Delete: Volume 3 (Shifter Series) (12 page)

I gasped at the freshness of the memory, and the nausea that had threatened to overtake me then hits me again now. The terror of what I’d been through mixed with the joy of knowing I’d passed.

The kids were going through what I’d been through. What every ARES officer had been through. Part of me wanted to rip all the wires off their heads and save these kids from whatever mental torture they were experiencing. But another part of me, a part that was growing stronger and stronger, knew that this was how it was done. It was cruel, maybe, but necessary. And it wasn’t as if it caused them any physical damage.

War is about sacrifice. These kids needed to learn that. If the kids didn’t pass, then we couldn’t have them dragging the rest of us down. It was the way things were. You were useful or you were out.

“What kind of numbers are you getting?” I said.

“We’ve got a good batch this year. Some of the cadets are registering sevens and eights. We only had a twenty-five percent dropout rate.”

“And what happens to those cadets?”

“They’re sent to the reintegration programme, naturally.”

“Naturally,” I said. And I meant it.

A kid screamed and tore at their headset. A tester ran over and tried to stop them from pulling it off. Their lights had stayed green. They’d flunked.

“Of course, nobody has come close to your score of eleven, sir,” he said, an edge of bitterness clipping his words. “We had hoped that maybe your sister… but she’s proving challenging.”

The mention of my sister’s name changed something in me. Reminded me why I was here.

“About Katie. I would like to see her.”

“Well, I’m sure you know the policy about cadets fraternising with their family.”

I continued to smile. Trying to keep my expression unreadable while fear bubbled away in my stomach. What if he wouldn’t let me see Katie? What was I going to do then?

“But,” Morgan continued, “as you of all people are hardly likely to distract Ms Tyler from the true path…”

I smiled. “Well, quite.” My voice was low and steady. I almost didn’t recognise it.

Morgan led me down a tight corridor and we stopped in front of a door. I could see through the window that there was a class going on inside. Physics, I guessed, as my old teacher Mr Jarvis was at the front fiddling with a laser. My heart almost crashed out of my chest when I saw Katie sitting at the back of the classroom, staring out of the window.

Morgan opened the door.

“Apologies for the interruption, Mr Jarvis. Can we have a word with Katie Tyler, please?”

Katie turned at the sound of her name and looked at Morgan with a totally unimpressed expression on her face. It was the expression she normally reserved for me.

“What is it?” she said.

“Ms Tyler!” Mr Jarvis snapped. “Show Mr Morgan some respect.”

I laid my hand on Morgan’s shoulder and moved him out of the way so I could have a clearer view of my sister. She looked paler than usual, and her long light-brown hair had been cropped to above her shoulders.

I beamed and waved her over to me. The attitude she’d been directing at Morgan vanished. Her face turned to stone.

“Commandant Tyler would like to speak with you, so if you could gather up your things…” Morgan said.

Stiffly, Katie pushed herself up out of her seat and picked up her bag. All the eyes in the room followed her as she walked through the class and towards the door, her arms stiff by her sides.

“Katie,” I said, scared at the change in my sister. Where was the Katie who would roll her eyes and call me a twat? Who would test out her latest karate moves on me? I didn’t recognise this quaking creature.

“Commandant,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. She clicked her heels together and saluted.

The classroom burbled, amused and curious at the same time.

“Is there somewhere I can talk to Ka… Cadet Tyler?”

“The room across the hall should be free,” Mr Jarvis said, looking from me to his student.

“Well, show the Commandant the way, then, Tyler,” Morgan snapped, pushing Katie forward. “And if I find that you have been causing trouble again, there will be consequences.”

Katie gave him the dirtiest side eye I’d ever seen her give and stomped through the door.

I nodded to Morgan and Mr Jarvis, and followed her out.

The opposite room was almost identical to the one we’d left, but instead of oil paintings of Tudors, the walls were covered with etchings of famous Shifters, including Lord Cuthbert Morgan-Fairfax, the man who had set up ARES, and, I was mortified to realise, a picture of me. It was the image Zac had described: me standing in a field, the British flag waving behind me. Although I thought I looked more constipated than heroic.

