Eve and Her Sisters (31 page)
Howard nodded. ‘I agree, but that’s not what I asked.’
John smiled. ‘I don’t think I’m built to indulge in romantic flights of fancy, Howard. I’m not made that way. I like and respect her and that would be enough for me. I would care for her and protect her to the best of my ability and provide a comfortable home, and in return I’d expect her consideration and loyalty.’
Howard’s face had taken on a slightly blank expression but behind it his mind was working rapidly. He had been wondering what to do, hadn’t he? Asking for a sign. And maybe this was it because, dear friend though John was, he’d want to punch him on the nose if he so much as laid a hand on Eve. But would Eve look on either of them favourably, that was the thing? He knew full well there would be those who would say he, and John to some extent, were looking beneath their station, but he wanted little to do with such people. And he knew Eve would not be influenced either by his wealth or John’s position in the community. Of course John was much nearer her age and whole in body. Would Eve be repulsed by the stump where his left arm had been? But no, he didn’t feel she was squeamish. And Esther had been very fond of her. He didn’t doubt she would be happy for them. The times she had tried to make him promise he would marry again after she went had been without number. He had always replied there would be no other woman who would suit him as she had, but now . . .
He sighed and leant back against the chair. Since he had begun to recover from the influenza, something had changed in his relationship with Eve. Or perhaps it was simply that he himself had changed. He had started to feel as he had never expected to feel again and although he had fought it for all sorts of reasons, the feeling had grown. And it sure as hell wasn’t the somewhat lukewarm emotion John had described. He wanted Eve for his wife, not some glorified assistant. Of course John was a fine fellow and everyone was different . . .
He became aware John was looking at him, waiting for him to speak. His voice low, he said, ‘I appreciate your frankness and I will be frank with you in return. It is true that over the last little while I have begun to see Eve in a different light. Having said that, I have no idea how she feels which is perhaps the nub of the issue. For both of us.’ He smiled wryly and John smiled back.‘Added to which, in my case, society would frown on my looking elsewhere so soon after Esther’s passing.’
John drained his glass. ‘The war has changed a lot of the old prejudices, Howard.’
‘Not as many as I would like.’
‘And you would care? You’d care what people like the Strattons or the Clarks said behind closed doors?’
‘Not for myself, but for Eve, yes.’
‘I hate to point out the obvious, but just the fact that Eve is your housekeeper would be scandal enough and that will still be the case however long you leave it.’
‘Yes, I know. I do know that.’
‘But I meant what I said. The war has caused the wind of change to blow with some gusto through England’s green and pleasant land. Who would have thought that women would take over men’s jobs? Not only take them over but in some cases increase productivity a hundred per cent. And all those men and women who used to be in service, can you see them returning under the same conditions now? The divorce laws are changing, Queen Mary’s opened a women’s extension of the London School of Medicine and in December women got the vote—’
‘All right, all right.’ Howard held up his hand, half laughing. ‘Why are you trying to convince me? I’d have thought it was in your best interests to keep quiet.’
John leant forward and now his voice was quietly emphatic. ‘Not at all. I prize our friendship above all things, certainly a woman, even Eve.’
‘I appreciate that sentiment, John, I do assure you, but I have to say where Eve is concerned I am not so magnanimous,’ said Howard, his voice dry.
‘In that case, my dear fellow, I think we both have our answer.’
They continued to sit in a silence that was companionable but Howard knew that this conversation, which had come like a bolt out of the blue, was a milestone in his life. He was sure Esther would have given him her blessing so why was he hesitating for the sake of how it would look to others? He had never been a mealy-mouthed man, in fact there were many instances in his life where things would have gone more smoothly if he had been less forthcoming. And he wasn’t as young as he once was. All right, fifty wasn’t over the hill and he wasn’t ready for his bath chair yet, but he didn’t have time to waste.
