Cutting Loose (31 page)

“Come on, Brett. I can’t even have a
decent conversation about my frustrations and you can’t even empathize with
me?”

“I’m sorry, all right? I’m sorry I’m not
black and I never will be. That’s just the way it is.”

Silence fell between them.

Sabrina looked away. She knew one of
these days they would have this conversation but she didn’t expect things to
get so out of hand.

She said, “You’re right. Maybe we should
take a break.”

Brett sighed. “Maybe we should.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven:

What Next?

As Sabrina soaked her aching body in the
lavender-scented bathwater she tried her hardest not to think about what was
said between herself and Brett that evidently let to their break-up. She wanted
to truthfully believe that it wasn’t her fault and a part of her thought
otherwise; after all, she had initiated the argument with the intentions of
talking and she only wanted to be heard.

Maybe she shouldn’t have been so quick
to talk about race in such a place as a grocery store, where ironically, they
first met and broke-up. Sabrina laughed out loud at the thought.

“Isn’t that a bitch?” Sabrina said
aloud.

Sabrina didn’t really mind talking about
race and felt it was a very important part of being in a relationship where two
people are from two totally different backgrounds and had a lot of people mad,
even jealous.

It was bound to cause issues and
eventually something was going to give; rather he called her the ‘n’ word by
mistake or if she called him white trash. Then again, she never really talked
down to anyone; unless they did something really piss her off. That was a
different story. And they hadn’t exactly broken up. They were just taking a
‘break’ and needed some time apart to sort out their priorities and see if they
were willing to make the relationship work.

In Sabrina’s defense, she was hoping
that things would eventually go back to normal and she would have someone to
hold her while she slept, someone to talk to until the wee hours of the
morning. Being single sucked ass. Plain and simple. She had already given up on
her search for Mr. Right and that wasn’t working out so well. So now what was
she supposed to do? She had everything she needed; a nice home, financial
security, a great job, hell all the things any woman could ask for. She didn’t
need a man for shit. She was a self-made career woman and never had to ask for
help. She liked it that way.

Truth be told, Brett was a fine piece of
meat, but he wasn’t worth shedding a tear over. Okay, maybe few tears here and
there, but not waterworks like those pathetic bitches in those romance movies
do when they get left for not doing what they were supposed to. Sabrina felt
like shit for crying when she did. There was no other way to admit that she
missed the hell out of Brett’s cooking and the way his soft lips felt as they
traced over her nipples and—

Shit, she was doing it again—drifting.
She had to stop doing that. Seriously, it was getting crazy. Once in a while
was okay but not every damn day.

Drifting also usually led to what she
was doing now; sitting in a bathtub pleasuring herself with her fingers and her
loyal water-resistant vibrator. Filling her head with images of Brett and
herself making love, she threw her head back against the soft towels and rode
the eruption going on between her legs that felt like a mini-earthquake.

Sabrina pulled away from her thoughts
and finished bathing and slipped into her Terrycloth robe. She then trotted to
the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine to mellow out before she went off
to bed for another lonely night.

She went to work thinking she would
finally get a break and figure out how to bring the magazine back to its reigns
but to no avail, things were still in shambles and Sean was getting panicky,
thinking that the magazine was done for and slowly, but surely plummeting to
the grown. Taking a break from it all, Sabrina went for a walk downtown during
her lunch break, where the tall surrounding buildings brought some serenity to
all the madness going on in her world. She wanted to believe that being
optimistic was going to be enough to be enough to help the magazine survive but
at this point it was pointless and she was ready for Sean to deliver the bad
news and tell her everything was over and his daughter, the evil and conniving
Camille, had finally won.

Sabrina fought back tears as she
returned to the office, where she was awaited with a bottle of wine on her
desk—but it wasn’t just any bottle of wine, it was a bottle of Rosé—Brett’s favorite.
A smile etched across her face as she went over to examine the bottle of wine
closely to see if there was a card or note attached to it.

Even after she read the note she
couldn’t stop smiling so much and made her cheeks hurt.

 Sabrina,

 I’m so sorry about the way things
escalated. I know it’s been like over a week since you’ve heard from me but I
just couldn’t believe the way things turned out. I hope you’ll forgive me while
you sip this bottle of wine and reminisce about our times together. If you feel
like talking, please call me.

Missing you a lot, Brett.

“Oh, my gosh,” was all she managed to
say aloud as she reread the note again, just for kicks.

Raquel waltzed over and saw her holding
the bottle close to her.

She smiled and said, “Oh, I see you
finally got the wine that guy sent you.”

Sabrina paused. “What do you mean,
‘finally’? When was this sent?”

“Umm, I don’t know; the people
downstairs gave it to me while you were out. Why? Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing is wrong,” Sabrina turned
and walked to her office and shut the door behind her. She thought for a second
about calling Brett, just to hear his voice. She yearned to his deep, sexy
voice over the phone, the way he looked at her like she was the most beautiful
woman he’d ever seen and the way his dimples showed when he laughed at her lame
jokes.

Honestly, there was no way she was going
to be able to get him out of her system and forget what they had. What they had
was the realest thing she’d felt in a long time.

She picked up the phone on her desk and
listened to the dial tone, and for a second, contemplated calling him. But she
was afraid. Hell, what was she going to say?

How about, I miss you, need, and want
you back in my life, despite being scared out of my damn mind that losing you
could possibly one of the biggest mistakes of my life?

Then again, he could just show up out of
nowhere, like they do in movies, and sweep her off her feet with a big speech
about how he missed her as well and couldn’t stop thinking about her for a
second and was willing to do whatever it took to get her back on his side? That
would be like heaven on earth.

