Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (10 page)

— Give the other person preferential treatment.

— Consider the other person’s interests.

— Have the attitude of Jesus Christ.

— Do not emphasize your position or rights.

— Look for ways to demonstrate a servant’s heart.

— Speak and act with a humble spirit.

— Be willing to die to your own desires.

—
Determine
whether your anger is really justified.

—
Decide
on the appropriate response.

How important is the issue?

Would a good purpose be served if I mention it?

Should I acknowledge my anger only to the Lord?

—
Depend
on the Holy Spirit for guidance.

—
Develop
constructive dialogue when you confront.

—
Don’t
speak from a heart of unforgiveness. Think before you speak.

—
Don’t
use phrases such as, “How could you?” or “Why can’t you?”

Use personal statements, such as “I feel…”

—
Don’t
bring up past grievances. Stay focused on the present issue.

—
Don’t
assume the other person is wrong. Listen for feedback from another point of view.

—
Don’t
expect instant understanding. Be patient and keep responding with gentleness.

—
Demonstrate
the grace of God by saying the following to yourself:

“I placed my anger on the cross with Christ.”

“I am no longer controlled by anger.”

“I am alive with Christ living inside me.”

“I will let Christ forgive through me.”

“I will let Christ love through me.”

“I will let Christ reveal truth through me.”

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me”

(G
ALATIANS
2:20).

When you sense a surge of anger, ask, “Can I change this situation?” If you can, change it. If you can’t, release it.

—JH

James 1:19-20

Proverbs 29:22

Proverbs 29:11

Proverbs 15:1,18

Proverbs 22:24

Proverbs 19:19

Ephesians 4:26-27

Ecclesiastes 7:9

Psalm 4:4

For additional guidance on this topic, see also
Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Codependency, Depression, Evil and Suffering…Why? Fear, Guilt, Hope, Self-worth, Stress Management, Verbal and Emotional Abuse, Worry
.

A
norexics stop eating, and bulimics keep overeating. But all this has little to do with food. Both groups of strugglers are actually starving—for unconditional love and acceptance. Those hiding in the ditch of an eating disorder are seeking to conceal their shameful struggle. Tragically, these sufferers believe the ditch is what they deserve. They do not know the depth of God’s boundless love for them (Ephesians 3:17-19).

—
Anorexia
is a psychological eating disorder characterized by chronic self-starvation, rooted in a distorted body image and an abnormal fear of gaining weight.

—
Bulimia
is a psychological eating disorder characterized by repeated binge-and-purge episodes. Food is eaten to meet emotional needs, resulting in guilt and fear of weight gain, which prompts self-induced vomiting.

Why are anorexics so determined to destroy themselves? Anorexics are convinced they don’t deserve to live—they have made too many mistakes. In the acute stage, many try to burn themselves in hot showers, jump out of buildings, or cut themselves.
²
Others become so exhausted from fighting the mental battles that they see no hope and give up trying to get better.

—
Confusion:
Valuing brains vs. beauty, intelligence vs. thinness, achievement vs. appearance

—
Deception:
Stealing food/laxatives, lying about eating, pretending to swallow, spitting it out later

—
Depression:
Feeling “fat” though weight is appropriate for the height or though looking like “skin and bones,” logical thinking becomes virtually impossible, life becomes an unconscious or conscious and deliberate attempt at suicide.

—
Compulsion
for some area of control: “Eating is the
one
part of life I can control.”

—
Loneliness:
“I can’t talk to anyone about this problem.”

—
Low self-worth:
³
“I’m a fat pig”; “I’m a bad person”; “I don’t deserve to live.”

—
People pleasing:
“If I’d just done better…been better…weighed less, then I would have been loved.”

—
Perfectionism:
“I must have a perfect body, like the actors and actresses in the movies, to be happy.” “I must look like magazine models.” “I must perform perfectly, or no one will love me.”

Ask yourself: “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10).

Don’t be deceived. Not all sufferers appear greatly underweight. Be alert to other warning signs. Don’t be misled about the danger of these disorders—both can be deadly. Those who suffer can say, “My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak” (Psalm 31:10).

—
Blood cell abnormalities:
Anemia and low counts of white blood cells cause a deficiency in the immune system.

—
Bone problems:
Deficiency in calcium causes bone deterioration, fractures, osteoporosis.

—
Bowel dysfunction:
Excessive use of laxatives causes bowels to become totally dependent, unable to function without laxatives, causing long-term stomach problems.

—
Dental problems:
Purging of food brings up hydrochloric acid from the stomach that washes across the teeth. Gastric juices cause erosion of tooth enamel, cavities, pain, discoloration, and tooth loss.

—
Digestive problems:
Forced vomiting causes bleeding esophagus, bloated stomach, stomach cramps, chronic constipation, and other digestive complications.

—
Glandular problems:
Thyroid irregularities cause decreased energy, decreased reflexes, lethargy. Water imbalance and retention cause chronic swelling of feet, hands, glands. Other potential problems include low body temperature, dry skin, brittle nails.

—
Hair loss:
Poor nutrition and inadequate protein cause thinning of hair and balding.

—
Heart problems:
Malnutrition causes an imbalance of the heart’s essential minerals, which, in turn, causes irregular heartbeats and possibly death (mortality rate of 5.15 percent among bulimics).

—
Hypoglycemia:
Low blood sugar causes fatigue, anxiety, dizziness, headaches.

—
Kidney failure:
Chronic dehydration causes kidney failure.

—
Menstrual problems:
Deficiency in fat (essential to good health) causes menstrual cycles to stop for two to three months at a time. When fat levels drop below 22 percent of normal weight, menstruation ceases.

—
Mental difficulties:
Malnutrition (deficiency in vitamins, minerals, proteins, fats) causes slow thinking, extreme forgetfulness, seizures.

—
Musculoskeletal problems:
Deficiency in potassium causes muscle spasms, pain, atrophy, premature aging.

—
Vision problems:
Deficiency in vitamin A causes deterioration of eyesight.

—
Weight swings or drops:
This is the most ominous sign of all. Binging or purging of the bulimic causes extreme weight fluctuation within short periods of time. The self-starvation of the anorexic causes the body weight to go so low that the kidneys and other organs start to shut down, leading to death.

Anorexia and bulimia are the consequence of an attempt to satisfy the inner hunger for unconditional love and acceptance by having a “perfect” body. But why? Those who have these disorders struggle with…

Feeling worthless
because of abuse in the home

— verbal assaults or emotional starvation

— physical or sexual abuse

— alcoholism or drug abuse

Feeling inadequate
because of unrealistic expectations of others

— perfectionist parents

— acceptance based on performance

— conditional love

Feeling driven
in a high-performance atmosphere

— models and ballerinas (60 percent have eating disorders)

— dancers, actors, actresses

— athletes, particularly wrestlers and gymnasts

Feeling hopeless
as a result of depression after an abortion

— denial of reality

— deep sadness with no apparent explanation

— guilt over taking an innocent life

Feeling powerless
because of obesity in family

— one or both parents

— a propensity for gaining weight

— fear of being fat

Both the anorexic and the bulimic have an obsessive focus on being thin. The bulimic does not love food any more than the anorexic loves to starve. The bulimic hates food just as much as the anorexic does, using food as a means to numb feelings and to lose weight by purging.

“I’m so fat no one could love me. I hate who I am. The only way I can be loved is to be in control of my body and get it to the right size.”