Claire's Prayer (10 page)

“You get some rest now, okay?” Seth said, breaking the silence. “Tomorrow’s party is bound to be an all-night affair.”

Transfixed under his tender touch, Claire stood mutely and watched him turn and stride away. She took time over her Bible reading that night and then, kneeling, she told God in a soft voice about her day, and about her confusion. She was late to bed.

When Seth looked out of his window, however, the lodge was already in darkness. For long moments he just stood, and stared unseeingly into the night.

Chapter Eight

For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.

(Galatians 5:17)

The day of Naomi’s birthday passed in a daze of activity. Throughout the morning, Claire helped to string dozens of lights from the branches of the trees on the front lawn and brought refreshments to the men constructing the large, raised deck that would act as a dance floor. Later, she watched in fascination as Joseph instructed the ranch hands assisting him to prepare two pigs and a sheep for the spit: the whole, skinned animals were suspended above beds of glowing coals on a motor-propelled pole that turned the meat slowly and, by evening, tantalizing odours of the roasting meat filled the air. By five o’clock, the first guests started to arrive.

Feeling shy amongst all the strangers, Claire unobtrusively returned to the lodge. Seth collected her at six thirty, complimenting her sincerely on her appearance. With Naomi’s encouragement, she had selected a flared polka-dot skirt and a delicate, lacy blouse, and had draped a cardigan over her shoulders for later. Walking behind her on their way back to the house, Seth had to restrain himself from touching her. She had a lovely figure, and the soft sweep of the short skirt drew attention both to her now-tanned legs and to her small waist. Seth was sure his hands could span it if they tried.

As they approached the crowd on the lawn, Seth noticed more than one male eye following Claire’s movements and felt again the strange tightening of his stomach. In turn, more than a few people noticed the possessive hand he placed on her back as he took her around introducing her to the guests – whose names she was sure she would never remember. As the sun dropped over the horizon, and the twinkling coloured lights were put on, the whole evening took on a fairy-tale quality. Seth was never far from Claire’s side.

Then, just before dinner was announced, car headlights sliced through the darkness, signalling a late arrival. Drawing Claire with him, Seth left the crowd to meet the newcomers. Claire’s eyes still adjusting to the darkness away from the party, she heard car doors slam. Sight returning to her, her smile of greeting flickered as the most beautiful woman Claire had ever seen ran up to Seth, threw her arms around his neck and bestowed a smacking kiss on his surprised mouth.

Claire stepped back, trying to distinguish her fraught emotions. She hated the way the woman –
Carol
, she assumed – draped herself all over Seth, but she knew she had no right to feel hostile. Worse, the more her jealousy bubbled, the more she resented herself for giving in to her feelings. She shouldn’t feel this way about Seth; she’d prayed again and again for the strength to feel only friendship for him. This, though, seemed to be proof her strength was failing. Fighting down the hollow gnawing in her stomach, Claire gritted her teeth and stood her ground.

Disentangling Carol’s hold, Seth greeted her with more reserve. Claire, a silent observer, noticed the flicker of disappointment in the woman’s almond-shaped eyes. She was stunning: long, dark, curly hair; a trim, statuesque figure; a sophisticated navy cocktail dress. Looking down at her own clothes, her own figure, in comparison, Claire felt she must look like a little girl.

Stepping past Carol, though, Seth held out his hand to the man who had alighted from the car after her.

“Hello, Simon. Good to see you again,” he smiled. Then, drawing Claire to his side, he introduced her. “This is Claire, from Ireland. She’s staying with us for a while.”

Simon greeted her warmly; Carol, a sulky droop to her mouth, muttered a sullen ‘hello’. Carol clung to Seth’s arm as they made their way back to the festivities.

Seemingly reflecting Claire’s now more sombre mood, the noise level had dropped a bit as people with laden plates sat wherever they could and ate. Carol stuck to Seth’s side like a leech, and monopolised his attention. Claire had lost her escort, and momentarily stood bereft. She wished for a second that she could sneak off; she could not stand, she thought petulantly, seeing that woman hanging all over Seth. Unwilling childishly to leave Naomi’s birthday or to give in to her mood, though, Claire approached the huddle of people replenishing their plates. Focused on the array of food, she didn’t notice at once the tall, blond man next to her.

“Hi – I’m Brian,” his deep voice rumbled. “I haven’t seen you here before.”

