Dirty Angel-BarbaraElsborg (20 page)

Brody picked it up and placed it in the dishwasher. “Have you ever done something you wish you hadn’t?”

His voice was sulky and Aden guessed that was born of embarrassment.

Aden shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned against the wall. “I’ve done the wrong thing all my life. I once did something very bad. But do I wish I hadn’t? I don’t know. Once I’d got my head around it, it felt like I’d done the right thing. Later, I wasn’t so sure. Now I try not to think about it. Maybe my life would have been the same fucked up mess whether I’d done it or not. But
knowing
what I did, well I’ve had to live with that and it hasn’t been easy.”

Don’t ask me what I did because it’s a million times worse than what you did.

“I shouldn’t have gone into the stockroom with Matt.”

“He shouldn’t have taken you in there,” Aden snapped. “This is entirely his fault. Not yours.”

“I’ve—”

“I know what you’ve done. I can imagine what you’ve not told me. You can’t take the sort of risks you talked about without getting hurt. But the teacher fucked you up. The first time he raised you up to think he wanted you, he started to knock you down, make you dependent. He’s to blame. Not you.”

“But I kept—”

“Because of him. Because you were a kid and he took advantage. But you’re not a kid now.”

“I don’t want him back in my life.”

Aden smiled. “That’s the right thing to say, though my guess is you’ve said it before.”

Brody rested against the counter. “That’s true, but each time I say or think it, I feel stronger. This is the first time I’ve turned him down and felt I meant it.”

“Good.”

“Because of you. You made me believe it.”

Brody had whispered but Aden caught the words.

“I’m glad you were here,” Brody said. “He worried me tonight.”

He’d worried Aden as well.

“He’s too strong for me,” Brody said. “Though I get that he’s also weak because he uses his strength to get what he wants.”

“That’s not much consolation if he’s hurting you.”

Brody let out a long breath. “Tell me more about you.”

“I say my prayers every night. I help old ladies across the street. I give away my money to those who need it more.” Aden frowned. “And I lie. I’m selfish, self-absorbed, self-indulgent and I have a fucking filthy mouth.” Dante’s words flooded back. “There’s no charity in me, no patience, kindness or humility. I care for no one. Not even myself. I have no compassion.”

“That’s a load of crap. You’re kind. You
do
care. You have compassion. You listen. You understand. I like your filthy mouth.”

A shot of pleasure filled Aden’s veins. “Part of me wants to be a better guy, but the other part of me is stronger. I’m trying to be good now. But you’re very tempting.”

Brody’s eyes widened. “I nearly missed that. I was imagining you on your knees saying your prayers with that filthy mouth.”

Aden chuckled. “I
did
pray when I was kid. Didn’t work so I stopped.”

“Maybe it
did
work. Maybe it just took a long time for your prayers to be answered.”

“Er…I think I’d have noticed a million quid in my bank account.”

Brody smiled. “Was money all you wanted?”

“When I was a kid? Yep. I thought money could solve everything. It would have.”

“How can you think you’re a bad man when you saved my nephew’s life, saved my brother’s dog, helped rescue those sheep, stayed when you saw Matt?”

But they weren’t selfless acts. He knew he couldn’t die, and what was Matt going to do with Aden watching?

“And Captain knows a good thing when he sees one.” Brody smiled. “Me too. If you hadn’t stayed tonight, I don’t know how far Matt would have gone.”

“Yeah, you do. He wouldn’t have listened to no. He’d have raped you, then made you believe it wasn’t rape at all.”

Brody pressed his lips together.

“I’ve been trying to be good this week,” Aden said. “But after that meal my resistance is low.” Aden took a step toward him. “Time to back away if you’re not up for this. My timing is crap, but maybe we can both forget stuff for a while.”

Brody moved forward and Aden felt the familiar lurch in his gut. He knew it was a mistake, that Brody was damaged enough without him making matters worse with a quick fuck and swift departure tomorrow. Even with twenty-two days left, there was no way Aden could make himself worthy of love, or fall in love. The impossibility of that was becoming all too clear, but he didn’t see why he needed to deprive himself or Brody of sex, fun, a short period of happiness. Brody wanted him. He wanted Brody. Sick as it was, he sort of liked that the guy was fucked up. Luckily not as fucked up as him.

