Confessions of a Wild Heart (12 page)

“No. That’s not…”

“Good,” the sheriff said, curtly. “I like you. Your worldly experience was one reason I wanted you on my force. I’d hate to think I hired someone who didn’t take his oath to protect and serve all equally, seriously. I know this is Texas, son, but—”

“Rob,” Jase said, solemnly enough it stopped the sheriff’s rant. He hadn’t spoken that informally to Sheriff Dean since he’d been back, so he knew that’d get his old friend’s attention. He was a bit flabbergasted by the response, and though he’d been getting dressed down, the rant had warmed him inside, something fierce. He wanted to fucking hug the man. And Jase hadn’t hugged a man in a long time. Unless his arms were wrapped around the man from behind while Jase pounded his ass.

Something passed between him and the sheriff then, and Jase almost blushed at the understanding that flitted through his boss’s eyes in that moment. Damn it all to hell.

He looked at Lacey who was too busy guzzling free alcohol, not watching as Jase was being cut open and examined in by his boss. Amazing how years of schooling himself to be less of a sissy, trying to walk a certain way or not be so damned sensitive—his father’d hated what a mama’s boy Jase had been—he could give himself away by being
too
diligent.

           Sheriff Dean nodded at Jase, smiled awkwardly, but like he was trying for silent reassurance, even if he was confused by the presence of a female date. He didn’t feel it was the right moment to start with the whole
I like both
conversation. Hell, he’d only ever had it with Christa, his brother, and Ase. He’d mentioned to Lacey in the beginning that he
had
tried it out, but she didn’t seem to want to hear it, more out of not really caring either way than being weirded out.

           “Wanna go over to the picnic tables where maybe we won’t have to talk to everybody and their brother?” Lacey asked. She had a cute flush to her cheeks from the alcohol, and Jase found himself doing his damnedest not to pull some he-man shit to re-stock his man card after his exchange with the sheriff.

           God, he’d like to think his hang-ups didn’t make him that much of an asshole, though. So he smiled in response to her sweet, questioning grin and held out his arm. They sat for a while at a picnic table just on the outskirts of the actual party, Lacey gabbing airily about some of the women in the crowd she’d made-over for the event. Jase enjoyed the companionable moment, much more like their old friendship before it’d gotten messy.

           “Oh, shoot,” she said. He turned from people watching and saw she scowled at her phone, furiously typing away.

           “What’s up?”

           She looked up, apologetically. “I hate to ditch you here. God knows I can’t think of much worse than having to stick around here alone. But my sister’s babysitter called to say she’s sick, and she needs someone for a couple hours so she can go in to work.” Lacey’s sister was a single mother who worked long hours to provide for her three little boys after her husband’s death two years earlier. It was hard to be annoyed at Lacey for being selfless, but he was definitely dreading being left to the eager mamas and church ladies.

           “It’s all good. Do you need a ride? You’ve had a few.”

She shook her head after thinking for a moment. “No thanks. I’m just a little buzzed. I have an hour or so. I’m gonna pop across the street to the diner and have some coffee and junk food. I’ll be right as rain before I even have to go change out of my dress.”

“Alright. You go on. Tell Lydia I said hi. And if you change your mind about needing a ride, you text me.”

She grinned at him. “You’re sweet. I’ll do that. Don’t have too much fun,” she teased.

He humphed. “I’ll try.”

She started to turn but stopped short, turning to him with that brazenness he appreciated in her so much and said, “I’ll be home around nine, if you wanna come by my house on your way home.” Her meaning was plain.

Jase’d made himself clear that he didn’t want to get everything confused again. She didn’t seem like she expected anything more than just what she’d suggested, his stopping by and having a little fun, but he knew that was a bad idea. He didn’t answer, just leaned to kiss her cheek.

He’d just begun to cuss himself as every kind of asshole, realizing at the way she gripped his bicep she’d thought it was acquiescing to her suggestion. Before he could pull back he heard a, “Smile for the camera,” and shutters went off. When he looked up, there stood the same male nurse from the other day, only dressed in khakis and an expensive-looking grey sweater, and the man with the camera. Ase. His black hair was longer on top than it had been before, but the sides were shaved short like they had been the last time he’d seen the man. His long hair was neatly pulled to one side, bangs cut into a point that just covered half his left eye.

