Color Blind (Team Red) (15 page)

“Sorry, Man,” David’s voice was sympathetic. I could imagine him resting a hand on Bastian’s shoulder in commiseration. “Her tearing you a new asshole in the car pretty much opened the door for me to step in. It was clear she didn’t share your feelings. In fact, it put you firmly in the category of crazed stalker rather than serious boyfriend. If I truly believed there was some returned feelings on her part, no matter how small, I would have backed off and waited to see if you could make it work. But, Bas, you not only unbolted the door, you held it open and waved me through.”

“I just want to kick myself,” Bas admitted. “Every time I look at her, I replay that morning in my head, trying to imagine a different reaction or a changed word. I can’t believe, after waiting twelve years, I screwed it up so royally. And it doesn’t help that you’re such a fucking nice guy, either,” he accused.

“I wish there was something I could do to make it easier on you, Bas. We were a month into dating when I realized that, while it may have started out as obsession for you, it was finally starting to be love. But it was too late by then. Shit, I was so far gone, I couldn’t have pulled away if I’d wanted to. It’s the real deal for me, Man. Even if she hadn’t picked me, I’d be happy to be in the same world as her, knowing she’s somewhere breathing the same air.”

“I don’t doubt you love her David. I don’t doubt she loves you either. It’s fucking obvious every time you guys are in the same room together. I’m glad you found love and I want you to be happy. I want her to be happy too.” Even from where I sat, I could hear the heavy sigh and drawn-out exhalation of his breath. “I know I did everything wrong that morning, and messed up my chance with her. Crap, after that rant she unloaded on me, I’ve tried harder to be a guy that doesn’t reflect such an ugly image in her mind’s eye. I don’t want to be a narcissistic asshole to anyone, especially not Teresa.”

His voice sounded so sad, but I was the one who wanted to cry. It was hard to believe that he was still remembering my words, spat in anger and embarrassment, from more than five months ago. Part of my angry tirade echoed in my head, “…it’s not how you look in the mirror that's important, what's important is how you are reflected in the eyes of the people who love you. Be happy I'm not one of those people who love you, Sebastian Declan, because I find you lacking. I find your reflection to be ugly.” I squeezed my eyes closed, wishing I could take back those cruel words. I had apologized for being such a bitch, but it appears my apology was not good enough, especially if I had left him remembering such cruelty on my part. It was a wonder he could still believe he loved me. At some point, later, when I could talk with him alone. I’d have to fix this.

“That was a long time ago, Bas. She lashed out after you practically backed her into a corner. She loves you, Man. You know she does. And you know she doesn’t imagine you have an ugly soul or anything.”

“Yeah, whatever,” he replied, unconvincingly. “You know I respect your relationship, right? I’d never disrespect you by putting a move on her. But, I’ll always love her, David. I can’t make that go away - and maybe, honestly, I don’t want it to. It’s nice to love and be loved by her - as her friend.” There was a longer pause - I could imagine them sipping their drinks and gathering their thoughts. “But fuck, Man, how do I not be ‘in love’ with her? I’ve tried dating again, fuck, I even slept with a couple of them. But it’s so fucking hollow - like going through the motions. When I’m done, I just want to leave so I can go home and take a shower to clean their smell off me. Crap David, when did sex start to feel dirty?”

“Damn, Bas.” It was David’s turn to sound sad. Tired. Defeated. “I have no fucking clue what to say to that. No advice on how to make this better, or ideas on how to make your pain go away. I’m in love with her too; who better than me to understand your sense of loss? I want you to be happy. I want you to find love.”

“Me too. Who’d have thought, Sebastian Declan would ever want to settle down as a one-woman man? I want what you have, David. The confidence of walking into a room and knowing the woman waiting will want me and love me no matter how much I screw up.” He laughed ruefully, “I see a lot of apologizing and groveling in my future, because I’m sure I’ll screw up a lot until I get the hang of being in a relationship, but I’m willing to try. I want that goofy look I see on your face; knowing my woman accepts all of me, and loves me in spite of myself. I want a woman whose face lights up when she knows I’m in the room. Crap, David, even blind, her eyes reveal how much she loves you. There’s so much energy bouncing between the two of you, it’s unsettling some times.”

“I got lucky. I love knowing her favorite foods, bad habits and idiosyncrasies, and I love her because of them, not in spite of them.”