They stood inches apart. Aden brushed his fingers against Brody’s and his heart gave a hard thump against his ribs.

“I’m thinking back to the first time I saw you,” Brody said. “You looked so sexy.”

“When you thought I was dead?” Aden filled his voice with mock-horror.

“Yeah. Necrophilia.” Brody ran his tongue over his lips. “Did I mention it was a hobby?”

“Any others I should know about? I mean I already know you earn a living sticking your hands up animals’ backsides. I’m not into that by the way. Neither doing it, nor having it done.”

“I never seem to have made time for hobbies. Too busy sticking my hands up animals’ backsides.”

“Which hand?”

“Right.”

Aden took hold of Brody’s left hand. Brody laughed then choked the sound off. Aden’s heart was pounding so hard now he could hear it in his head. He felt as if it had lurched into his throat and he swallowed hard against the obstruction.

“You feel…something?” Aden asked.

“Anguished anticipation? Yeah.”

“I thought the earth’s magnetic poles just switched.”

Brody clutched his fingers more tightly.

“I have to admit at this point, I have no idea what I’m doing,” Aden said.

“What?”

“The last time I was thinking about sex, I tugged a guy into a bathroom stall and fucked him. There was no handholding. I’m not sure we exchanged more than a few words.”

“When did you last fuck someone?”

The concert.
The memory flashed back. He’d been in the bathroom, walked out and … What?
He blinked. “Not long ago. Not since I met you.”

Brody took a deep breath. “That guy in the bathroom stall could have been me.”

“Nope, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t. I’d have remembered you. What about you? When did you last have sex?”

“Not since I met you.”

Aden smiled, then remembered the bruises and scratches on Brody’s face and his smile faded. “What happened?”

Brody’s gaze skittered to the side and Aden knew he was going to lie. “Bathroom stall.”

“And you’d said yes?”

“Not after,” Brody whispered.

Oh God.

“Don’t want to think about it.” Brody rubbed Aden’s hand with his thumb.

Shit.
Aden wanted him so much, he hurt, but now he was even more worried about making things worse.

“Don’t,” Brody said. “I want this. Okay? I trust you.”

Double shit.
But Aden liked that they were both finding their way. Liked that holding hands made his heart beat fast and his cock swell against his zipper. He slid his free hand to the back of Brody’s neck and threaded his fingers in his hair. Brody’s tongue ghosted across Aden’s cheek and when their lips met Aden wasn’t sure who’d moved first, if they’d both advanced at the same time, whether it mattered. He’d managed to go slowly up to now, but a rush of blood from his head to his groin propelled his tongue into Brody’s mouth.

Their tongues tangled as they pulled each other close, erections colliding, hips clashing, hands grabbing. It wasn’t that Aden never kissed, he did, but there was something more in this kiss, some connection. Just the same as they had last time.
Or is that wishful thinking? Oh fuck, how am I supposed to know if what I feel means something?

“You taste good,” Brody mumbled into Aden’s mouth.

“Your triple cooked chips.”

The kiss grew rougher as they clutched each other tighter. Fighting yet not fighting, just tussling for dominance until Aden had Brody pinned against the counter, rocking his hips against him, eating at his mouth. Then Brody spun and pinned him and that felt so right, so perfect that Aden forgot he was usually the leading partner, forgot he needed to breathe. As they rutted together, they sucked and nipped and licked, kissed for so long that when they broke apart gasping noisily for air, it was almost as if they’d just climbed their way of out some deep hole to be born into a new world.

“Fuuuuck,” Brody panted into Aden’s shoulder.

Aden was consumed by need, too impatient to move somewhere more comfortable. They pulled at buttons and zippers until they had each other’s cocks in their hands.
Long and uncut. Like mine.
Aden ran his finger along a vein and over the slit.

Then they were kissing again, grinding their bodies together, trying to crawl inside each other, their hands caught between them, fingers and cocks soaked with precome.

Aden spit on the fingers of his other hand, slid it down the sensitive skin of Brody’s lower back, then wormed his way inside his chinos and onto his butt. He felt Brody’s swift inhale and smiled against his mouth. Aden pushed his spit-slick fingers down the crease of Brody’s backside, ringed his pucker and swallowed the guy’s moan. Only to release his own groan as pressure spiralled from his balls and triggered a blaze in
his gut.

