Don't Cry (28 page)

“It's rude to keep people waiting,” she had told him as soon as she got in the car, and then she'd pouted all the way to Dr. Woodruff's office.

To make matters worse, his mind had kept wandering during the session, a fact that didn't escape either Zoe's or their counselor's notice. When Dr. Woodruff asked to speak to him privately after the session ended, he prepared himself for a verbal thrashing.

“Look, I apologize for missing a few beats here and there,” J.D. told her. “But there were things that happened today on the cases I'm dealing with, things that I can't simply dismiss from my mind.”

“You don't need to apologize to me, J.D.,” Sally Woodruff said. “You need to apologize to Zoe. You let her down today. She's made remarkable improvement in a very short period of time, due in great part to—”

“To Audrey Sherrod.” J.D. knew better than anyone else the miracles that Audrey had performed with his daughter. Since spending time with Audrey, Zoe had, in many ways, become a different person.

“Yes, I think Audrey is most definitely a positive influence on Zoe, but I was going to say due in great part to your showing her that you're willing to work at improving your father-and-daughter relationship.”

“And today, I dropped the ball, huh?”

“Something like that.” Dr. Woodruff smiled tolerantly. “I understand that your job is important to you and that you're involved in a very high-profile case, but for the one hour that you're here with Zoe, you need to learn to focus solely on your daughter and your relationship with her. Can you do that?”

“Yes, ma'am, I can.” He looked her square in the eye. “And I will.”

They went straight from their therapy session to Audrey's home. The minute they arrived, Zoe rushed straight into the house, hugged Audrey, and disappeared down the hall. She dumped her book bag on the floor, went into the powder room, and slammed the door.

Audrey glared at him questioningly.

“She's upset with me,” J.D. said.

“Do you have time to tell me what happened or are you in a hurry? If you have a date tonight—”

“I don't.” J.D. closed the front door behind him. “I had planned to drop Zoe by here and go back to work, but…” He blew out a perplexed huff. “I take one step forward with her and then two steps back. I'm trying, God knows I'm trying, but Zoe won't cut me any slack. I'm no good at this father-and-daughter stuff.”

Audrey's nonjudgmental expression changed instantly to one of annoyance.

“Don't look at me that way,” he told her.

“What way?” She tilted up her chin and gave him a disapproving glare.

“Like you're as disappointed in me as Zoe is. But damn it, Audrey, it's not my fault that we got a break in the case today, maybe a halfway decent lead, and I had my mind on what it could mean instead of on Zoe during our session with Dr. Woodruff.”

“If it's not your fault, whose fault is it?”

“Huh?”

“I said if it's not—”

“I know what you said,” he told her. “But didn't you hear what I said? My mind was on work because for the first time since Jill Scott showed up dead with a child's skeleton in her arms, we've got a lead that may pay off.”

“I heard you. And I hope whatever happened today will help you find and stop the killer. I understand how important your job is to you. My father's job was always more important to him than my mother was, than I was.” She broke eye contact and cleared her throat. “Is it too much to ask that you give your undivided attention to Zoe for one hour each week? I don't think that's asking for very much, and yet you don't seem to be able to give your daughter even that.”

“I should have known,” J.D. grumbled.

“What?”

“That you'd see things exactly the way Dr. Woodruff does and that you'd be sympathetic to Zoe.”

“Did you honestly think I'd tell you Zoe was being unreasonable and she shouldn't have reacted the way she did?”

“Hell, I don't know what I was thinking.”

“There's no need for you to curse at me.”

“I'm not cursing at you.” He wanted to grab Audrey and shake her. “It's just that I can't deal with Zoe right now. I need to go back to the office tonight and I was hoping you'd look after her for me.”

“I'd be more than happy to look after Zoe.”

“Thanks.” He wished he could make her understand.

“You're quite welcome. I enjoy spending time with Zoe.”

J.D. clenched his teeth. What difference did it make whether or not Audrey understood him?

Hell if I know, but it does.

“Look, tell her that I'm sorry. Tell her…tell her not to give up on me, that I'm doing the best I can and that I'm going to keep trying to do better.”

When he opened the door and stepped out onto the front porch, Audrey followed him. “J.D.?”

