Eliza's Shadow (11 page)

“But why?” I whispered plaintively.

“Shadows can be convincing and sometimes they’re
able to suck a victim into their dreamlike realm if the prey is weak. I guess
this particular Shadow learned a lesson tonight when you fought back and
escaped.” He said with a shrug.

“Yet, it’s strange that this thing keeps sending
its Shadow time and again. You would have thought it learned its lesson years
ago.” He said rubbing his chin in puzzlement.

“In any case, without knowing what’s behind the
Shadow or its motive for hunting you there’s no way to tell when it will stop.”
He exhaled and shook his head.

“Oh, what do they want from me?” I groaned with
frustration.

“I don’t know, Eliza… but I can help in one way.”
He said shifting his eyes from my face slyly.

“I know, for certain, you’re safe, at least for
the next two to three days. We have time to make a plan.” He said confidently.

“Really? How do you know? Have you ever had a problem,
you know, like a Shadow?” I asked hopeful that he could prove by experience
that such a problem could be remedied.

“Well, no, I’ve never had anything hunt me aside
from lions but that’s a different story.” He said matter-of-factly rolling his
eyes. Then his tone turned more instructive.

“As for defeating the Shadow, there is something
to keep in mind. You are stronger than you know. Your powers, despite being
hidden, have been growing in strength. What that also means is that the Shadow
can attack you with more force than when you were younger.”

“Do you think that’s why the attack felt so real
this time?” I asked horrified.

“Most likely.” Ren grimaced.

“That’s the unfortunate side effect of shrouding
spells. They mask abilities from everyone, even the witch. Instead of gradually
growing accustomed to your powers you have been completely shielded. Learning
to control yourself now will undoubtedly be a chore.” His eyes looked distant
as if contemplating the work we had ahead of us.

“Do you think there’s a chance that I won’t be
able to learn to control my powers?” I asked nervously.

“Eliza, if what you’re asking is, ‘Are there
mentally unsound, feral witches out there?’ the answer is yes. But there is no
reason for you to become one of them. It isn’t called a craft for nothing.
You’ll have to work, as I do too, every day to understand your power, tame it,
and control yourself. If you don’t make the decision to accept this task your
powers will start controlling you more than you can control them. Those that
allow that to happen do not live pleasant existences.” Ren’s voice trailed.

Tension ignited the air around us. His warning
felt like a challenge to me that I didn’t appreciate. I’d reached out to him
for consolation, in response he revealed more than I could absorb at such a
late hour. The emotions I tried to hide began to rise, powerfully from the pit
of my stomach. My reserve cracked.

“Are you alright?” Ren asked suddenly alarmed.

“Am I alright? A week ago, I had a normal life.
Boring maybe, but I knew myself and had a pretty good idea of what to expect.
Over the last few days, my sensory system has gone crazy every time you get
close to me, I’ve been drenched by a wave I
told
to appear, and attacked by an evil Shadow.
Now you’re telling me I might not be able to learn to control myself and doomed
to a miserable life. I’m terrified that any minute these Shadows will suck me
into the swamp and I won’t be able to find my way back. All I know is that I
don’t know anything anymore. So, no, I’m anything but alright!”

Tears flowed freely, soaking my face. My breath
heaved in my chest. Knowing I should feel ashamed for such a childish display
of emotion, over the last evening, I’d traveled too far down a lonely road to
care. Despair penetrated my bones. I was alone in this journey. It was only my
mind, my life that was really at stake.

Wallowing in my own personal black hole, Ren’s
presence faded away, leaving me to face my fear alone. Yet, after a time of
cathartic sobs, warmth encased me. Ren’s arms wrapped firmly around my back
enveloping me in security and sending soothing vibrations through my body. My
head instinctively collapsed against his chest. The smell of his skin, clean
and musky like jasmine and sandalwood took me by surprise. My heart raced. The nearness
of him disabled my ability to think clearly and banished my feelings of
despair.

I could feel his heart beating fast and his hands
tightened around me, exploring the muscles of my back. His breathing sped up
sending a jolt of excitement through me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you... more
than you already are.” He said softly into my hair.

