Elliot and the Last Underworld War (13 page)

Then as loudly as he could, he said, “The only one you want is me. If you leave these creatures alone, I’ll let you take me to Kovol.”

The Shadow Men stopped in midair. Only a few hundred creatures remained uncursed.

“No, Your Highness.” Fudd stood and yelled to the Shadow Men, “Take me!”

“Or me!” Mr. Willimaker said.

They were joined in chorus by dozens of other creatures, each volunteering himself in place of Elliot.

Smoke instantly filled the room, making it even darker than pitch black. (Who knew that was even possible?) Elliot heard the thuds of bodies falling to the ground around him, and everything went silent. As the air gradually cleared, Elliot looked around the cave. Every other creature who had escaped being turned to stone had fallen on the ground. It looked like they were asleep, but they were moaning and shivering.

“What did you do?” Elliot yelled at the Shadow Men.

“A cold coma,” the Shadow Men said in unison. “We pulled all the heat from their bodies.”

“Well, give it back! I said I would go to Kovol
if
you left everyone alone.”

Every Shadow Man in the cave, hundreds of them, laughed with one single laugh. Then together, all of them said, “Oh, but you will go to Kovol. He’s ready for you now.”

They began swirling around Elliot, choking off his air again. But this time there was no one to save him. His second-to-last thought was how tired he was of Kovol’s army doing this, as if they didn’t know any other tricks. It was like being a great pianist but knowing only one song. Elliot’s last thought was that he was about to pass out, and that when he awoke again, he’d be facing Kovol as his prisoner.

Oddly, when Elliot woke up, he was
not
facing Kovol, or even the Shadow Men. He was facing a tree, which as everyone knows is much less dangerous than an evil Demon and his army. He was also tied up and hanging upside down, which was a bigger problem. It was the sort of thing Tubs had done to him plenty of times. Elliot felt all the blood in his body rushing from his feet to his head, which he hoped would be a good thing. He figured since blood was important for living, it was probably just as important for thinking. And thinking was exactly what Elliot wanted to do right now. Besides, as long as he was tied up this way, he really had nothing better to do other than think.

As nice as the tree was to look at, Elliot twisted his body around to get a different view. He couldn’t be certain, because things always look different when you’re upside down, but he was pretty sure he was somewhere in the woods behind his house. Which meant Kovol was also here, or he would be soon.

Elliot thought about calling for help, but nobody would be this deep into the woods, especially not this late in the day. And he didn’t know how he would explain what was happening, even if he did get someone to come.

Dear Reader, as one of the great coincidences of all time, the great adventurer Diffle McSnug was in these very woods only five minutes before Elliot arrived. Although Diffle has had many wonderful adventures, including his most recent trip down the rapids of the Nile River while balanced on a crocodile’s back, Diffle has read the books of Elliot’s earlier adventures and was very distressed to realize he was not a character anywhere in them!

So in the effort to make himself a character once and for all, Diffle came to the woods behind Elliot’s house, sure that if he looked hard enough, he would find Elliot in great need of help. Once he rescued Elliot, he was sure to finally be made a character.

Unfortunately, Elliot was still in the Underworld at the time. Diffle forgot to look for him there, perhaps because he didn’t know
how
to check the Underworld. Diffle can do many great things, but, alas, he cannot poof. Nor can he curl his tongue, but that’s really not important right now. Diffle had left the woods only five minutes before Kovol brought Elliot here as his prisoner. Sadly, Elliot was, in fact, very much in need of help.

Since Diffle missed his chance to help Elliot, the decision by the Committee on Character Placement is that Diffle will not be admitted as a character in this or any other book about Elliot. After all his troubles, Diffle still needs to get his own book. Poor Diffle.

And poor Elliot! He just had to wait through an entire story about someone who isn’t even a character in this book. Still upside down, and still all alone, with no chance for escape.

Or could he?

Because Elliot remembered he had Pixie magic. Most readers might think if they had Pixie magic, it wouldn’t be the sort of thing they’d forget, whether they were hanging upside down or not. But Elliot had a good excuse. After all, he was facing the end of the world, which was partly his own fault since he did wake up Kovol. And if you recall, he’d only had the Sahara Desert sandwich for lunch, so he was also a little hungry. In other words, he’d had a hard day. Also, all the blood in his body was rushing to his head, so his thoughts were starting to get really crowded, and the thought about Pixie magic was stuck way in the back, where it had almost been forgotten.