“Yeah?” He glanced back at her.

“I'll tell her.”

“Okay, thanks again.”

“You really meant it, didn't you, that you're going to keep trying to do better?”

“Yeah, I meant it. Zoe's turning out to be a pretty great kid and she deserves a halfway decent father, which I haven't been.”

“If you don't finish up at the office until really late tonight, why not let Zoe stay here. And when you leave the office, if…if you need somebody to talk to, you could stop by. I'm a good listener.”

“I may take you up on both offers.”

A really crazy thought went through J.D.'s mind.

I need Audrey as much as Zoe does.

He tromped down the sidewalk toward his Camaro, all the while thinking,
You're an idiot, Cass, a certifiable idiot!

“Is he gone?” Zoe asked as she walked up beside Audrey where she stood in the open doorway watching J.D.'s Camaro until all she could see were the red taillights.

After she closed the front door, she turned and smiled at Zoe. “He went back to work. They got an important lead of some sort today on the Rocking Chair Killer case, and right now, his job requires his full attention.”

“When doesn't it?” Zoe frowned.

Audrey put her arm around Zoe's shoulders and gave her a commiserating hug. “His job is very important to him, and this case he's working on involves people's lives, you know. It's not as if your dad is out there wheeling and dealing in the business world in order to make tons of money or working a regular nine-to-five job that he can forget about when he leaves the office.”

Zoe pulled away and stared up at Audrey. “Are you defending him?”

Audrey smiled. “I'm cutting him some slack.”

Zoe grinned. “His words, not yours. I guess he said that I'm not doing that, not cutting him some slack.”

Audrey nodded. “He said some other things, too.” Audrey inclined her head toward the kitchen. “Let's put together a big salad and warm up some leftover lasagna. And while we're preparing supper, I'll tell you what your dad said.”

Once again, Audrey chose preparing a meal together as a means of normalizing an evening for Zoe. The easy, relaxed atmosphere of working together in the kitchen was just what both she and Zoe needed tonight.

Audrey flipped on the overhead lights in the kitchen and assigned Zoe the task of making the salad. The lasagna was left over from two nights ago, but should still be good, especially if she added some fresh cheese and allowed it to warm slowly in the oven for about twenty minutes instead of popping it into the microwave.

Zoe removed the salad ingredients from the refrigerator and cupboard and placed everything on the counter. “So, tell me, what did my dad say?”

Audrey set the oven temperature to 300 degrees. “He said to tell you that he's sorry.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I believe him.”

“Do you really?”

Audrey nodded.

“Why?” Zoe asked. “Therapist intuition?”

“Yes, that and simple human instinct. I think I know your father well enough to believe he means what he says. And it's the very fact that he's not all that good at diplomacy, at pretending one thing while he feels something else, that tells me he's sincere in wanting to be a better father.”

“Did he say that he wants to be a better father?”

“He did,” Audrey assured her. “He told me to ask you not to give up on him, that he's doing the best he can and that he's going to keep trying to do better.”

Zoe's mouth dropped open and her hands stilled in the middle of slicing a tomato. “So, I guess you think I shouldn't give up on him, huh?”

“What do you want to do?”

“You know what I want. I want a real family. A mom and dad and a brother and sister and we all love each other and spend loads of time together and…” Zoe snorted softly. “Well, that's really stupid, isn't it?”

“No, I don't think it's stupid at all. It's what every child wants, even when that child is an adult. It's what I always wanted.”

Zoe laid the paring knife on the chopping block beside the tomato slices. “Life sucks, doesn't it?”

“Yes, sometimes it does. But just because we don't have an ideal family doesn't mean we can't be grateful for what we do have. You have a father who is trying to make things work for the two of you. Who knows, if you don't give up on him, you might find yourself with a father who genuinely loves you and wants to spend loads of time with you. You could have a strong father-and-daughter relationship. And it's possible that someday, he'll get married and give you a brother or sister.”

“So, what you're really saying is that J.D. and I have to cut each other some slack if I want him to be a real father to me.”

Audrey smiled. “It would definitely be a step in the right direction.”

