Enlightened (16 page)
Slade burst forth from the car speakers proclaiming a Merry Christmas, and fun for everyone, but I felt more nervy than merry, and was definitely
not
having fun. It was Christmas morning, the sun was shining, and Nathan was pulling his Audi into my parents’ quiet residential street in St Albans. As unbelievable as it might have seemed, Nathan was actually here with me for Christmas Day, I should be thrilled by this, but my nerves were on high alert because of three things; firstly, this would be the first time my parents would meet Nathan, which seeing as I was in love with him was a pretty frigging big event and was obviously causing me some anxiety. Secondly, for the entire hour of our journey Nathan had been remarkably quiet and tense, making me worry that he didn’t actually want to be here at all. And on top of all of that, Kenny’s joking words about Nathan being socially awkward had been swimming round and round my mind, driving me bonkers and making me sure with increasing certainty that this whole day was going to be a massive, disastrous flop.
‘It’s this one on the right, the one with the blue front door,’ I said quietly as Nathan stopped the car outside my childhood house and turned off the ignition. The silence in the enclosed car was stifling, so I reached for the door handle to escape when I was stopped from opening it by Nathan’s hand as it landed on my knee and gave a firm squeeze. ‘Stella, wait.’
Turning to him I felt dread rising in my chest. This was where he’d say he’d changed his mind and would insist on leaving and basically ruin my entire day. But to my surprise he didn’t. Nope, to my utter shock, Nathan drew in a deep breath and then confessed two words that I never thought I’d hear cross his lips. ‘I’m nervous.’
He spoke in a voice so quiet I barely heard him. As bizarre as this sounds, his words made much of my earlier anxiety leave my body in an instant rush, because prior to my earlier beliefs, Nathan had been quiet because
he’d
been anxious too. Well I never.
Seeing my usually confident and composed man looking so lost I found myself struck speechless for a few seconds, before I placed my hand over his supportively and tried to will my tongue to say something remotely useful. ‘There’s no need, Nathan. It’s just my parents, they’re really nice. They’ll love you,’ I assured him, faking some needed confidence, but knowing my words were true as long as he was on his best behaviour. If he went all primal on any of Simon’s friends … well … my folks might not be quite as keen on him then.
His right hand came up and ran through his hair, leaving it spiky and far from its usual neat style, so with a smile I used my free hand to lean over and smooth it down for him again, which earned me a cute, thankful smile. ‘I … I haven’t had a family Christmas since my parents went to prison,’ he confessed in a low tone. ‘It’s always just been me and Nicholas.’ Chewing on his lower lip I watched as his eyes darted around the car before settling on me again, ‘I’m not sure I’ve ever had a proper family Christmas, really. Mum would always get a tree because Nicholas would get really excited about decorating it, but then after we’d spent all afternoon dressing the tree Dad would get home and change all the decorations around to how
he
wanted them. It was fucking pointless.’ He sounded so unsure that my heart just about broke for him. Shaking his head, I saw Nathan’s lip curl with distaste. ‘I only carried on doing it each year because Nicholas enjoyed it.’ Sucking in a huge breath, Nathan released it through his lips and sat back in his seat, staring blindly out of the windscreen. ‘My mum always said she’d cooked the Christmas dinner, but I’d see the Tesco’s containers in the bin afterward, so she obviously lied.’ Another huge sigh escaped his lips, ‘So much about them was bullshit. I struggle now to know what was real.’ Lifting a hand he ran it across his face as if trying to remove the tainted memories from his mind.
‘So,’ he said decisively, as if internally deciding that he’d had enough reminiscing for one day. ‘Is there anything I need to know about today?’
‘Like what?’ I asked, confused about his odd question. It was Christmas Day; we would eat, drink, and get merry, what else was there to know?
‘Any festive traditions I need to adhere to? Routines? House rules?’ It was a fairly simple question, but his addition of the word ‘rules’ once again made me think of the boy he used to be, disciplined to within an inch of his life, confused, craving love but finding nothing but punishments and rules everywhere he looked. It made me feel sick to my stomach, and I wished for about the hundredth time that I’d punched his father that day I’d met him.
