Divided (30 page)

“No but…” I said preparing myself to tell him about Marco. But before the words were out of my mouth I was being dragged right into his arms. His lips found mine and he kissed me with fire, passion, and desperation. My lips and body submitted to him and when he finally released me my body was limp and in shock.

“I’m sorry. I should have fought for you. I shouldn’t have given up on you. On us.” He apologized. “I’m not sorry about kissing you though, I have been wanting to do that for such a long time.” I smiled at him and lay my head on his chest. Deciding this was not the right time to tell him about Marco, I let him rub little circles on my skin as I fell back to a peaceful sleep.

⌘

The furniture I ordered was delivered a couple of days later and I spent all of Sunday organizing Stephen’s room. It seemed therapeutic for both Ryan and I but for different reasons. We spent a lot of time with him at the hospital so we were both excited that he was coming home tomorrow. Though I still feared my attachment to Stephen, I couldn’t help loving the smile plastered on Ryan’s face during all of this.

As we were setting up the nursery, we fell into a routine. I decorated the room while he moved all the furniture to where I wanted it. The girls overnighted me a box of goodies for Stephen, there were tons of books, designer clothes - clearly that was from Melanie- and a beautiful picture frame that had daddy and me, engraved on it.  As we continued to work on the room, the temperature in the house rose. There was a blizzard outside, so I knew it wasn’t the weather.

“Are you hot or is it just me?” I asked Ryan, sweat forming behind my neck.

“I’m always hot when you’re around.” He teased.

Though we had slept in the same bed for the past couple of nights, we hadn’t been intimate with one another. We both lie in each other’s arms, but neither one of us had made the first move. The sexual tension was building deep in me; I wanted to rip his clothes off. At night I actually had the most phenomenal sex dreams about Ryan. I felt like a dog in heat trying to hump the pillow.

I tossed a pillow at Ryan. “I’ll go check the radiator.” He said after he caught it.

He left the room as I continued to neatly fold all the baby clothes I had washed earlier. After I was done with all the clothes, I headed down stairs to check on Ryan. He had been down there for at least forty-five minutes. The main floor was even hotter than the upstairs.

I opened the door to the basement and walked down the stairs. It felt like I was waking into a sauna. As I made my way to the final step my heart stopped beating and all the air rushed out of my lungs. 

Crouching down next to the radiator was Ryan without a shirt and dripping sweat. His back was towards me and my core tightened as I felt myself grow moist with desire. His back was perfectly sculpted and I watched as a bead of sweat dripped off his hairline and onto the back of his neck, slowly sliding down his spine all the way down to his boxers, which are peeking out from pants. I was panting. I bit my lip locking my knees to keep myself from running to him and begging him to fuck me right there on the dirty concrete basement floor.

Shaking the thought from my head, I approached him. “Do you need any help?” I was so close to him that it was making my knees weak.

“No.” He wiped his hands across his forehead.  “It’s time to get a new one. This one is really old. I needed to upgrade it a while ago, but never did.” He stood up and wiped his hands clean on his shirt.

“So, what do we do about the heat?” I was down here for less than three minutes and I felt my shirt starting to stick to my body.

“Well… we can put on our summer clothes and open some of the windows, I won’t be able to get to the hardware store till the snow stops.” He said.

“I don’t have any summer clothes, Ryan.” I said, opening the windows in the living room as we reached the main floor.

A big smile appeared on his face. “You can go naked, or wear those lace bras and panties that I love. Unless you want to keep sweating.” His face was bright.

“You broke it on purpose, didn’t you, Kraft?”

“You will never know.” He said, walking towards the kitchen. He opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water, drinking it all in one long pull. When he was finished he looked at me. “Well, clothes or commando?” I turned on my heel, heading to the stairs.

“I’m not getting naked, Kraft.” I shouted from the stairs, hating that I could hear him laughing.

