Colour Series Box Set (45 page)

I HAVEN’T FOUND A
way to leave yet. I watch him walk with her every Sunday afternoon her little hand in his as they walk. Her dark pigtails bounce as she takes three steps for each one of his. The thought of him combing her hair into pigtails makes me smile. I’m sure he can’t believe it himself. They come here to talk to me every week, they never miss one. I think it’s the only way he knows how to get through the weeks now. I sit on the wall and swing my legs while I listen to him tell her about me; about how much I loved her. When she gets bored and runs off to play in the dirt or on the swing he had put in the tree, he talks to me.

“I miss you; she’s so much like you, it hurts me sometimes just to look at her. Lauri how can I keep going? How can I live like there is such a hole in my life? I’m so scared that I mess this up. That I mess her up. I need help, I need you.” I stand behind him as he holds onto my headstone with both hands and lets the tears fall on the grass. He never cries unless it’s here. Some weeks he’s stronger and he doesn’t cry but sometimes he can’t hold on any longer.

I stand close behind him and put my hand on his shoulder. I know he can’t feel me, but just for that second I get to feel him again, I only get these few stolen moments now. As Avery gets older, I know I’ll have to go soon. I need them more than they need me now. I look up to the tree where she plays and behind her I see a sight I have surely missed and I am not sure what to think, if he sees me then he is dead too but if he goes to Rowan then he is still with them.

Callum walks slowly over the gravel towards the gate, just behind him is a petite woman with fire red hair and freckles across her nose. She’s holding his hand but walks a bit behind as if she may be afraid of what they will find here. I leave Rowan and get closer to Callum. Tears stain his cheeks and he has cut his hair but sports a beard, he looks good, sad, but happy. He doesn’t see me so I take it he is alive, I wonder where the hell he has been, Rowan needed him so. He has a parcel in his other hand. I walk next to them until they stop at the gates; I go in and sit with Avery under the tree. She is turning four this year, she looks up at me, I wonder some days if she sees me. She has special eyes my little girl, one is storming blue like Rowan’s and the other is the same hazel as mine. Rowan calls her his precious monster. I love it when he says that. She is just that, our precious monster. I see so much of him in her, then some days she will say something and it’s like I opened my mouth and spoke with hers.

She just sits and watches her daddy cry. He hasn’t noticed Callum yet, and Cal stands and watches as his friend, a man he called brother for most of their lives, fall to pieces over my grave. Callum leaves the pretty woman at the gate and falls on the floor to embrace his friend. I can’t hear the words spoken between them, I am afraid to go closer just yet. I sit with my baby and watch as the two men reunite and their heartache leaks out with their tears.

Callum hands him the parcel he carried and I move closer. Avery is on the swing, she’s somewhat cautious of strangers so she won’t go closer yet. I stand over Rowan’s shoulder as he opens it and tips the contents on the floor. A bloody knife and a photograph of Renzo’s body fall onto the grass. Rowan embraces his friend and I know in my heart that Callum did it. He did the one thing I wouldn’t let Rowan do, he set us both free. The woman with the red hair wipes her tears and walks up to the tree to talk to Avery, her soft smile and green eyes are so pretty. I don’t know what has happened or why he is here, but I know that Callum’s home coming means that I can go now.

I walk out the gates and through the vineyards until I find my dad, he grabs my hand and we go. My dad was a bad man, but he loved me enough that it didn’t matter.

FAMILY, I HAVE COME
to discover is overrated. They may be blood but they’re not always the ones who love us. My time at home in Ireland has taught me some very ugly lessons. I cut ties with the one person in this world that I loved and trusted, we may not share blood but Rowan was my brother in all the ways that counted. It has taken over three years to fix the mess my pops created for me. I have lost two real brothers, an uncle and countless friends in the aftermath of his mistake. But I found something else, I found myself I set my monster free and it feels so good. I also found Shannon.

I have never felt at home here and longed every day to return to place in the shadow of Table Mountain, where I was bad but no one cared to know. Home to my friends and their child, to my sweet sassy sister, Amya. It has been a long time coming but Shannon and I are finally going home. My real home, the one where I belong.

The flight seems to take forever and I’m restless all the way. It’s Sunday and I can’t wait to hug my little sister so we drive straight to her house in Tableview. I have missed this place so much, the sea is rough and the wind blows and I feel at home. Shannon hasn’t said much since we arrived. I know she is nervous to see this part of my life. I have told her about all of them, she says this is worse than meeting the parents because I love them all so much.

We knock on Amya and Robin’s door, my sisters’ screams could have set off alarms when she saw us. She threw her arms around me and I thought she’d never let me go. Robin even hugged me; anyone who knows him knows he’s not a hugger. We are dragged inside and I introduce Shannon, my wife. Amya slaps me upside the head that I had a wedding without her and them throws her arms around Shannon welcoming her to the fold. She wouldn’t be so excited if she knew why I am married to a ghost.

We talk and laugh and I explain to Amya what has happened at home. She pretends not care when I mention that our brothers passed but I know she still cared for the family no matter what happened between her and Pops. I don’t tell her that I strangled my brother to death with my own hands and that it’s my fault our father died I don’t let her see what I have become. Shannon knows. We all have lunch out the yard like nothing is different than when I left.

When we are done eating, I ask her for Rowan’s number so I call him and let him know I’m home. Amya drops the glass she is holding and it shatters on the floor and Robin turns pale. By the time I look back at Amya the tears are rolling over the rims of her eyes and I know something horrible has happened while I was gone.

I’ve never angered for revenge or been hungry for blood, but when I hear what has happened to Lauri; to Rowan, my brother, there’s nothing that could stop me doing what I’m going to do. I leave; I leave my wife and my sister and leave. I’ll come back when I have made this right; I know that I can give Rowan his revenge.

That was last Sunday. On Thursday I walked into the house of the devil that took her from us, and I took his life. I stabbed him until I could not anymore. I cancelled the debt; I did the one thing that Rowan couldn’t. I killed him, I killed the man that both gave us Lauri and took her from us again. I always said I didn’t want blood on my soul but I wanted his blood; let it stain me because this devil being dead is what makes this just a little better. I stood in the puddle of his blood and thought about the bodies in my wake since I left and I feel nothing.

Amya told me where I would find Rowan when I came back here last night. He walks to her grave every Sunday; he takes Avery, their little girl to talk to her mommy. I ask Shannon to come with me, I have something I need to give to my brother and I need him to forgive me for not being here when he needed me the most.

I found him crying at her grave. A little girl with pigtails was swinging in a tree nearby. I could feel Lauri was here too, I wish I had said goodbye.
I killed your devil for you sweet Lauri, the ugly is finally gone
. I wait at the gate until I have the courage to face my friend in his darkest hour.

I walk up to where he is and I read her headstone.

LAUR
I

You coloured the ugly in our world

You painted our souls with love

You were the moon in the night sky You, my beautiful monster

Were loved.

No dates. It says it all and I fall to floor so I can pick up the pieces of my friend.

The End

This one is for my very special book friend Karen. She kicks my butt and protects me from weird stuff, but most of all she believes in me even on the days that I don’t. We may be continents apart but without this lady I don’t think either of my books would have made it to print. She also shamelessly enables my book buying addiction with her reviews. Book friends are the best friends!