Authors: Sara Douglass
Faraday reached down and took one of Azhure's hands in both of hers, rubbing it with her thumbs, gently, soothingly. "Now," she smiled. "I also need to know what happened. Tell me. Believe me, it will help if you talk about it."
Her touch comforted Azhure, and slowly, very slowly, her words heavy and awkward, she began to tell Faraday what had happened that morning.
"Wait," Faraday stopped her after only a few minutes. "Did you know what you were doing to that Gryphon?" Her thumbs continued to stroke the back of Azhure's hand.
Azhure shook her head. "No. It attacked. I was terrified. I was sure that Caelum and I would die. I had...I had no weapons. It lunged for us, and I raised my arm to protect myself," she lifted her free arm slightly to show Faraday the open tear that ran down the fleshy part of her lower arm, "and the creature tore into me with its beak. The pain, the terror, something...something broke inside of me. Something...opened. Faraday." Her eyes widened, pleading for understanding. "I don't know what I did! I am not WolfStar! Why should Axis think that I was? WhyV"Shush, sweetheart," Faraday comforted, stroking the damp hair back from Azhure's brow. Faraday quietly told Azhure what StarDrifter had told them outside, and Azhure stared disbelieving at the woman before her.
"Oh," she said, inadequately. Had they doubted her that long?
"Azhure. What happened in the chamber below? I need to know, and you need to talk about it."
Azhure was silent for a long time, but Faraday was patient, and waited, holding Azhure's hand in one of hers, lifting the other to stroke the woman's hair, soothing, calming, quieting. Eventually, Azhure began to speak.
She spoke of Axis' anger, of his sudden revulsion, of his violence. It had reminded her, she said, of the man she had called her father, Hagen. She spoke of the nightmare that began on the top of Spiredore and continued in the interrogation chamber. Of the pain and the fear and the terrible aloneness she had felt when Axis had started to tear her mind apart in his efforts to find where WolfStar lurked.
And then the same thing that had happened when the Gryphon attacked.
Something inside of her had...snapped. released.
"And it hasn't completely closed even now, Faraday. I can still feel something in the darkness there, calling to me."
"We will talk about that later," Faraday said gently. "Just tell me what happened next."
Azhure told Faraday of the vision she and Axis had shared. Of her mother's horrible death at Hagen's hands as he sought to discover the identity of Azhure's father.
"I can remember so much now, Faraday," Azhure whispered. "I remember that my wings had started to sprout some five or six weeks earlier. Mama had smiled and laughed when she saw them one day as she bathed me, and said they were a gift from my father, but she tried to hide them from Hagen. As they grew larger she would bind them to my back with a great linen bandage so my back would appear flat. But one day Hagen came home unexpectedly, and found me sitting on Mama's lap, the bandages undone and my back exposed."
Azhure's eyes were dark with guilt. "Oh, Faraday! It was my fault! I had complained that the bandages itched, and Mama had taken them down to scratch my back."
Faraday eyes filled with tears. "Go on."
Haltingly, Azhure told of how Hagen had come at her with his knife, day after day, determined to cut any remnants of the wings from her back. "Weeks it went on," Azhure whispered so low that Faraday had to bend down to hear her.
"Weeks. Every morning Hagen would inspect my back. And if he saw anything...anything...that looked wing-like, then he simply cut it out."
Faraday was appalled. "Didn't the neighbours suspect? Didn't they ask what was going on?"
Azhure shook her head. "Hagen told them that Mama had run away with a pedlar - he buried her body secretly one night - and that I was sick with a simple fever. Sometimes one of the village women would come in with food, but even if they saw the bloody bandages on my back, they never asked what was going on. They believed whatever Hagen told them." She paused, then spoke again.
"Even I came to believe the story that Mama had run off in the night with the pedlar. It was less painful, safer, believing that than the truth I had witnessed."
Faraday was almost overcome by her anger. Damn them! They must have realised what had happened! How hadAzhure survived her life in Smyrton without going mad?
"I survived by becoming what Hagen wanted," Azhure said. "I lived the lie that he wanted. I became as normal as I could. It was the only way to survive —
whenever Hagen thought that I acted in any way...'strange'...then he would beat me until I screamed for forgiveness. I learned not to...not to use ..."