Just as she put the phone down her door
swung open and she damn near jumped out of her seat, as she couldn’t believe
her eyes. This wasn’t real. Couldn’t be.

The most beautiful man she’d ever laid
her eyes on was standing in her doorway, clad in a V-neck t-shirt, boot cut
jeans and sneakers; so it was obviously apparent that he didn’t work here and a
waft of his cologne traveled over to her nostrils and she recognized it
immediately.

“Brett, what are you doing here?”
Sabrina asked, rising to her feet and maneuvering around her desk to move
closer to him.

He moved closer to her and said, “I came
to see you.”

Duh! Come on, Sabrina, why else would he
be here?!

 Before she could respond, Raquel came
rushing into her office and babbled, “I’m sorry, I tried to stop him but he
insisted he come see you. Should I call security?”

“No, that won’t be necessary,” Sabrina
said coolly. “We have some business to take care of.”

“Umm, okay. I’ll leave you two alone.”

Once Raquel left and shut the door
behind her, they were left with silence lingering in the air as they stared at
each other, not sure of whom should speak first, or what to say.

Sabrina broke the silence and said, “I
got the wine you sent for me. I haven’t had the pleasure of popping it open
yet.”

Brett smiled. “Sorry I didn’t wrap it or
anything.”

Sabrina didn’t know how things were
going to form here on out, but she wanted to cut around the bullshit and get straight
to the point. “Is that supposed to make me feel better after not seeing or
hearing from you in over a week?”

His smile faded. “In a way, yes. I mean
I felt childish after what happened. I shouldn’t have turned away from you when
you were having a shitty day and just needed someone to talk to, not another
person to push you away.” He stepped closer to her, where their faces were
inches apart. “Sabrina, I’m sorry for acting like a complete moron. I’m sorry
for forgetting the fact that we are from two totally opposite worlds that have
to learn to work together as one. And I for one believe we’re both up to the
challenge. I want to make this relationship work, I want to be there for you,
rather it’s something small or something we both can take on together. I may
not always be able to put myself in your shoes, but I will try to understand. I
don’t know how else to say this, but I love you, Sabrina.”

In an instant she felt like her heart
melted to the ground—but in good way, somehow. She could hear the sincerity in
his voice and knew she had nothing to worry about.

Her mouth was agape and she couldn’t
respond. What in the world was wrong with her?

Now, normally if a woman heard those
three words, tears would roll down their cheeks at an uncontrollable rate and
she would probably collapse into his arms and repeat his words. But in
Sabrina’s case, the tears never came and well, neither did the words, for that
matter. Over a number of times in her short, but hectic life thus far, Sabrina
had heard those words with little emotion so many times she stopped taking
people seriously a long time ago. Sure, Brett was spilling his heart out to
her, which most men rarely ever did unless there was some kind of incentive
involved, Sabrina still wanted to make sure he wasn’t just saying it because it
was something she wanted to hear at the moment.

Instead of saying something ridiculous,
she asked, “Why?”

Brett looked confused. “Why what?”

She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Why do you love me?”

“I didn’t think I needed a reason…”
Brett trailed off.

“Look, Brett, I’ve had a lot of
meaningless relationships in n the past. And before my mother got married off
to the love of her life, she had guys worming in and out of her life telling
her that they loved her, just so they could get into bed with her, and for
whatever reason, she believed them. I guess I’ve been down the same road and I
refuse to keep traveling it over and over. To me, words without meaning are
just simply words, nothing more, nothing less. So that’s why I’m asking why you
love me. There has to be a reason, right?”

“Yes, there is,” Brett said, gently
snaking his arms around her waist and pulling her close to him. “There are
plenty reasons why I love you.”

“I would love to hear them.”

Brett locked his eyes with Sabrina’s. “I
love the way you smile, the way your hair always smells fruity. I love the way
you giggle like a little girl, even if my jokes aren’t funny. You’re an
overachiever with a big heart, you’re easy to talk to, and even though you’re
not great at showing your affection, I know it’s there, deep down in your heart
where you feel most vulnerable.”

“Wow,” Sabrina whispered, more to
herself than aloud. That’s all she could think to say. Her mind was blown and
to caught off guard to register what he just said. “I, uh, don’t know what to
say.”

“Don’t say anything. Let’s just enjoy
the moment.”

He leaned in for a second, and paused,
waiting for Sabrina to meet his lips half way. She obliged and took his
passionate kiss, their tongues dancing and moving about.

The moment was beautiful.

Until they were interrupted.

The door swung open and in came Larissa
wobbling with her huge belly. Hands placed on her hips, dressed in a black
blouse and maternity jeans, she paused in her steps. “Oh, sorry, am I
interrupting something?”

Sabrina and Brett both jumped back for a
moment and stared at Larissa, as if she was out of place.

Sabrina straightened up some and said,
“Yeah, kind of.” She took in her physical state and added, “I see you’re still
pregnant.”

“That’s what I came to talk to you
about.” She looked at Brett. “And him, of course.” She rolled her eyes and
quickly replaced her disdained expression when she added, “I’m glad was able to
catch the two of you at the same time.”

Sabrina went behind her desk and sat in
her comfy leather chair.

Larissa sat down next to Brett, without
cringing. “I went to the clinic and as soon as I stepped foot in that place I
got a bad feeling about it, like I didn’t belong there. I thought it was just
me being nervous, so told myself not to worry about it. When I went in the back
with the doctor I couldn’t do it. All the instruments and shit just freaked me
out so I grabbed my things and ran. I thought about what you said about
adoption and about people who aren’t fortunate to have kids of their own. I
don’t want to give my kids away to complete strangers. So I have the ideal
couple in mind.”