Thinking hard, I shrugged. ‘Nothing major, we open our presents after lunch and when we eat two people get to snap the wishbone from the turkey. The person with the biggest half makes a wish, but I think that’s fairly standard. Oh, and my mum likes to watch the Queen’s speech at three. That’s about it.’ I shook my head and smiled, ‘No house rules either,’ I added, immediately feeling Nathan tense next to me.
‘None?’ His question was reed thin, his face completely pale and absorbed by my answer as I shook my head. God, this was horrible, this conversation had been a real eye opener. I’d known Nicholas had it bad when they were growing up, but from what he’d said today it sounds like Nathan’s childhood had just been one long string of rules, strictness, and being made to feel inadequate. Licking my lips I tried to stay strong for him, but it was no wonder my fella was a bit obsessive and set in his ways.
I suddenly felt so damn melancholy and it was Christmas Day for goodness sakes! Trying to rid myself of the sudden gloom that had descended around us I gave myself a small shake and took a deep breath. ‘You ready?’ I asked with a smile that I hoped was convincing. Nodding his head Nathan went to get out of the car but first paused to look at me. ‘Can I just have a minute in the car alone?’ he asked, and I immediately knew he wanted to do one of his calming countdowns before facing the Marsden clan in all their glory. This really was a big deal for him, and the fact that he was willing to go through it for me just made my heart swell with love for him even further.
Leaning across the car I placed a soft kiss on his lips. It had meant to be a reassuring, chaste kiss, but Nathan suddenly ran a hand into my hair, gripped hard, and pressed his tongue into my mouth in an almost desperate act which made tingles rush to the back of my neck. Where had that come from? Pulling back I blinked several times as I struggled to focus on anything other than the chills of desire coursing through my system.
‘Of course,’ I finally stuttered, before sliding out of the car on wobbly legs.
When Nathan appeared from the car a minute or so later he was like a different man – still a little nervy perhaps, but his earlier sadness was gone, or certainly well hidden at least. Grabbing my hand he winked at me and nodded, but I think I was just gawking up at him because of that wink. Crikey, that been quite something.
‘All set.’ He waggled a posh bottle of champagne at me, slid his fingers into mine, and we set off up my parents’ driveway to the front door and its elaborate holly wreath. Ringing the doorbell I heard a commotion of voices behind the door, which was slightly odd because we only had a small family – Mum, Dad, me, and Simon – and I was fairly sure my brother had said he wouldn’t be arriving until about two o’clock.
‘Hi Love! Merry Christm … oh!’ My mum’s words faded away as her smiling face settled on Nathan at my side and her eyebrows rose. I’m not sure if I was verging on hysteria after the tension and confessions in the car, but Mum’s reaction to Nathan made me want to double over and belly laugh. Her expression now could only be described as ‘slack jawed astonishment,’ as she stood on the doorstep clinging onto the frame for dear life. Her eyes were already as wide as saucers, but they expanded even further when she noticed the furious grip Nathan had on my hand and the bottle of real champagne he was offering her.
Bless her, stunned didn’t even go halfway to describing the look on Mum’s face as she clearly struggled to take in the handsome man by my side. Suddenly behind her appeared Kenny, grinning from ear to ear and poking his head over her shoulder with a wiggle his eyebrows. ‘Merry Christmas, folks!’ he said in a fake booming tone, obviously attempting his best imitation of Santa Claus. Ah, so that explained the excited voices I’d heard earlier then. Kenny could be rather boisterous when he wanted. ‘Roll your tongue in, Mrs M!’ he said on a giggle as he poked Mum in the ribs, making her jump and then flush with embarrassment as she turned back to Nathan and I.
‘Mum, this is Nathan. Nathan, this is my mum, Susan.’
The look on Mum’s face was still highly amusing, but after a few more seconds she managed to re-engage her brain, set her features again, and smile. The only clue that she was still flustered was when she spoke and the rest of her greetings came out all in one long, excitable, and slightly repetitive sentence. ‘Merry Christmas! You must call me Sue. Gosh, what a nice surprise! Nathan, it’s lovely to meet you. Merry Christmas! Come on in out of the cold!’ Rolling my lips together to prevent me from openly laughing, I looked up to see the bewildered look on Nathan’s face as he stood there stiff and uncertain. He did at least have a small smile on his face, which was one good thing.