With Pixie magic, escaping would be simple. All he had to do was poof away. Then maybe hide in the bushes until Kovol came and saw that his trap was empty. Elliot thought he’d love to see the expression on Kovol’s face. He’d be so angry, he’d start ripping whole bushes right out of the ground…wait, now that Elliot had a chance to think about it, hiding in a bush was a terrible idea.

Elliot closed his eyes and told his body to poof out of the ropes. But nothing happened. He closed his eyes even tighter, and this time he ordered—no, he
demanded
that his body poof away. Again nothing happened.

“It’s because I’m Kovol’s prisoner,” Elliot muttered. “Well, that’s dumb.”

But he wasn’t finished yet. Maybe he couldn’t poof away, but that didn’t mean he had to stay here, tied up and helpless. He closed his eyes and imagined he was tied up with licorice ropes. Elliot planned to eat his way free—and get a yummy snack too! It was a perfect escape plan.

But as hard as he tried to make it happen, his ropes remained as they were, and Elliot remained stuck. However, he was able to poof in a piece of licorice to snack on while he thought of a new plan. So his Pixie magic wasn’t completely useless.

Then Elliot’s eyes widened. He might be trapped here, unable to use magic to free himself, but there were still things he could do.

“Patches!” he hissed. “Patches, I need you!”

Instantly, Patches appeared and hugged his face, the only part of him she could reach. “There you are! Kovol must have found some way to block us from finding you.” She frowned. “Are you okay? Your face is really red.”

“All my blood is in my head right now. But that’s okay. It’s helping me think…or I think it’s helping me think.”

With a shrug, she said, “If you say so. And where’s everyone else? They haven’t come back from Demon Territory yet. The creatures who stayed behind are getting worried.”

“That’s why I need your help. I need you to find Agatha the Hag. Most of the creatures who were fighting with me in Demon Territory are in Kovol’s cave. Agatha’s the only one I know with a light bright enough to hold off the Shadow Men, if they’re still there.” He didn’t want to tell Patches how the Shadow Men had left most of the creatures as stone statues, and others, like her father, in cold comas. Or that the creatures were all Kovol’s prisoners now and couldn’t escape, even if Agatha was somehow able to heal them. But he had left Agatha the note in the dirt to look for the orange rock. She would know what to do. Elliot looked back to Patches. “Ask Agatha if she’ll go to that cave and see if she can help.”

“Okay, but what about you?” Patches asked.

“Can you cut me down?”

“Not while you’re Kovol’s prisoner,” she said. “But when I come back, I’ll help you fight him.”

“No, don’t come back,” Elliot said. “I’ll figure things out here on my own.”

As soon as Patches was gone, Elliot looked around the area, trying to figure out other ways to use his magic against Kovol. He couldn’t think of any decent ideas. Even if he did know a good trick, there was always the chance that it would backfire and make things worse.

Maybe Elliot had been wrong about all the blood in his head helping him think. Thinking was actually getting pretty hard. Also, his feet were beginning to complain about not getting their fair share of blood.

Only one thought had worked its way through Elliot’s brain, the one idea that might be the perfect trick against Kovol. Elliot twisted around until he found the exact spot he was looking for, then closed his eyes and made his idea happen. There was no way to tell if it would work. And it wouldn’t do him much good unless he was able to get out of this rope.

He squirmed and kicked and tried to think himself thinner. But none of it worked.

Being Kovol’s prisoner was starting to get old.

When Kovol finally returned for Elliot, he seemed to be in a worse mood than usual. At least he snorted a lot, and stomped his feet, and had this low growl that wasn’t too different from the way Reed sounded on days he had to wake up extra early for school. It was no surprise to Elliot that Kovol was in a bad mood. Ever since he’d become king, Elliot had noticed that bad moods were normal for evil creatures. And if they were in good moods, it was probably because one of their evil plans was going well. So the bad mood didn’t bother Elliot nearly as much as a good mood would.

“It sounds like destroying Earth is a lot tougher than you thought it would be,” Elliot said. He figured that he and Kovol might as well have some conversation.