Smiling at the distraction, Claire answered, “Hi! I’m Claire – from Ireland. I’m Seth and Naomi’s guest for the next month or so.”

“I love your accent,” Brian drawled. “Would you be interested in joining me while we eat?”

Feeling relieved that she’d have someone to talk to while Naomi and Seth were busy, Claire said readily, “I’d like that, Brian; thanks.”

The pleasant stranger found two chairs, and indicated for Claire to sit. Claire was just lowering her head to whisper grace when Brian closed his eyes and beat her to it. Surprise widened Claire’s eyes. “You’re a Christian, too!” she exclaimed, excitedly.

Laughing, Brian replied, “Yes I am – and I’m also a youth pastor.”

Claire beamed. “It’s so lovely to meet another believer. How long have you been in the ministry?”

Swallowing his mouthful of food as Claire tucked in, Brian answered with an appreciative look in his eyes. “A couple of years now. I love working with teenagers and convincing them that God does have a good plan for their lives – even if they don’t have one themselves!” He laughed, good-naturedly. “And what do you do, Claire from Ireland? And why are you in Zims now?”

Claire could see the interest in Brian’s eyes: his whole attention was focused on her. He seemed like a very genuine, likeable and, she thought appraisingly, not a bad-looking man. She wondered for a second why she couldn’t feel even the beginnings of anything more for him than friendship – and gratitude that she was no longer alone. She felt so relieved to be comfortable in his company: there was none of the tension she inevitably felt when she was anywhere near Seth. But there were also none of the sparks. Snapping out of her reverie she answered softly.

“I lost my parents a couple of months ago. It’s been hard… I came to Zimbabwe to heal, I guess, or at least to deal with my grief.” Seeing the immediate concern in Brian’s eyes she added, with more animation, “It’s working – Zimbabwe is so lovely. God knew what he was doing when he led me here.”

Sympathy had softened Brian’s steady gaze. “I’m sorry to hear of your loss, Claire.” He said. “I can’t imagine what you’re dealing with. You’re lucky you could get away from work for so long.”

Smiling, Claire assured him, “Oh, I brought my work with me! I write and illustrate children’s books. I have plenty of inspiration here.”

“Talented as well as beautiful,” Brian remarked, and winked at her.

Thankful for the semi-darkness as she blushed a delicate pink, Claire stood to take her empty plate to the table. Smiling at her frankly as he stood, too, Brian said, “I’ll be sure to catch up with you later, Claire,” and he went to rejoin his friends.

Turning, Claire noticed Seth and Carol, under the trees away from the crowd. With him, she knew, she felt sparks. She was infuriated at herself. Why did Seth, and Seth alone, make her feel so much?

Even at this distance, Claire could see that he and Carol seemed to be having an argument. Though she couldn’t hear what was being said, Claire could see that Carol was very angry, and definitely unhappy. Seth left her standing alone, and made his way back to the laden tables. Claire turned away, determined not to reveal she’d been watching him. Smiling, she noticed that Naomi was approaching her. With a radiant expression, the birthday girl came and sat with Claire.

“The party’s fantastic, Naomi,” Claire beamed. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

“So much,” Naomi replied, sighing happily. She followed Claire’s glance towards the trees where Carol still stood, now smoking. Balancing her plate on her knees and lifting her glass, she casually commented, “Looks like not everyone is, though! Seems Carol finally got the message, doesn’t it? Boy does she look angry! I wondered when Seth would give her the boot.”

Claire was trying to formulate a response that masked the extent of her interest in the situation when Tony approached, relieving her of the necessity. She returned his greeting and, when she glanced back towards where Seth had been, he was gone. Claire turned back to her hostess, noting as Tony kissed Naomi’s cheek that this gentle, blond giant made Naomi seem petite in comparison. Naomi chatted on throughout the meal about nonsensical things: whether people were enjoying the food; if the music was loud enough; if it was getting too cold. Nodding along, Claire was instead focused on the look in Tony’s eyes as he watched his partner, and the way she, in turn, couldn’t seem to get close enough to him. His steady, strong nature complimented Naomi’s effervescence perfectly. Despite the doubts Naomi had expressed, Claire knew, somehow, that his combination simply
worked
. It seemed simple, and easy.
If only things could always be so clear
, Claire thought.

