Collected Plays and Teleplays (Irish Literature) (12 page)

SHAWN:
Yerrah shure we’re all very tired.

KELLY:
(
Going and sitting down beside her once again.
) Listen, child, you’re very tired. I think we should all leave you and let you get to bed.

(
The
TOWN CLERK
,
getting the pair seated again, retires to the background, produces the bottle and takes an even greater slug than the previous one. He gives another loud gasp.
KELLY
turns and gives him a long cold stare, realises what has happened and looks back again to
MARGARET
.)

SHAWN:
(
Rising, with many affectionate pats and adjustments at his clothes.
) I do, I do. ‘Tis time and more than time for all those who have laboured for the grand cause to steal away (
he tones his thick voice down to a level that is meant to be dainty
) quietly into the sweetness of the night and to take a few sweet hours of soft salubrious sleep. What do you say, Town Clerk?

(
KELLY
is talking inaudibly to
MARGARET
.
At this point the door bell rings. It is a most unusual ring—sustained for ten or fifteen seconds as if the ringer suddenly dropped asleep with his finger on the bell. Just as it stops
HANNAH
rushes in at great haste. As she exits right to answer the ring, the bell peals again and apparently is stopped only by the door being opened meanwhile.
)

TOWN CLERK:
Who in the name of God would this be now? Has he no shame to be calling to a private house at such an hour? Or would it be a Guard on duty?

MARGARET:
(
Wearily.
) O, I suppose it’s more of these election people.

KELLY:
Well, dear knows it is no supporter of mine and if it is he will march straight out again.

(
He is interrupted as
HANNAH
rushes in, very frightened and casting apprehensive glances behind her. In a second or two the reason for her alarm appears. It is
CAPTAIN SHAW
.
He pauses absolutely still on the threshold. His clothes look somewhat bedraggled and his face bears an extraordinarily tense expression. All present are astonished and at the same time tense that something unusual has happened. They gape at
SHAW
,
and
MARGARET
rises to her feet in consternation.
)

MARGARET:
(
Rising, as does
KELLY
also.
) Jim! What’s the matter? (
She takes a step forward.
) What’s the matter, Jim?

KELLY:
It’s our friend back again.

MARGARET:
(
Her voice rising somewhat hysterically.
) Jim! What’s wrong with you?

TOWN CLERK:
(
Who senses what is the matter from his own extensive experience and rushes forward to support
SHAW
.) Yerrah, sure the poor unfortunate man has been consolin’ himself. And why wouldn’t he!

(
SHAW
is still standing wild-eyed at the door.
MARGARET
takes another step forward and stares at him as if unable to believe the suggestion made by the
TOWN CLERK
.)

SHAWN:
(
Softly.
) I do, I do. He is happy in himself at last, God bless him.

MARGARET:
(
Almost screaming.
) Jim! Have you been drinking?

KELLY:
(
Very quietly.
) Sure the unfortunate man is stuffed with whiskey.

(
Here
SHAW
moves or falls forward into the room. He is in the last blithering stages of intoxication and the nature of his movements and attempts at talking is more a matter for playing rather than for writing in the present script; only the outline of his remarks is attempted here. He staggers over towards
SHAWN
and attempts to hold out his hand as if to confer congratulations.
)

MARGARET:
(
Beside herself.
) Jim!

SHAW:
No hard feelings, old boy.

SHAWN:
(
Genially.
) Ah, yerrah, the poor man!

SHAW:
No hard feelings, old boy. No hard feelings.

MARGARET:
(
Rushing over and confronting
SHAW
.) Jim, you’ve been drinking! You’ve been drinking! You, that never touched drink in your life!

SHAW:
H’llo Margaret. (
He peers at
SHAWN
.) You’re not Mr. Kelly.

KELLY:
I’m Kelly.

TOWN CLERK:
(
Almost simultaneously.
) This is the elected representative of the people, Mr. Kelly, T.D.

SHAW:
(
Blinking round vaguely.
) No hard feelings, old boy. (
He distinguishes
KELLY
and turns round to him.
) I’m a sportsman. Always believe in shaking hands with the man that licks me. (
He tries to hold out his hand.
) Besht man won, old boy. No hard feelings at all.

(
He falls on divan.
TOWN CLERK
and
SHAWN
sit beside him.
)

KELLY:
This unfortunate man ought to be in bed because damn the other place he’s fit to be in——

(
At this point
MARGARET
becomes really hysterical. The sight of her brother in this condition brings all her loathing for drink to a terrific climax. She rounds on
KELLY
.)

MARGARET:
Look what you’ve done now! Look what you’ve done now! (
Then she looks in turn to
SHAWN
and the
TOWN CLERK
.) Do you see the result of your handiwork? (
She points at
SHAW
.) Look at him! Look at him. I hope you’re satisfied. That’s all I have to say. I hope you’re satisfied.

KELLY:
Margaret, for heaven’s sake don’t be talking like that!

MARGARET:
Why wouldn’t I talk like that? You’re worse than any of them. You’re responsible for this.

KELLY:
Me?

MARGARET:
You! It’s you that drove my brother to do this—to put himself on the same level as a brute beast—a man that lived for forty-five years in this world without knowing what the taste of drink was. (
Her voice rises even higher.
) You’re to blame for this. Do you hear me? You’re the cause of it and you’ll have to answer for it before God.

KELLY:
I’m to blame? How in the name of heaven am I to blame?

SHAW:
Let’s all be friends.

MARGARET:
He’s beside himself with drink. He must have been at it for hours.

KELLY:
How can you say that I’m to blame if a grown man chooses to make a beast of himself?

SHAWN:
We’re all sportsmen here. All good sports.

MARGARET:
It’s you . . . and this wretched election . . . and all these lies and slanders. The whole lot of you are to blame, and me too. Do you hear that? Including me.