I changed into Ryan’s boxers and a sports bra. It wasn’t as sexy as lace but it would have to do. I thought about getting naked, it’s not like he had never seen me naked before but my mind fought the urge. All the windows in the house were cracked and the house was now becoming cool. It was the second week of December and temperatures were below freezing. It was funny that even in these temperatures, we were both walking around his house barely dressed.  Not that I was complaining,

I couldn’t help but admire his abs, arms, chest, and that perfect V that led me to my most favorite place. In my head I blamed the heat for making me pant like a dog in a meat market. It had been months since Ryan and I had sex, and though I slept with Marco, it hadn’t been pleasurable and was also the dumbest thing I had ever done. I didn’t tell anyone, not the girls, no one. I decided it was best to take that to grave with me.  

But at this very moment, my clit was swollen and I was aching to be touched. I pulled my hair out of the hair tie and shook out my hair cooling my scalp. I needed to get a grip before I made this a very uncomfortable situation. I had no clue if Ryan even saw me that way anymore. Though he joked about being naked, I had slept in the same bed with him and he had yet to even touch me.  

“It feels a lot cooler.” I lied.

“I’m still sweating.” He wiped the sweat from his forehead. This heat could stay as long as it wanted, seeing Ryan in shorts no shirt, sweaty and using his hands, was doing things to my insides. I got up to hang up some wall art near the crib and tried to focus all my energy on the task at hand, placing the art decal on the wall and getting lost in it.

Once I was finished I turned around without realizing that Ryan was placing the crib right behind me. It was like time stopped and we were moving in slow motion. He slowly lifted from the ground as I turned, our bodies collided his face crashing into my neck. As he stood, my face slid down the sweat on his chest. My face damp, I was both disgusted and turned on. Without any thought process he brought his hands to the nape of my neck forcing me to lift my face towards him.

Reaching up for him I wrapped my arm around his neck as his lips crashed into mine. Our sweat was mixed with our saliva and I had never been hornier in my life. I kissed him with hunger, my fingers locking around his hair, pulling it, intensifying the kiss even further. He matched me with his tongue, swirling in my mouth, claiming its proper territory. He pushed me into the wall and pinned me so I couldn’t move. His erection pressing against my skin, firm, hard, and ready for me.

A small whimper escaped my mouth as his body pressed harder into mine. His hand slowly traveled down my cheek, my neck, over the mound of my breast till it reached the tip of my nipple. He took my hard, pebbled nipple in between his index and thumb, pinching it. The sensation of pain and pleasure intoxicating.

“Ryan, please. Take me.” I begged.

He reached my thighs bringing me up closer to him. I wrapped my legs around him, my arms wrapped around his neck, with my hands in his hair. Ryan carried me out of the nursery towards his bedroom, our mouths never leaving each other’s skin. I placed my mouth right below his ear and bit down. Slamming me into the hallway wall I lost my breath as Ryan tugged on my nipple,
hard
. I cried out from the sweet pain. His kisses were demolishing my mouth, his tongue pulsing desire into me.

I was pinned between the wall and his hard sweaty body; lifting my arms over my head he took my sports bra off exposing my chest. His thumb rubbed my hard nipples as his hand grabbed my breasts, swollen and heavy for him. Our breaths were rapid between grunts and moans. His lips found my nipple as I pushed my pelvis down on his hard erection causing it to apply pressure on my clit. 

Ryan slowly brought us both to the ground. He laid my back on the cool hardwood floor. Never losing contact he continued to kiss, lick and suck my nipples, neck and lips.

“Ryan, please baby it’s been so long.”

He placed soft kisses on my neck. “How long, Bug? “ My body tensed under him when he asked. “Bug?”

I felt the tears in my eyes, before I realized that my body was shutting down. I needed to tell him. He lowered himself down to me, holding my head with both of his hands.

“Alani?” He asked again. “Was I the last person you were with?” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Once I told him he’d either forgive me or leave me.

“I slept with Marco.” I felt his body turn cold against me.

“You…” He said before he pulled away. The look on his face broke my heart. I knew that what had happened with Marco was horrible. I had felt less then worthy. But the look in Ryan’s face made me
ashamed.

“Ryan, Please. Let me explain” I pushed him off of me so I could explain. He just stood there looking at me.

“Did you sleep with him because you thought I was with Stephanie?” He questioned.

