Eternally Yours (23 page)

I find Gabe in our room, lounging on the bed with his ankles crossed and reading the wrinkled letter that the Hell Horde left us. No doubt he is upset about whatever deal his father made with them, that he doesn’t know about. He looks up at me and smiles politely. “Hey babe.”

I smile but not
genuinely
, “Hello.”

“Enjoy you’re alone time?”

“Eh,” I say non-
committally
using a hand motion with it.

He pats the bed beside him and I try not to cringe. I crawl on the bed and prop myself back against the pillows next to him.

“Look, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for acting the way I did about the whole
demon
thing. I know you didn’t really do anything wrong, I guess I’m just jealous when it comes to you and I’m not used to it. I don’t really know how to deal with it. But you didn’t deserve me
ignoring
you and for that I’m sorry.”

I wave it away like it’s no big deal, because after all, I am guilty as charged. There is something going on with me and Shadow and I’m basically lying to Gabe’s face and he is apologizing to me. I am a sad, sad
angel
. Sad as in pathetic.

“Well, I apologize for hurting your feelings or making you jealous or whatever. I should be more aware of my actions.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, babe.”

He rests his hand on my thigh and rubs it. I gulp loudly.

It’s quiet for a second and neither of us know
s
what to say. It becomes awkward for me but he just continues rubbing my thigh. I clear my throat and study his hand. I tamper down a laugh at my crazy thoughts, but he has an attractive hand. Can a hand be sexy? For some reason I think if hands could be sexy then he has a sexy hand.

“What’s funny?” he asks with a wry grin.

I blow it off with a hand swat motion and giggle, “Nothing really.”

“So are we cool? No hard feelings?”

“Yeah, we’re cool. I think we just blew something really small into something big and petty.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” he smiles.

I fake a yawn, because I want to just go to sleep so that I can wake up and get the hell out of here.

“Tired?”

“Yeah, I am exhausted,” I reply.

“Yeah, me too. I’m so stressed from trying to figure out this whole deal with my father and the Hell Horde that I’m wiped physically and mentally.”

Oh great. “Have you been able to talk to your father at all?”

“Not yet, since we’ve been locked in,” he growls. “I am going up to talk to him first thing in the morning though.”

Hopefully he leaves either way after me or way before me because I don’t want any close calls.

“Well I think I’m going to get some shut eye,” I say, trying to imply that I am too tired to do anything else. Hint hint.

“I think I’m going to call it a night too,” he says softly. “Plus, I want to hold you. I’ve missed you lately.”

Aw, how sweet. I hate when he’s sweet because it’s harder to push him away. I have to fight him and myself when he is sweet like this.

I can’t find words so I just smile and hope it covers my worried feelings.

He gets up and saunters over to the door to lock it and then he hits the light switch and it goes dark. My eyes adjust a second later and I can see him coming back towards me and the bed. He strips his shirt off along the way and I squint as best I can to make out as much as I can in the darkened room. I hear the clinging of metal on metal and I know he is taking his belt off. My heart thunders in my ears as I panic to find another excuse to delay the bonding. I decide that I will sleep fully clothed because I don’t dare move right now or put on anything that’s easy access.

I feel his weight on the bed and then a second later he’s spooned up behind me and maneuvers his arm under the covers and my shirt to cover my bare belly. My belly quivers at his touch because it’s so new and unexpected. I’m nervous and anxious but I can’t say I don’t like it. It’s a sweet touch and my mind is playing games with me.

“Relax,” he whispers in my ear. The warm breathe tingles the sensitive skin of my ear and causes more
goose bumps
to break out on my body.

I don’t say anything. I’m too afraid to. His hand starts wandering up my side and back down to massage my bare hip bone, underneath my panties. He repeats this for a minute or two with his face in my neck, because he continues to breathe on my neck and send shivers through my body from the
warm
breath. Despite my best efforts, I am getting turned on. I repeat a mantra in my mind, “Shadow, Shadow, Shadow, Shadow, SHADOW, SHADOW...” but it does little good. He tugs my shoulder so I fall on my back and he starts kissing my neck. I bite my lip and try to picture Shadow but that screws me up because my body really likes to think abou
t
Shadow while this is happening to me. Ultimately, Shadow is what I want. Maybe this isn’t the place to think about him.

“Man, I am so tired,” I yawn. I sound rude and selfish and stuck up and that’s usually the opposite of what I am so I hate myself a little for saying it. He probably hates me worse. I just need to stop this.

“I’m trying to wake you up, baby,” his deep, gravelly voice rumbles.

Yeah, I know. And he is doing an awesome job of that. After this I won’t be able to sleep for weeks.

I laugh for show trying to buy time. I can’t think of any excuses right now. Words won’t come to me.

He presses his tight, hard body up against mine and works his kisses until his mouth is on mine. His hand grabs the bottom of my shirt and starts pulling it up and I grab his hand and press it flat against me firmly, hinting to stop right there. He gives in to me and doesn’t push that anymore at the moment. We continue raping each other’s mouth and I run through excuses in my mind that all sound like a lie even to my own ears.

“You’re so soft,” he
purrs
. “And have I told you how beautiful you are, lately?”

“No,” I whisper.

“You’re all see, all I think about.”

“You’re sweet,” I say.

He straightens and tenses and I know it’s not what he wanted to hear. He wants me to feel the same for him, anyone would. But I’m trying to get a point
across
here so I can’t soften the blow.

“Look, I know that for some reason you aren’t there yet...” he says.

“I’m not where yet?”

