Dancing Naked (11 page)

“Okay then, my turn,” Justin said. “And have I got news!” He glanced down at Kia and smiled. She felt the fluttering sensation return, but again, it was not nerves.

“I’m an uncle,” he declared, grinning and looking around at the group.

“How can you be?” Laurel asked after a moment. “You’re an only child.”

“Yeah, well, not a real uncle.” He looked down at Kia and they made eye contact. She nodded. “Kia is pregnant, and I’ve made myself ‘acting’ uncle for the duration of her pregnancy.”

There was a stunned silence and Kia felt everyone’s eyes on her. Laurel finally found her voice. “Are you really, Kia?”

Kia glanced at her and nodded. Then she looked around at the other eight faces. The expressions were changing from shock to sadness.

“And you’re going to have the baby?” Laurel asked. She seemed to be the only one who could speak.

Kia nodded

“Did you consider ...” Meagan couldn’t say the word, but they all knew what she meant.

“Yeah, I did. I almost had an abortion, but I changed my mind.”

“Are you a pro-lifer or something?” Meagan was the same age as her, Kia realized, and couldn’t get her head around the idea of going through with a pregnancy.

Kia shrugged. “I’m not pro-anything. I just couldn’t do it.”

“Chickened out?” Chris asked softly.

“No, that’s not it,” Kia answered, her face flushing. “I wasn’t scared.” She hesitated. “Well, yeah, I was. But I was going to do it anyway when I suddenly realized that it wasn’t the right thing for me. I’d been pressured into it, and I knew that was the wrong reason to have one.” The room was quiet, so Kia turned back to Meagan. “I guess I am pro-choice, but you know, when people talk about choice, they’re usually talking about a woman’s right to abortion. I think choice can also mean continuing with an unexpected pregnancy.”

“Perhaps there’s a big difference between an unexpected pregnancy and an unwanted one,” Justin suggested.

“Maybe,” Kia said, “though not really in my case. I’d rather not be pregnant, but I’m going to make the best of it. And I’m going to try not to care what anyone else thinks or says.” Kia realized she felt better just saying the words out loud. She glanced at Justin, wondering if he remembered suggesting them to her.

He smiled and winked.

“I don’t care what any of you think,” Laurel blurted out. Kia noticed the defiant set of her jaw. “Abortion is murder, no matter what you call it.” She turned to face Kia. “You did the right thing.”

Kia felt a tremor run through the small group. Justin must have felt it too. “Let’s leave that discussion for another day,” he said, sensing the unspoken emotion that was building in the room. “This isn’t the time.”

Everyone was quiet for a moment. Laurel twisted a strand of hair around and around her finger. Finally Chris spoke up. “Are you going to keep going to school?” he asked.

“Yep.”

Chris nodded thoughtfully. The group grew quiet again.

“Please keep in mind our promise to each other,” Justin reminded the somber group. “We have a safe circle here, we can talk about anything, but what we talk about here is private. It doesn’t go beyond this circle.”

No one spoke for a moment, and then the questions came out, one by one.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Not anymore.” Kia’s eyes dropped, but not before she saw the surprised expressions that crossed everyone’s faces,
especially Chris’s, who went to the same school as her.

“Why weren’t you using birth control?”

“We were.”

“What kind?”

“A condom. It must have been defective or something.”

“Did he have it on right?” Mike asked.

“Yeah. Duh.”

“I just thought you might have missed that class.”

“What class?”

“The one in Sex Ed,” Mike reminded her. “Where we had to practice putting them on bananas.” A giggle ran through the group as they recalled the game.

“Yeah, I was there. My team won the relay,” Kia quipped.

“Have you told your parents?” Meagan asked. The mood grew serious again.

“Yeah. That was brutal.”

There were nods and murmurs around the circle. Justin gently rubbed her back. She wished he’d never stop.

Kia continued. “My dad tried talking me into an abortion too.”

“So what are you going to do with the baby?” Meagan asked. She lay stretched out on her tummy, her chin cupped in her hands.

“I don’t know yet.” Her arms involuntarily crossed over her stomach.

“Are you thinking of keeping it? Really?”

Kia shrugged.

“Was it worth it?” Mike asked.

“Huh?”

He smiled, teasingly. “The sex part.”

Everyone groaned and Chris elbowed him in the ribs, but they all turned to Kia to hear the answer.

“No. Not for me. He might think so because he’s not pregnant.”

“What about if you hadn’t got pregnant?” Mike asked.

“Okay, Mike, now you’re out of line,” Justin said over the noise of the others heckling Mike. “Does anyone have anything else they’d like to ask Kia?”

The room grew quiet again. Then Laurel cleared her throat. “We’re here for you, Ki.” She looked around at the others and they all nodded. “You know that, right?”

Kia swallowed hard and smiled at her. She felt tears welling up in her eyes.

“And I want to know if I can be an uncle too,” Chris asked.

“And I’m the aunt, okay Ki?” asked Meagan.

Justin rested his hand on Kia’s shoulder. “How about if we’re all unofficial aunts and uncles?” he suggested. “One big, happy family.”

Kia could only nod and wipe her eyes. Then, one by one, they crossed the circle and hugged her. There were tears spilling down many of their cheeks by the time they were finished, and Kia knew that it was, truly, a safe circle.

Kia found Grace waiting near the door of the parlor when she tried to leave after her next piano performance. She smiled politely and attempted to slip past, but Grace maneuvered her wheelchair so she was blocking the doorway.