“No. It was all just such a mess.” I covered my chest feeling embarrassed and vulnerable.

“Then what was it, Alani, because for the last few months I have tried to wrap my brain around why you chose to leave, why you never answered one text or call.

“He was blackmailing me.” I started. Ashamed of what I was about to tell him.

He went to interrupt me but I raised my hand to stop him. “He was blackmailing me. A couple of weeks after I got home he showed up on Katie’s doorstep. He brought with him a deed of purchase showing that he bought my parents house a couple of years ago, something I hadn’t known about. He said that if I didn’t go back to him he would kick them out. I panicked; I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want my parents to lose everything that they had worked so hard for.

“I felt like I didn’t have anything left to lose. I didn’t have you anymore so I went out with him a couple of times. Hating myself every time, I was a mess. After I left here I was on a self-destructive path. And then the flowers came in from you on my birthday. I wanted to be with you more than anything, but I couldn’t find the courage to call you. I just assumed that you and Stephanie were out picking paint colors.”

Ryan just sat back letting me explain my story. Tears rushing out of me with each word that I said. “He took me back to his house that night. My old house. I was a mess that day, knowing that I would never hear from you again. I decided that numbing one pain with another was a good idea and drank two bottles of champagne and half of a bottle of vodka to get through it.”

I began to sob on the hard wood floor when only minutes prior I was underneath Ryan’s arm.  “It was horrible, Ryan.” I couldn’t control the sobbing. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I left. I hate myself for it. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I didn’t enjoy it when I was with him. I know it’s wrong to say but I imagined you the whole time.”

I felt his hands cup mine before I continued. “It was all for nothing though. He still wouldn’t sign the house over to me. I slept with him for nothing. After that night I told him to fuck off and I left. I never looked back. I sold everything I owned but I bought my parent’s house in the end. I don’t have anything anymore. Nothing to show for years of hard work. And I’m so sorry. I just didn’t want to lie to you. Please, Ryan, please forgive me. I didn’t… know… what to do.” Sobbing uncontrollably, I felt his arms wrap around me.

“Shh, Bug, it’s ok.” His voice soft. In all the time I had known Ryan he had never seen me cry like this.

“No. No, it’s not ok.” I pulled back from him “I hate that he had his hands on me. I hate that he was my last.”

“Did you…?” he asked and I automatically knew where he was going with it.

“We used a condom, and I got checked the next day. I felt gross. I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have led you on.” I apologized as he placed a long kiss on top of my head.

“Alani, I love you. I wish you had come to me. I could have helped you but I’m not mad at you. I can’t be. I hate that you were with him but I wasn’t in your life. I didn’t fight hard enough for you. I know I was wrong, I should have never let Stephanie move in here. I needed to put you first. I should have kissed you and made love to you every hour possible. I fucked that up, I know. But what you did with Marco, it will take some time, we can get over it. Together. As long as I can be the last man you love, we will get through it.”  He wiped the tears away from my eyes.

“You’re it for me, Ryan, I’ll never love anyone the way I love you.” He leaned over me causing me to lie on my back. “You will be the last man to have me, Ryan. I promise. I’m only yours.” With my eyes reflecting what I needed from him I asked, “Please, Ryan, take me, make me yours.”

He stood up and dropped his basketball shorts and pulled down his boxers. I admired his long thickness and sat up, taking him in my hand, slowly moving my hand up and down. I quickly got on my knees, wanting to place him in my mouth. 

“Oh no you don't.” He said, putting his hand on my forehead to stop me. He dropped back down on his knees. “I want to come in that sweet tight pussy. The pussy that is now
mine.
” 

I didn’t think twice. I pushed him on his back and jumped on top of him. I held him in place as I lowered myself down. It had been months since I had him and I felt him stretching me inside. There was both pain and pleasure rushing through me as I slid down with him deep inside of me, before I slowly came back up. His hands were on my butt cheeks guiding me up and down, he was a lot bigger than Marco and I reveled in the sweet pain he was causing me.

“That's it. Just like that, Bug. Who do you belong to?” He asked, causing me to increase my speed, slamming my clit on his pelvis with each grind.