Devour (13 page)

I looked at him questioningly.

“How do you know I’m scared.”

“I just do. Please don’t.” He took a cautious step towards me. “All this is going to be hard enough and I won’t be able to handle it if you’re going to be frightened of me.”

“You’re not really helping by saying things like that.”

“I know, just please try to keep calm.”

“Ok,” I promised. “I’ll try.”

I saw a cage in the corner with a huge blue and green McCaw inside. Other than the bird, there was no decorations, just old fashioned furniture that probably came with the place. The bird seemed content to gnaw on its nut so I just focused back on Eli.

“Sit,” he ordered softly but made no further movements to come near me. I sat on the sofa he directed me to and watched the emotions play over his face as he stood in the doorway. “Please promise me you won’t just run. Promise that you’ll hear me out first and then if you want to leave, I’ll let you.”

I nodded and said, “Yes. I promise.” I tried to be as calm as I could muster and he took a deep breath before speaking.

“Now, I lied to you when we met about my parents living with me. They are alive but I won’t live with them, though I see them from time to time even if I don’t want to. My parents and my brother and sister live a different life than mine. They’re cruel and sadistic. I couldn’t live like that, so I ran away.” He looked down at the floor and then back to me without lifting his head. “I ran away...one hundred and twenty three years ago.”

I gulped and clasped my hands in my lap. Oh boy... He continued.

“I know you can believe in the supernatural. We share Reveries. I know you know that’s real. Well there’s lots of things in this world that you never knew existed. Supernatural things, and I’m one of them. My kind are called Devourers. My family are as well but they choose to live true to their nature and I fight mine,” he spat and I could tell he truly believed what he was saying, crazy as it was. “See...we scare people, in Reveries mostly, and feed off their emotions. I don’t sleep, none of us do, but I can feel every dark emotion that runs through any person I am in proximity to. Hate, jealousy, greed, pain, anger... lust. I have lived and fed on these emotions my entire life. But then you...” He shook his head and took a step forward but thought better of it. “I could feel your sorrow from across the park that day. It was unlike anything I’d ever felt before because not only could I feel your pain at your loss but when I got closer to you, I could feel your calm and contentment too; the way you were just lying there looking at the clouds made you happy. I have never in my entire existence felt those emotions before. I had no idea what was happening but then you glanced at me and looked me over...I could feel your attraction.” I felt my eyes go wide and my cheeks heat but he continued. “Clara, I had to know you. I only planned to stay here a few weeks, like I usually do when I pass through a town. But you...I had to know this girl who was still happy and sweet even though she had apparently suffered so much.”

I bit my lip as I looked at him. He was coiled, ready for me to take flight and bolt. His eyes begged me so I pulled it together and decided to ask questions so I could seem like I was believing until I could get out of there.

“So, you scared me that night? To feed yourself?”

“I only did it that once. I needed to see if I affected you or not but I promise you I’ll never do that again. I only feed on the emotions that people feel without my interference. I don’t elicit those feelings in them like my family does. Not anymore,” he said sadly.

“So you can make people feel fright?”

“Yes, I can, but I don’t,” he insisted quickly. “Our kind can make you feel fright, hurt, sorrow, lust...but the most potent emotion is terror. It fills us up like nothing else, until I met you. Your...when you...” He actually chuckled like he was embarrassed and it was cute even though he was clearly insane. Maybe I could get him some help. “Your attraction to me, it feeds me like nothing else in this world ever has. There were rumors about your mate being able to feed you on their emotions alone but I never believed it. Until now.”

“Mate?” I said, blushing furiously.

“I know, it’s a dumb word,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, uh...a person who pulls you, draws you to them. I know you feel it too. I feel it every time you think about me,” he said hoarsely and my pulse jumped.

That look was back; the ecstasy look. I turned the promise ring on my finger and thought about what I could do. I was pulled to him, I had wondered about that from day one; why I felt so comfortable and strange around him. But that didn’t mean he was a supernatural being.

“Eli,” I said cautiously. “I’m...” I had no idea what to say.

“Let me prove it to you,” he said but didn’t look to happy about it.

Six

“
E
li-”

“How do you explain the Reveries, Clara?”

“I can’t.” And I couldn’t. That part was definitely a mystery. “I can’t, but I’m sure there’s something to explain it.”

“There is something to explain it. I am what I say I am.”

“Eli...”

“I don’t want to do this, Clara, but you have to believe me,” he said and came a step closer. He knelt down in front of me. “Look at me.”

“Eli-”

“Look at me,” he repeated more forcefully.

I looked up into his violet eyes now level with mine and felt a little spike in my heartbeat. I squinted looking at him. Then I felt my hands begin to shake and my heart rate picked up increasingly. I suddenly felt scared for no apparent reason at all. He opened his mouth and licked his bottom lip. I chalked it all up to him freaking me out with his talk.

“I’m scared because you’re freaking me out.”

“No, you’re scared because I made you that way.”

“That’s what I just said.”

“No,” he refuted and shook his head.

Then I felt terrified, my blood was hot out of nowhere. My heart beat painfully and my lip trembled. I looked around me, not able to just sit and not understand what was happening. Then it just stopped, like the flipping of a light switch.

