Darcy's Passions (18 page)

Darcy finished the letter by excusing Elizabeth for being fooled by Wickham's falsehoods. He offered Colonel Fitzwilliam as a witness to the truth of his plea. He would ask his cousin to confide in Elizabeth his knowledge of the events if she so wished. He finished with,

It was over; he did all he could do to change Elizabeth's opinion of his worth. He would return to London and then to Pemberley, and he would try to get on with his life without the hope of earning Elizabeth's love. The depth of his sorrow he would mask in reticence and a perverse hauteur. Now the middle of the night, Darcy's actions exhausted him; howbeit pale and although he tried to convince himself he neither sought nor deserved pity, tears welled in his eyes as he reached to put out the candle. Sometime during the next few hours, he stumbled to the bed and sprawled in despair upon it. Sleep came slowly; abhorring the self-indulgence of his loss, he summoned defiance and accepted blame.

 

The light of a new day streamed in through the window as Darcy dressed; he wrote Elizabeth three pages in a very close hand and sealed it with the Darcy insignia; now he must see her one last time and implore Elizabeth to read it through. He hoped she would stay with her routine and choose to walk her favorite path. Darcy waited along a section of the trail where he might espy Elizabeth before she knew he was there. After a wait of five and thirty
minutes, he saw her approach. Darcy's heart leapt from his chest when she hesitated at seeing him there, but he steadied himself and approached her respectfully and formally.

“Miss Elizabeth, I have been walking in the grove for some time in hope of meeting you. Would you do me the honor of reading this letter?”Then he handed her the message he wrote and made his parting obeisance, walking away briskly. However, he could not resist the urge to stop and look at her one last time; she filled his senses, and tears came to his eyes again; finally, he turned and left her there.

 

Returning to Rosings, Darcy found his cousin alone in the morning room enjoying a second helping of the breakfast repast. “Edward,” Darcy's voice came out heavier than he intended.“I am glad to find you without company at this time. I have something for which I must beg your assistance.”

The brusque manner in which Darcy spoke surprised Edward. “Pray tell me there is nothing wrong with Georgiana.”

“There is no fear there, but of what I wish to speak does relate to my sister. May we be seated?”

“Certainly,” Edward's concern played across his face, but he gave Darcy his full attention.

Darcy took a deep breath and began slowly.“Edward, there was something I shared with no one about my time in Hertfordshire. George Wickham is stationed with the militia in Meryton, and I was nearly thrown into his company there.”

Edward cut in, “Darcy, you jest. Wickham! How can that be? He lacks the discipline for such a life.”

“I would not argue with you there, Cousin, but I have other tales to share. Miss Elizabeth's sisters favor the company of officers, and she has been often in Wickham's company. As we both are aware, Wickham has his charms, especially when it comes to the ladies. He filled Miss Elizabeth's head with lies about his relationship with my family; and I, with much deliberation, shared the story of Wickham's betrayal of Georgiana with her.” Edward's
shock could not be hidden. “I assured Miss Elizabeth you will verify my story; would you please make yourself available to her if she so wishes? Elizabeth respects your worth.”

“Darcy!” Edward exclaimed, “Are you sure Miss Elizabeth can be trusted with Georgiana's future?”

“Implicitly,” came his simple response.

“If you say so, Cousin,” Edward shook his head. “Elizabeth Bennet must be a remarkable woman for you to risk Georgiana's reputation as such.”

Darcy did not answer; he feared his heart would betray him if he spoke of Elizabeth's worth.

 

Before taking their leave of Rosings, Darcy and Edward called upon the Parsonage to pay their respects. Elizabeth did not return from her walk, and Darcy was not sure whether he rejoiced at the idea or whether he trembled from the anticipation of her return. He had no pretense to hold him there so he bid the Collinses adieu and left his respects for Elizabeth with them. Edward waited upon her return for nearly an hour, but Elizabeth, evidently, did not desire his proof for Darcy's secret; he, too, bid those at Hunsford a fond farewell. Joining Darcy, Edward took time to appease their aunt and lingered some time with Anne before stepping into the carriage to return to London and his military duty.
At least,
thought Darcy,
Edward has something to distract him;
Darcy was not sure anything could make him forget Elizabeth Bennet.

Darcy stayed in London for less than a fortnight, but he did not spend his time well. He roamed from room-to-room at Kensington Place, standing for hours staring out the window or sitting at his desk, his work left unattended; nothing gave him pleasure. Although Georgiana joined him at his London home, Darcy was still alone, wanting no one's company, their conversations limited to the barest of civilities. His sister knew nothing of his pain, and she took on a countenance laced with guilt; however, Darcy took no notice of Georgiana's believing she disappointed him. Being lost unto himself, he did not see her apprehension.

Edward, at Georgiana's insistence, joined them for dinner one evening to assess his cousin's change of demeanor. Darcy's haggard looks shocked Edward, and Darcy's reserve, even with his relatives, created an unclear picture of what his cousin thought. “Fitz,” Edward began tentatively, “I thought you might want to know Miss Elizabeth is in town.”

Darcy's whole being reflected his discomposure at his cousin's tidings. He forced himself to swallow and to sound uninterested. “Miss Elizabeth, you say? Pray tell where you might have encountered her in London.”

“I did not speak to her directly. She, Miss Lucas, another young lady, and an older couple were in a drapers shop in Pall Mall, near Harding and Howell, last Tuesday. I just finished training some new recruits and was not presentable to greet the rest of her party; I assumed, Cousin, you would know how to reach Miss Bennet here if you so wished.”

