Defenseless (5 page)

“I’m not sure we have the same definition of ‘off the case’.”

My debrief lasted an additional four days. Since Vanessa needed to go over all of my notes, I was required to play more of their mindfuck games. It’s the one part of this job I truly hate. It’s hours of questioning, a polygraph, and then more interrogation about what you already said. It’s easy to lie, but when you’re forced to remember each detail of a lie, you’re likely to slip. They know this. We all know this, but I’ve been trained since I was a kid to believe the lie. To make that my truth. It’s the reason any of us can pass a polygraph with flying colors. It’s true to me, because I’ve made it so. With that, though, comes loneliness.

Even after I told the actual truth—no spin, no half stories, no chance of tripping up, even though that would never happen—they remove me from the case completely. I want to lose it.

“It’s a break. A chance to recharge.”

“Don’t insult me, Tom. Placating me isn’t really your style.” I sneer.

“You’re too close to the target, the case, the entire thing. You missed check-ins. Your handler was left in the dark too often. You were reckless. You lost Mazir and compromised your cover. There are more minuses than plusses in these columns. The Director wants you off the case. That’s the end of this discussion.”

I hold myself together. There’s a bigger picture, one they fail to see. So I’ll take my lumps—for now.

My mouth forms a thin line. “I can’t say anything because you’ve made your decision. I’d like to take leave from the agency.”

Tom is good. He doesn’t flinch or appear at all surprised. His eyes don’t shift or widen. But his cheek twitches. It’s a small sign, but it gives me a tiny thrill that I was able to catch him slightly off guard.

“Charlie,” my handler, Mandi, says calmly. “Don’t.”

She’s been my partner, so to speak, for six years. I’ve been fortunate to have Mandi since the beginning. My life has been in her hands. She’s guided me, made my covers reality, and now she’s turning her back on me.

There was no question as to why I had to stay quiet. I wasn’t dark; I was playing a part. My cover had been carefully crafted. When my father was killed, it was imperative I
became
Fahima. I had to become an orphan who wanted to serve and belong, as well as help with the missions of her country. I needed to hate freedom. I needed to hate my country in order to infiltrate them.
Any means necessary
was what I was told. Apparently, that included rules I was unaware of. But her testimony sealed my fate.

I stand with new life flowing through my veins. I didn’t think the decision would be reversed, which is why I already put plans in motion. Mark should be here later today, and I’ll continue my work without the agency behind me. “I’ve already filled out the paperwork.” I hand the leave request over. “I think I’ve earned a vacation in the sun and sand, don’t you?”

Mandi’s brown eyes give too much away. It’s why she couldn’t be in the field. She knows me, though. Our jobs required us to trust each other. I don’t think for one second she believes this is over.

She would be right.

“Charlie, I think you’re making a mistake.” Mandi’s voice shakes at the end. “I know you feel—”

“You have no idea how I feel,” I cut her off. “I’m taking some time to spend with my mother. I need to grieve the loss of my father. My life has been this case. My life has been this job. You decided I failed; therefore, I’m going to take some time for myself. I’ll be out of the country, which is on the paperwork. I plan to enjoy the sun.” I say it with such conviction that I almost believe myself. Almost.

Tom stares me down without giving anything away and signs the document. “We’ll be waiting for you to come back. I urge you not to miss the check-in. Forty-five days, and if you miss a single one for any reason, I won’t have options. I can grant you an extension, but I have a feeling we’ll be seeing you prior to the first six months.”

Meaning that if I don’t check in, I won’t be able to come back at all. I’m fairly certain he has his suspicions as to what I’m planning. Any spy would do this. He would do this. There’s more at stake than just finding my father’s killer. It’s also about taking a very deadly and blood thirsty terrorist down. Even though there’s nothing concrete connecting Mazir to my father’s death, I’m certain he was. Call it a hunch. Call it intuition, but either way, I’ll have my answers soon.

“Thank you.” I stand, grab my clutch, and walk away, completely on my own.

