Every Breath (7 page)

But as time wears on throughout the morning, the good feelings I got from talking to Sawyer are easily replaced by the niggling feeling of doubt I had tucked away in the back of my mind. Maybe Drew really is done with what little bit of a relationship we actually had. Or maybe he’s trying to show me that he’s in control of it. I don’t know.

Especially once Callie goes back home after breakfast, I’m in a real funk. Which is only amplified by the doorbell ringing right when I am about to get in the shower. I throw my robe on, storm down the stairs, and peek through the curtains, ready to dismember the unfortunate soul that disturbed my steamy shower. But I immediately feel the turmoil melt away once my eyes meet the familiar ones peering back at me.

I fling the door open and I’m instantly pulled into a double embrace. “Mom! Dad! What are you doing here? Why didn’t you call?”

Mom kisses my forehead. “We wanted to surprise you! I called Callie yesterday to make sure you weren’t going anywhere today.”

“Come on now, Scout, like your old man needs a reason to see his favorite baby girl.”

Scout. The name makes me smile. I didn’t realize where it came from until I was about ten years old and watched To Kill a Mockingbird for the first time. When I look back at old pictures of me, I see the very same Scout from the movie. Overalls, dirty knees, and a short brown bob. I was the only child, so my dad deemed it necessary to make me his honorary son when my mom wasn’t looking. And for a long time, I preferred mud, tree climbing, and frogs over dolls, makeup, and dresses. Much to my mother’s delight, the girl in me emerged again once I developed my first crush on our neighbor’s son when I was about thirteen.

“Dad, last I checked, I was your
only
baby girl.”

He pats my cheek. “Ah, well, that just makes you even more special to me.”

After Dad raids my cookie jar, and I make us all some hot tea, we all take a seat in the living room. “Callie tells us you’ve been seeing someone.” I knew it. My mom has been ready to burst with some sort of news since she walked in the door.

“Yeah. I guess you can say that.” Since we’ve always had an open relationship, I comfortably tell them everything that has happened with Drew over the last few weeks, even the most recent doubts I have in our failing relationship.

My dad comes to sit beside me on the small sofa, so I’m sandwiched between the both of them. “Well, Scout, I have to ask this. How are you holding up these days? You’ve been a little quiet lately, so I’ve been worried about you. You know, about . . .”

They both know I don’t like to talk about that. “I’m fine, Dad, really. I’ve just been busy lately. I don’t really think about all of that much anymore.” Lies. “I’m even considering talking to a therapist, just to help.” More lies.

“I think that’s an excellent idea.” Mom puts her arm around my shoulders. “I can tell you haven’t been getting enough sleep. Nightmares again?”

I shake my head, rolling my eyes. Jeez, would they stop with the interrogation? “No, Callie and I stayed up late last night, and I woke up to her cooking this morning.” There. Part of that was the truth, at least.

Knowing that I am a steel trap, Dad nudges my mom. “Well, that’s good. We’re just glad you’re doing okay.

Even though it’s a little cool, we decide to drive out to the beach and get some sun, like we used to do when I was a kid, complete with a picnic lunch. Then we swing by the grocery store for some items I need for dinner and breakfast in the morning, since they are planning on staying tonight. And the rest of the day, we just enjoy each other’s company. My dad is, as usual, the center of attention, cracking jokes and playfully antagonizing my mom. They successfully brighten my mood, even though I still haven’t heard from Drew.

By the time I fall into bed around nine o’clock, I’m too exhausted to care whether Drew wants to talk to me or not, but that doesn’t stop a smile from stretching across my lips as I doze off. Tomorrow, my class meets Sawyer.

The smell of maple syrup and perfectly browned bacon slowly nudge me awake. Well, that and Darcy playing a game of chase-the-birds-in-the-tree-outside-my-window followed by a little of Tarzan-swinging-in-the-curtains.

I raise my head from the pillow, which startles her and causes her to fall from the windowsill. My cat is the only one I’ve seen that doesn’t land on her feet. “Dork.” She glares at me over her shoulder as she saunters out of the room as if she meant to flop onto the floor.

After a quick breakfast with my parents and reassuring them once again that I’m doing okay, I head off to work in a fairly good mood. I tap the preset button for my favorite radio station and crank it up, and I’m fairly certain that the people beside me in every intersection think I’m insane. What? Doesn’t everyone dance at the red lights?

My class seems particularly pleased to see me today, which always makes me happy. I know I’m doing something right. They dive right into their work and the morning flies by, and I’m becoming increasingly nervous about the video chat with Sawyer.

First of all, I’ve never liked to be on camera, no matter what kind it is. Second, I’m worried that the kids won’t think it’s all as cool as I do, and therefore, disappoint Sawyer. Last, I’m worried about what he’ll think when he sees me for the first time. Callie has me convinced that he’s not attractive, and I’m okay with that, but I’m anxious about what he’ll think of me. Why? I have no idea.

I send the kids out to recess after lunch and quite literally race to the restroom to check my hair and touchup my makeup. I’m quaking like I’m going on a first date, and my clammy hands absolutely refuse my orders to stop fidgeting. After I take a few deep breaths— sucking in air to the point that my lungs are on fire, I make myself so lightheaded that I am now nauseated on top of everything else.

