Cut Too Deep (9 page)

If she knew Hadley, Mr. St. Armont wouldn’t think that.

“Obviously, he redeemed himself.”

“Oh, yes. Stanley had a way with the ladies, me included. I didn’t want to love him, but he stole my heart when I wasn’t looking. I was a goner, but my life with Stanley was perfect. I’m lost without him.”

Hadley frowned, feeling guilty about tonight’s song choice and causing her sweet neighbor distress.

“I didn’t mean to upset you with my music. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be silly, dear. You didn’t know. Besides, it’s time for me to face reality. I’m sorry I came over here and went all old lady crazy on you.”

A laugh fell from Hadley’s lips. It sounded wrong, and Hadley realized how genuine it felt. Mrs. St. Armont’s visit ignited a tiny spark of hope in Hadley. Maybe lust could result in beautiful love without destroying each other. In the end, Stanley St. Armont left his wife, but he made her happy for a lifetime, with a special and rare kind of love.

“I understand. I miss seeing his smiling face around here, too. At least you have your daughter to comfort you.”

The woman’s face twisted in confusion before she said, “Oh…Stanley and I didn’t have any children. I wanted them, but my parts never worked properly. You must me talking about Margarite. She’s an in home nurse that came to check on Stanley every week.”

Hadley felt sad for her neighbor. It took effort not to show the rage she also felt. The St. Armont’s could have provided a good life for their children, and they were denied. Hadley’s parents were given a kid on ‘accident’ and couldn’t provide the basics, or make her feel loved at all, much less unconditionally.

Mrs. St. Armont cut off Hadley’s mental scrutiny when she stood from the couch.

“I’ll let you get back to your dancing, and don’t worry about the music.”

Hadley stood and followed her to the door.

“I’ll try to keep it down.”

“It’s fine, dear, and if you ever need to talk or want some motherly advice, you know where to find me.”

Her wrinkles creased before she smiled and walked out of the door.

“I will,” Hadley said still red with all-consuming anger.

Hadley closed the door. She slammed her head against it and winced at the pain shooting through her skull. She believed her parents hated each other because of her untimely birth when they didn’t want or expect a child, and she had long owned the blame for her father beating her mother.

Only recently, did Hadley accept her parents’ behavior had nothing to do with her. Acceptance didn’t erase the anger inside of her, simmering below the surface, and ready to erupt at any moment. Hadley hated her father for abusing his family. Her mother, she resented for not standing up to him. Often, Hadley wished her parents were alive to unleash her wrath on, to finally let go of all things provoking.

If Hadley ever decided to engage in a relationship, she would never have children. With her psychological issues, she wasn’t capable of giving a child all of the love and attention it deserved. It would be selfish and unfair for a child to have her for a mother. She hated the irrelevancy. Someone would have to love her before children were a factor, because she would never make the same mistake her mother did and bring a child into a home without love.

Hadley wanted to lose it, throw things, breakdown and cry, or scream and yell, anything to take the edge off. In those moments, she turned to what she loved most in the world. With the music back on, Hadley proceeded to close off her bitter thoughts and dance until she could barely stand. Her muscles felt like Jell-O and burned like they were on fire. She crawled to the bathroom for a hot shower.

Clean and dry, Hadley threw on some comfy sweats and towel-dried her hair before plopping down on her bed. Talking with her neighbor offered Hadley a glimpse into what her life could be like if she would only let go of her past. For the first time in her life, Hadley truly wanted to.

Her neighbor’s visit came unexpectedly, but Hadley felt grateful the woman heard the memorable song. Their conversation prompted Hadley to do something she’d been avoiding out of fear. She got up from the bed, sat at the small desk under the window, and pulled some stationary and a pen from the drawer.

Tired of her past ruling her life, Hadley began writing Miller a letter. This letter would be different from the one she never mailed. As long as she woke up in the morning with her fresh courage intact, she would send it to him.

Dear Mr. Genetti,

This is a difficult letter for me to write, but if I don't write it, I'll always wonder if I missed out on getting to know someone special.

We've never officially met, but I'm the girl you kept from falling in the elevator on the day you left for your trip. Thank you.

I'm going to come right out and admit, I'm attracted to you and want to get to know you. It is easier for me to do this on paper for reasons I'm not ready to discuss.

I know it sounds strange, but I can't help but think after our encounter the other day, you might be interested in getting to know me as well. I feel something between us I can't explain, and I believe you feel it too.

If my assumption is incorrect, then simply don't reply to this letter, and I will completely understand. No hard feelings.

If I'm correct, then I look forward to getting to know you.

Please, take care, and stay strong. People are working hard on your release, and you're missed dearly.

Hmm…signing sincerely felt too formal, but with love was all sorts of wrong. After thinking about it a beat longer than necessary, she signed,

Warmly,

Hadley Walker

That was as
honest
as Hadley was prepared to be for now.

T
he metal pad lock thumped against the outside of the door. Seconds later, the door swung open. An armed guard escorted Paul Jensen past two more guards into the dirty room, where his cousin sat on a cot in dim light. They weren’t blood related, but when Paul married into Miller’s family it was a sacred event. The old-Italian family didn’t use the word in-law. They found it offensive. Calling Miller family came easy to Paul. The two had been close friends for years, which made this visit all the more difficult.

Paul crossed the room and dropped the bag of mail to the ground, causing a cloud of dust to swirl at his feet. The gun toting guard stayed close. His cousin’s hard expression greeted him, and he flinched.