I heard a chair scrape back as one of them stood up from the table. “And that’s why you’re the perfect match for her, David. You think and say really romantic stuff like that, and you mean it. You’re smart and articulate, like she is. You two have so much in common and communicate on a level I can’t even begin to match.” The chair made a noise as it was settled back against the table. “You’re my friends, and I love you both. I
will
sort this out in my head, just give it some time. I know you see me mooning at her on occasion, and thanks for not getting pissed off about it. You’re within your rights to kick the shit out of me for looking at her. I am so fucking glad she can’t see it; that would be the ultimate humiliation. Just know, I’m working on it, okay?”

“I know, Bas. I wish I had words to make this easier.”

“I gotta get going, David. Got a date with a gorgeous blonde I met at my ju-jitsu class.” I could hear the sound of his footsteps heading for the front door. “Don’t worry about me, okay? Things have a way of working themselves out. This time next year, we’ll be sitting at that table, and this discussion will be a distant memory. But, I just want to say thanks again for being patient while I work this out in my head. It can’t be comfortable for you, knowing I’m in love with your girl.”

Bastian didn’t wait for a response. The click as he closed the front door behind him sounded like a soft sigh.

I wasn’t surprised, a few minutes later, to hear the whisper of shoes on the carpeted tred of the stairs. I felt David contort his body into the space behind me, framing my body between his long thighs as he wrapped his arms around me in a hug. This was becoming our favorite cuddling position. I didn’t bother to wipe the tears from my face. My tears and pain were the only gift I had to offer to Bastian, so I let them fall freely.

“You heard?” A question, but a rhetorical one. “What a cluster fuck,” he said sadly. His chin rested on the top of my head. “I have no idea what to say to him.”

My arms crossed over his and I pulled him tighter to my chest. “I know, Love.” We just sat on the window seat, lost in our own thoughts, both of us, no doubt trying to puzzle together a solution to a riddle that had no real answer.

Jason’s voice was practically quivering with excitement as he and Janey spread my ball gown over the bedspread. David had taken Red to the groomer for his monthly shampoo and nail clip, so I wasn’t able to get a visual of the dress just yet. “Just feel the weight of this beading,” Jason gushed. “Completely hand stitched with vintage crystal beads. Tara swears it’s a one-of-a-kind-original, designed and sewn by a friend of hers in Seattle.”

“You have
got
to try this on, Teresa. Just to make sure that you don’t need any alterations before you get to San Francisco,” Janey ordered. Geez, task master much? “Jason found a pair of knock out stilettos and a beaded handbag that match. No bra, because you’re going strapless, but we picked up a pair of panties and a garter belt for the kick ass white silk stockings we picked up.”

“I’m pretty sure the thong and garters will fit,” Jason chuckled, “but try on the dress with the shoes. If we want any nips and tucks, it will be best to have Tara do them right away.”

“Jason, I love you like a sister; but you own hangy-down parts, so take your ass out the door while I change,” I said.

“Oh, like I’m really interested in seeing you naked,” our very gay friend laughed.

“Out,” I repeated, pointing a finger in the direction of the bedroom door. I started stripping off my shoes and my top layer of sweaters. Jason, predictably, made a big production of being persecuted for owning a penis, as he shuffled his way dramatically to the outer hallway. I could hear toe-tapping, almost immediately.

When I was standing in my panties, Janey helped me into the heavy gown, then shifted the bodice around until my breasts were properly aligned. The zipper closed easily up my spine, pulling the dress snugly, but not uncomfortably, against my tall frame. Janey handed me the heels, then cocked an elbow out for me to use as a balance point while I slipped the shoes on.

“Okay, Jase. She’s buckled in,” Janey called to the door. To me, she added, “You look absolutely exquisite, Teresa.”

I heard the door open, and Jason gave a short gasp. “Oh. My. Fucking. Goddess. You are an Amazon.”

I cocked a brow in Janey’s direction. “That’s good, right? Or is he implying the shoes make me too tall? He remembers that even with four inch heels, David and Bas are still taller, right?”

“Oh, girlfriend. I do not know anyone that can wear that dress as well as you do. It’s perfect. With the proper make up, you will easily be the most stunning woman there. You have replaced Julie Newmar as my idol,” Jason vowed reverently. Mmm, high praise indeed.