Once we were inside and my mum had gotten herself together a bit she ushered us into the lounge. The tree looked fabulous as always, stockings hung from the fireplace, and I immediately felt myself relax and smile at the fond familiarity of the scene. Kenny immediately took the best seat by the fire and started to chomp on a bowl of salted peanuts while watching us all with glee. It was like he was at the bloody cinema waiting for the dramatic bit of the film to happen.
‘Martin, this is Nathan. Stella’s
friend
. Come and say hello,’ Mum told my dad before flashing a very unsubtle look at Nathan and I and wiggling her eyebrows. God, she was like the mother out of bloody
Bridget Jones
. The way she said ‘friend’ was hilarious, but luckily, Dad was his usual calm self, shaking hands with Nathan before indicating out of the window with his thumb. ‘Nice car, Nathan. Good drive over?’
Nathan engaged in some brief talk with my dad about his Audi whilst Mum fussed about taking my coat and grinning at me before leaning in and whispering, ‘He’s a very nice-looking young man, Stella.’
Rolling my eyes at her excitement I couldn’t help but return her smile and nod. She knew I was seeing someone, I’d said as much on the phone, but as far as Mum knew it was all quite a recent thing. Given the irregular nature of my initial relationship with Nathan I’d decided to keep fairly quiet about him at first, but now things seemed to be smoothing out and the ‘real’ couple thing was going well, I’d dropped his name into conversation a few times during our recent chats.
With regards to Christmas though, I’d said I was probably bringing a friend with me, but being concerned that Nathan might change his mind and back out of the family gathering at the last minute I hadn’t wanted to get her hopes up, so I’d stayed vague about exactly who my guest might be.
‘Santa Baby’ suddenly burst from Kenny’s phone and after letting out a whoop of joy he shot from the room with a blush that I took to mean it was someone important calling. Probably a new fella. Mum took Nathan’s coat and handed them both to my dad to hang up before heading into the kitchen. Now it was just Nathan and I in the lounge along with the soft sound of Christmas carols coming from the radio and the crackling of the fire. Even though it was calm the next few seconds were an exceptionally entertaining experience as I watched Nathan’s behaviour in the unfamiliar surroundings of my parents’ house. Bless him. He really didn’t seem to know what to do with himself as he shifted restlessly on the spot and constantly tugged at the cuffs of his shirt.
To be honest he hadn’t exactly helped himself. Instead of dressing casually like I’d told him to, he’d insisted on fully doing himself out in a suit. Not just any suit either, but one of his full-on-knock-em-dead-good-enough-to-eat grey three piece suits complete with done-up buttons and a navy blue silk tie. Now that his coat was gone I was admittedly struggling to tear my eyes away from him.
The rest of us were slightly more casual; Dad had smart trousers paired with a polo shirt, Mum was in a skirt and nice top, and I had a shirt dress over some leggings, but we were nowhere near as smart as Nathan, so he stood out just a tiny little bit as he loitered slightly awkwardly by the fireplace in my parents’ living room watching the flames flicker.
‘Well, what a lovely start to Christmas!’ my mum said as she re-entered the room, her eyes twinkling as she only just held in her obvious excitement at seeing me with a man. ‘Would you like some bubbly?’ she asked, before frowning and glancing at her watch, ‘Actually, it might be a bit early for that … how about a cup of tea, love?’ This question was directed toward Nathan and I immediately saw the brief look of horror that crossed his face as he flashed me a desperate glance that once again almost had me doubling over with laughter. Nathan didn’t drink tea,
ever
, only coffee, and only then if it was proper coffee, but it was clear from his face that he was desperately trying to be polite and avoid upsetting my mum. My poor man, he was so out of his depth in an everyday, normal family situation. The fact that he found this all so odd briefly made my chest compress with hurt for him as our conversation in the car rushed back to my mind, but knowing there was nothing I could do to change this past, I instead focused on making this day as pleasant an experience as possible for him.
‘Actually, Nathan doesn’t drink tea, Mum, just coffee.’ But then imagining the look of revulsion that would grace his perfect face if mum presented him with a cup of instant coffee – God forbid – I smirked and quickly added, ‘Can I put the
cafetière
on?’
‘Well, why not, it is Christmas after all! There’s some Harrods chocolate biscuits in the tin if you want one,’ my mum said as she continued to grin broadly at my dad and then flash really unsubtle looks at Nathan. God, could she be any more obvious?
