Darkness & Light (War of the Fae: Book 3) (27 page)

“Jealous!
 
Ha!” said Tim.
 
“Who’d be jealous of a bunch of smelly squid fae?”

“Hell yeah,
Pixieman
.”
 
I held out my finger so he could give me a
high-one
.

“What did he say?” she asked, suspiciously.

“He said the water sprites are wimps.”

“Hey!” she said to Tim, feigning offense.
 

“Tell her the truth!” he yelled.
 
“She’s gonna kick my butt like she kicked yours!”

I stuck my tongue out at him and then looked at Becky, chagrined.
 
“He didn’t really say that.”

“I know,” she said, smiling.
 
“I’m just playing.
 
It’s okay to be jealous though.
 
I would be too if I were you guys.”
 
And then she was gone, reappearing over at the buffet.
 
Lucky for her, since I was ready to give her a well-placed smack on her bare arm.
 
Fucking water sprites
.

“Where’s Spike?” asked Tony.

“He’s doing a night run in the forest,” explained Scrum.

“What’s he doing that for?”

“That’s when the incubi run around like wild fae, running faster than anyone else in the fae world, just for the hell of it.
 
They can be kinda strange that way.”
 
Scrum kept eating while he talked, completely oblivious to the pieces of food that fell out of his mouth from time to time.
 

I got a little sick, looking at him.
 
“Scrum.
 
Dude.
 
Manners ever?”

“Oh.
 
Sorry.”
 
He chewed and swallowed, wiping his mouth off with his napkin before continuing.
 
“He sucked down some of Jayne’s supercharged energy today, so he’s a little high on life right now.”

“Like, literally,” I said, looking down at my plate as I felt my face flaming up.

“Somebody’s
embaaaaarrassed
,” said Tony in a singsong voice.

I jabbed him with my elbow.
 
“Shut the hell up.”

“What happened?”

“She practically
did it
with the incubus!” yelled Tim.

I held up my finger in flicking position, aiming it right him.
 
“Say it again, freak.
 
See what happens.”

“
Ack
!” he yelled, running away from my plate and over to Scrum.
 
“Save me, daemon boy!
 
She’s gone rabid after
doing it
with the incubus!”
 
He was laughing maniacally at his teasing, which is the only reason I didn’t reach over and give him a good flick on his pixie butt.
 
The really big-hearted piece of me – granted it’s a small piece, but it’s in there somewhere – was glad to see him so happy, running around with his little burnt off nubby wing.
 
He had plenty of reasons to be sad, so if my semi-sexual escapades entertained him, then I’d just have to suck it up.

“Stay over there or I’m gonna dunk you in my soup and eat you for dinner.”

“Orc!”
he screeched, pointing at me in accusation.

“Gnome!”
I responded.

“Oh.
 
No.
 
You.
 
Did.
 
Not
just call me a gnome
,”
he said, hands on his hips.

“Oh, yes I did.
 
Little
dirt eater.”

Tim stood there fuming.
 
Apparently I’d hit the jackpot coming up with that insult.
 
Personally, I didn’t think gnomes were so bad.
 
A little dirty, maybe, but friendly.
 
But compared to my sparkly, clean, perfectly coiffed Tim, they were probably considered second-class citizens – at least by him.
 
I’m not even sure they brushed their teeth, like
ever
, and Tim could be found brushing and flossing away at least three times daily, sometimes more.

“You just wait.
 
Don’t fall asleep tonight, that’s all I have to say.”

I laughed.
 
“What are you going to do?
 
Fart all night?
 
That’s no threat – I’m used to it.”

“You are
soooo
lucky I don’t have wings right now.”

“Yes, I am, aren’t I?”
 
I smiled at him devilishly, reaching out slowly to grab him.

He squeaked and ran up Scrum’s arm, hiding behind his head.
 
Seconds later, I heard a muffled gagging sound and then Tim yelling, “Holy gnome head, don’t you ever wash your
hair
?!
”

He came out onto Scrum’s shoulder, waving his arms around his face, as if trying to get a swarm of flies away from him.

“The smell is
on
me!
 
Ew!
 
Get it away!”

I stood up and walked over, taking Tim in my hand.
 
“Relax, Tim.
 
Playtime is over.
 
Are you done eating yet?”

“I’ve lost my appetite.
 
I think there were bugs living in there.
 
I hope whatever he has going on isn’t contagious.”

“What’s wrong with him?” asked a mystified Tony.

“He said he doesn’t like Scrum’s shampoo.”

“Oh, I don’t use shampoo,” said Scrum.

“Why not?” asked Tony, obviously a little repulsed by this piece of
information.

“It’s not good for your hair.”

“Who told you that?” I asked.

“I read it somewhere.”

I laughed.
 
“Where?
 
Homeless Housekeeping
?”

Tony laughed and then quickly tried to cover it up by coughing.

“Is that a real magazine?” Scrum asked.

I started walking away.
 
My patience and understanding can only be expected to go so far.
 
“Good night guys.
 
See you tomorrow.”
 
I turned back to Tony, now walking away in reverse.
 
“Tony, come see me before you go to bed.”