With a smile plastered on my face, I somehow make it back to my classroom, courtesy of the interesting combination of staggering and speed walking I just did down the hallway. I slip my laptop out of my briefcase and poke the power button with my eyes closed before I can lose my nerve. The screen flashes to life, and I watch the messenger program icon spin in circles as it logs me in.

There are only five tiny minutes until recess is over, and I want to make sure he’s there before I tell the class that he is. Here goes nothing.

One click expands the program, filling the screen, and my eyes seek—and find—that little green smiley face next to Sawyer’s name, indicating he’s online.

Sawyer: ‘There you are. I’ve been watching for you. Are we still on?’

Me: ‘We are. I just wanted to make sure you were there before the kids come inside from recess.’

Sawyer: ‘Want to make sure the video chat is going to work first?’

I take a final deep break and run my fingers through my hair.

Me: ‘Sure.’

A new window pops up with an option to accept or decline a video chat request. Oh, hell.

Accept.

As soon as his face fills the screen, I want to call Callie into the room to tell her exactly how wrong she is. He smiles as soon as he sees me, a warm, genuine smile that stretches almost to his ears. His tired eyes are half closed, but they appear to be the color of dark amber honey. His sharp jawline leads down to his wide neck, corded muscles running down each side. He isn’t classically handsome like Drew, but he’s more rugged. Strong. Hard to tear my eyes away from.

“Can you hear me okay?” Sawyer’s gravelly voice echoes around the concrete room.

“You’re perfect. I mean, I can hear you perfectly.” Jeez, I usually take a little longer to make a complete fool of myself.

Sawyer chuckles, momentarily hanging his head to hide his amusement. “Somehow, you’re exactly how I pictured you. I’m so glad to finally get to hear your voice and talk face-to-face.”

“Me, too.” I absentmindedly twirl my hair between two fingers, a bad nervous habit of mine. “Except you’re not at all how I pictured you.” Not. At. All.

“No?” He pauses to rub his hand over the top of his buzzed head, making me want to do the same. “Do I even want to know what you thought? Better? Worse?”

“Very pleasantly surprised.” I grin at him, finding him just as easy to talk to like this as I do by email or instant messaging. “Are you ready to meet them?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be. Is it sad that I’m nervous?”

“I
was
, but after talking to you, I know they’ll adore you.”

One corner of his mouth pulls up. “I hope so.”

The rumbling sound of a herd of little footsteps is my indicator that we’ll find out sooner rather than later. “I’m going to turn you away from them, so they can’t see you. And stay quiet until I introduce you, okay?”

He nods and salutes with a wink, and I want to melt into puddle right there on the floor.

My class begins to trickle in, one-by-one, pulling their jackets off and taking their seats. Their cheeks are flushed from the cool wind, and the fresh air clearly gave them a renewed energy. The room is practically buzzing with it.

As the last one takes their seat, I peer down at my computer screen to see Sawyer watching me intently, pretending to zip his lips when he catches me looking.

“Okay, class, I have a little surprise for you.”

Before I could go on, a petite hand shoots up in the air. “Yes, Kristin?”

Her wide eyes almost match the “o” shape of her mouth. “Cupcakes?” Of course, the prospect of sugar coma-inducing baked goods sends the entire room into mass hysteria.

Clapping my hands in a special pattern, I get their attention again. “As much as I love a good cupcake, Kristin, that’s not what the surprise is today. Raise your hand if you remember the cards that we made several weeks ago for our new soldier friend.”

Every single hand in the room goes up, except for Riley, who lost interest when cupcakes were no longer involved. “Okay, good. Now, I want you to meet a friend of mine, and then I’ll give you the surprise.”

I flash a smile down to Sawyer before I spin my laptop around to face the class. A collective intake of breaths is all I hear when they see his face. “Boys and girls, this is my friend Sawyer Harris. He is the soldier that got your cards, and right here in my hand is the letter he sent back to you.”

I knew the kids would come through for me. And for Sawyer. Their sweet faces immediately split into wide partially-toothless grins, and the room erupts with chatter, applause, and cheering. And when Sawyer greets them, they all look at him like he’s a rock star.

After I read the letter and pass it around the class, they all take turns asking him questions, and he answers them perfectly, steering their minds away from the brutality of war and giving them a brief glimpse into the pros of being an American soldier and some funny stories about the men in his unit. There is also, of course, a mini lesson on the reptiles he’s encountered in Afghanistan, question courtesy of Jase Mitchell.

Thirty minutes pass in a blur, and the kids remain engaged with him until I force them out of the room just in time to make it to art class. I plop into my chair, spinning the screen to face me once again, and Sawyer leans back in his chair and stretches his arms over his head, stifling a yawn. “Did they wear you out?”

“Not at all. I loved it.” He leans back up, his face seeming so close that I could reach out and touch it. “I really appreciate you doing that for me, Makenna. You have no idea what that meant to me.” His voice cracks almost inaudibly at the end, his eyes fighting unshed tears.