As most of the guests’ plates were tidied away, the music stopped and Seth walked confidently to the front of the crowd. Motioning them to silence, his deep voice thanked them for coming to celebrate Naomi’s birthday with them. He toasted his sister, and wished them all a festive evening. From somewhere at the back of the crowd someone started singing ‘happy birthday to you’, and soon everyone joined in. Stepping to the front Naomi bowed ironically, a happy smile on her face.

Soon afterwards, Naomi and Tony disappeared to organise dance music, and Claire stood alone. People milled all around, but she felt strangely solitary. She walked over to the railing at the edge of the raised deck, and gazed out at the night as the strains of ‘Sultans of Swing’ filled the air, and couples found each other to dance. Claire looked around and watched Naomi held close in Tony’s embrace, and then, out of the corner of her eye, saw Carol scouting about again for Seth. Claire refocused her attention on the stars above her. Whether or not Carol and Seth were together did not matter to her, she told herself impotently. Behind her turned back, the first dance was soon over, and people were calling for more. Boston’s ‘More than a Feeling’ started up.

And then, out of nowhere, Seth was there next to her. He held out a hand to her and, with only a moment of hesitation, she took it. Seth led Claire onto the dance floor, where she stood stiffly, uncertainly, in his arms. She was aware of Carol glaring at her. Apparently ignoring Claire’s efforts to keep some distance between them, Seth pulled her firmly against him, forcing her to slide her arms up and around his neck. Pressing closer against him, Claire gave up the struggle and leaned into him.
It’s just a dance…
, she told herself;
there is nothing wrong with a dance
. Her body was not listening to her mind.
This was where she wanted to be
, it insisted.

A tingling started in her toes, and worked its way right up through her body. The song was slow, the words haunting, and Claire was aware of nothing but Seth and the rhythm of his body. She hid her flushed face against his shoulder, shivering delicately as his fingers played up her spine. The song ended and was followed by a faster ballad, which went unnoticed. They stayed close, lost in their own world. Claire could hear each beat of Seth’s heart, and she knew he felt hers thudding against him. She wished they were alone, and then was glad they were not. Seth had a dangerous, explosive effect on her, and it seemed the closer she got to him the closer she wanted to be. He made her feel things that scared her: her attraction to him was powerful and undeniable.

The sudden start of a dance track shook Claire out of her trance, and she stepped slowly back from Seth. His hands lingered for longer than necessary on her hips, as if he was reluctant to let her go. Avoiding his eyes, Claire turned towards the bar area to get a fresh drink, and felt actual relief as another girl claimed Seth for the next few dances. She sat alone, apologetically refusing invitations to dance from eager young men while she sipped her glass of wine and struggled to wipe all thoughts from her mind. Brian, however, was insistent – and, taking her hand, he eventually pulled her laughing and protesting to the dancefloor.

Claire loved to dance, and soon her body flowed into the rock-and-roll beat of Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Go Your Own Way’. Unable to see Seth and enjoying herself at last, she let the music wash over her. She danced from group to group as partners cut in, thanking each for their time with glowing smiles. Many dances later, she paused to catch her breath and gulp down some water when she caught Seth’s eyes. She was shocked to see the smouldering anger in their brown depths. He was jealous.
So,
Claire thought before she could censor herself,
you know what it’s like now, too.
About to rejoin the dancers as one caught at her hand again, Claire halted as a firm grasp took her arm. Turning, she met Seth’s steely gaze, and her petitioning partner laughingly backed off, hands raised as if protesting his innocence. The lilting melody of Roberta Flack’s ‘Killing Me Softly’ started up, and silently Claire went into Seth’s arms.

This time, feeling the glow of the fairy lights, the company and the wine, Claire didn’t hesitate. She nestled against him willingly, hearing his sharp intake of breath as she slid her arms around his waist. Claire knew she shouldn’t have relaxed. The song passed in a daze and, at the end of it, she felt shaky and disoriented, almost unable to stand on her own. The music died down, but Seth still held her. Raising her eyes questioningly to his, she shuddered at the hunger she saw in his golden gaze.

Someone called Seth’s name and, as if hearing it from far away, he turned his head slowly. Pulling away from him, the spell broken, Claire retreated quickly away from the garden and into the house. Closing the bathroom door behind her, she stared into the mirror for a long time, until a semblance of calm came over her. Edging slowly back to the door, she saw Seth occupied in conversation with Simon. She sneaked off into the trees, not looking around. Leaving the lights and the people behind her, she retreated to the safety of her lodge. For the first time since being at Impunzi, she locked the lodge door.