Zoe picked up the knife and finished slicing the tomato while Audrey removed a loaf of French bread from the pantry and cut off several pieces.

“I told you that J.D. was married once, didn't I,” Zoe said.

“Hmm…”

“Her name was Erin. He never talks about her. They've been divorced for years and years.” Zoe took the small, firm cucumber to the sink, rinsed it, and then laid it on the cutting board. “He's not dating Holly Johnston anymore, you know.”

“Is that right?”

“He had that one date with Jacy's aunt Cara, but it must not have worked out because he hasn't seen her again.” Zoe sliced and diced the cucumber and added it to the salad bowl. “You broke up with that Porter guy, didn't you? You didn't decide to give him a second chance, did you? I mean, he was practically stalking you for a while.”

Audrey removed a stick of butter from the refrigerator and spread the butter on the bread. “I believe Porter may have finally realized our relationship is over. I haven't heard from him in a while.”

The oven buzzer dinged, informing Audrey that the oven had reached the proper temperature.

“So, if J.D. were to ask you out on a date, would you go?” Zoe asked.

Audrey almost dropped the casserole dish as she opened the oven door and placed it inside. “Zoe, your father and I aren't even friends. I've tried to explain this to you before. Our only real connection is you.”

“So, is that a no?”

“What?”

“If J.D. asked you out on a date, would you say no?”

“It's highly unlikely that your father will ask me out on a date.”

Zoe wiped her hands on the kitchen towel, crossed her arms over her chest, and studied Audrey. “You're being deliberately evasive, Dr. Sherrod. You'll feel much better if you're honest with me and with yourself.” The corners of Zoe's mouth twitched and then her lips spread into a wide smile.

“My God, do I sound that sanctimonious?”

“No, of course not. I was laying it on a little thick.” Zoe's smiling eyes fixed on Audrey's. “I guess you know that if I could have my pick, I'd choose you for my mother.”

Audrey's heart skipped a beat. Emotion caught in her throat.
Oh, Zoe, Zoe…
“Thank you. I believe that's the nicest compliment anyone has ever paid me.”

 

The old wooden church, built in the late eighteen hundreds, had stood vacant for a couple of decades. The back side of the roof had rotted and caved in years ago, leaving a gaping hole that allowed rain and snow to enter the sanctuary and aid in the slow, steady dilapidation of the pulpit, the altar, the baptismal font, and the once-sturdy wooden benches. Long abandoned and all but forgotten in the woods on the hillside, the former meeting place for the Holy Brethren held malevolent secrets that had been known by only a few.

He parked the white Lincoln behind the church, picked up the shopping bag, got out, and entered through a back door. Streaks of jagged lightning shot through the night sky; shortly after, a rumble of thunder echoed in the distance. Using a small flashlight to assist him in the moonlit darkness, he made his way carefully to the half-open door in the vestibule that led to the basement. The precariously unsteady wooden stairs creaked ominously with each step he took. When his feet touched the solid floor, he released a relieved breath. The concrete block walls surrounding him wept with moisture. Mustiness, mildew, and decay created a stale, odorous air.

He took me to the church and made me go with him down into the basement. He knew that no one could hear me down there, no one could hear my cries and pleas. My screams.

Shivering as Regina's voice echoed in his head, he paused and took several deep, calming breaths.

I was only sixteen the first time. He had been so good to me. I trusted him. I never thought he would hurt me.

If Luther Chaney wasn't already dead, he would kill him for what he'd done. His actions had not only turned a fragile young girl into a woman capable of murdering her own child, but his cruelty to his niece had destroyed other lives as well.

Cody's life.

My life.

My first baby was born dead. I had a miscarriage when I was barely four months pregnant. He told me that it was punishment for my sins.

The sin had been his, all his, never hers. Even later on, when she had smothered Cody, the sin had not been hers. She had done only what she believed in her mother's heart was the right thing.

When the doctors told me Cody had leukemia, he said that, too, was punishment for my sins. I was bad. He wouldn't have done those things to me if I hadn't been such a bad person.

He shone the flashlight's beam against the wall of deteriorating wooden shelves. Five shelves reached from floor to ceiling, effectively covering both the wall and the camouflaged single door in the center.