“He’s right, Teresa. The dress is flawless and doesn’t need any adjustments. Even the hem length is perfect, which is great. We were worried we would have to find shorter heels.” Janey tugged at the bodice to test the fit. “Bend forward. If you’re going to fall out, now is the time to find out.”

I laughed at my friend, I could feel the fit of the dress and had no worries, but I humored her and leaned down so she could see for herself that my assets were safely stowed. “Let me walk in these shoes a bit to see if they are comfy,” I suggested. Janey’s elbow brushed my arm, I latched on and we took a small circuit around the room so I could get used to the shoes. “The shoes are actually quite comfortable,” I noted, surprised.

“Honey, for the amount of money they charged, they should fit like they were made for you. It’s a very pliable leather that will allow your feet to breathe, but still hold their shape,” Jason explained.

“Crap. I’m afraid to ask what the whole outfit cost,” I sighed.

“No worries,” Jason said, “we whipped out the black Amex card David gave us and considerations such as price were not even discussed.”

“Oh no, please tell me you guys didn’t spend a mint on this gown.”

“Nope, not at all,” Janey said.

“David did,” Jason piped up at the same time.

“Don’t you dare consider taking that dress back,” David’s voice ordered from the doorway. “You, in that dress, is the second most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Don’t worry about the money. We can always charge it to our expense account,” he added evilly.

“Second?” Jase asked, in a whisper to Janey. Light bulb! “Ahhh, he means naked is first, right?” Janey and Jason chuckled like maniacal co-conspirators.

“It’s a gorgeous dress, Teresa.” He switched his attention to our two friends, “What do you two think? Does it need a small broach at the cleavage?”

Jason’s tone was considering, “You know, something small and discreet to draw the eye would be perfect. We should keep an eye peeled, Janey, for something that might work for the bodice.”

“You guys did a wonderful job with the gown,” David praised. “Thank you.”

“Err, David? Jase and I were wondering if you and Bas would mind if we flew down with you guys to San Francisco. There is a club having a huge drag show that same weekend.” Janey seemed uncharacteristically shy as she introduced the subject.

“We would pay our own expenses. But it would be nice if your military contact could make reservations for all of us at the same time, so we could stick together for the whole trip,” Jason amended. They had obviously thought this through. “I was considering entering the drag show, and mentioned to Janey that it was the same weekend you guys are heading to the bay area.”

“We started talking, and we decided it might be fun to see Jase all decked out, and we’d get a chance to have a great night on the town when you are at the BAWHG,” Janey’s tone had a pleading edge to it.

“We can help Teresa get ready for the ball, and make sure her hair and makeup gets done,” Jason’s voice was almost cajoling. I believe David was being double teamed, I thought with a grin.

“Ken and I will be happy to take care of Red to free you guys up to work,” Janey added.

There was a short silence as David considered their propsal. “It sounds like a great idea. Teresa could use the help getting ready, and it will be convenient to have people available to walk Red while we are in meetings or going over final plans.” There were beeping noises that indicated he had pulled out his cell phone and dialed. “Lt. Mercer, please. This is David Preston.” His voice faded away, as he wandered towards the door while waiting for the lieutenant to come to the phone.

“That was easy,” Janey said.

“You know what this means, girlfriend? Shopping trip! I need a dress, and we have to get you and Ken outfitted properly for a night on the Wild Side. I’m thinking black leather and silver chains.” Jason’s enthusiasm was boundless.

“Well, first we need to go through my closet. I have a few things that may work. Now Mr. Clean Cut Ken is probably a different story,” Janey sighed.

“Now don’t go mocking that wholesome squeeze of yours. Still waters run deep. He may not be as innocent as you think - he may surprise you. I’m pretty sure when I kissed him outside the club a few weeks ago, I detected a little tongue action,” Jason teased.

“You slut,” she accused. “You are such a bold-faced liar. If you got some tongue, it’s because his jaw dropped in shock when you laid one on him at the club.” Janey’s laughter chimed through the room like tiny bells. That kiss had been part of my evil payback for a joke Ken played on me a few months back. Good thing my friends aren’t homophobic, or it wouldn’t have worked out so well.

Janey made shooing noises, “Get out of here while I peel Teresa out of this dress.” Jason’s answering laughter wandered off in the direction of the hallway.