Well, except for the former Navy SEAL who’s on his way.

What was I thinking when I called him?

One week later

He’s late.

I don’t do late.

I check my watch for the tenth time, then my phone, and my watch again. He’s got exactly one minute.

My phone rings and Mark’s name pops up.

“You better have some fantastic excuse planned,” I warn.

“How many more times are you going to check your watch?”

I scan the area.

“You’re spying on me.” I laugh.

“I out-spooked the spook.”

He seems genuinely pleased with himself. I’m impressed. Well, and irritated with him—and myself.

“I didn’t know I had to be on my A-game with you.” I fight the smile that forms knowing he’s watching. Last thing I need is him to have a read on me.

But the reality is that I like him. He makes me laugh, which isn’t easy. The adrenaline rush wore off on the plane, which caused my impenetrable armor to develop a small gap. He found it and used it. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it a little. Feeling like a woman, allowing myself to laugh, joke around a little, just have fun. Mark knows who I am. I don’t have to lie and use my alias. There is no need to talk about antiques, which I hate. They seriously gave me the worst cover story ever. I would’ve rather had to study biology over antiquities.

“I’m more than just a pretty face, Charlene.”

This is going to be when I kill him. My real name is
my
secret. My mother still feels the need to use it but never around anyone else, and sometimes not even in private. There’s something about my name. It’s sacred to me, and the only piece of me I’ve never given away.

“You guessed it.” I roll my eyes.

“Nope, you just told me I didn’t.” I continue to look around for him.

I grab my coffee cup and put my earpiece in. Once I stand, I go on autopilot, trying to look like the antiquities dealer I’m supposed to be. My long black hair is in a low bun. My knee-length pencil skirt clings tightly to my legs, and my pearls adorn my neck. I smile to the cute little girl sitting with her mother who’s too busy on her phone to notice the chocolate all over the girls face. I hoist my Michael Kors tote over my shoulder and scan the area as I walk. “Are we going to play this game or are you going to be a man and face me?” I ask.

“Well, Charity. If I’m going to work with you, I need to see how good you are. So, if you can find me, I’ll be happy to let you have me . . . and my skills.” His deep voice is layered with the challenge.

“Mark,” I say as sexily as I can. I hate using the female card, but I want him slightly confused. “What do I win if I find you?”

He groans softly, yet loud enough for me to hear. Almost as if he couldn’t help himself. “What?” he starts to say then stops. “Well . . .” Mark chuckles.

“Marco,” I tease.

“Polo,” he replies.

“I’m not new at this.”

“Neither am I.”

“Seems the question now is: who is better?”

Mark doesn’t answer. I start to peek my head out of the alley I ducked into so I could survey the area more discreetly. Arms wrap around my torso and pull me back. I raise my foot, prepared to stomp.

“Ahh, you wouldn’t want to do that, Charlie.” Mark’s voice is against my ear. “I’m just as well trained at self-defense, and I don’t have any issues with kicking your ass.”

I let my muscles relax. His strong arms hold my back effortlessly against his brick wall of a chest. Instead of fighting him, I try to pretend being in his arms doesn’t feel good. I tell myself that he’s part of the mission, he’s a liability, but the warmth of his body blankets me and makes me want to stay here.

I need to get out of his arms, but I can’t seem to get my body to cooperate.

This is going to be a problem. A big one.

Shut it down, Charlie.

“You should put me down before you get hurt.”

“You should never let your guard down if you want my protection and skills.”

I scoff. I don’t need him. Mark releases me but keeps his hands on my hips. I shove his arms off and step forward. “Let’s get one thing straight.” I turn and point my finger in his face. “You called me. You asked for my help. I’m not the one having my men shot and kidnapped, who has things going missing and people running into issues.” I raise my brow and wait for him to protest. That’s what he should do. I wait for the words because I’m goading him to react.

But he doesn’t.