He nodded, still laughing behind his fork at Scrum who was now trying to pull his hair out as far as it would go so he could look at it; but it was too short, so he just kept turning and swiveling his head while pulling on clumps of hair.
 
I shook my head as I left the room.
 
The kid was pitiful.
 
If the future of the Light Fae were in the hands of guys like this?
 
I was afraid for my continued existence in this world.

Tony joined Tim and me in our room about twenty minutes later.
 
It was perfectly timed since it had given me enough of a head start to get showered and dressed for bed.
 
Tim took his shower in the sink while I took mine in the actual shower area.
 
I’d ceased being embarrassed about Tim seeing me naked.
 
What was he going to do about seeing a gigantic boob anyway?
 
It probably grossed him out since the boobs he was used to
were
probably about the size of half a Tic
Tac
.
 
And those would be the busty pixies.

Tony sat on the edge of my bed while I got under the covers.
 
“So you had a good day today, huh?” I asked.

“Yeah, I really did.
 
And I didn’t say this at dinner because it might not work out, but the gray elves are going to recommend me to be in charge of organizing the training.”

“
Whaaat
?!
 
That’s amazing, Tony?
 
Congrats!
 
How the hell did you manage that?”

He smiled, obviously delighted at the idea.
 
“I don’t know.
 
I mean, one minute I was just listening to the meeting stuff, and then I started getting ideas for strategy and ways to make things more efficient, so I started talking.
 
It was like it just was so obvious – problems they’d been dealing with, all the changelings coming in and not knowing what to do with them ... it was just so basic to me.
 
It reminded me of playing chess, you know?”
 
His eyes were bright with excitement and he gestured with his hands without even realizing it.
 
I’d never seen him so animated.
 
“You have to look at your end goal, winning this war or being prepared to win this war, and then you look at all your resources and how you can capitalize on different strengths, and you see how this move or that move will cause a ripple effect down the line.
 
It’s all like the strategies we learned and used in chess club.”

“I told you the better name for that group was the ‘Rule the World Someday’ club.”

Tony smiled.
 
“You were right.
 
It’s helping me show them how to plan for the war.
 
They really liked what I had to say in there.”

“I always knew you were the smartest guy in the world.
 
Now I have confirmation from the smartest
fae
in the world that I was right.”

Tony leaned down and hugged me.
 
“Thanks, Jayne.
 
Just ... thanks.
 
For everything.”

I hugged him back.
 
“You’re welcome.
 
Now stop thanking me before you get all blubbery.
 
I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”
 
He stood to go out.
 
“See you tomorrow, Tim.”

“Good night,” came the little voice from across the room.

I flipped over so my back was to the door, calling out to my friend.
 
“Tony?”

“Yeah, Jayne?”

“Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.”

Tony was lying on his back on the ground, next to me out in the Infinity Meadow.
 
Scrum sat off to the side, watching
us and the edge of the forest
that lie not far away.
 
Tim rested on my chest near my neck, quiet for once.

“Just for the record, guys, I don’t like this,” said Scrum.

I sighed.
 
“You don’t like what?
 
Tony going into the Gray?
 
The meadow?
 
What?”

“This place.
 
Something feels ... off.”

I probably shouldn’t doubt his daemon radar because it had been able to sense when I was in trouble with Spike before, but I’d been out here several times for training and stuff and never had a problem.
 
It was a beautiful day – the sun was shining, the sky was blue, and great, big, puffy clouds slowly drifted overhead.
 
There was even a gentle breeze mussing the hair around my face.
 
Of course, Scrum’s hair didn’t move since it hadn’t been washed in, like, ever.

“Just relax, gnome-head, we’ll be fine.
 
Your radar – I mean,
daedar
– probably has a glitch in it.
 
Just keep your eyes out for the bad guys.”

“I plan on it.
 
And just so you know, my
daedar
, as you call it, has never had a glitch. I’m going to be right over here, and if I tell you to get inside, then you have to agree to just go and not argue.”
 
He gave us the most serious look I think he’s capable of.

“Cross my heart,” I said, rolling my eyes.

Tony looked at me and spoke in a low tone, “You really shouldn’t give him such a hard time, Jayne.
 
He’s just doing his job.”

I stuck my tongue out at him.
 
“M – Y – O – B.”

“It
is
my business.
 
I could be the new training coordinator.”

“Yeah, well, when you get your promotion, maybe it’ll be your business.
 
For now, the only thing you need to be worrying about is finding this guy in the Gray.”

“Okay, so remind me ... what exactly am I doing?”

“Find that Goose guy, he’s a Dark Fae gray elf, and ask him how Chase is doing.”

“Where does he live?”

“In the Dark Fae compound.”

“Do you know where it is?
 
What it looks like?”

“No.”

“Do you have anything of Goose’s?”

I frowned at him fiercely. “No, dumbass, I don’t.
 
I’m not in the habit of collecting trinkets from people I meet out in the forest.”

“
Okaaay
, chill, I’m just asking.
 
It’s easier to find someone if you have some sort of connection.
 
Searching around in the Gray for someone you don’t know can be tricky.”