"Not to use what, Azhure?" Faraday asked. This was an important moment.
Azhure had to admit to who, to what, she was.
"Not to use my powers," Azhure finally whispered, and her head swivelled to look at Faraday again. "Faraday, Mama said that I was a child of the gods. That I had to seek the answer on Temple Mount to find out who I was."
"And so you shall," Faraday said. "But something tells me that you may find some of the answers well before you step onto Temple Mount. No, wait, Azhure.
Later. Now I must do something about your back. Did it break open again during your vision this morning?"
Azhure nodded. "As I relived those weeks at Hagen's hands as he tore the wings from my back time and time again - oh Faraday! They were so determined to reform! So resolved! - so the scars on my back opened again."
"Well now." Faraday smiled. "Your Enchanter Lover has singularly failed to help your pain, but I think that the Mother will be able to help a little."
Faraday stood and moved around to the other side of the bed, noticing as she did so that both Axis and Caelum had fallen asleep in the chair on the far side of the room.
"Let me tell you about the Mother," Faraday said softly, gently lifting the rough bandages that Axis had laid in a few places and inspecting Azhure's back.
As she did so she talked about the Mother, her voice as soothing as her hands.
Azhure closed her eyes and listened. Faraday spoke of wondrous things. Of Groves and Woods and fairy creatures. Of old women and strange gardens. Of the Mother herself and of her love for all nature and for the earth. Raum had told Azhure very little about the Sacred Grove, and what Axis had told her had only frightened her, but now Faraday's words made Azhure realise what a remarkable place Faraday had discovered.
Faraday's words slowed and her eyes glowed with power. Slowly, slowly, she began to dig her hands into Azhure s back.
Azhure stiffened, almost crying out with the excruciating pain that Faraday's probing fingers caused her, but Faraday continued to talk and Azhure clung to her words, using them as an anchor for her sanity. The room swam as she came close to fainting, but Faraday's voice strengthened, and Azhure managed to hold on to consciousness.
Gradually the pain receded and Azhure s back grew warm. Her body relaxed and she felt strength flow through her. Faraday's hands felt good. For a long time she lay there, feeling Faraday's hands, listening to her voice.
"Your wings are gone," Faraday said suddenly, breaking her tale of the Enchanted Woods and the Mother. "Hagen did a thorough task. I cannot bring them back for you."
The wings had caused her so much pain that Azhure truly did not care that they were gone for good.
Faraday was silent now as her hands traced long, lazy strokes down Azhure's back from shoulders to buttocks. There was no pain at all. Azhure closed her eyes and let her whole body relax against Faraday's touch.
"Come," Faraday eventually said, rolling Azhure over onto her back. "Let's get you out of what remains of this nightgown and wash you down. You are smeared all over with blood."
As she sat up and pulled the nightgown over her shoulders Azhure realised that her back was completely healed. She could not even feel the tug and pull of the ridged scars that had been with her for over twenty years.
Faraday found some clean, warm water set by the fire and washed Azhure down. She smiled her warm, lovely smile and Azhure suddenly laughed.
"Thank you," she said and grasped Faraday's hands momentarily. "Thank you."
"I have sometimes thought that I have lived a troublesome life these past two years," Faraday said quietly. "But I find that my own pain has been nothing compared to what you have suffered most of your life. Azhure, we both find ourselves at a crossroads here this day. It is the first time we have met, and we have so much to say each to the other, yet we must both continue on our way. I think that, after so much pain, you will walk a road into joy and happiness, while I ..." Faraday dropped her eyes. "I think that I will find yet more pain before I find happiness again."
"Faraday," Azhure pleaded. "I am so sorry for what I have done. I would have given anything that I was not here, not standing between you and Axis."
"Hush," Faraday said. "We are all caught in this damned and cruel Prophecy.
None of us can escape. I do not blame you for what has happened, although,"
Faraday's eyes and voice grew bitter, "I fault Axis for the way he has behaved.
He has treated us both harshly. He is quick to action, a quality usually commendable in a fighting man, but not when combined with his temper and that streak of cruelty he sometimes displays."