I remained limp unwilling to do anything to sever
the moment between us.

“Please forgive me.” He said apologetically.

“I forgive you.” I choked.

His grip around me loosened. I resisted the urge
to pull him closer.

I looked up.

His face was angled so close to mine that his
halting breath bathed my cheeks. Our eyes locked. Instinctually, I leaned
closer. I was caught in his orbit and all I wanted was to crash into him. His
hands flexed and slipped down, to rest on my waist, pressing into the skin.
With my hands on his back, I gently pulled him down, urging him closer to me.

He sank down easily, responding to my touch. We
hovered close, our breath mingling hot between us, our eyes fixed on each other
in anticipation.

Then suddenly, his brow furrowed and his eyes
clouded with conflict. He blinked and drew in a breath, sucking mine away from
me. He pulled away.

“We can’t, Eliza.” He said softly, looking
tortured.

I blushed, embarrassed and shocked. I’d let my
guard down, shown him my heart and he was rejecting me. I quickly withdrew my
hands and averted my eyes.

He reached out, grasping at the air between us.

“No! Please… it’s not because I don’t want to.” He
said apologetically.

I looked up, searching his face for meaning.

“I’m your pharos. It’s a rule… Nan warned me of
it. She said the Heka Council strictly prohibits anything beyond friendship
between a pharos and their protected witch. We’d get in a lot of trouble… if
anyone knew.” He explained sadly.

Too mortified and disappointed to come up with a
response I remained silent.

Ren took a step forward and reached out letting
his hand run the length of my arm.

I shrugged off his touch.

“No… it’s ok. I understand. It’s just
embarrassing. That’s all.” I mumbled, the blood pounding in my head.

We stood close in awkward silence. At once, I
wished nothing had ever happened and rejoiced that it had. At least now I knew.
He wanted me too, even if it was a risk he wasn’t willing to take.

Ren’s hand reached gently for me and I allowed his
fingers to tangle with mine.

I looked up to find a hangdog smile on his lips
and longing in his eyes.

I couldn’t help but smile shyly in return.

“Friends then?” I offered with a resigned sigh.

Ren drew in a breath, his eyes filled with
conflict but before he could respond we were startled by the sound of footsteps
echoing in the hall outside the door. A key turned in the lock and in an
instant, Jane’s golden face appeared in the entryway.

9

Morning light beamed
through the crack in the curtains of my window. I watched dust particles float
gently in the ray of light and struggled to render myself from a deep sleep.
Details from the night slowly resurfaced.

The scent memory of Ren’s skin tickled my nose and
warmed my skin. I thought of his hands, the comfort of his arms and his breath
on my cheeks. No. I pushed my growing desire for him away. It wasn’t possible
and I had to accept that. He was my pharos… and my friend. That had to be
enough.

Clinging to that thought, I rolled out of bed and
stumbled toward the bathroom. The hot water of the shower smoothed the tension
in my neck and loosened my limbs. My thoughts turned to Jane.

Naturally, she had been quite shocked and unhappy
to discover me at such a late hour, halfway locked in an embrace with Ren, my
face streaked and eyes swollen from crying. Ren had acted quickly apologizing
for staying so late. He made a point to compliment Jane on her photographs,
which allowed me the time to come up with the excuse that I had gotten in a
fight with Pete and that Ren had driven me home from the concert.

It was a weak alibi. Jane was well aware of Pete’s
mild temperament. The idea of a fight so intense that I would ask someone else
for a ride home was fishy. That I would be so upset to cry hours later must
have seemed even stranger but it was all I could conjure on the spot. It wasn’t
the circumstance that would bother Jane the most it was the obvious lie and the
question of what was I hiding?

Lying to Jane turned my stomach in knots but
telling her the truth was out of the question. Not only was it murky and
confusing, I worried that it could expose her to some kind of danger. Until I
understood more, I couldn’t risk pulling her into my mess.

