Class (11 page)

From his dorm room window the yurt looked like a tiny circus tent. It was a good eight feet high, and once he’d installed the waxed canvas cover, the crown of the roof could be rolled back to reveal the sky or to provide ventilation for a stove or fire. He had to be very careful with fire in the yurt. There was an entire booklet on it in the kit, covered in bold exclamation points and the word “WARNING” in red. Without proper ventilation, the whole thing would go up in a matter of minutes, since it was basically made out of twigs.

Eliza was huddled on the rough plank floor, reading his book of daily zen meditations. She looked up. Nick’s headlamp shone from her forehead. “Do you really believe all this shit?” she demanded.

Ever since Shipley had virtually moved into Tom’s room, Eliza had tried to enjoy her roomy single. Studying at the desk beneath the window, she would flick booger bombs onto Shipley’s unwrinkled Ralph Lauren sheets. What a shame to have such nice sheets and never sleep in them. Sometimes she fantasized that the bearded guy in the ripped parka would return and either befriend her or stab her in her sleep. Her own solitude had become oppressive, and he seemed like someone who was used to being
on his own. Maybe he could give her a few pointers. To her surprise, college was even lonelier than high school. At least in high school she’d had her parents to blame for the lousy state of things. It seemed to her that at college you had to be in love not to be lonely. You had to have someone to hold hands with while walking to class and someone to eat with in the dining hall. You had to have someone to lie down with on the lawn and kiss, or someone to sleep with, packed like sardines in a narrow single bed. If you didn’t have someone, if you weren’t in love, you felt like an asshole.

What Eliza and so many of her classmates were discovering was that living on a small college campus in the middle of the woods was like being trapped in a snow globe. The best way to interrupt the tedium of student life—the to-and-fro from classes and meals, the reading and studying, the occasional private talk with or great lecture by an inspiring professor, attending a semi-decent film or play, getting drunk or stoned on Saturday night and sleeping in on Sunday—was to fall in love and have as much sex as possible. Otherwise life could get pretty lonely, especially after winter set in.

“It’s not really a matter of believing.” Nick sat down beside her and picked up the zen meditations book. “It’s like learning an instrument. I’m not very good at it yet, but if I practice these…these simple truths, they’ll eventually become part of my everyday existence, and I’ll achieve zen.”

Eliza rolled her eyes. “Good luck with that.”

Nick pulled his bag of pot and Zig-Zag rolling papers out of his pocket, sneezed five times in succession, and rolled himself another joint. He was still starving, but he’d just have to make do with getting high. “So, what do you think?” He sneezed again and gestured at the yurt’s bent wood walls. “Like it?”

Eliza lay on her back with her head in her hands and gazed
up at the yurt’s half-finished roof. She flipped the hood up on her wool army jacket to keep the spiders out of her hair. “You need something to sit on, like a futon or at least some pillows. And it might be nice to have one of those little cooking stoves, and a cooler for food. I don’t know about you, but all this fresh air all the time has really fucked with my metabolism. I should just attach a bag of Cap’n Crunch to my gut and keep it pumping all day, like a reverse colostomy.”

Nick licked the joint and tamped down the ends. “Soon as I get the roof done, I’ll bring my sleeping bag out here.” He lit one end of the joint and offered it to Eliza, but she waved it away.

“Did I ever tell you about my toilet seat back home?” she asked when she realized the yurt did not have a bathroom. She didn’t wait for Nick to answer. Since Shipley and Tom had paired off and Nick had started building his yurt in earnest, their little orientation gang had entirely dispersed. Nick didn’t know any more about her than what he’d learned the first week of school.

“My mom has a Disney fetish. Anytime they have a sale at Kmart or Penney’s or Sears, she’ll buy anything with a princess on it. Our whole house is like a Disney shrine. My toilet seat is yellow with light blue flowers on it, and when you put up the lid, it sings that song from
Snow White,
you know: ‘
Whistle while you work!
’

“My parents have an office over the garage. They rent real estate in beautiful Erie, Pennsylvania, where no one in their right mind would want to live. When I was little, like, before I could go to school, they’d park me in front of a Disney movie and head out to the garage. When the movie ended I’d tap on the window and one of them would come back inside and flip me a Rice Krispie treat or a fruit roll-up and stick in another video. I didn’t fucking care. Kids get molested and abused at day care. I always
was a little scared of that toilet seat though. Sometimes I’d pee in the bathtub just so I didn’t have to listen to it.”

