Cowboy Daddy (10 page)

T
hat wasn't the dumbest thing he'd ever done, but it ranked right up there, Kip thought as he sat down. What had come over him, grabbing Nicole's hand like that? Kissing her like that?

It was the excitement of seeing his friend compete. Seeing him grab the lead, then win. That was all.

As awkwardness fell between him and Nicole. Kip knew his feelings and awareness of her were tied in with other factors. Her love for the boys even though she had just met them. The way she helped his mother, the way she handled herself with Isabelle.

Family was important to her. She was willing to do whatever it took to make her adoptive father happy and to bring her sister's boys back. Though this put her in opposition to him, her affection for the twins showed him a side of her that he respected and appreciated.

Justin poked Kip in the side. “Does kissing Auntie Nicole mean you love her?”

It means I'm an idiot, Kip thought.

“I was just excited to see Nick win,” Kip said, shooting his nephew a warning glance. The teenager sitting beside Justin gave Kip a smirk as if he didn't believe him either.

“Why are you frowning?” Tristan asked. “Kissing should make you smile.”

It made him confused.

“Kiss her again. Kiss her again.” Justin slapped his knees in time to his chanting.

Kip wasn't even going to look his way because that meant looking at Nicole.

“Look, the next group is getting to run. Why don't we watch them? After all, that's what I bought the tickets for.” He clasped his hands together, leaning forward and away from Nicole. He tried to focus on the riders, but he could smell her perfume, hear her talking quietly to Tristan. In his peripheral vision he saw her tuck her hair behind her ears, pull her jacket closer against the gathering chill of the evening.

Then the horn blew and he was drawn into the race.

They watched the races until the sun went down. When the last wagon crossed the finish line followed by the last of the outriders, Kip stood up. “Let's try to beat the crowd out of here,” he said, wishing he felt as casual as he hoped he sounded.

Nicole got up and caught Tristan by the hand. Without a backward glance, she headed toward the exit.

“We didn't have a ride on the Ferris wheel like you promised,” Justin said, trotting alongside him.

“I never promised you a ride,” Kip contradicted him.

Tristan looked back, leaning past Nicole. “Yes, you did. You said that when we go to Stampede you would take us on the Ferris wheel.”

He might have. He couldn't remember. But it was getting late, and he wanted to get back to the ranch and away from Nicole. She was spinning him around in circles.

His messy life had no space for a woman. Especially not
a woman like Nicole who was leaving, and leaving with his boys, if she had her way.

“We need to get back to the ranch,” he said firmly.

“But you promised,” Tristan wailed.

“If Uncle Kip says we have to go back then that's what we have to do,” Nicole said quietly, backing him up.

He wasn't surprised that she did. She probably didn't want a repeat performance of that kiss.

Thankfully, there was no more opportunity for conversation as they made their way down the noisy concrete stairwell to ground level.

When they stepped outside, the cool evening air had eased away the heat of the day. In the gathering dusk, the lights of the rides sparkled and beckoned in time to the raucous beat of rock music. People were laughing, screaming, having fun.

He paused by the midway, unable to ignore the longing look on his nephews' faces.

Justin, ever looking for the tiniest chink in his uncle's armor, homed in on Kip's hesitation. “Please Uncle Kip. We've never been on a Ferris wheel. Never.”

Tristan added his pleas to his brother's. “Our dad always said he would take us and now he can't.”

Kip sighed. They were really pulling out the heavy artillery by bringing up Scott. He couldn't help a glance Nicole's way, as if to get her take on the situation.

She gave him a quick smile. “If you don't mind, I don't mind. I'm not in any rush to bring the boys back.”

Of course she wouldn't be. When they got to the ranch she knew that would be the end of her visit with the boys.

“We can take another walk along the midway,” Kip said.

“And we can find the Ferris wheel?” Justin asked.

Like a terrier with a toy, just like Scott used to be.
“We'll just walk for now,” he said.

