Concisus (12 page)

“You’re right,” I say. “You made your feelings about Alex clear enough, so just seeing you must feel like an ‘I told you so’ to Molly. Where is she?”

He just shrugs and says, “You’ll probably find her in her dorm—she ran in there after telling me to piss off.”

“I’ll find her. Just do me a favor and try not to look so ecstatic about it when you finally do see her.” Before I leave, I turn to Jake. “Are we still on for dinner?” I ask.

He nods and waves me out the door, probably so he can gloat to Ryan.

I’m happy for Jake. He honestly cares for Molly, and they deserve to see if their friendship can be more.

Molly’s not in her room, which means she could be anywhere on the base. Well, not anywhere. If she’s upset and crying she won’t be anywhere too public. I spend the next hour searching before I give up. I decide to check up on Andi. If Molly’s relationship has imploded then at the very least Andi should be experiencing some relationship woes. I run into Jeremy who stands outside his office, his face perplexed.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“I left my electrolytic tilt sensor in the office.” He gestures toward the door.

“So?” I follow his gaze to the door’s window and see Andi with her arm around Molly who is wiping her tear-streaked face. I’m stunned. “Since when are the two of them so close?” Immediately, I flush red to sound so jealous. They barely knew each other before the flood, but now Molly’s seeking Andi out for comfort. As much as I want to, I haven’t been able to openly confide in either of my friends because of the pods.

Jeremy’s sympathetic look makes me feel worse. Here I am being possessive of Andi when he’s had to sit back and watch her with Jackson. I want to ask him how he feels about Andi now that he’s sleeping upside down, but then think better of it. There’s no need to rub salt into his romantic wounds.

“They were both having a really hard time after the flood and became really close,” he explains.

“Oh.” I feel like an ass. Trying to redeem myself I say, “I’m glad they had each other to lean on.”

“I’m sure they’d like
your
company. I’m just trying to avoid being the target of any guy-bashing.” He smirks and shrugs.

I pause at the door and say, “Smart move. Give me a sec and I’ll get your tilt thingy for you.”

“Tilt thingy? Is that the technical term you’re going with?” Jeremy’s tone is cross, but there’s a bemused glint in his eyes.

“I’m sure Andi will know what I mean.” I wink, not taking him too seriously.

Making a shooing gesture with his hand, Jeremy says, “Just ask her for the electrolytic tilt sensor.”

“Whatever.” I laugh and enter the office. Andi looks at me.

“Jeremy needs his ─”

Andi snatches the sensor off the desk and tosses it to me. Luckily, I catch it because it looks breakable. I step out and hand Jeremy the small glass tube with protruding wires.

“Thanks a bunch,” he says. “I thought the rest of my afternoon would be wasted.”

“No problem.” I wave and disappear back into the office.

Molly stands. “Thanks a lot, Andi,” she says and hugs Andi goodbye.

“Don’t leave on my account. I can always come back later,” I say, feeling a little hurt that Molly didn’t need me after all.

“I was leaving anyway. Andi’s all yours now,” Molly says with her hand already on the doorknob.

“Actually, I had been looking for you, but I couldn’t find you anywhere. I wanted to make sure you were all right,” I explain.

Molly smiles, but I can see it’s half-hearted. “Thanks. I will be.” Turning to Andi she says, “I’ll see you at dinner.” She waves and then disappears out the door.

I sit next to Andi. “So, is she really going to be okay?”

She shakes her head. “I really don’t know. Alex broke the engagement off. She’s confused and hurt.” Suddenly Andi’s face crumples. “Men can be such jerks.”

I hug her as she starts to cry. Softly I ask, “Want to tell me about it?”

She wipes at her tears and hiccups. “Everything was going so well, but now it seems everyone is breaking up. First you, then Jeremy, and now it’s Molly. Jackson’s even questioning—” Her sobs cut off the rest.

“I’m sorry, but maybe it’s for the best.” I attempt to comfort her.

That was the wrong thing to say. Anger flares in Andi’s eyes. “Just what is that supposed to mean?”

“N-nothing. I just meant if you and Jackson aren’t meant to be together, it’s better to find out now than after the wedding.” As soon as the words slip out of my mouth, I cringe in anticipation of her reaction.

She pushes my arms away. “We haven’t broken up! And I don’t appreciate you assuming that we would!”