What is it with this guy? Does he do the opposite of everything he should? Why can’t he act like a typical person?
Because he isn’t one.
He may not have undergone the training I did, but he’s still highly trained. Mark and I are both reading each other, only right now . . . he’s doing a better job.

“You done? Feel better? Assert your bullshit idea of dominance? Because you’re going to see really quickly that I’m always on top. I’ll top you even from the bottom, princess. You should get used to it.”

I want to put a bullet between his eyes. “Think what you need to. I’ve never been on the bottom, and I never will be. So buckle up buttercup and get ready to be second in command.” I’m half joking and half testing him. I need to really gauge him. I don’t trust him fully. Then again, he probably doesn’t trust me, either. “I’m . . .” I pause. I don’t know what I am. “
Ugh!
” I groan.

“Sorry is the word you’re looking for.”

“We’re going to have to check our egos for this to work, Mark. I don’t know you and you don’t know me. But we have one thing tying us together.” We stand in the shadowed alleyway in a standoff.

“Love?” he jokes.

I laugh despite myself. “No. Let’s be real and talk.”

“Fine, talk to me.”

I look around because the hair on the back of my neck prickles. “We need to get out of here.” Someone is here, watching, listening, and now it’s time to do what I do best. “I’ve missed you.” I smile while I use the tip of my finger to trace his jawline.

Mark’s eyes shift over my head as he pulls me flush against his body. We’re both facing exits. “I’ve missed you more,” he plays along.

This might just work. He’s on alert as well and senses something awry. His fingers splay across my lower back as he holds me close. “Maybe we should head back to my place so you can show me just how much.” I glance over his shoulder. His blonde hair falls in his eyes as he dips his head into my neck. I know the move, but a shiver runs down my spine.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” I release a very low moan, which I didn’t give permission to escape. Mark’s lips glide across my skin.

I’m not sure he’s acting.

I’m not even sure that I am.

Then Mark reminds me this is serious. “There are two guys behind you.” His voice is low enough that only I can hear him. To anyone passing, we’re two lovers reacquainting ourselves. “One at my two o’clock, and the other is out of my view.”

“One just passed behind you twice. I think going toward my exit is best.” I snuggle closer. “I’m ready when you are.” The double meaning is meant for anyone to hear, but Mark should know it means I’m ready to disappear. “You’ll have to keep up, though.”

He leans back while cupping my face. His lips hover over mine. “I don’t have any problems keeping you satisfied, princess.”

My pulse spikes. I know he can hear it, feel it, see in my eyes that I’m affected. My breaths are shallow as his hands slowly make their way down my arms.

“Arrogant prick,” I mutter.

I can tell he’d be an incredible lover. His overconfidence would only play to my benefit. We’re both cut from the same cloth, ready to fight for dominance. He’d win, though. I can see it in his eyes. There would be no battle, Mark has already won. Right now, he controls me. He determines whether we kiss, what it’ll be like, and for the first time in my life—I surrender.

His lips come closer. “They’re closing in,” he whispers, his eyes locked on me. “Charlie?” he asks.

“What?” My voice is barely audible.

“This will happen again when we don’t have to fight off people, and then you’ll be mine.”

I don’t have time to reply. His lips crash down on mine as he spins me around so he leads our exit. The second our mouths collide, my brain disconnects. My fingers tangle in his hair, grabbing it to pull him close. Mark’s hands hold my face to his and he continues to guide me. I know we’re moving but I have no idea to where. In this instant, I don’t care. Never has someone made me feel so desperate for them. I never lose control, never feel so lost, yet right now, I am. I’m raw, exposed, and completely vulnerable.

And it’s only a damn kiss.

Mark pulls my face back all too soon as we slip into the crowd. He takes my hand, pulls out a ball cap, and slips it onto my head. To disguise his clothing, he removes his button up shirt while he pulls me along. “Damn, you’re a good actress. I almost bought that,” he says, only wheezing slightly. “They got close enough I could hear a word or two, but nothing I could make out.”