He wanted to slow things down but he was caught fast in a firestorm and couldn’t break free. But if he was going to come like this, fast and furious and needy, then Brody was going to come too. He circled the entrance to Brody’s body with his finger, teasing the muscle barrier, but didn’t even get inside before Brody gasped, tensed, and then shuddered. The flood of warmth against Aden’s hand, coupled with Brody’s tightening grip on Aden’s cock triggered his own release and he held his breath as he emptied himself into Brody’s palm.
Fuck, that was good.

When their breathing had steadied, they moved their heads apart, opened their eyes and looked each other. Brody smiled.

Aden felt panic stirring. He’d been right. This was different. This meant something to both of them.

Brody cleaned up in the bathroom wondering if Aden was still going to be there when he came out. He’d let Aden wash up first to give him the chance to leave without having to say anything. Brody hadn’t missed the look on Aden’s face after they’d both come. It might have been fleeting but Brody recognized panic when he saw it. Though he didn’t understand it. What they’d done had felt good. Aden had been into it as much as him. If the guy had been put off by what he’d told him about Matt, the unstated admission he’d been raped, then why let anything happen?

An uncomplicated bit of fun had turned complicated.

Aden had revealed a little about himself, but not much compared to Brody. It might have looked as if Brody had just opened his mouth and let it all spew out, but Aden had no idea how hard it had been to say any of that. Brody knew it made him look weak, and he hated that. He understood how difficult it was for anyone to appreciate the strength of Matt’s hold over him. Brody had taken a risk in being open with Aden because he liked him. Maybe he’d wanted the fun to become complicated
.
He stared into the mirror. Aden said he was bad and Brody just wanted him more.
I like him enough to want to get to know him better.

That didn’t happen often. The last time he’d really liked someone and the feeling had been reciprocated had been with Peter. But Peter and Aden were very different. Peter had revealed his whole life story the first time they met, and there was nothing bad in there apart from a slightly disappointed mother who’d wanted grandkids with her son’s genes. Peter was just an average, kind, straightforward guy. Brody hadn’t opened up to him about Matt because he’d been scared Peter would walk away. Peter hadn’t been rough. He’d been gentle and sweet and considerate, and maybe deep down, Brody had known they wouldn’t have lasted.

But Aden…

There was a hell of a lot he didn’t know about Aden. Parents dead in some trauma that caused Aden to stop speaking age ten. Trawled into care and abused. For how long? How did he get to be a mechanic? How did that fit with recruitment into MI5 or the SIS? Was that seriously credible? It seemed too far-fetched. There was a daredevil side to Aden that flew in the face of the caution needed by someone who intended to be involved in espionage and yet wasn’t that also the sort of guy an intelligence agency would love?

Brody emerged, clothed, into his semi-lit bedroom to find Aden lying on the bed, also clothed. Brody knew the surprise had shown on his face.

“Not done a runner then?” Brody asked.

“Did I look as though I was going to?”

“I wasn’t sure.” Brody dropped down next to him. “But then you don’t have anywhere to run to, do you?”

“I have next door.” Aden leaned up on one arm. “That’s not what’s keeping me here.”

Brody felt a tingle run down his spine. “I knew my chips were good.”

Aden smiled. “I’ve never spent the night with anyone before. All my…interactions have been a means to an end. Fuck a guy, we both get what we need, then I go. No, that’s a lie. I have spent the night with a few men, but only because I needed a bed to sleep in. I have a bed next door, so I don’t have any excuse to stay other than wanting to.”

That was good, so why did Brody sense there was something else Aden was going to say that wouldn’t be good.

“You know I have to leave tomorrow,” Aden said.

There it was. Brody bit down on his cheek.

“Your brother has paying guests arriving.”

Was that all?
“I have a spare room.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know. Okay, how about an alternative? You can stay in this room with me.”

Aden’s lip quirked. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know that as well.” Brody held his breath.

“It’s taking advantage. You’re aware I don’t have anywhere else to go. You know it’s just for another twenty-two days. Then I…won’t be around after that.”