“But you said—”

“I didn’t say anything. You assumed. Just because you can’t keep a guy, don’t assume that no one else can. If you bothered to let me finish you would know that Jackson’s mad at me, and honestly, he has every right to be.” She drops her head into her hands and sobs.

“I’m sorry. You were talking about break-ups and then started to cry. I shouldn’t have assumed.” I cautiously rest a hand on her back. “So, why is he mad?”

“Because I’ve been a bitch.”

“Did he call you that?” The anger I feel takes me by surprise. I know Andi can defend herself but it doesn’t stop me from feeling protective.

“No, but it’s true.” She hiccups again. “I’ve been condescending, talking to him like a child. Plus I’ve acted like my job is so much more important than his. I’ve totally been taking him for granted, and he’s had enough of it.” A desperate cry bubbles up from her throat. “I can’t lose him!” she wails.

I hate seeing Andi so distraught, but at least the feelings should be temporary. As soon as the pod’s effect wears off she’ll wonder what she ever saw in Jackson, but I can’t tell Andi that. “It’s not like you to be condescending or act like your job is better than anyone else’s. Maybe there’s a reason you’re acting this way with Jackson.”

Andi blankly stares at me. “Just what are you getting at?”

Clearly, she is still feeling the effects of the pod. Why is it taking longer to wear off on her and Molly? Do the pods’ effects last longer for girls? Maybe the behavior is caused by something other than the pods. All I know for sure is that I’m not going to get anywhere with Andi right now.

“Something must be bothering you to make you act out of character,” I say. “Maybe it’s just pre-wedding jitters or something.” I swallow hard to get the bad taste of what feels like a lie from my mouth.

Andi smacks the heel of her hand against her forehead. “Oh. Why didn’t I think of that? It’s so obvious.” Quickly she jumps up. “I need to find Jackson.” She runs out the door without even saying goodbye. I mope out of the office and run into Jeremy.

“What on earth did you say to her?” he asks.

“Not what I really wanted to say,” I admit glumly.

Jeremy shrugs. “You’re probably better off. The last time I said something negative about Jackson, she didn’t speak to me for a week.”

Andi doesn’t usually hold a grudge. “I just hope she comes to her senses before it’s too late,” I say.

I’m pained by the anguish in Jeremy’s eyes. “You and me both,” he grumbles and then proceeds to tighten a bolt on his robot with a bit more force than necessary.

Chapter 9

I don’t feel like going back to work and detour to the rec hall to take a nice, long swim. I focus all my energy on swimming and successfully drown out all my negative thoughts. I take too long in the pool and have to hurry back to the lab to meet Jake for dinner. Even though I run, I’m a good ten minutes late. He’s not there. I hurry to the dining hall, and see Ryan and Kelly, though they don’t see me. Kelly’s grating laugh fills the air as she pulls Ryan to her. The sight is almost too much for me to withstand, but I’m done running. I stand my ground and hope Ryan will see me. Let him try to use his puppy-dog eyes once he knows I’ve seen him. Kelly’s gaze locks onto mine, right before she locks lips with Ryan. I lose my resolve to confront Ryan and flee in the opposite direction though a thread of dignity keeps me from breaking into a full run.

I stop at a small bench next to an unlit lamppost, and my rage overwhelms me. Everything on the base has changed: Ryan, my friends, my job, my boss, even the stupid little patch of grass under the bench. I kick the bench and am rewarded with a sharp pain that shoots up my leg and leaves my big toe throbbing.
Stupid bench
. I sit down to inspect the damage and laugh at the irony of my struggling to get back home to the base just to discover it no longer feels like a home to me.

A hand rests on my shoulder. “You know there are better ways to get out your aggression, less painful too.” I raise my eyes and see Chad’s sympathetic face. He sits on the bench and holds out his hand. “Here let me look at it.” I give him my foot which he examines with his warm and gentle hands. “It doesn’t look broken.” He takes my sock and shoe from the bench and slides them back on my foot. I feel silly being treated like a child but say nothing. Once he’s finished, he slides closer. “How did the bench offend you so badly?”

I’m embarrassed and turn away. “It’s silly,” I say.

Chad catches hold of my hand. I meet his eyes. “It can’t be silly if it has you this upset,” he says. “Tell me what it is.”

“It’s not just one thing. It’s everything. Everything changed on me. The base doesn’t feel like home anymore.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, tears cascade down my face.