Nick continued to smoke his joint, unsure of what to say. Eliza’s story was sad and he was pretty depressed already. He tried to remember what the guy in the Dumpster had said about cells just wanting to survive. Then he tried to think of an uplifting zen meditation to lighten the mood. But his mind was a blank.

Eliza continued her depressing monologue. “I almost offed myself once, when I was around eleven. Or no, I guess I was thirteen. I think I was just lonely, and I’d been reading a lot of Sylvia Plath. I drank a whole bunch of aspirin and Scope and sat in the kitchen with the oven on. My mom came over from the garage to get a sweater and wound up taking me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped. I probably wouldn’t have died anyway. I would’ve just shat bluey green for about a month. Anyway I was okay once I discovered sex—not that I’ve had any lately.” She shot him a meaningful glance. “But at least I’ve got my lucky rabbit’s foot.”

Nick wondered if he should hug her. She sounded like she needed a hug. “Shit happens and then you die,” he said, and immediately wished he hadn’t. He sneezed. “Hey, did you hear about that huge meteorite?” Yesterday a giant meteorite had fallen out of the sky in Peekskill, New York, and smashed a Chevy Malibu.

“You can kiss me now.” Eliza propped herself up on one elbow, waiting.

“Huh?”

“Or we could have sex,” she said hopefully.

Nick took another hit off his joint, holding the smoke in until his face turned pink and his lungs were about to burst. He really
liked Eliza. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings. He just didn’t feel like kissing her or anyone else right now, unless maybe Shipley walked in and threw him down on the ground and ripped off her clothes and insisted that he kiss her.

“I’m kind of saving myself for someone,” he told her as he exhaled.

Eliza stared at him through the cloud of smoke. Her eyes were tearing up and she couldn’t see for shit. She tossed the headlamp at him and stood up to go. “Aren’t we all?”

8

A
t college you are free to do as you please, almost. You can—if you so choose—eat Doritos for breakfast, not comb your hair, wear the same jeans for a month without washing them, sleep all day, cut your classes, and stay up all night. You can not floss. You can take up a dangerous hobby that would terrify your mother, such as hang gliding or collecting wild mushrooms. But absolute freedom is a scary concept. Without some sort of sympathetic authority, chaos reigns. You need to know that someone is paying attention and that you will be chastised, if not punished, for slacking off. That’s where the advisor comes in.

Every professor embraces the role of advisor in a different manner. Some invite their advisees over to dinner with their families. Some treat their advisees to ice cream and mini golf on Friday nights. Some take them to a folk music festival to drop acid. Professor Rosen preferred to meet with her advisees the old-fashioned way—in her office.

Shipley’s advisor meeting was right after Eliza’s. Shipley sat
on the wooden bench outside Professor Rosen’s office, listening to the shrieks of laughter that emanated from within. The hallway was narrow, windowless, and plain, embellished only by the flyers, sign-up sheets, and other miscellany with which the English staff had decorated their office doors. A portrait of Shakespeare. A flyer advertising a screening of the film
Halloween
in the Student Union. A sign-up sheet for pumpkin carving at a professor’s home—
BYO pumpkin. Knives provided.

The three girls from Shipley’s orientation trip emerged from the office next door to Professor Rosen’s, wearing matching pink hooded Dexter sweatshirts. Elli, Nina, and Bree. Or was it Briana, Kelly, and Lee? They shared a triple in Sloane, the only allwomen’s dorm on campus, and had recently formed the Dexter Spirit Club to replace the now-defunct Dexter Cheerleading Squad, which had lost its funding in the late seventies.

The girls paused in front of Shipley, smiling giddily, their arms linked.

“Poor you,” one of them said. “Lucas is our advisor.” She lowered her voice. “He’s so amazing.”

Professor Lucas Weaver was one of those handsome young English professors who toys with the hearts of his female students by wearing his hair just long enough to hang in his eyes, asking them to call him by his first name, reading aloud from Molly Bloom’s sexy monologue at the end of
Ulysses,
and placing just so on his desk a picture of himself hugging his terminally ill wife. So sensitive and charming and trapped in a loveless marriage to an invalid! Lucas—as he was known—was even more crushworthy than the average handsome young professor because of his adorable Tennessee accent and his tendency to moonwalk into class.