Ase’s style had grown up. Gone were the black skinny jeans, replaced with dark grey Chinos that hugged every muscle in those legs that were thicker than they’d once been. His slim-fit, baby blue button down was perfect on his dark olive skin. The sleeves were rolled up just enough to show veiny, tattooed forearms. He’d added tattoos to his hands and knuckles over the years. His fingers were delicate and long, wrapped around his camera. Jase wanted to kiss them.

Until he remembered. A car driving off in the night four years ago. Ase flying off on his motorcycle two days ago. The photographer and the sheriff’s nephew. “
My nephew’s boyfriend….”

Lacey and the sheriff’s nephew had on matching, dry expressions as Jase realized he and Ase had been sizing each other up.

“That’ll be a cute picture,” Lacey said. She held out a hand to shake with Ase, then the nurse. “Thanks for that.” Then she turned back to Jase. “Okay, I’ll see you later then.” And with a wink she was off. He watched her disappear in the crowd, his heart thumping in his chest before turning to Ase and the sheriff’s nephew. He was trapped in that dry stare from one and in the other eyes that he’d once compared to a seductive cat, that now looked dangerously like a panther who wasn’t sure whether it wanted to mate with what it had its sights on, or make it his prey.

“My nephew’s boyfriend….”

He straightened his back, nodded at the two men. But he resolved to not be quite the dumbass he’d been the other day. He smiled, tipping his hat. “Evenin’ guys.” This time he looked at Ase and acknowledged him. “Ase.”
One step at a time
.

“Ah, you do remember me,” Ase drawled, not exactly kindly. Jase supposed he deserved that.

“Yes. Good to see you.”

Ase scoffed and looked to the nurse, who was looking between them; making Jase feel a little guilty for the dirty thoughts he was having about the man’s boyfriend.

“You must be Rob’s nephew.”

Dustin took Jase’s proffered hand and shook. “That’s me.” He was bubbly, and Jase felt bad for the slight judgment he made of the man, as he’d done in the past, for being not quite
obviously
gay, but slightly effeminate. The thought must’ve been more obvious than he’d intended as earned him two cold stares.

What was wrong with him? He’d tried so hard not to be his dad, didn’t really look down on gay men. Hell, he’d had Ase’s cock in him not four years ago.

“Well, I knew you were a closet-case, but I didn’t realize you were a dick, too,
gringo.
”

Jase’s head snapped back like he’d been hit. Dustin, looking distinctly uncomfortable, crossed his arms over his chest.

“I didn’t…” Jase shook his head. He
hadn’t
. But he had. And he was fucking this up again. But Ase was being a little unfair. He was off balance seeing Ase here on his home turf, and his boss-slash-friend had just connected the dots, so he wasn’t at his social best.
This is why I shouldn’t leave the ranch
. Jase sighed. “Sorry. It’s been a long day.”

“Right,” Ase drawled.

Jase snapped. If Ase wanted to keep it like this, to be a jerk, then why not? They weren’t anything to each other. The man hadn’t even had the decency to send Jase so much as an e-mail since he’d moved back. And Jase had the same cell number he’d had back… that night.

“You don’t even know me, so I don’t get this holier-than-thou shit.”

Ase eyed Jase like he was a bug on the bottom of his shoe. Fuck the man for making holier-than-thou look damned lickable. Ase wasn’t his smiling, kind old self. Maybe that’d never been Ase, and their time in Munich had been as much a fluke for Ase as it had for Jase. But it hurt to have the old way Ase looked at him replaced with that expression. He also hated the layers of protection he saw around Ase that seemed like four years of hard life.

Jase opened his mouth to say something, anything to recover, but Ase’s lip curled. “Don’t seem like I’m missing out on much, anyways.”

Jase felt his flush down to his toes, anger on the heels of an inexplicable embarrassment. And shame. That was the worst.

“Fuck it,” Jase said. There was no heat to his words, just resignation as he tipped his hat first to Ase, then to Dustin. “It was nice to meet you, Dustin.” Then he turned to leave.

He didn’t look back even when he heard the nephew say something that sounded like, “Damn, Ase, that was cold.”

He wanted to tell Dustin not to worry, he hadn’t earned Dustin’s defense, but kept walking to the parking lot instead.

Chaper 11

“DUDE, Ase, that was cold,” Dustin said. The slight bunching in Jase’s back convinced Ase the man had heard it. He looked at Dustin. “Good luck with that.” Dustin said the words without sarcasm, pointing toward Jase.