The mixture of smells made him realize they hadn't had anything to eat since the hot dog when they first arrived. “Anyone for something to eat?”

“Can I have a pretzel?” Justin asked in a fakely innocent voice.

Kip shot him a warning look. Did the little guy know the only pretzel stand was clear across the fairgrounds?

“How about a piece of pizza?” Nicole suggested.

“Mini donuts,” Tristan shouted, pulling away from Nicole. Kip was about to call him back when Nicole managed to grab his hand and pull him back.

“We stay together,” she said sternly. “Don't take off like that again.”

Tristan looked down, suitably chastened.

“I'd love some mini donuts,” Kip said. “Nicole? You game?”

“Yeah. I'm game. I don't think I've ever had mini donuts.”

“And the Ferris wheel?” Justin pressed. “Have you ever been on the Ferris wheel?”

“Actually, no,” Nicole said.

“You've never been on a Ferris wheel? Don't they have fairs in Toronto?” Kip asked.

“I've never been on one. I'd like to try a ride.”

“Yay. You're the best, Auntie Nicole,” Justin shouted.

Kip shot her a frown and she gave him a look of mock consternation. “What? I've never been on a Ferris wheel.”

“Never?”

“No. Never.”

That seemed odd to him. “I guess I'm outnumbered,” he said with a sigh of resignation.

“Obviously good at math too,” she said with a flash of a smile.

“Never been my strong point. I did drop out of high school, after all.” Kip wasn't sure where this playful Nicole was coming from, but he was willing to go along.

Kip ordered a bag of donuts, paid for them and handed them out. Nicole took one and then glanced up at him. “I think that was a very admirable thing to do.”

“Buy donuts or become a dropout?” He added a grin so she would know he had no regrets.

“Make the sacrifice.” She popped a donut in her mouth. “And I'm not talking about donuts.”

“Well, it wasn't a huge sacrifice.” Kip pulled a hanky out of his pocket and wiped the sugar off Justin's cheek.

“That you even say that tells me a lot about you,” Nicole said with a bemused look on her face.

“Like what?” He caught Justin's hand again as they made their way through the crowd. The fairground took on a magical quality in the evening. The outside world faded away and it was him, Nicole and the boys surrounded by nameless people. The boys were too busy looking around to pay attention to what he and Nicole were discussing.

“It tells me how much you value family, and what you're willing to do to keep your family together.” The lights of the Tilt-A-Whirl sent flashes of orange, red and blue across her face, making her eyes sparkle. “The boys are very blessed to have you in their lives. You've done an amazing job with them.”

Kip was taken aback at her comment, but he couldn't look away from her. Her words were like a balm to his soul. A recognition that what he had done was, at times, worth all the frustration and all the uncertainty.

“Thank you,” he said releasing a slow smile.

She returned it. “When I saw how excited you were,
when I heard you talking about the chuck wagons, I sensed that you missed it more than you let on.”

Kip tried to push her comment aside with a shrug. “It had to end eventually.”

“You've still got your horses, though. When I see what those teams can do, I'm trying to think of the hours of training you've put into them.” She touched his shoulder, as if trying to convince him. “I can't imagine that you can stand to be away from that for long.”

“I've got the boys,” he said, gripping Justin's hand as they meandered through the crowds. “They're my responsibility. Like I said, I can't be leaving them alone every weekend.” His words came out a bit harsher than he intended. He got the feeling that she was trying to make him wish he didn't have Tristan and Justin.

“Your mother can take care of the boys, and Isabelle can do more.”

Kip was surprised by her reply. He was so sure she was going to tell him how much easier his life would be without the boys, which would bolster her case.

“Isabelle has had her own troubles,” he said, defending his little sister.

“You lost a brother too.”

Darkness entered Kip's soul. “Whatever happened to me is my own fault.”

“How so?”

“Doesn't matter.” He struggled to keep his emotions in check, flashes of that horrible day coming one after the other, the tangle of the reins, the horse struggling to pull free, Scott lying underneath.

