Dancing Naked (20 page)

“I don’t think you are.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Think about it.”

Kia studied him. She didn’t know what he was talking about.

“How about Derek?” he reminded her. “You admitted yourself that you misjudged his character.”

“That’s different.” She felt her face flush.

“Why?”

“It just is.” She wasn’t going to explain to him that her mistake with Derek wasn’t so much that she’d misjudged him. It was that she’d allowed herself to give in to the rush of desire she experienced every time they were together. She realized now that she’d never even taken the time to get to know his character.

“It’s just that this is not the kind of decision a girl your age should be making,” her dad continued. “Your mom and I have raised children, we can see through idealistic platitudes to the real character traits that matter.”

“Like what, Dad?” Kia asked, unconvinced.

“Well, like ...” He paused, unable to name anything.

“I’m not going to choose a couple of idiots to give my baby to, Dad. This matters a lot to me.”

“It just seems you’re already so set on this one couple. You should interview lots of people.”

“I will if these guys aren’t perfect.”

“Nobody’s perfect, Kia.” Her dad sighed.

“I am,” Angie said, grinning as she carried her bowl to the sink.

Kia smiled at her little sister, grateful for the interruption.

“Aside from you,” Kia’s dad said, also smiling.

Kia glanced from her father to Angie and realized, again, that the family dynamics were shifting. The roles they’d all played for so many years had changed. But even with her bulging stomach, the hardest shift of all was for her father to accept that she was no longer just a girl. She was a young adult who had some big decisions ahead of her. And she would make them herself.

Kia felt Justin’s arm slide around her shoulders when Brett and Joanna arrived at Sadie’s office. Kia studied the couple carefully. Her first thought was that they looked older than they did in the picture. They both shook hands with her, and when Kia looked into Joanna’s eyes, their beauty startled her. It wasn’t the heavily made-up glossy-magazine kind of beauty, but the beauty of a wise, warm and caring woman. Brett’s handshake was firm and his smile friendly. Justin shook their hands too, and Sadie introduced him as Kia’s friend, pointedly adding that he was not the father of the baby.

“So,” Brett said once they were all seated. “Are you as nervous as we are?”

Kia laughed at the unexpected question. “Yes,” she admitted. “I couldn’t eat anything this morning.”

“Me neither,” Joanna said. “And I didn’t sleep a wink last night.”

“I thought we were going to be late for this meeting,” Brett said, “because Joanna kept changing her mind about what to wear.”

Kia smiled as Joanna gave her husband a friendly swat. “Casual, but not too casual,” he teased, putting his arm around his wife’s chair. “Fashionable, but not trendy. It’s hard to know what look a wannabe adoptive mother should have.”

“I wish I had that problem,” Kia said, smiling at Brett. “I don’t have much to choose from right now.” She put her hands on her stomach.

“Have you felt it move yet?” Joanna asked.

“Yeah, she’s been kicking like crazy all morning. I think she knows how nervous I am. My adrenaline must be pumping through her too.”

“Her?” Brett asked. “Do you know it’s a girl?”

“No,” Kia admitted. She pulled the ultrasound photo out of her purse. “I just have a strong feeling about it. Here’s her first photo.”

Joanna took the photo from Kia and studied it. She handed it to Brett. “It’s miraculous, isn’t it?” she commented quietly. Brett peered at the photo and nodded. He handed it back to Kia and then picked up his wife’s hand.

“Do you care what it is?” Kia asked.

They shook their heads.

“So, I know you each have questions prepared,” Sadie said, speaking for the first time since the meeting began. “Do you want to take turns, or ...?”

Kia glanced at Joanna and Brett, they looked back at her. They all shrugged and turned to Sadie for guidance.

“Well then, Kia, why don’t you get the ball rolling? What would you like to ask Joanna and Brett?”

“Well ...” She hesitated. There was only one thing she really wanted to know. “You said in the adoption profile something about the birth mom being a special part of your lives. Can you tell me what you mean by that?”

Joanna spoke first. She leaned forward. “If you choose us as the adoptive parents, Kia,” she said quietly, “we would decide together what kind of an arrangement would work best for everyone. It could mean that you would visit us and get to know the child, or another option would be that we would send you pictures and letters. I expect each birth parent has different ideas about how much involvement they want. But we’re open to almost any arrangement.”

“Our adopted child will always know that she has a birth mom who loves her as much as we do,” Brett said, smiling. “She’ll be luckier than all those kids who only have two parents.”

Kia nodded, her eyes shining. “Thanks.”

“Your turn to ask Kia a question,” Sadie said to Brett and Joanna.

“I hate to pry,” Joanna said, “but I’m wondering what you can tell us about the birth father. Will he also want to stay connected with the baby?”

Kia felt her energy drain. They’d started with the
hardest question of all. But then she felt Justin’s hand squeeze her shoulder and it gave her the encouragement she needed. “Derek and I aren’t even talking. We only went out for awhile and I got pregnant the only time we ever ... did it,” she said quietly. “He wanted me to abort it and he’s angry that I didn’t.” Kia took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t think he’ll want anything to do with the baby, but I guess I’ll have to talk to him about it eventually.”