I stepped out of the stilettos and presented my back to my friend so she could lower the zipper. It was easier to get out of the dress, as the weight dropped it right to my ankles leaving me with nothing to do but step out of the pool of fabric and crystal beads. Janey fussed with putting the gown on the hanger and wrapping it in a special dress bag they picked up when they purchased the accessories. The shoes, stockings, and beaded purse were tucked into little pockets inside the garment bag. Once everything was secured, Janey hung it all up in my huge walk-in closet.

I redressed, sans one of the heavier sweater layers, and we headed downstairs toward the living room. I could hear David, still on the phone, in the upstairs office-slash-spare room where he’d wandered for privacy while he conferred with the lieutenant regarding our new plans.

“I’ve gotta call Ken,” Janey said. I heard the sound of the deck’s sliding door open, as she went outside. “Hey, Baby, it’s me,” I heard, before the glass panel slid closed.

“Thanks for suggesting we ask David to talk to Lt. Mercer,” Jason said. “It will be so great to have us close together while on this trip. And I can’t wait to see how you’ll look once you’re all decked out in your gown with full make-up and everything.”

I shook my head at him, disbelievingly. “I can’t believe you found a one of a kind designer gown that fit my height.”

“Yeah,” Jason agreed. “It was serendipitous, but not as strange as you may think. Tara caters to a lot of the cross-dressing crowd in town. Tall and slender is not an uncommon body style for us. What was luckiest is that the shoes were the perfect height to keep that hem off the ground. Tara’s assistant, Gordon, was there; he’s a tall skinny drink of water, let me tell you. Tara bullied him into trying on the gown for us. Gordon is six-foot-two and the hem was perfect on him, so Jason told us we needed four inch heels. The shoes took us longer to find than the dress did. You should try finding true-white heels in the middle of winter. Bone, parchment, and all shades of ‘off-white’ galore, but nothing in a pure white to match the dress.”

I smiled indulgently, because I am sure they had a great time tracking down what I needed. “That’s me. I’m a rebel, wearing white shoes after Labor Day.”

The deck door slid open and closed again, as Janey joined us.

“It’s a stupid fashion rule anyway,” Jase snorted disdainfully. “Now, what I’m really looking forward to is getting Ken outfitted in something appropriate for the San Fran alternative lifestyle club scene.”

Janey laughed, “Still trying to corrupt my Sweetie, I see.”

“You betcha, girlfriend. I’m thinking spiked collar and a mesh t-shirt,” Jason teased. Then again, knowing Jase, it was possible he was serious.

“What will you be wearing?” I queried.

“I am going to be Marilyn Monroe,” Jason said grandly. “I’ll get my entry form faxed this evening. I am sooooo excited!”

“I bet you’ll be a great Marilyn,” David encouraged, as he came down the stairs. “You guys will need to take a bunch of pictures while you’re there so we can see all the outfits.” I had to smile at my David. He really meant it. Jason was our friend, and that meant we took an interest in his lifestyle. We met and socialized with him and his other friends, who were predominantly GLBT also. Both Bas and David had integrated him into our circle of friends, and I was always proud of how open and casual these two ex-military macho men were around Jason’s fun, and sometimes flirtatious, friends. One night last week Bas and David were at a bar downtown having a beer with Jason and his friend Paul. Some jerk at the next table made a prejudiced remark about ‘those queers better not try batting their lashes at me.’ Bas, bless his heart, looked the loud mouth up and down, taking in the beer belly and faded tee-shirt with distain. He pointed at a random woman at the bar and said, “This woman right here is probably straight; are you worried she’s going to be all over you trying to pick you up?” The jerk, stammered a ‘no.’ Bas snorted, at the man, “Well what makes you think you’re God’s gift that a gay guy will be attracted to you? You’re the safest person in the bar as far as I can tell.” Bastian earned serious bonus points with Jason that night.

“Let’s get a move on, Janey. We have to check out your closet and then we need to get an outfit for your Sweetie,” Jason said.

“Shouldn’t we bring him with us?” She asked, a mischievous grin in her tone.

Jason’s tone held an answering, evil chuckle, “Oh, I think it will be more fun to spring it on him later.”

“Oh God! This is going to be a fun trip,” Janey squealed. Apparently, Jason’s enthusiasm was contagious. “We’ll see you two later, enjoy the afternoon.” A quick hug from both and they were out the door. Poor Ken, who knows what he’ll end up wearing in San Francisco.