He would ask her. He finished his port, his heart racing. She would have already retired by the time he got home tonight but tomorrow morning he would ask her to be his wife and to hell with the consequences. Of course she might not accept him. This Travis fellow still had a hold on her affections, she had been clear about that, but she had also been adamant she knew there was no hope in that direction. And she must want children, you only had to see her with her nephews and niece to know she had a way with little ones. Children. A son . . . He had given up any dreams in that direction long ago when Esther had become ill but now there was a chance he might one day see a child of his flesh. But he was running away with himself here. And of course there was another thing to consider. If he openly declared himself and she refused him, would she find it awkward to stay on as his housekeeper? Possibly. More than possibly. And suddenly he knew he had to keep her in his life.
‘Penny for them?’
John’s voice was quiet as it intruded on his thoughts and Howard did not look at his friend but into the flames of the fire as he said, ‘I was just thinking I might have a lot to lose if she can’t bring herself to see me as a future husband.’
‘Then you had better make sure she can.’
When Howard arrived home he was surprised to see there was a light burning in the drawing room.When he visited his club and Eve knew he was going to be late, she normally left the hall lights on but the rest of the house in darkness. As he approached the drawing room, the door - which had been ajar - opened fully and Eve stood in front of him. He could see immediately she was in some distress, even before she said, ‘I’ve been waiting for you to come home, Howard. I need to talk to you, if that’s all right.’
‘Of course.’ He followed her into the room and when she stood with her back to the banked-down fire, wringing her hands and biting her lip, concern made his voice sharp. ‘What is it? What’s happened?’ When he had left the house first thing that morning, she had been her usual contained self. This was a different woman.
‘I had a letter this morning.’
‘A letter? From whom?’
‘Toby. Nell’s husband.’
Howard nodded impatiently. He knew who Toby was. ‘Is she ill? Has something happened?’ Pray God it wasn’t one of the children because Eve set great store by her niece and nephews. ‘It’s not the baby?’
‘No, Lucy’s fine.They’re all fine.Well, in a fashion.’
‘Sit down.’ He virtually pushed her down on the sofa and then sat beside her but without touching her. ‘Tell me.’
‘I . . . I had a letter.’ Tears filled her eyes and then she thrust her hand into the pocket of her skirt, saying, ‘I can’t . . . Read it, Howard. Please.’
Howard took the letter without betraying the fear that had gripped him. If this missive was calling her home, if she was going to leave him . . . The pages were crumpled and he took a moment to straighten them on his knee. Then he began to read the large round letters which could have been written by a child.
Dear Eve,
I’m writing this without Nell’s knowledge or permission but I shall tell her the minute I’ve posted it and it’s on its way so she’ll know by the time you read it. I need to tell you something, something that’s put a wedge between Nell and me that won’t be done away with until it’s out in the open. Nell was going to leave it until she sees you next but as I said to her, that could be months and I’m not prepared to go on living as we are. Mary came back just before Christmas, lass, and she was bad. Dying. She’d fell for a bairn and had it taken away and it had gone wrong. The quack said she’d only got a couple of weeks but as it turned out it was more like a couple of days. She died the day after Boxing Day. Peaceful it was. Nell told her you were away for Christmas and couldn’t be reached and she did that for you, lass. She thought you coming back here and seeing how Mary was would break your heart and upset the apple-cart all over again. To be truthful we argued about it but you know Nell when she gets the bit atween her teeth. Mary had fallen low, lass, down there in London. She told Nell all about it and it weren’t pretty. No one knows the story except Caleb and he’ll say nowt. Mind, I reckon most folk have put two and two together. Anyway I just want to tell you Nell did what she did because she loves you and has your best interests at heart. Worrying about it has fair broke her up, she’s skin and bone and that’s not my Nell. I’m sorry to write like this and I tell you straight I didn’t see it like Nell did, but that’s by the by. What she did, she did for you. That’s all I can say. Right or wrong, she wanted the best for you. I hope you can find it in yourself to write and put her mind at rest but I’ve told her you might look on it different. I’m sorry, Eve. Heart sorry.