Joanna nodded, looking sympathetic. “Life is strange, isn’t it? Here I am, desperately trying to get pregnant, and you ... well, you know what I mean.”

Kia nodded. “Yeah, I do.” She sat quietly for a moment. “Okay, my turn to ask you a question.”

“Shoot,” Brett said.

“What scares you the most about all this?”

Brett and Joanna looked at each other and laughed. “You ask tough questions, Kia,” Joanna said.

“You’re not scared of anything?” Kia asked.

“No, that’s not it,” Joanna said. “There are so many things I’m scared of I don’t know where to start!”

“Just name a few,” Kia suggested.

“Well,” Joanna said, looking at Brett, “I guess the biggie is that you’ll choose us to be the adoptive parents, we’ll get our hopes up, and then you’ll change your mind at the last minute.” She added quietly, “It happened once before.”

Kia watched as Brett gently rubbed her back.

“What else?” Kia asked.

“That you won’t choose us to be the parents,” Joanna said.

“Anything else?” Kia asked.

“I’ve got one,” Brett said. “You’ll choose us, we’ll take the baby home, you’ll come visit us and decide you just can’t leave her, and you’ll take her away.” Kia could see the pain in Brett’s dark eyes as he described the scenario. “And I’ve been worried that you might be doing drugs and messing it up,” he added, “but I can see now that that’s not likely.”

Kia shook her head.

“Wow,” Sadie said, breaking into the conversation. “I really admire your honesty.”

“Yeah, really,” Justin said.

Joanna looked at Justin, almost as if noticing him for the first time. “You two are just friends?”

Kia and Justin nodded, looking at each other.

“So there’s no chance you’re suddenly going to decide to raise this baby together?”

“No chance,” Justin said quietly, still looking at Kia. But this time she didn’t return his gaze.

“Okay,” Sadie said, changing the subject. “Whose turn is it to ask a question?”

“I think it’s mine,” Kia said, clearing her throat.

Joanna nodded encouragingly.

“What if my baby is born and there is something wrong with it? Like it’s got Down’s syndrome or something? Would you still want to adopt it?”

There was no hesitation. They nodded in unison. “Do you have some reason to believe there might be something wrong?” Sadie asked.

“No, but you never know.” Kia placed her hand on her stomach. “There she goes again.”

“The baby?” Joanna asked.

“Uh-huh. I’m sure she’s got all her limbs. And then some.”

“May I feel?”

“Sure.”

Justin and Joanna exchanged seats, and Joanna put her hand on Kia’s stomach.

“Oh!” Joanna sat up straight, eyes wide.

“That was her,” Kia said. She moved Joanna’s hand a little, placing it closer to where Joanna would feel the baby’s movements.

“That is so awesome.”

Kia could hear reverence in Joanna’s voice. They studied each other while they waited for another movement. Again, Kia was struck by the depth of character she saw in Joanna’s face. Her dad was wrong. She could judge people accurately, and she knew that Joanna and Brett would make great parents.

If only she was as sure she could give them her baby.

April 14

I feel like I have a split personality and both of me are having a big fight inside my head. I can’t stand it. It goes like this –

Me #1 – They’re perfect. Brett’s cool. Joanna’s wonderful.

Me #2 – But this is our baby. Giving it away – even to THE PERFECT PARENTS – will be like giving away an arm, a leg, even our heart!

Me #1 – But we’ll be able to go visit. She’ll know we are her birth mom.

Me #2 – Maybe she’ll know she is our flesh and blood but her real mom will be Joanna. Joanna will be the one rocking her to sleep, kissing her scrapes and bruises, reading her bedtime stories ...

Me #1 – Quit being so romantic! Joanna will also be changing stinky diapers, getting up in the middle of the night and listening to her whine. We’ll just get to enjoy her. Me #2 – My baby won’t whine.

Me #1- Get a life.

Me #2 – I can’t give her away. Even to THE PERFECT PARENTS.

Me #1 – Yes you can. And you will.

Me #2 – Not if I can help it.

Me #1 – I’ve got our parents, Justin
and
Sadie on my side. Now I’ve got Brett and Joanna too, as well as every other living person we know!

Me #2 – Yeah, but ...

Me #1 – But what?

Me #2 – I’ve always had more pull than you.

Me #1 – LOL. We’ll see, now, won’t we?

Me #2 – (deep sigh) Yes, I guess we will.

Kia’s heart sank when she heard the familiar thumping of the car’s boom box. It was a Saturday afternoon and she and Justin were watching her former team play baseball. Neither she nor Derek had ever discussed the confrontation they’d had at Jared’s party, and they’d successfully managed to avoid each other ... until now.

“Oh, no,” she groaned.

“What is it?” Justin asked, concerned.

“Derek’s here,” she said, glancing over at the parking lot and confirming her suspicions. “Let’s go.” She began to stand up.

“Are you going to spend the rest of your life running away from your problems, Kia?”