Light spilled through the leaded windows, throwing Katie into shadow and making diamond-shaped patterns on the floor. She stood, her hands clasped behind her, facing away from the door.

“Katie,” I said. “It’s OK. It’s me.” I laid my hand on her shoulder and she flinched. “Don’t you know me?”

She turned, ever so slowly, and finally looked at me.

“I guess.”

“I’m your brother.”

“Like I could ever forget it,” she said, her nose scrunching up like I stank. “
Why can’t you be more like your brother? Your brother never gave us this trouble.
Not a day goes past when someone doesn’t compare me to you. So, yeah, I know you’re my brother.” She rolled her shoulder to shake off my hand.

There was so much bitterness in her voice I could hardly stand it. Katie was being forced to live up to
my
standard? When I’d become so used to living in
her
shadow? Everything in this reality was turned on its head.

“I’m sorry,” I said, not sure what else to say.

She laughed through her nose. “
You’re
sorry? Sure.”

“Look, Katie, I’m guessing I deserve this, like maybe I haven’t been around much. But I’m here now and I’m trying to help you. So, if you could stop being such a bitch for a minute, that would be great.”

Katie and I had always had what could be called an antagonistic relationship. But really, it was usual brother-and-sister stuff. I’d push her, she’d push back. I’d tease her, she’d come up with a devastating putdown that crushed me. But whatever was happening here was something else. I guessed the other Scott didn’t know her the way I did.

Her eyes widened in shock and she opened and closed her mouth, trying to think of something to say. “Help me? How?”

I had been thinking the whole way over here about what I was going to do. How I could actually help her. If I pulled her out of training – if that was even something I had the power to do – it might look suspicious. But there was a way that Katie could get out without causing any concern.

“You need to fail,” I said.

“I what?”

“I know that probably goes against every bone in your body to not come out on top. But it’s really important that you don’t graduate.”

She tilted her head and looked at me. “And why should I listen to you?”

I didn’t have an answer for that. “Um… because I love you and I want the best for you?”

This seemed to shock her. “You don’t even know me.”

“I do,” I pleaded with her. “And I’m going to take care of you, I promise. You have to believe me.”

She chewed on her bottom lip, considering my words. “When I was really little, you were fun. You’d come home from training at the weekends and holidays and we’d play together. We’d build pirate forts and you’d make me walk the plank; do you remember that?”

I smiled. “How could I forget? You broke your leg and then didn’t tell Mum on me.”

“And I remember how you stayed with me in the hospital and refused to let go of my hand.”

That memory was faint for me. I could mostly only remember the guilt and the fear that I’d killed my little sister.

“You used to look after me. You used to be fun. And then the war started and you turned into…”

“Into what?”

“Into you!” Katie’s eyes tightened and a sardonic smile twisted her mouth. She was pleased about something. “Mr ‘By-the-rules’.” She shook her head. “Mr ‘My-duty-comes-first’.”

“I’m sorry, Katie. I thought I was protecting you. And I’m going to go on protecting you.”

Which was true. Whatever I had done in this reality, I believed I had done it to keep Katie and my family and everyone I ever cared about safe. But it had meant that in protecting them, I’d stopped caring about them.

“By making sure I don’t enlist? Well, you shouldn’t have bothered. There is no way I want to become an officer and spend another second being compared to you.”

“So, you’re not planning joining S3?”

“Why do you think I’ve been working so hard to make sure nobody sees how good I am?”

I shook my head, trying to understand what she was saying. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been flunking every class, every test. And it’s really hard! I could beat every kid in this place without so much as raising a sweat. And trying to hold back my power when they make you do stupid things like climb poles… it’s exhausting. But I want to get out of here.”

“And I want that, too!”

“But you’re literally the poster boy for this crap!” She pointed at the image of me tacked to the wall.

“I’m not anymore. I can’t explain why. But I don’t want this for you. I never wanted my life for you, Katie. All I want is for you to be safe and happy and for us to be a family again.”

She snorted. “You’ve been doing a pretty shit job of that lately.”