Your brother-in-law,
Toby Grant
Howard continued to stare at the last page of the letter after he had finished reading. His mind was amassing the facts contained in Eve’s brother-in-law’s letter but overall he was conscious of feeling a great sense of gratitude to Nell. This Travis fellow was in Washington and Eve still cared for him. If she had gone back, who knows what would have occurred? Aware he could say none of this, he raised his head and met the green gaze trained on his face. ‘I’m so very sorry,’ he said softly.
‘I can’t believe she wouldn’t tell me, that she would keep something like this from me. I thought her letters were odd since Christmas and she’s only written three times instead of every week, but I thought she was perhaps tired, what with Lucy and everything. I never dreamt . . .’
As her voice trailed away, Howard reached out and took her hand. ‘I don’t know all the ins and outs of it, Eve, and it’s none of my business but I do agree with Toby that Nell would have been thinking only of your best interests.’
‘How can you say that?’ She laid her head against the back of the sofa and turned her face from him but did not remove her hand from his.‘She prevented me saying goodbye. That’s unforgivable.’
‘You might not have been in time if she had told you, it only being a couple of days.’
‘That’s not the point.’
No, it wasn’t. Searching his mind, he said quietly, ‘I think Nell thought you had been through enough. She perhaps thought it would bring William’s passing to the fore again. You have shouldered such a lot during the last years, Eve. I think she was attempting to spare you more heartache.When you said goodbye to Mary before you came here she was as you’d always known her, pretty and well and regaining her strength after the birth of William. I’m sure Nell thought it best you remember her like that.You could have done nothing, and she was not alone. She had Nell and her family and . . . and Mr Travis.’ He had to force himself to say the name but when there was no response, he added, ‘Mary knew how much you loved her and that you would have been there if you could, you know that.’
Now she did look at him. In a small voice, she said, ‘I don’t know if she did. We . . . we didn’t part on bad terms but it wasn’t the same as it had once been.’
‘How could it be?’ He pressed her fingers.‘Nothing stays the same, Eve. Relationships change and evolve. She had come back to Washington pregnant and then the baby died. I’m sorry to speak ill of the dead but she didn’t want the child, you know that, and you must be clear about this now in view of what’s happened. It would appear it was the same predicament and her handling of it that caused her to become ill.’
Her fingers jerked but when she would have pulled her hand away, he did not let her. ‘You’re saying she brought this on herself. That she deserved to die because she killed her baby.’
‘Don’t put words in my mouth, Eve. No one deserves what happened to Mary but with every choice we make in life there are consequences. I’m sorry if that sounds judgemental but it is the truth. I’m also deeply sorry she chose the life she did because she was your sister and you loved her, but it
was
her choice.You told me that yourself. She had every chance to reform, she did not want to. I am not standing on high moral ground either, how could I? I have done things of which I am so ashamed it took me years to face up to them.’
was
her choice.You told me that yourself. She had every chance to reform, she did not want to. I am not standing on high moral ground either, how could I? I have done things of which I am so ashamed it took me years to face up to them.’
‘The . . . Boer War?’
‘Just so.’
They sat in silence for a full minute. Eve retrieved her hand and wiped her eyes with the white linen handkerchief Howard gave her. He wanted to draw her close to him and comfort her, to take away the look of desolation on her face and tell her everything would be all right, but he checked himself. Now was not the time. And then his control was put to the test when she said quietly,‘You must think we are a terrible family but she wasn’t a bad girl, Howard. I know it looks as though she was, but my father used to call her fey and he was right. She was so beautiful and fragile, like a lovely butterfly drawn to the bright light that will devour it. I didn’t protect her enough. In the beginning, with Josiah, I didn’t protect her enough. I should have known . . .’
Her voice ended on a wail and as she fell against him, the tears flooding her face, his arm went out to hold her close. ‘Mary, oh, Mary. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’ Her cry was agonised and cut through him, causing his jaw to clench against the pain she was feeling and which he was powerless to do anything about. All he could do was hold her tight and let the grief pour out.
It was a long time before she became quiet and even after that he continued to stroke her hair and murmur soothing words above her head. He thought she might have fallen asleep with the exhausting emotion which had racked her, but then a small voice whispered, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.’
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