TOWN CLERK:
Yerrah, not at all.

KELLY:
You poor girl, you’re overwrought. (
He puts his hand on her arm but she shakes it off.
) You’re not yourself, Margaret.

MARGARET:
Leave me alone!

SHAWN:
Do you know, old boy, I was never in better form.

MARGARET:
(
Pointing at
SHAW
.) Just look at him. Babbling like a child, bereft of every vestige of his God-given senses. O my God this is terrible!

TOWN CLERK:
Yerrah, sure the man is only jarred.

KELLY:
Margaret, we’ll go home.

MARGARET:
I’m finished with you all—for ever. FOR EVER, do you hear me? You talk about Christian charity . . . and decency . . . and reforming all the nasty things one sees today in this country. What are you, the whole lot of you, but vulgar despicable hypocrites, a gang of drunken louts, worrying all day and all night about your own delicate hides! I’m sick of you . . . absolutely sick. . . .

(
Exit.
)

SHAWN:
(
With great compassion.
) Ah, the poor overworked . . . tired . . . good . . . religious-minded girl. (
He looks towards
SHAW
.) And the poor . . . tired . . . worn-out . . . exstotiated brother.

(
THE STRANGER
has entered unobserved.
)

KELLY:
(
Pathetically broken, going to window.
) Ah, dear help us. Dear save us and help us. She’s going to leave me.

TOWN CLERK:
She is, faith. (
He notices
THE STRANGER
and turns to him.
) Begob, yourself with your hat on! Where the divil did you drop from? (
They all turn in surprise to see
THE STRANGER
.)

THE STRANGER:
Good night, gentlemen. (
He advances towards
KELLY
.) And congratulations to you, Mr. Kelly.

(
He takes
KELLY
affectionately by the arm, and walks him away from the others, talking to him in an undertone. He pauses on one occasion to point to the prostrate form of
SHAW. KELLY
looks disturbed and frightened. He makes a few half-hearted efforts to shake off the linking arm, and replies in undertones. Meanwhile . . .
)

SHAWN:
(
Giving the vastest and noisiest yawn ever yet attempted by a human being.
) Well, do you know, nivver in his life was Shawn Kilshaughraun so exhausted and worn out . . . and emaciated with exertions . . . and strenualities.

TOWN CLERK:
Yerrah, don’t be talking to me.

(
At this point
KELLY
savagely wrenches his arm free from
THE STRANGER
and backs away from him and speaks in a loud frightened tone.
)

KELLY:
I will not, I will not! I’m not a T.D. I haven’t taken the oath or taken my seat yet. That’s not the bargain!

THE STRANGER:
(
Soothingly, ingratiatingly.
) Of course, of course, Mr. Kelly. That’s quite all right. There is no hurry at all. (
He turns to the others.
) A little private matter we were discussing. It will be quite time enough at the next session, in two months’ time.

TOWN CLERK:
(
To
THE STRANGER
,
severely.
) Have you no sense of fitness, man, to be talking business to the Chairman in the hour of his triumph. Shure if you’d any sense, you’d be out swallying balls of malt like the rest of us.

THE STRANGER:
I am sorry if I intrude. (
He sits beside
SHAW
on divan. The bell rings.
)

KELLY:
(
Still very agitated.
) Town Clerk, private word in your ear. (
To
the others.
) Excuse me.

(
TOWN CLERK
crosses to
KELLY
at window. They whisper briefly as
SHAWN
says:
)

SHAWN:
Do you know, Rate Collector, we owe the half of our glorious triumph to your good self.

(
The door bell has rung and
HANNAH
hurries in to answer it. She pauses in surprise when she sees those present.
)

HANNAH:
Glory be to God, are yez still here! Yez have the mistress in a right state upstairs, whatever yez were doing to her. (
She hurries out right.
)

THE STRANGER:
(
To
SHAWN
.) Well, I think we all did our best. You did a fine day’s work yourself, Mr. Kilshaughraun.

SHAWN:
(
Deprecatingly.
) Ah, yerrah, no.

(
HANNAH
returns, leading the way disdainfully for
REILLY;
she goes out immediately to left, after giving all a contemptuous look and giving a long stare at the prostrate form of
SHAW
on the sofa.
KELLY
has now separated from
TOWN CLERK. REILLY
has a satisfied sneer on his face.
)

REILLY:
(
Gloatingly.
) Good night, one and all. I have just had a nice bit of news.

TOWN CLERK:
Begob, it must be very bad news if you have it.

REILLY:
O, it’s nothing much. Only that the Town Clerk got a letter from the Minister this morning. (
His tone hardens.
) The ready-up is knocked on the head. The wangle won’t work. Do you know why?

TOWN CLERK:
(
Surprised and serious.
) How the divil do you know what’s in the private letters I get in me office?

REILLY:
(
Triumphantly.
) Do you know why? Because our friend there (
jerking his thumb at
THE STRANGER
) won’t be sanctioned. HE WON’T BE SANCTIONED!

KELLY:
(
Almost brightly.
) If the appointment is not in order for one reason or another, Mr. Reilly, I am as anxious as anybody that it should be terminated.

TOWN CLERK:
Begob, to tell the truth it’s an appointment I was nivver happy about.

SHAWN:
(
Coming forward.
) Well, do you know, I guessed this would come to pass because the Department is one of the most . . . complicated . . . yokes in the whole . . . civilised world.

REILLY:
There’s goin’ to be a right row, maybe a sworn inquiry. Just wait and see.

KELLY:
(
Sharply.
) You can spare us all your bad tongue, Mr. Reilly. Our Council was always honest and above-board but we can make mistakes like everybody else. I am as anxious as the next man to rectify any mistake that was made in the past.