“I am not that intimate with Miss Elizabeth to know her affairs!” Darcy nearly snapped. He downed a large glass of brandy and softened his tone.“The mercantile district, you say?”

“From the window, I observed that she chose some lace, even going back to it several times, but she did not purchase it,” Edward added.“I thought you might be interested.”

“Miss Elizabeth is no consequence to me,” is what Darcy answered, but the fluttering around his heart belied his words. “Edward, I have some matters to address in my study.Why do you not join Georgiana? She would appreciate company more pleasant than I have been of late.”And with that, he left the room.

 

Several hours later Edward knocked lightly at Darcy's study, but no response came from within. He rapped again before opening the door gingerly; he saw papers all over the floor and Darcy slumped over his desk, the remnants of a glass of brandy clutched tightly in his hand. As he came forward to rouse his cousin, Edward at first thought Darcy slept, but he soon discovered Darcy was clearly inebriated. The colonel had helped more than one of his military acquaintances in similar situations, but to find Darcy so was uncharacteristic. He could not recall of a single time when Fitzwilliam allowed himself to lose control and to take too much drink. For his cousin to be in such a condition concerned the colonel.

“Come, Cousin,” he lifted Darcy to his feet,“let me help you to your chambers.”

“Ah, Edward,” Darcy swayed as he stood. “My good cousin—you know I was very jealous of you—in fact, did you know I wanted to be you?” The words were slurred, and Darcy could barely stand upright.

“Why, Darcy?” Edward positioned his cousin's arm around his shoulder.“You have so much more than I.”

“You could have had Elizabeth,” slouching, Darcy turned to speak directly to his cousin's face. “She liked your company so much better than she did mine.”

Not completely taken by surprise, Edward led Darcy toward an overstuffed chair, which sat close by; he watched Darcy vie for Elizabeth Bennet's attention at Rosings so Edward was aware of his cousin's interest in the woman. What he did not know was the extent of Darcy's regard. With that purpose in mind, he tested Fitzwilliam's feelings. “Miss Elizabeth had her charms, but, as you kindly pointed out, her connections are low; I cannot imagine anyone we know who would align himself with the likes of Elizabeth Bennet. She has nothing to make her a suitable choice.”

Deeply intoxicated, but still incensed by Edward's words, Darcy pulled himself up straight and faced his cousin indignantly. “Sir, I will beg you not to speak so of Miss Elizabeth.Your censure is most unwelcome.”

Edward's smile went unnoticed by Darcy as the man collapsed into the colonel's arms. “I apologize, Cousin,” he began. “Let me call for some coffee, and maybe you can tell me of Elizabeth Bennet's many allurements.”

Clinging to Edward, Darcy lurched forward, reaching for the arm of the chair.As he nearly fell into the seat he murmured,“Elizabeth Bennet is an incomparable woman, and I am the last man in the world she could be prevailed upon to marry.” Thus said, Darcy passed out from the effort of reaching the chair, but his cousin's disclosure suddenly alerted Edward to Darcy's dilemma. His curiosity piqued, he wanted to know of what his cousin referred; Edward knew Darcy showed some preference for Elizabeth Bennet, but even he did not realize the depth of the relationship.

 

It took more coffee and more time than anticipated, but Edward, eventually, brought Darcy back to some semblance of his normal self. Darcy sat with his head in his hands, propped on elbows based on his knees. It was very late, but Edward pressed on. “Cousin, we should talk.You have become a shadow of the person you once were; you withdraw from Georgiana and your friends; your work lays untouched upon your desk; and you made a reference to Miss Elizabeth we should address.”

Darcy sat up and looked vaguely about him; he reached out and took the coffee cup from the tray on the side table as a ploy to forestall what he must face; he held the cup from which he sipped to his lips and hesitated, trying to get his mind in order.“I guess I owe you some explanation, but I am not sure I can speak the words.”

“It is Georgiana to whom you owe an explanation. Have you not noticed your sister blames herself for your current misery? She believes she disappoints you.”

“How is that so?” Darcy began, but he stopped short knowing his conduct of late was contemptible.

“You have fallen for Elizabeth Bennet, have you not?”

“Am I that obvious?” Darcy asked reluctantly.

“Fitz, we have been more like brothers than even my own brother is to me.” Darcy chuckled as he acknowledged Edward's words. “I knew before we journeyed to Rosings your interest in Elizabeth Bennet was more than a passing fancy. When the great Fitzwilliam Darcy mentions a woman twice, I notice. When he mentions her repeatedly, I know something is amiss.”

“Miss Elizabeth thinks nothing of me; she said as much when I offered her everything I had.”

“Elizabeth Bennet refused you? This cannot be.You are perfect for each other; she makes you laugh, Fitz; no one has ever made you laugh.” Darcy smiled at the image. “Darcy, you must tell me what happened?”

“Mr. Wickham poisoned her mind to me. I am lost to her,” Darcy nearly moaned. “Plus, in my pomposity, I tried to control things over which I should have taken no notice. I wronged Elizabeth by hurting her sister.”

“How could you have hurt Elizabeth's sister?”

“Do you remember my bragging about separating Bingley from an inappropriate connection?”

“Not Elizabeth's sister?”

“Unfortunately,” Darcy nodded.

“Darcy,” Edward's realization shot across his face, “I fear she
heard of this from me. No wonder she suddenly took ill that day in the park.”

“Do not worry yourself, Cousin. I realized from whom she heard the news before we left her at Rosings; Elizabeth would have discovered my deceit sooner or later; she is a clever woman. Elizabeth settled against me before I convinced Bingley to leave Netherfield; I treated her poorly, and then professed my love for her; my duplicity only encouraged her contempt for me.”