Still, it would be very difficult. I could tell
from the expression on her face that she only accepted my explanation because
it was late and she didn’t want to get into a deep discussion in Ren’s
presence. Alone, she would grill me. I had never in all my time with Jane
crossed her or given her reason to distrust me but I feared that now, doubt
would enter our relationship.

After the shower, I quickly slipped out of the
bathroom and into my room managing to avoid meeting Jane in the hall. I dressed
slowly, dragging out the time before facing her. Finally, summoning strength, I
strode toward the great room.

I caught Jane’s eye immediately. She stood working
at the kitchen counter. Purple crescents hung warily below her eyes. The deep
hurt clouding her face struck me. I had never seen her like that before. We
gazed intensely at each other for some time, my lie, her knowledge of my lie,
stretched across the space between us.

My heart pounded uncomfortably in my burning
chest. Acid welled up my throat. She didn’t move. Her lips pursed in a line
waiting for me to say something.

As time lapsed, her eyes bored into my soul and my
anxiety mounted. I tried to concentrate on generating a way to soothe the
tension but the hurt plastered on Jane’s face and the expectation hanging in
the air muddled my thinking.

With my anxiety rising to the level of panic, the
desire that she would simply forget the night before quickly dominated my
thoughts. The idea raced like a carousel around and around in my mind.

Forget… forget… forget…

I tried to ignore the ridiculous notion but the
stream of concentration gained strength and speed. My breath matched the rhythm
of the cyclical wish. My vision grew dim, narrowing to a tunnel with Jane’s
face on the other side. My palms became sweaty and cold. The speed of the
carousel increased, my breath and heart pounded sickeningly keeping pace. The
beat echoed in my ears.

Suddenly, Jane’s crystal blue eyes turned as black
as eight balls as her pupils expanded to an unnatural size. I gasped in horror
but she didn’t respond just blankly gazed back at me before shifting her gaze
to the window. The invisible cord that tethered me to her snapped nearly
pitching me to the floor. My heartbeat slowed and I began to breathe normally.
I flexed my hands, feeling weak and spent.

“Eliza, I just don’t understand…” She began with a
sigh then paused. Her brow furrowed. Her gaze fixed on the sky beyond the window
dropped to the kitchen counter.

Then, like a cleansing wind coursing through the
room, she laughed. When she lifted her eyes to me again, they were vacantly
bewildered but once again clear blue. Fearfully, I forced myself to meet her
blank gaze and knew instantly. It worked.

“That’s strange. I know I had something important
to talk to you about but...” her voice trailed, “it just slipped my mind… what
was it?” Jane shook her head lightly in frustration tapping her fingernails on
the counter.

After a few minutes of silence, she shrugged. “Oh
well, I’m sure if it’s that important, I’ll remember it later.” She mumbled.

The pit of my stomach ached as I acknowledged the
power and result of my wicked intention. I crept closer to her. Mounting a
stool at the counter, I observed her carefully for several moments before
breaking the silence.

“So, what’s for breakfast?” my voice cracked.

“Belgian waffles. It’s Saturday, we need something
special to start the day don’t you think?” She responded exuberantly confirming
her complete amnesia.

Shame seared my chest. I studied her face for
signs of harm. It’s for her own good. I attempted to convince myself, though I
couldn’t find the nerve to continue the conversation.

“What are you up to today?” She asked, busily preparing
the batter.

“Oh, uh, I have a lot of homework to catch up on …
then later, I’m going to hang out with Ren.” I mumbled absently. My eyes
flitted around the room unable to focus on the face of my loving aunt.

“You are?!” A wide grin lit her face. Her innocent
interest pelted me with guilt.

“Well, that’s kind of big news. I can’t believe
you didn’t tell me earlier. So is this a date or what?” She probed delicately.

“Not a date. We’re just friends.” I said quickly.

“I’m so happy for you, Eliza.” Jane could hardly
contain herself but mercifully tempered her exuberance.

“Is there any chance you two might be willing to
swing by the restaurant tonight while you’re out? I’d really like to meet this
Ren fellow.”

Jane really didn’t remember, I observed in awe,
staring too long at her expectant face.