Chad curls his arm around my shoulder. I lean against his chest and allow him to comfort me. The sun slowly sinks behind the tree line. The lazy clouds that linger in the sky fade into inky blue splotches against the deep red and purple background, as if the sky was in a fight but lost, badly. I sigh. Chad lifts my chin and stares down at me. I don’t want to be cheered up, but he cups my cheek in his hand and leans down. Then his lips are on mine, gentle but eagerly seeking a response. When I gasp, he tightens his grasp.

I push against his chest and spring to my feet. “I… uh…You have a girlfriend!”

“I had a girlfriend, Suzie, but she died. I thought you knew that.”

Oh, my God. How could I be so stupid? Throughout quarantine I assumed his behavior was platonic, because I knew he was happily in a programmed relationship. “I’m sorry, I didn’t remember her name. I didn’t realize she was the botanist that had the allergic reaction.”

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed you knew. It’s not like you and I really knew each other back then.” He pats the open spot on the bench next to him. I sit down, but leave plenty of space between us.

“It wasn’t that long ago,” I say.

“You must think I’m a total ass for moving on so quickly.” He holds up his hand to stop my protest. “I feel really bad that she died, but we hadn’t been dating very long. I really wasn’t that into her. We probably would have broken up if she hadn’t… well, anyway, I just don’t want you to think I’m shallow or trying to rebound with you—anything like that.”

I have no idea how to respond. I don’t want to lose his friendship.

“I’m sorry Suzie died, but I’m glad you’re moving on. The last thing I’d want is for you to suffer. You mean a lot to me, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I just broke off my engagement with Brody.” I let my voice trail off, hoping he’ll fill in the rest on his own.

The corners of his lips turn down and his stare becomes hard. “And you’re still pining after Ryan?”

“What?” Am I really that transparent with my emotions?

Chad’s face remains stoic, but he reaches forward and tenderly lifts my hand. “Don’t bother denying it. I saw the way you looked at him during quarantine. I don’t blame you, after all the two of you went through to survive, but he’s back with his girlfriend now, isn’t he?”

My chest aches.

Chad eyes my hand as I rest it on my lap, but refrains from taking it again. “You deserve better than a guy who’s content to be with you until someone he thinks is better comes along.”

“Ryan’s not like that,” I protest.

“Really? Tell me, is he still giving you those long sideways glances and charming smiles whenever he catches your attention? Trust me, the guy’s a jerk. He’s just stringing you along as a back-up or until he figures out if your self-esteem is low enough to be the other woman.”

I take a few steps backward, ready to storm off. “Do you really think that little of me?”

Chad rushes forward and takes hold of me. His voice is soft and sad. “I’d never think that way of you, but he does. Trust me. I’ve known guys like him before. But I also know you’re smarter than that.”

I want to argue that he’s wrong, but I have my doubts. So, the silence lingers.

“Your friendship means a lot to me, too. I don’t want to lose it. So we’ll stay friends, unless you decide you want more. All you have to do is let me know. But even if you never pick me, do yourself a favor and forget about Ryan. Find someone who deserves and appreciates you.” He touches my cheek and rests his hand on it before he turns and walks away. Tears sting my eyes and slowly roll down my cheeks, and I briefly wish I could return Chad’s feelings. Life would certainly be easier, if not happier for me.

The light above the bench clicks on with the growing darkness, spotlighting my misery for everyone to see. I walk into the shadows, and instinctively my feet take me toward my rock. As I near it, a loud screech pierces the air.

“Ick, what is that thing? Keep it away from me!” a girl shrieks.

I run toward the screams to find a scared couple huddled on my kidney bean rock. “What happened? Is everyone okay?” I ask.

The guy realizes he has an audience, and steps down from his perch on the rock. “Some hairy, purple thing just tried to attack her. Who knows what would have happened if I didn’t scare it away,” he boasts even though he looks scared.

“Was it purple and white? About this big?” I gesture with my hands.

“Yeah,” the girl speaks up. “That sounds about right.”

Great. Being kept out of the field was affecting more than just me. Caper must have come looking for me. “It was a meerkit. They can be quite friendly. He was probably just curious.”

The guy looked embarrassed, but he quickly recovered. “I heard something about them. Isn’t that the creature that broke a guy’s hand?”