She stroked Azhure's cheek. "I would that we became friends. I have seen the pain you have suffered, and I know that you will understand what I will have to go through."
"I would be proud to call you my friend," Azhure whispered.
"Come now," Faraday smiled. "No tears between friends. No recriminations.
That we both love Axis is our misfortune, as is the fact that the man cannot choose between us." She sighed. "Azhure. I will leave. No, hush, let me finish. I would have left anyway. I have my own role to play in the Prophecy and it will take me far from here. I will leave you your Lover, and envy you your Lover, Azhure. I had him a week, and that week I will have to treasure for a lifetime."
She looked down at Azhure s swollen belly. "You make such beautiful children, you and Axis."
Azhure wrapped her hands about her belly. Had her babies been harmed?
"No," Faraday said softly. "They are well, although they would have experienced what you and Axis saw this morning, and I do not know how that will affect them." She paused, as if debating whether or not to go on, then shook her head slightly and closed her mouth.
Azhure relaxed. "A son and a daughter, StarDrifter told me," she smiled.
"Axis must awaken them for me. Sing to them what they must know."
"But you can teach them as well as he. Azhure," Faraday said, her voice a little more serious. "You are an Icarii Enchanter yourself, after all."
Azhure's mouth dropped open.
Faraday patted her on the cheek. "Sit and think about that for a moment, and, in a few days' time, when Axis awakens them and you have some quiet, you can teach those babies as much as their father. Now, if I rummage about in the closet I am sure that I can find something for you to wear."
An Icarii Enchanter, Azhure thought numbly. No. No, no, no, no - I do not want to be an Icarii Enchanter. I want to be Azhure. Azhure. That's all. I do not want to be an Icarii Enchanterl "Small choice," said Faraday, coming back with a linen nightgown and a crimson wrap. "You are what your father made you."
"My father?"
"One of the gods, your mother said?" Faraday quirked an eyebrow. "What a night that must have been when the gods got you on your mother."
"I have so much to learn," Azhure said quietly.
"And many, many years in which to learn it."
The full implication of what Faraday said took a moment to sink in. "Oh!"
Azhure cried, and her hands went to her mouth. She stared at Faraday, her blue eyes wide.
"Many years," Faraday smiled, "in which to enjoy your Lover and watch your children grow. Azhure." She sat down on the bed beside Azhure. "I would that you do something for me."
"Anything!" Azhure said fiercely.
"Azhure. Love Axis for me. Raise his children for me. All of them." Her tone and expression was a little strange when Faraday said the last, but Azhure did not notice it. "Remember me to the children. Tell them of Faraday, who loved their father and who is your friend. Tell them of the Mother. Azhure, when I leave I will go to fulfil my place in the Prophecy."
"Faraday —"
"I walk a strange road ahead," Faraday continued. "But I do not want to lose the friendship that I have made here today. Azhure, you and I will meet again over the next months."
Azhure frowned. "How - ?" she started to ask, but Faraday hushed her.
"We will find a way, you and I. And perhaps, if I find the opportunity, I shall take you to the Sacred Grove. Icarii Enchanters are rarely welcome in the Sacred Grove, but for you I think the Mother and the Horned Ones, as Raum, would be delighted to make an exception. There are wonders there beyond imagining, Azhure, and I would like to show them to you. But, wherever, however, we will visit from time to time, perhaps you can bring your children occasionally."
Azhure looked at the beautiful woman sitting beside her, and felt totally insignificant. "Faraday," she said. "Thank you."
Faraday touched Azhure's cheek gently, briefly. "I am glad to have found friendship with you, Azhure. Now," her tone became brisk. "Lie down and sleep a while. You will need to rest a good deal over the next few weeks and months, I think. Perhaps until your children are born. Sleep."
Azhure lay down and closed her eyes.
Faraday sat with her for a long time, looking at the woman, occasionally stroking her hair as she slept.
You have a long and amazing journey before you, she thought, as has Axis, as have I. Pray, that after all the pain behind us and before us, at least some of us survive it.
Finally Faraday stood up, smoothing her gown over her knees. She walked to where Axis and Caelum slept, both sprawled out in the chair.
"Axis," she said softly, kneeling down by the side of the chair.