“You’re not there...with me.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I mean, you don’t feel the same way about me, that I feel about you,” he says. “And that’s okay, I guess. I mean I can wait for it. I can work for it. I can give you all of me and hope that it will be enough. But unless you tell me what’s in the way, what’s keeping you from giving me all you got, then It will never work...”

I sigh. “I...I don’t know.”

“Alright. Well I will be patient. I trust you, Alexia. I just want you to know that.”

He is killing me here. He is so amazing. So perfect. I would tell him all of this but then it would make him even more confused and I don’t want him thinking it’s anything he can change. My decision is made.

“I trust you too,” I whisper weakly.

He nods his head and stares at me a second, boldly.

“I know that you probably don’t want to go through with this...” he pauses uncomfortable and looks away for a second collecting his thoughts. “But we have to complete the bond tonight and
consummate
the marriage.”

I clear my throat to buy myself a minute. “Gabe, I know you’re a guy and guy’s have certain needs, that may be more uh, important than a girls desires or needs, and I’m sorry that you just happened to be with a girl that’s made you wait a long time because I wasn’t ready...”

“It’s not that,” he clips. “It would never be that. If you weren’t ready, in any world where we had our own decisions, I wouldn’t care. I could wait for you, Alexia. No matter how long it took, and if it was never then I’d know you didn’t want me, and I would let you go.” He sighs. “This is not what I want, Alexia. Not for you, not for me. I wish you would choose me, Alexia. I wish you would want to do this with me. I don’t want it to be something you have to do; it breaks my heart that...that you don’t want to. I feel like crap, and it’s going to be hard for me to go through with it knowing that you don’t want to. The whole time is going to make me feel like shit,” he shakes his head and closes his eyes.

“Well then, we can just wait and do it when we’re ready...” I suggest.

“No,” he snaps in a low but firm voice. “No,” he whispers trying to make up for his previous tone of voice, probably noting my expression. “Alexia, they check us in the morning. We can’t get around this. They have been at this a long time; do you think someone hasn’t thought of pulling one over on them before?”

My face surely shows my confusion. “What?” I ask skeptically.

His expression turns heartfelt and compassionate and I like him even more. He has such a big heart. “In the morning, when they come to unlock our doors, they will have an expert physician, Alexia. The physician will check you, and make sure that you are no longer...that we...that I took you.”

I am stunned. I have nothing to say. This I did not know. Why did I not know this? Why did Shadow not know this? Does Kaia know this?

“I never knew that,” I whisper, shocked. “How do you know?”

He shrugs his big shoulders. “My father and the authorities have mentioned it a few times in front of me. Plus some of the physicians trained in my father’s house when I was growing up. I’ve known for a long time.”

I can’t do anything but stare into his
eyes;
mine probably as wide as saucers. My heart falls to me feet. Shadow is going to hate me. Can I even leave with him after this? Will the bond give away my thoughts and feelings, my plans or where I will be if I leave? Then there is the problem of not being able to ever be with anyone else once I’m bonded. This ends everything for me and Shadow.

“I’m sorry, Lexi,” Gabe whispers and touches his forehead to mine.

“Gabe, I love you,” I say. “You’re more than I could have ever asked for,” I say. “I just want you to know that, you’re an amazing boy and you have a really big heart.” Tears stream down my face and his expression is pained. He wipes my tears away with his thumbs and his fingers curl back on the sides of my head on each side. My tears seem to fall faster and faster and I can’t control myself.

“Baby,” he whispers, “I can’t keep up.”

I laugh through a sob.

“It’ll be over soon,”
he coo’s
. “I’ll make it good for you, I promise you.”

“I know you will,” I reply. And I know he will. But it will feel like betrayal the whole time. I already have a broken heart but until this is finished it’s going to fall into a thousand tiny
pieces
.

He kisses the trails the tears left and his hand finally tugs my shirt over my head. I’m trembling now and I can’t control my body anymore. At all. “Shhh,” he whispers.

I just nod. Wow. He could have someone so much better. Someone who deserves him, like Kaia. Someone willing to jump his bones.

“I don’t deserve you,” I say. “You don’t deserve me,” I add. “You deserve so much better.”

He works the button on my pants and pulls them down and we kick them towards the foot of the bed somewhere. He grabs my hand and kisses my fingers lightly, one by one, while with the other hand he removes his boxers. I have to go through with this now. If they come in the morning to unlock the doors and we aren’t bonded and I’m still a virgin then they will take me. I don’t want to be the Hell Horde’s next meal. I also don’t want to
disappear
and have no idea where I’m going. No one would ever see me again. My parents will never know.

Gabe puts my hand on his amazing pec muscle and removes my underwear. The steady thump of his heart distracts me from what he’s doing and reminds me of Shadow. Shadow’s heart was a drum
staccato
rhythm
under my palm, erratic and
strong
and out of control. Gabe’s is strong and steady and I wonder if he’s anxious or excited or just numb. Maybe I don’t have the same effect on him that I have on Shadow. But a second later he puts my hand somewhere on him that makes me second guess that thought.

He is on top of me now and I gaze up into his eyes, still trembling. He leans down to kiss me and position himself. My heart hurts so bad it feels like it might explode.

“Okay?” he asks.

“I’m okay,” I lie and manage to choke out.

He kisses me hungrily.

“I love you, Alexia,” he says, right before he opens me to womanhood.

At that very second, Shadow fills my mind with a heartbroken and anguished expression yelling, “Noooo!”

I didn’t think it was possible, but it makes me hate myself even more.