Seeing his raw emotion, I have to swallow the lump forming in my throat. “Anytime. I mean it. We can schedule chats with the class again, and you can also talk to me whenever you get the chance. You don’t have much longer, and we’re going to be here for you until you come home.”

“Thanks,” he says softly, quickly swiping away a solitary tear trailing down his left cheek. “I’m going to take you up on that.”

I go straight home after school to find that my parents already left, and my mom had cleaned my house from top to bottom. Callie stops by on her way home to find out how the video chat went, and I tell her all about it, including how wrong she was about his looks. And by the time I get rid of her, it’s nearly dark and Darcy is furious that I haven’t fed her yet.

Placing her dish on the counter, I select a can of cat food from the pantry. “Well, Madame Darcy, tonight’s selection is a fantastic feast of salmon in gravy.” She looks up at me in disdain, not sold on the “fantastic” part. But as soon as I dump the food into the bowl, she becomes a little more enthusiastic and weaves herself in and out of my legs in a figure eight pattern. I have to step over her to walk toward the mat on the floor where I keep her food and water, and she slinks behind me, right on my heels, until I put it on the floor.

However, she merely sniffs at it once, darts from the room, and scrambles up the stairs. I am confused until I hear the soft rap at the door. That explains it.

“Hi, beautiful,” Drew croons as I barely crack the door open. “These flowers are for you.”

I pull the door open a little more, and he takes that as an invitation to shove the flowers inside at me. “Drew? What are you doing here?”

“I’ll explain if I can come in.”

I nod and allow him to enter before I take the roses into the kitchen to put them in some water. Roses aren’t my favorite, but these are gorgeous—cream-colored with a fuchsia blush at the tip of each petal. And I’m confused about why he’s giving them to me. I haven’t heard from him in a few days, so I assumed he didn’t want to speak with me anymore. I thought it was pretty safe to assume that our relationship was over.

I turn on my heel to make my way back to the living room, but I run into the hard wall of Drew’s chest. His arms envelop me completely and squeeze me into him until we can’t possibly get any closer. He buries his face into my hair, and I feel his chest rise as he breathes in the scent of my hair. “Damn, Makenna, it’s only been a few days, and I’ve missed you like crazy.”

As much as I hate to admit it, his embrace does feel nice, and before I can stop myself, I snuggle against him. “Where have you been? I’ve been worried about you.” Okay, so not
really
worried, but slightly curious is close to the same thing, isn’t it?

He squeezes me a little tighter. “I can’t wait to tell you all about it, but first, I just want to hold my girl for a minute. Is that okay?”

Hear that?
My
girl. That’s almost sweet enough to make me forget about being irritated. Almost. Despite the way he’s clinging to me helplessly, I’m just not the kind of woman who forgets these things too easily. But in the meantime, I’ll enjoy being crushed against him, not that I have much choice in the matter.

He pulls himself back and brushes my hair from my face. He slowly lowers his mouth to my forehead, then to my temple, then to my cheekbone, my jaw. And just when I can feel that knot of panic expanding in my stomach, just when my heart threatens to pound right out of my chest, he stops. It’s so easy to forget, but I know he’s always careful not to cross that line. I don’t have anything to worry about with Drew. Until that moment I’m ready for more, I’m safe with him.

To show my appreciation, I stretch myself up on my tiptoes and plant a soft kiss on his cheek. “I’m glad I’m your girl, Drew. But to be honest, I thought that was all over these last few days.”

“Not even close.” He shakes his head and takes my hand. “Let’s talk.” He leads me over to the kitchen table, even pulling the chair out for me before he seats himself. “You know when I came to talk to you at school last week, and you flipped out on me?”

I nod. “Not something I’m likely to forget for a while.”

His eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles. “It’s okay. I survived. But . . . what I . . .” He sighs. “Okay, this isn’t working for me.”

I feel my eyes go wide. “What?”

“Oh! No! Not you. I meant this seating arrangement we have going on. You’re too far away from me. Come with me.”

He drags me to my feet and guides me into the living room, where we simultaneously fall back into the love seat. He’s so close now that I can feel the heat radiating off of his body. I think I like this better, too. And I can’t believe I just admitted that to myself.

“As I was saying, right before I came to see you that day, I got a phone call from the head coach of the Indianapolis Colts, you know, my old team. He told me that there was a Special Teams Coordinator job coming open soon, and he was curious if I’d be interested in talking to them about it. I had no idea if I was interested or not, so I told him I’d think about it. That’s when I came to talk to you. If I seemed a little off, I was probably still in shock. I mean, getting an offer like that at my age is unprecedented.”

“Well, that does explain that part, but where were you all weekend?”

“That part came as much of a surprise to me as the phone call. When I woke up Saturday morning, he called me again, saying that he really wanted me to seriously consider it, and if I was willing, he wanted me to hop on a plane and meet with him, so we could talk. I rushed out of the house with the intentions of calling you once I landed, but they met me at the gate, and we stayed busy with meetings, contract discussions, and a dinner with the owner. By the time I got home late last night, I knew I needed to do more than call you. I had to wait until I could come and talk to you and apologize in person. I’m so sorry I didn’t call you, but believe me, you were on my mind the entire time.”