusion, “Did you order this for me?”

“Not me,” he shakes his head, and a quick shoulder shrug from Bennett confirms it wasn’t her either.

“Guys send drinks over for pretty girls all the time, Laney, don’t worry about it,” Bennett explains nonchalantly, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

“She didn’t say from the gentleman over there, she said on the house. Either way, I’m not drinking that, no way.”

Zach offers to trade me. “No one put anything in my beer I assure you, plus it’s free champagne.” He tosses back a big gulp of the free bubbly. “She’s right, it’s good. You wanna dance?”

“Um, I’ve never really fast danced outside of my room, I don’t want to embarrass you,” I mumble, blushing slightly.

“Don’t worry, Laney, I’m an excellent teacher.” He starts to pull me to the floor and I grab Bennett’s hand and pull her with us.

Three songs in and I’m having a blast! I feel bad I wouldn’t dance like this with Evan at prom, but I hated those spectators. I don’t know anyone here—and they don’t know me. Zach’s a great dancer and he moves with me, but not in a handsy slimeball way. He dips me, and while upside down, I see Tate approaching behind Bennett.

Zach pulls me up and I turn, Tate giving me the “shh” sign as he slips right up to her backside, hands going to her hips. She turns slightly to see it’s him and wraps her arms around his neck. They’re cute together, really, but I thought Tate couldn’t come? Oh well. I turn to Zach.