I didn’t have an excuse for that. How could I explain to her that I wasn’t the brother she knew? The brother she knew was an institutionalised dick, more concerned with doing his duty to his country than to his family. Whereas I… I was just a regular dick who didn’t want to see his little sister hurt.

“I know. And I’m sorry. And when this is all over, I will explain. But right now, I need you to keep it up. If you don’t make the grade, then they let you go, right?”

“But there are tests.”

“Then fail them.”

“There are rumours here that these are not the kind of tests you fail.” She looked up at me. “What are they like?”

The memory of Frankie thrashing in the machine blended with older memories. Memories that belonged to him.

All I could recall was pain. “They hurt.”

Katie took a ragged breath and stepped away.

“But it’s only pain, Katie. You can handle it. They push you to try to find your limits, so give in. Let them think you’re weak.”

She chewed on her bottom lip so hard, I was worried she might draw blood. “But what if…”

“What?”

“A man came here a while ago. He was asking questions about Fixers.”

That must have been one of Vine’s men looking for a replacement for the Igloo. “And are you one? A Fixer, I mean?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes, I think, maybe. Like sometimes, I get so bored of all the changes and I want things to stay still and silent. And when I focus on that…”

“People around you can’t Shift?”

She shrugged, her small shoulders hunching over.

“Look, I guess you don’t really know me, but I know you. And you’re the smartest, toughest person I know.” I bent down so our faces were level, and took her hand in mine. “But you can’t let them know you’re a Fixer. You have to find a way to cheat the tests.” I closed my eyes and saw Katie lying in the coffin, her eyes staring blankly. “You have to.”

“You’re scaring me, Scott,” she said. The first time she’d used my name.

I opened my eyes and looked at her. “Everything will be OK. I promise. Hang in for a little longer and then I’ll come and get you and make sure you’re safe.”

“Safe?” Katie said. “Who’s ever safe with the war going on?”

“I’ll make sure you get sent home, to Mum and Dad.”

“Mum
and
Dad?” she said. “Don’t you mean Mum
or
Dad? They live in different countries now, Scott. Or don’t you remember that, either?”

So, they’d finally had the balls to split up. Well, maybe that was a good thing. “Wherever you want to go, Katie, I’ll get you there.”

She tightened her grip in my hand. “You left me here,” she said, tears glittering in the corner of her eyes. “You said you’d come and you never did. Three years, Scott and you never came.”

I couldn’t bear to see Katie cry. It cut straight through me. I would give anything, do anything to make her tears stop. But now, there was nothing I could do.

I pulled her into a hug. She resisted at first, and then gave in, wrapping her arms around me.

“I’m sorry, Katie,” I whispered into her ear. “But I’ll find a way to make it all OK. I promise. I’ll get us all out of here.”

“I’m so scared, Scott,” she answered.

“Me, too.”

There was no one else in the world I could admit that to. Not even Aubrey. Only my brave, brilliant little sister. Her arms tightened around my neck. We stayed like that for a few moments, neither of us willing to let the other go.

There was a small knock on the door. Reluctantly, I broke from Katie’s hug.

“Commandant?” CP stood at the door, looking anxious.

“What is it?” I said, my voice croaking.

“A call has come in from the Hub. You’re needed back there now.”

I looked at Katie, hoping she could read in my eyes everything I wanted to say to her. That I loved her. That I’d return for her and if I couldn’t find a way to undo everything I’d caused, we’d carve out some kind of life together here.

CP coughed. “It sounded pretty urgent, sir.”

“I’ll come back,” I whispered in Katie’s ear.

“You’d better.”

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Cain and the whole of Thirteen squad were in the command room, along with Hedges. He was looking better than earlier, his cuts cleaned up and back in S3 uniform. There was a steely glint in his eyes now, too. Revenge, I wondered? Voices were raised and it seemed that Cain and Hedges were disagreeing about something.

Aubrey looked up as I came in. Her jaw was tight, her skin pale. She was worried about something. And it wasn’t me.

Zac stood next to Williamson, both too engrossed in the data on the screen to notice me. Turner stood in the corner, her eyes puffy and red; she’d been crying again. Ladoux leaned on the edge of the table, her red beret pulled low over one eye.