My heart didn’t even have to cascade to a slow, it just abruptly returned to normal beat. I jumped up, pushing him away and fell backwards until I felt the wall against my back. I slid down to the floor, my knees to my chest.

“What did you do?”

He got up and walked slowly to me, eyeing me like I was hurt animal. He pulled me to him cautiously and hugged me, his arms around me protectively as he knelt with me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to do that, but I had to make you see it was for real.”

I felt terrified for real this time. I heard his swift intake of breath and knew he registered it. I believed him. He got what he wanted; I was frightened but also drawn to him. What else could he do to me?

“Don’t, Clara, please,” he begged roughly. “I don’t want to feed off you like this.”

“Then don’t.”

“I don’t have a choice!” He pulled back to look at me. “What you feel, I absorb. I can’t stop it, especially the bad stuff. It soaks into my skin, my tongue, and I hate it. I don’t want to feel that from you. I only want you to feel safe and happy and loved. Please, Clara, just breathe.” He tucked my hair behind me ear. “Keep calm. I’m not ever going to hurt you. Understand?”

I pulled away and shifted down the wall a little to get away. I just needed to be away from him for a minute.

“Eli, I... What am I supposed to say to this?”

He looked so defeated, slumped on his knees with his hands in his lap.

“I don’t know, Clara. I’ve never told anyone what I am before.”

“Why not?”

“This is a pretty good example of why, I think,” he said softly. “You’re afraid of me and I never wanted that.”

“Then why’d you tell me? Why not just let me think you were a normal guy?”

“Because you deserved to know the truth. And I didn’t want to spend any of my time with you living a lie. I wanted, for the first time, to be myself with someone.”

I had a thought. Something he said made me think.

“You’ve never been with anyone else?” I asked and was surprised at how tiny my voice sounded as I pushed my legs under me, making myself small.

“No,” he answered and looked over at me, his purple eyes serious. “I can’t feel, Clara. I’ve never felt anything for anyone...until I met you.”

“What do you feel with me?”

“Everything. Happiness, eagerness, friendship, sweetness, caring...love. I’ve never felt those things before. It’s... amazing,” he said in awe and smiled a small pained smile.

I felt a breath shudder through me. I’d never told anyone I loved them before except my parents. I’d never loved anyone before. Was he saying he loved me? I barely knew him and yet, I did feel something for him. I cared about him. So I told him.

“I care about you, Eli, I do. I can feel something...between us. But what you’re telling me is just crazy. I mean you...you terrify people so you can survive.”

“
Terrified
. Past tense.”

“You live off negative emotion…without me. That’s what you’re telling me?” He nodded. “I don’t know, Eli. I don’t know if I can handle this,” I said, feeling the strain in my words as I ran my hands through my hair.

“I don’t hurt people anymore. I can’t help what I am, Clara. I would if I could. If I could be human I’d do anything for it but, I can’t.”

“I know you can’t help it, but it’s just... It’s a lot to process.”

“I’ll give you all the time you need.”

“And what if I can’t do this?” I asked in a whisper.

He sighed and balled his fists on his knees.

“Then I’d let you go and wouldn’t bother you again.”

“You would?”

“Of course. I’d do anything you asked of me, Clara. Even go away.”

I thought about this and knew he was sincere. I needed time to think. I didn’t want him to go away but could I deal with what he was? His being next to me and my want to comfort him and wipe that rejected look off his face was confusing me. But first...

I scooted down the wall towards him. When I stopped in front of him again, he looked up at me, hopeful and eagerly watching me. I touched his face, my palm to his cheek. He felt so normal and human and real as he closed his eyes, leaning into my touch. I then let my fingers travel to his lips, his neck, then through his hair.

He huffed a breath, opening his eyes, and looked torn between agony and having everything he ever wanted. I couldn’t help myself. I leaned in and kissed him. He let me though he didn’t touch me back and I was grateful. I didn’t know if I could leave if he did and I was about to get up and ask him to give me some thinking space.

He kept his hands on his legs but his lips were doing plenty all their own. I kissed him once more, gently, and looked up at him.

“I need some time to think. Please.”

He nodded and I heard him gulp painfully.

“Anything you want. I’ll stay away.”

“Eli...I’m not saying this is forever. Don’t leave. I just need to-”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assured me firmly. “I’ll wait for you as long as I have to.”

I hugged him and his arms around me were almost too much. I pulled away and walked swiftly out the door and didn’t look back.

~ ~ ~

That night, I lay in bed and dreaded closing my eyes for more than one reason. One, I didn’t want to see Eli and was afraid he’d be there waiting. Two, I did want to see Eli and was afraid he wouldn’t come.

My white ceiling, with little plaster stars above my bed, was the only thing to focus on in the dark. I felt like a failure. How could I just walk out on him like that after he told me everything? He was so devastated by my reaction. But it was crazy right? A Devourer? It just sounded evil. It was evil but he was fighting it, he told me. He didn’t want to be that way. Could he really help what he was born to be? Could I blame a snake for being a snake when I really wanted a rabbit? No. And I couldn’t blame Eli either…but would I play with a snake even if it wasn’t his fault for being one?