Bruises covered Miller’s face and neck. He hadn’t shaved. His skin appeared visibly more purple than skin colored. Paul cursed under his breath. He knew who his cousin came here searching for and wondered how much more pain and suffering Miller was willing to endure for her. Paul stifled a small laugh at the dirt and grime covering his meticulously neat and well-groomed cousin.

Miller’s voice cracked when he began to speak. He cleared his throat before continuing. “Mr. Ralston from the embassy said you’d be here.” His gaze shifted to the large bag at their feet. “What is this?”

“Comfort,” Paul rolled the sarcasm off his tongue before smiling at his cousin. “They’re letters. I commissioned your private jet to bring them here personally, so we could discuss why you’re here.”

Miller ignored the bait his cousin cast at him regarding his visit to the country to ask, “From?”

“Strangers. At the embassy’s suggestion. They’re mostly from women. You’re very popular.”

He wasn’t interested in
comfort
, and didn’t care about
popularity
. Miller kicked the bag. The letters were pathetic attempts from desperate women to lure him into a relationship.

“Don’t you have a business to run?” Miller asked his cousin dismissively. “You shouldn’t have come.”

Paul slipped his hands into the pockets of his trousers and rocked back on his heels.

“I believe I gave you the same advice, yet here you sit.”

“And I told you, I have to find her.”

Paul ignored the anger in Miller's voice and calmly said, “She came here willingly.”

Miller snarled his lip.

“I needed to know for sure.”

Paul pulled his hands from his pockets and ran one through his thinning blond hair.

“You are one thick headed son of a bitch. Let her go and move on. Find someone who makes you happy, like you always wanted her to.”

Miller held back violence he felt toward his cousin’s idea that she could be forgotten, especially if danger had found her.

“Are you not the least bit concerned about her?”

“No!” Paul yelled, and the guard coughed a small warning. Paul glanced between Miller and the guard, his gaze landing on the large rifle strapped to the guard’s chest. He turned to his cousin and sighed loudly. “I’m going to speak with someone and attempt again to negotiate your release. There’s an entire bag of letters here from women eager to replace her. Pick one!”

Paul lifted the bag in the air and dumped its contents to the floor. The letters spread like water over concrete. He then left his cousin to stew. The guard followed Paul out, grinning.

Miller stared at the pile in disgust, thinking you can’t replace someone that never belonged to you. The thought of reading through the pile of letters didn’t interest him. He had only one woman on his mind; a certain scared lamb that consumed his thoughts.

His eyes swept over the top of the pile, landing on an envelope that spiked his interests.
My lamb,
he thought, although he doubted it could be her.  Miller brought the envelope with a return address from Hadley Walker to his nose. The faint hint of her perfume confirmed the source of the letter and delighted his senses.

She wrote him. Perhaps Hadley wasn’t running from him after all. He read the letter, laughing at her subtle sarcasm and her shared disdain for the other women writing him. Miller quickly retrieved the paper and pen Mr. Ralston provided him with from the floor under his cot. With precise wording, the wolf answered the calling of a lamb.

His cousin returned about an hour later with anger blistering his features.

Miller chuckled. “No luck, huh?”

“As you already knew,” Paul answered with little effort to hide his bitterness. “Give them what they want!”

If Miller could be convinced, and he couldn’t, it wasn’t possible for him to give them what they wanted. He had snuck the small memory drive out with a courier before his capture. A trusted investigator now possessed what his captors wanted. With any luck, the information would provide Miller with the answers he needed to find the woman he came here looking for, since the militia here hadn’t been forthcoming with her whereabouts.

“I can’t.”

Paul ground his teeth and kicked dirt on the floor.

“Your stubbornness may very well get you killed this time. Your family can’t help you here. These men aren’t persuaded by threats of retaliation. They’re not intimidated, and if you don’t give them what they want, I can’t help you.”

“Relax. They’ll let me go eventually, for a price.”

Paul scrubbed his face before leaning down close to his cousin.

“They aren’t influenced by money, either.”

Miller smiled incredulously.

“Everyone is influenced by money.”

Paul threw his hands in the air, growling his vexation.

“Then pay them, damn it!”

“Not yet.”

Miller could absolutely buy his way out, but why give these revolting low life’s more than he had too. The price would be substantially smaller once Miller returned the memory drive. He simply had to wait until Mr. Ralston brought it to him as he’d arranged, but only after his investigator stripped the contents.

“I hope you know what you’re doing. As much trouble as she’s gotten you into in the past, these people aren’t to be taken lightly.”

“And I don’t take them lightly,” Miller reassured him. “They won’t do anything drastic with the Embassy involved. They maintain an extremely profitable business, and they don’t want Interpol sniffing around to find out why I’m actually here.”

Paul would never convince his cousin. Miller’s devotion to the woman stretched beyond comprehension. She used Miller countless times, played him, and yet he risked his life for her time and time again. Paul needed to get back to the states. After all, as Miller pointed out, he had a company to run.

“Do you want the letters? It’s a waste of time and money to fly them over here if you don’t. I can issue a press release tomorrow to stop them.”

“No, don’t! I want them.”
Well, I want one of them.
“That reminds me, mail this one.”

Paul scanned the front of the envelope in Miller’s hand before taking it from him.

“I already advised you not to go there with this girl.”

“You give me lots of advice I ignore.”

Paul didn’t find his cousins sarcasm amusing.

“She’s not your type.”

“You don’t like her?”

“I don’t know her, but she’s a nice girl, and she works for me. I don’t want you to date any of my employees, let alone treat them as you do your other conquest.”