There is a secret door behind the shelves in the basement that leads to a large room used only by the church elders. My uncle was one of the elders. He took me to that room. He made me undress. He touched me. He did terrible things to me.

When he reached the back wall, he slid his fingers behind the middle shelf and pushed. The shelf creaked as the door behind it opened into the vast darkness. Putting his shoulder into it, he shoved the door wide open and entered the room where Regina had been repeatedly raped and tortured by her uncle decades ago.

Promise me that you'll go there and find Cody. I want him to be with me in heaven. Put him in my arms so I can hold him forever.

He had promised her, and he would keep his word. When she died, he had taken Cody to her and placed him in the coffin with her. And later, he had strewn their combined ashes around the small cottage where she had lived with her sons.

In an effort to fulfill his promise completely, he had reunited Cody with Regina three more times, allowing her to hold him and rock him and sing to him. And in the end, to release him from his pain as he released her from her pain.

His footsteps on the hard-packed earth echoed in the cavernous room as he walked toward the cradle. Yesterday, he had removed Cody from the wooden box where Regina had placed him for safekeeping until she could return. He had laid him in the large, wooden cradle, his body filling the bed from head to foot.

“I've brought you a new blanket, Cody,” he said as he shone the light down on the sleeping child. “I'm going to bring Mommy home so we won't be so lonely. She'll rock you and sing to you. You'll like that, won't you?”

He removed the blue baby shawl from the shopping bag, and making sure not to awaken Cody, he carefully removed the tattered blanket covering his little body and replaced it with the pretty new shawl.

“I'm going to bring her home to us tonight. I know where she is now. I saw her and talked to her on Monday. It'll be nice to have her back with us, where she belongs, won't it?”

 

Audrey had offered Zoe a choice of pajamas or a gown. But she had declined. As if she had known she would wind up spending the night, Zoe had pulled out an oversized sleep shirt from her backpack.

“I came prepared. Just in case.” Zoe had shrugged. “J.D.'s been fostering me off on you a lot and I figured you'd tell him to let me stay here tonight if he worked late.”

Less than half an hour ago, she had checked on Zoe and found her fast asleep, her MP3 player resting on her chest and one arm hanging off the side of the bed. Audrey had quietly entered the room, placed the MP3 player on the nightstand, and gently lifted Zoe's arm back onto the bed.

If she had any sense at all, she would go to bed. It was past midnight and she was sleepy. Why was she waiting up for a man who probably either had already gone home or was spending the night in his office?

She had replayed those last few moments with J.D. over and over again. “
If you don't finish up at the office until really late tonight, why not let Zoe stay here.
” Why hadn't she left it at that? Why had she felt prompted to add, “
And when you leave the office, if you need somebody to talk to, you could stop by. I'm a good listener.
”

Good grief, Audrey, what if he misunderstood your offer? You were being kind. You were being your usual empathic self, right? You make a living listening to people, helping them sort through their problems and deal with their emotions.

“I may take you up on both offers,” he had told her before leaving.

He had taken her up on the offer to let Zoe spend the night. A little before eleven, he had called Zoe. After their brief conversation, she had turned to Audrey and said, “I'm sleeping over tonight.”

Apparently, he hadn't taken Audrey up on the second offer. Oddly enough, she wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed.

You are relieved. Do you hear me? You are relieved.

Then why hadn't she gone to bed?

Audrey walked through the house, turned off all the lights, set the security alarm, closed Zoe's bedroom door, and went into her own room. After washing her face and brushing her teeth, she slipped into a pair of peach pajamas and removed the pins from her hair. She shook her head and then combed her fingers through her hair from scalp to blunt-cut ends.

Just as she removed the throw pillows from her bed and turned down the covers, the doorbell rang. Her heart stopped for a split second and when she began to breathe again, her pulse raced wildly. Without taking time to put on house slippers or a robe, she ran through the house, turned on the overhead light in the foyer, quickly disarmed the alarm, and peered through the peephole.

She opened the door and stood aside to allow J.D. to enter, which he did hurriedly.

“It's really cold out there,” he said. “It's only October and it's already dropping down in the thirties some nights.”