I
tried to be tough. I thought I was tough, but my leg felt like it had been ripped in half. It was attacked by a jaguar, so I had an excuse to cry like a baby if I needed to.
But not in front of her.
I promised her I would stay on the couch, but I hobbled to the bathroom after she left. I needed a shower. I’d hang that leg on the outside so the glue didn’t loosen. I knew it would have to be sealed again. The wound was nasty and jagged.
I groaned and heaved it over the side of the tub while the hot water soaked the rest of my body.
It wasn’t as if I expected Dare to stay all day, but she got this strange look on her face after the detectives left. She supplied me with the remote control, drinks, and some ibuprofen, and promised to check back in a few hours. Then she was gone.
My face felt rough, but it was Sunday. I wasn’t about to attempt shaving in front of the mirror on one leg. I toweled off, gingerly put on a pair of athletic shorts, and hobbled back to the couch.
The playoffs were on. I thought about texting Isaac to see if he was watching, but I fell asleep before the game even started.
I woke up, my chest drenched with sweat, the lights off. The glow from the TV lit the room. My leg throbbed. I was worried it had gotten worse. I peeled the blanket away from my knee to look.
The icepack Dare had made was nothing but a puddle of water. I tossed it on the floor. I touched the skin next to the gash. It hurt like hell. What had this creature done to me?
I sat forward. My stomach growled. I hadn’t eaten anything since the breakfast she made for me this morning. Dare wasn’t back yet. I realized it wasn’t as if I could count on her. She wasn’t my girlfriend.
It was these moments when the sheer force of being alone was almost crippling. It would hit me and knock me on my ass, the weight of the grief taking over. It was a dark place I had been running from, searching for light anywhere but home. There had to be light somewhere in this damn world.
No matter what country I hid in, it didn’t change things. Nothing brought him back. Nothing undid how he was ripped from my life.
I couldn’t rewrite history, even though I studied it. I couldn’t undo his death. I couldn’t do anything. I was as powerless to save him then as I was now with this damn leg.
My throat felt dry and tight. I needed to focus on something else.
I heard the door slam.
“Hey, I’m back. Sorry it took so long.” Dare held up two takeout bags. “Hungry?”
“It’s like you read my mind. I’m starving.”
“Did you get any sleep?” She started arranging the food on the coffee table.
“Yeah, some.” I wasn’t about to tell her my eyes had been open for only an hour after she left.
“You need it.” She looked alert. Her eyes were bright and green. Damn, I couldn’t get over the color.
“I think I’ll be calling in sick to work tomorrow.”
“I hadn’t thought about that.” She handed me a stack of napkins. “Can you work from home? Do they let historians do that?”
“A little. I could say I’m taking a writing day to work on the new book.”
“You should do that.” She walked to the kitchen and returned with glasses of water for each of us.
“Where did these come from?” She had a spread of grilled cheese, fries, and brownies.
“My favorite spot for comfort food, Cartwright’s. Thought you could use some comfort.” She smiled.
“What I could use is some morphine.”
“Not any better?” She drew closer to my leg, carefully lifting the bandage. “This looks worse, Zac.”
“Nah, there’s bad lighting in here. We should eat.”
The way her eyes squinted indicated she didn’t believe me, but for now, she was going to let me have my dinner without insisting I go to the ER.
“Thanks for coming back.”
Her eyes lifted to mine. “I told you I would.”
“But you didn’t have to. Thanks.”
“I’m not going to leave you here to suffer. I really wanted to get back earlier, but I had to take care of a few things.”
“I understand. You’ve got a lot going on with the end of the semester.”
“You could say that.”
I reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. I couldn’t help it. When she was close, I wanted to draw her closer, pull her next to me, and wrap my arms around her. I tried to shake it off, but this girl had gotten in my head.
“Do you have exams to study for or projects?” I asked.
“Both.” She pulled a string of cheese from her sandwich. “I’m in a group that has a final project due and then the rest of my classes have a final exam.”
“I remember those days. I think I loved everything about college except finals week.”