“I understand from your mother that you blame yourself for what happened to Scott.”

She spoke quietly, but her words laid his soul bare.

“Why do you care?”

“I've seen what guilt can do,” she said, shooting him a quick glance. “And how it can distort a person's view of himself.”

She hadn't answered his question, but he suspected she wouldn't. He thought of what she had told him the other night and wondered if she regretted telling him all she had.

“I understand it was your horse he was riding,” she added.

Didn't look like she was quitting. With a sigh, he gave in. “Yeah. It was mine. A green-broke horse that Scott shouldn't have been riding.”

Nicole nodded. “He chose to ride it, didn't he?”

Kip frowned. “You sound like my mother.”

“That's not a bad thing.” Nicole shot him a sideways glance, her mouth lifted in a faint smile. “Your mother is right.”

Kip shrugged aside her comment. “You can color it anyway you want, the reality is he'd still be here if he hadn't gotten on that horse.”

“Could you have stopped him from getting on that horse, and would you have?”

Her quiet question set him back.

“He was an adult, and he made his own choices,” Nicole continued. “I don't think you need to carry that responsibility. No one else seems to think you should.”

Her softly spoken words rearranged thoughts and ideas he'd held for the past six months. Guilt he had carried since he pulled Scott out from underneath the horse.

Then, to his further surprise, he felt her hand on his arm. “You're a good man, Kip, and you're an even better brother. I don't know many men who would let their brother and two little boys move in with him when he already has a mother and a sister to take care of.”

He glanced over at her, her soft smile easing into his soul. Then puzzlement took over. “Why are you telling me this? Aren't you supposed to be making me out to be the bad guy?” His eyes ticked over her face, then met her gaze.

She didn't look away. “You're not the bad guy.”

Kip didn't reply, not sure what to make of her. Was she flirting with him?

“You just happen to be caught in a bad situation.” Then she looked away.

What was she doing? Was she playing him?

He blew out his breath, not sure what to think. Then he glanced over at her. She was watching him again. That had been happening a lot lately, but this time as their eyes met, he felt a deeper, surprising emotion.

More than appeal. More than attraction. Her story the other night had shown him a glimpse into the inner workings of Nicole Williams. And yes, he felt sorry for her, but at the same time he'd been given something precious. He suspected that someone as private as she didn't share her history with too many people.

“Why are you guys talking about our dad?” Justin said, suddenly speaking up.

“We're just remembering things.” Time to change the subject. “And you have sugar on your face.” Kip brushed away the shiny granules clinging to his lip.

“So does Auntie Nicole,” Justin said, pointing with one sugar-coated hand.

“So she does.”

“Where?” Nicole asked, brushing at her face.

“There.” Kip pointed it out to her with a smile.

Nicole wiped her cheek, then the other one. “No, I don't.”

“It's right here.” Kip brushed the sugar from her chin. Then his fingers slowed; lingered an extra second.

She swallowed and her free hand caught his, her delicate fingers encircling his wrist. “Thanks,” she whispered, her smile settling into his soul.

“You're welcome.”

“Hey, there's the Ferris wheel.” Justin pulled on Kip's hand, breaking the moment. “Let's go for a ride.”

“Here goes,” Kip said, letting Justin pull him along.

The Ferris wheel towered above them, buckets swinging and people laughing.

“I'll get in line, you get the tickets,” Nicole suggested. She pulled out her wallet, but Kip waved it off.

“My treat,” he said.

“Thank you.” She gave him another smile and Kip almost started whistling as he walked to the ticket booth. But he didn't. Justin was looking up at him as if trying to figure out why his uncle Kip was in such a good mood.

It was just a fun evening, he told himself as he paid for the tickets. Just a casual time with an attractive woman and his nephews. Their nephews, he corrected.

When he returned, the line behind them had grown. When they got to the front, Kip saw that the seats held four people. He had assumed that he would go on one seat with Justin and Nicole and Tristan on another. From the looks of the line, he doubted each would be allowed to have their own seat.