“Hi, Kia,” she said.

“Hi, Grace.”

“That was lovely music you played for us today.”

“Thanks.” Kia smiled and tried to squeeze around the wheelchair.

“Will you stay and have a cup of tea with me, dear?” Grace asked.

Kia glanced at her watch, feeling nauseous at the thought of staying here any longer than she had to, but when she looked into Grace’s earnest old face, she found she didn’t have the heart to say no.

Kia pushed Grace down to the sunroom. They sat at a table by the window, overlooking an expanse of grass that sloped down to the river in the distance. Kia watched as Grace clamped her mug between both hands and shakily brought it up to her mouth. She took a sip and then slowly, painfully, returned the mug to the table.

“The music was a little more optimistic today, Kia, but not exactly happy.”

Kia took a sip of her own tea. “You’re one observant lady.”

“I have a lot of time for observing. And reflecting. And I tried to think of all the things that could make a girl like you so serious.”

“I’m not always serious.”

“I know that, from the first few times you played for us. From your selections then, I sensed you were a young lady with a great sense of humor.”

Kia studied Grace, intrigued by the old woman’s uncanny way of reading her personality through the music she chose to play. She’d never thought about it, but it made sense.
She probably did choose music to match her mood.

“Let me guess,” Kia teased. “You were a gypsy in a past life. The kind that reads fortunes in tea leaves.”

“You’re right, Kia.” Grace’s smile lit up her eyes. “And how did you know that?”

“A woman’s intuition.” She smiled back, beginning to enjoy herself.

“Ah yes. I know all about intuition.”

“Yeah?” Kia asked. “What do you know?”

“I know that you have something weighing heavily on your mind.” Grace’s sharp eyes caught and held Kia’s.

“Really.” It was a statement.

“Yes. And I know that you’re starting to accept the situation. But you’re not exactly happy yet.”

“Yeah, Grace, you do have good intuition.” Kia narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. “Either that or you’ve been talking to Justin.”

Grace ignored the accusation. “I would venture to guess that the problem might be tall, dark and handsome.”

Kia laughed. “Close, but not quite. He’s blue-eyed and blond. Has Justin been dropping hints?”

“Nope. Justin hasn’t said a thing. Your music says it all.”

“You’re pretty smart, Grace.”

“Oh no. But I think I read people pretty well.”

Kia nodded. They both sipped their tea.

“Why don’t you tell me about him?” Grace asked, after successfully managing to maneuver her mug back to the table again.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything. I have nothing but time.”

Kia smiled and thought about her answer. “He has ... something. I don’t know what the word is, but he made me feel amazing. When we were together I felt ... I don’t know. Completely wrapped up in him. I thought maybe that was what love was,” she admitted. “But,” she added more softly, “now I know he never felt the same about me.”

“Love is an imprecise word, isn’t it?” Grace said, her voice warbling a little. “One word simply can’t describe all the kinds of love in this world, but each kind of love is valid when you’re the one experiencing it.”

Kia nodded, thinking of Derek, wondering what he had felt for her. “I think the worst part is I’m feeling so stupid. And used. I’d thought he felt the same way.”

“It’s hard to measure what someone else is feeling.”

“But he’s the one who started it,” Kia argued. “And there seemed to be such a strong attraction between us. I was sure of it. But then when...”

Grace leaned forward, listening carefully.

Kia spoke softly. “But once we’d...”

“Ahh.” Grace nodded understanding. “Men like him have been around since my day. Is he charming and good-looking?”

Kia nodded.

“Do girls go all goofy when he’s around?”

“Yep.”

“Mr. Charismatic?”

“I don’t know exactly what that means, but probably.”

Grace smiled sadly and rested a hand on Kia’s arm. “You know, in some ways I feel sorry for people like that.”

“You what?!”

“I do,” she said, sitting back in her chair. “For some men, and for some women too, it’s the hunt that has all the appeal. They’re like spoiled housecats who chase birds and mice because they like the game, but once they capture their prey the thrill is over and they just spit them out and leave them to lick their wounds.”

Kia remembered her journal entry.
He was watching me, like a cat watches its prey.

“So why do you feel sorry for them?” Kia asked.

“Because they never learn to build relationships or develop character. By the time we’re adults, most of the rest of us can see through that superficial charm. And then, when they get older and their good looks fade, what have they got? Nothing!”

Kia smiled. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“It’s just my theory.”

“Sounds good to me.” Kia took one last sip of her tea and made a face, realizing it was cold. Then she looked around the room. “So where’s Justin today?”

“I saw him leave with his friend shortly before you got here. They probably went out for an early supper.”

“Oh.” His friend. A girlfriend or just some guy? She considered hanging around longer, hoping to find out, but then realized how tired she was. Fatigue was an ongoing problem these days.

“I guess I better go, Grace,” she said, patting the old woman on the hand and realizing that it no longer repulsed her. “Let’s have tea again next week.”

Grace’s eyes shone. “It’s a date,” she said.

~ baby produces urine and is urinating into amniotic fluid
~ fingers and toes have separated, nails are growing,
and hair
~ baby breathes the amniotic fluid in and out of its lungs
~ size of a fist

Feb. 24

Was I blind? Why could I not see through Derek before?

Even Grace figured him out, and she’s never even met

him!

But even now, I get a little rush when I think of him,

and how it felt to be with him.

What is the matter with me???