“Me too.”
We ate until there wasn’t a single fry left. I was glad she wasn’t a salad-only type of girl. I had dated my share of those.
“Can I get you anything else?” She started to clear the paper bags from the table.
“How about a beer? I’ve got a few in the fridge.”
“I guess that would be ok. You’re not on any pain meds.” She returned a few minutes later holding a pair of cold beer bottles.
“Thanks.” The beer was a relief. Maybe I could drink enough to numb the pain in my leg.
“I saw your gym in the garage. What do you do out there?” She tossed the beer cap on the table.
“It’s a good place to get my workout in. I haven’t found a gym with all the equipment I need, so I started putting it together myself. It was in a spare room in my last apartment, but the garage works. It’s actually bigger.”
“You box?”
“More kickboxing than regular boxing. I started focusing on tai chi. It’s a good stress reliever.” I smiled at her. “I picked it up on one of my trips.”
“Trips? Was this one of those where you stayed for a while?”
“Yeah, you could say that.”
“Maybe you could show me some time when you’re up for it.”
“As soon as this leg is healed, we’ll do a session together.”
If she looked half as cute kickboxing as she did running, I’d have to find a way to set up more workouts. She didn’t need to know I had been running from darkness when I started. I started to feel like I was hiding so much from her.
“Do you think you could train someone to fight?”
“Like self-defense training? I could definitely do that. Do you need some help? Worried about the big cats in the woods?” I had to admit there was nothing I could teach her when it came to what I had faced.
She smiled. “Maybe. You can never be too careful.”
“Very true. But it’s not an overnight art. It takes time. Dedication. Patience.”
“I think it’s pretty impressive. How long have you been doing it?” she asked.
It had been six months in the Japanese countryside. It was gut wrenching and painful, but it breathed some sort of life back into me.
“It’s part of me now. I can’t remember not doing it.”
“I get that.”
She tipped the bottle back, and then sighed. “I was thinking about your writing. Maybe you should try a different book. This cat thing seems dangerous. Wouldn’t you rather get into the history of the pirates who founded the town? The Garson story was really great. Or maybe the mayor who outlawed children for a year? That guy was psycho.”
I studied her. No matter when or where, she was trying to steer me away from the she-panther. “You don’t like the she-panther story.”
“It’s not that. I just think there might be more interesting historical events from the town out there. Things that are real.”
“But I think she is real.” I watched as she flinched at my words.
“I know you were attacked in the woods last night by an animal. But come on, Zac, it wasn’t part of the town’s folklore. I just don’t want you spinning your wheels. That’s all. Houses aren’t haunted. Leprechauns don’t lead you to a pot of gold. And there certainly aren’t any panthers in Sullen’s Grove.”
She sat next to my hip, her body quickly slinking into the space. I knew men fell in love with their nurses all the time. It was a part of the history of war. I felt as if I was a wounded soldier, alive because she had stayed by my side. I didn’t know how else to describe this. She touched my skin and it fired. She looked in my eyes and I knew she could see my soul. She spoke and it was as if she was purring at me, begging me to kiss her. It was more than a patient-nurse syndrome. I was falling way too fast.
I called a truce. “What if we agree for now I’ll drop it?” I suggested.
“Really?” She smiled.
“Really.” I felt like I had accomplished something monumental. I made her happy.
She pulled out her phone. “It’s getting late. I need to get going.”
“Think you could help me to my room? I don’t want to sleep on the couch again.” It was lame. It was predictable. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t about to let her walk out of here tonight. I couldn’t.
“Sure.” She stood. “Now just be careful.” She helped me stand. This wasn’t the time to tell her I had made it to the shower on my own.
I pointed to the end of the hall where my bedroom was. I hopped on my good leg, using her shoulder as a crutch for the other one. We maneuvered through the bedroom door.
“Here you go.” She released my arm as I sat on the edge of the bed.
“Thanks.”
She smiled. For a second, I thought she was going to lean down to kiss me. The hesitation was in her eyes. “You’re welcome.”