“Oh my
God
is he cute,” one of the other pink-sweatshirted
girls agreed. “He’s like Bill Clinton, but younger and thinner and with better hair.”

“He’s reading ghost stories aloud in the chapel on Friday night for Halloween,” the third girl chimed in. “We’re going to dress up.”

“The guys in our class are going to be Ghostbusters,” the first girl explained. “And we’re going as sexy ghosts.”

“Wow.” Shipley was only half listening, distracted by something thumbtacked to Professor Rosen’s door. It was the sign-up sheet for
The Zoo Story,
Edward Albee’s one-act play. Professor Rosen was directing.
First Year Students Only!
the sheet read.
Extra Credit!
A single signature was scrawled across the sheet in green ink—Adam Gatz, it read.

“Aren’t you dressing up?” one of the girls was asking. “There’s going to be a party in the Student Union with a haunted house and everything.”

Shipley blinked. She was aware of the fact that by holing up with Tom in his room she was missing out on most of Dexter’s social offerings. Did Adam go to these things? She hadn’t spoken to him since the welcome barbecue. Would she have seen him dancing at Oktoberfest or pounding hard cider during Apple Cider Week had she not been with Tom? Maybe he even had a girlfriend by now—the Apple Cider Queen.

Eliza stepped out of Professor Rosen’s office. “The professor will see you now,” she announced, sounding absurdly formal. “Hey, are you guys, like, planning a pajama party?” she joked. “Thanks a lot for not inviting me.”

The three girls rolled their eyes. “See you later,” one of them told Shipley before stalking off down the hall with her two friends in tow.

Eliza rolled her eyes in return. She hated those girls and
their pink sweatshirts so much she hadn’t even bothered to learn their names. She was pretty sure they hated her too. It occurred to her that if the Office of Student Housing and Campus Life had placed Shipley in that same triple in Sloane, she’d be mincing around in a pink sweatshirt right now, shouting out dumb cheers and doing the splits during rugby games. Even if Shipley and Eliza weren’t friends, the mere fact that they were roommates had opened up a whole new world to Shipley, one where light pink was evil and irony ruled.

Shipley stood up and waited for Eliza to let her pass.

“She’s in a foul mood,” Eliza warned, which was a lie. Professor Rosen only had one mood: bitchily condescending.

Shipley frowned. “But you guys sounded like you were having fun.”

Eliza rolled her eyes again. Shipley was so gullible. “What a maniac,” she said, and stepped aside.

Shipley pushed open the door and entered the tiny, crowded office, still unsure of whether Eliza was calling her a maniac or their teacher. Professor Rosen sat at her desk, thumbing through a ragged, pen-worn address book.

“Ah, Shipley,” she said, looking up. She indicated the small wooden chair beside the desk. An orange fondue pot squatted beneath the chair, long forks poking out in all directions. A red Radio Flyer tricycle was pushed into one corner of the office and a cardboard model of a moose head was tacked to the wall. On the desk was a picture of Professor Rosen kissing someone dressed as an Egyptian pharaoh. “Sorry for the clutter. Have a seat.”

Shipley crossed her legs and clasped her hands together. This was her chance to win Professor Rosen over. She waited patiently while the professor shuffled a pile of manila folders around until she found Shipley’s. She removed a piece of paper from the folder and read it, her lips moving silently.

It was the poem Shipley had written in class last week. The assignment—write a short poem about a member of your family—had annoyed her at first. Did it have to be so personal? Why couldn’t they write about the changing seasons or migrating geese or their favorite pair of boots?

“I didn’t make the last name connection until I read this,” Professor Rosen said. “I remember your brother. He only showed up for one class.”

Shipley nodded. The last thing she wanted to discuss was Patrick. But then she shouldn’t have written a poem about him.

“How’s he doing anyway?” The professor sounded genuinely concerned.

Shipley wasn’t sure what to say. She hadn’t seen Patrick since 1988. “He’s great,” she enthused.

Professor Rosen frowned. “Really?”