Fuck, why couldn’t he want
this
man? He was uncomplicated. And he didn’t necessarily
want
Jase Emery. But he wanted to talk to him. Ase didn’t follow him though, brought up short by the heavy weight of the Nikon in his hands.
Shit.

Dustin patted his back. “That seemed harsh.” Dustin’s gaze went to Jase’s disappearing back. “And really fucking weird.”

Not weird. That was nothing like the Jase Ase had met. He seemed genuinely like he’d been about to cry or something before shutting down.
Like a soldier.
Ase
had
been a jerk, and Jase had taken his lashes like a man. He hadn’t appreciated the flicker of judgment he’d seen in Jase’s eyes toward Dustin, but Jase’d tried to make up for it.

And he’d looked so sad when Ase had been a jerk to him. But the last thing he needed in his mess of a life was Jase with his closet and judgment towards how perky Dustin was—rather, how
gay
Dustin was. God, if only Jase knew what Ase did on the weekends, the butch Army boy wouldn’t spare another heated glance for Ase’s
joto
ass.

Ase tried to affect a devil-may-care attitude. His usual. “Looks like drama,” he said, haughtily. Dustin looked at him evenly, but the little fucker wouldn’t be getting in Ase’s head any more. They were officially done with that portion of the program. And the fun ones, too, at that.

“Who do you think I should go for next?” Ase asked, lifting the camera to divert Dustin’s attention where it should be, not on matters that both didn’t concern him and weren’t up for discussion. Ase would deal with this in his own time, his own way.

He had the overwhelming urge to be on Matilda II at that moment, burning off his fucking bone-deep frustration on the road, though. He’d burned with jealousy when he’d seen that woman touching Jase. That’d been why he’d approached them in the middle of an obviously intimate moment. It’d been a dickhead move, but he’d gotten what he wanted right?

But the hunger he’d seen in Jase’s eyes for that brief, unguarded moment, the moment he’d looked like the young, untarnished Jase of the past. That’d made Ase want to shake him by his broad shoulders and say, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Ase didn’t
miss
people. Yes, he missed his mother. But other than that, they could all bugger off.

“Fuck.”

“It’s cool, big guy.” The understanding in Dustin’s eyes was frustrating.

“Shouldn’t you be more annoyed or something?” Ase asked.

Dustin gave him that even stare again. “If that grade-A dick wasn’t attached to such a grade-A dickhead, I’d dignify that with a response.”

Ase huffed and stalked off. He put on his party face, not wanting to scare away people with his aggression. He was getting paid by Dustin’s family to help out tonight. Another hour of being polite and snapping photos. He could handle this.

Before he made it back to taking photos, though, he caught a glimpse of Jase, leaning with his forehead against the side of his truck in the parking lot.

Ase wasn’t sure what had his feet moving toward the man. He didn’t even know what he’d say without Dustin or partygoers watchful eyes on them. He might call the man an asshole, might end up in another fist fight with yet another closet-case cowboy—which would be nothing new.

“What the fuck is your problem with Dustin?” Ase heard himself snap, as he grabbed Jase and slammed him against his own truck.

Jase’s eyes narrowed when he recovered from the surprise. “Nothing, dick. Maybe my problem was with you.”

“What the-fuck-ever. I saw how you looked at him,” Ase snarled. Okay, so, fight it would be. Jase’d bowed up his shoulders which were even broader than when Ase’d held them in Jase’s youth. “You don’t like he’s a
maricon
? You okay a guy sticks it in your ass, so long as he’s not a sissy?”

Jase flinched at the word. “God, you don’t fucking know me at all.” Interesting. Jase hadn’t looked around like he was worried someone may overhear, though it’d be hard with the volume of the voices coming from back at the party. Ase looked up to see if anyone could catch them standing where they were.

He turned back to Jase. “Oh, but I have.” He got within an inch of Jase’s face. “I know what you feel like on my cock.” He snarled at Jase’s heavy breathing. “That turn you on?”

“What do you want?” Jase snapped, pushing Ase off. Again, he looked more like his feelings were hurt than like he wanted to punch Ase. “You want to pay me back for being shocked to see you the other day? Of course I was shocked. You stopped messaging
me
, Ase. You don’t get to show up and turn everything upside down and be shocked that I’m fucking shocked. So no, I’m not at my best when I met your boyfriend. Who’s my
boss’s nephew!
”