ChristmasInHisHeart (14 page)

Xander blinked back the excess moisture in his eyes. “I’ve never had so much to lose before.”

“Oh, Xan.” She threw her arms around his waist and hugged him tight.

“By not doing anything, I hold onto my hope but lose my sanity…by making a move, I may save my sanity but could lose all my hope.” He hugged her back and whispered, “This really sucks.”

“Love sucks.”

Xander untangled himself from her embrace and stepped back, a small grin playing on his lips. “Well, in funnier news I happened to run into Craig—you know, your ex-boyfriend that you ran away from the day of the party. He gave me a message to give you.”

“Uh oh…” She practically mouthed the words as she slowly moved away from Xander.

“Yeah, that’s putting it mildly. Evidently he told you to throw out that generator when you two were dating, he told you it was past its prime and could possibly be a fire hazard.”

“Don’t you have someplace to be?” She tried to sidestep him to get to the door.

“Shawna, you are damn lucky no one was hurt. When a firefighter tells you something could be a fire danger, you listen.”

“Lesson learned, okay? Now I’ve got a business to run and you’ve got a man to get. Stop using my personal life as an excuse to not fix yours.”

He followed her out of the office, bending down and whispering in her ear, “Oh, you’ll pay for that one.”

She stopped in her tracks, causing him to run into her.

“Not before you do…you’re up, hot stuff.”

Confused, Xander followed where Shawna stared and gasped when he caught sight of the front door to Craft Time. Standing there, just inside the door, was the man of his dreams and fantasies.

Dermot looked sexy as always, wearing a pale green button-down shirt that matched his eyes and a brown wool coat that matched his Dockers. His hair that Xander personally knew felt soft and silky when he ran his fingertips through it was pulled back loosely in a ponytail.

Dermot’s left arm wrapped around the base of a flower pot that held a two foot spindly fir with what appeared to be cranberry and popcorn garland and soft white ornaments of some kind, while his right arm had something tucked up under it. All Xander could see of it was red with a big green bow poking out.

Xander didn’t remember walking to the man, but suddenly he stood in front of him with an elevated pulse and breathy voice. “Dermot.”

“Xander.”

***

He’d thought he would feel nervous. Expected it, even. But one glance into Xander’s warm brown eyes, and Dermot knew… Hope and faith were enough. “Xander,” he repeated, solely for the pleasure of hearing the syllables on his tongue.

“Dermot…” Xander’s whisper was breathy and full of emotion.

“You said… It was up to me, that you were done with chasing after me.” Their glances caught and held, and Dermot was lost for a minute, forgot his purpose in the mysteries and emotions he could see swirling in Xander’s heart—written right there in his eyes, for all the world to see. Xander was one hundred percent open to the world. “I’m so sorry for all the stupid things I said. I didn’t mean them, and I’ve regretted every word since the second they slipped from my lips.”

“I knew that…” Xander stood on tiptoe to peer through the little tree’s sparse branches. “I was…just going to go to lunch at
Alimentaire
, hoping to see you.”

Dermot’s heart clenched. Xander hadn’t given up on them. And he knew in that moment that Xander never would. “I love you.” He stepped closer, trying to get close enough to feel Xander’s heat, to let him warm Dermot with his presence. The potted tree he’d spent all night decorating got in the way, and he glanced around for a place to put it. Shoving a pile of festive ribbons aside, he set it on a table.

“You do?” Xander stepped back, avoiding his touch and Dermot felt a pang of remorse. “You have a very strange way of showing it.”

Dermot laughed at that. “Yeah? Strange is the least of the words that have been used to describe me this past week since the fire. You should have heard Chaz when I stole all the fresh cranberries in the kitchen to string that garland, and Macy…well, it took a bit of persuading to get her to run all over town in search of popcorn that didn’t go in the microwave.”

“It’s um…very pretty,” Xander mumbled, looking from Dermot to the tree and back. “But…you didn’t have to do that.”

“I did, actually. I wanted to show you…Xander, you put Christmas back in my heart.”

Xander’s eyes widened and his head jerked around frantically. “You hate Christmas.” Xander grabbed Dermot’s hand and caught the fire truck as it fell. “Come on…We need to get out of here. People are staring.”

Dermot waved at the round-eyed Shawna and the smirking Sprocket, both of whom immediately returned to their work. “Well, if you want to go back up to my place, I did make a special lunch box for us.” He nodded at the fire truck. “I have some things to tell you while we eat. I just didn’t want to wait to get that one very important bit out.”

“I knew you loved me.” Xander was all smiles, and his eyes were laughing. Dermot loved it. This was the big, joyful elf he’d fallen for, the man who bubbled and danced, and stole snippets from the appetizer trays. “Come on. Let’s go before Shawna decides to start filming our reunion for posterity. Trust me, you don’t want her posting shit on Facebook and tweeting about how cute we are.”

Dermot winced. “Yeah, I’d rather not have an audience for the rest of this anyway.” He felt a flash of worry. Xander hadn’t said it…of course, he’d said it before, that he loved Dermot. He’d always been openly possessive of him. Why hadn’t he said it back?

All the way through the crowded sales floor, he chewed his lip, wondering if he’d waited too long, if Xander had taken his bitter words too much to heart, if the love he’d felt had faded. But Xander’s hand in his was warm and strong and his grip firm. So he still had hope, and he had the love he felt, and he had the warm, gentle glow of Christmas in his heart.

For the first time, more so than when he was six and believed a fat man in a red suit would bring presents down his chimney even, he believed in miracles. If a miracle was what it took for Xander to forgive him, to love him again, then Dermot would believe that that miracle would come.

Out in the alley, a thought occurred. “Whatever happened to Slinky?”

Xander ducked his head and mumbled something that sounded like back room and litter.

“I’m sorry?”

“I moved her into the shop. You can have her back if you want…but she likes it there.”

Dermot thought it over. He’d liked Slinky, with her slutty, shop-hopping ways, getting tidbits of food from all the vendors and shopkeepers. But…she deserved a home, just like Xander deserved… “Can I have visitation privileges?”

“Of course. She’s your cat, not mine.”

The conversation carried them down the alley to Dermot’s back door, and in moments they stood outside his tiny apartment door. “Here we are,” he said, turning to Xander.

“I love it when you cook for me.”

Chapter Fifteen

Xander loved Christmas, that was no secret, but sitting on Dermot’s couch, staring at the lunch box in front of him waiting to be opened…well, he couldn’t remember feeling this euphoric about any gift he received in past Christmases like he did right then.

Dermot scooted closer and shoulder bumped him. “Go ahead, open it.”

A smile overtook Xander’s mouth and he leaned into his lover’s side and planted a solid kiss on those enticing lips. “Don’t rush me. I thought I’d never get to open one of these boxes again. I want to enjoy this.”

A shadow crossed over Dermot’s face, calling for Xander to kiss him again and a third time after that. “Hey, that’s not completely true. You’ve had the misfortune of allowing a very stubborn and forward man to fall in love with you. I never would’ve given up. How could I? You have my heart in your very capable hands.”

Dermot’s bottom lip trembled and his eyes glossed over. “You…you still love me?”

Flinching back as if physically struck by Dermot’s words, Xander wondered yet again what the hell happened in his lover’s past to cause this immense doubt in such a strong and beautiful feeling.

“Oh, honey, love doesn’t just come and go in a fleeting moment. Not for me, anyway.” He quickly maneuvered himself off the couch and knelt between Dermot’s nicely shaped thighs. In this position, he reached up and steadied Dermot’s face between his palms. “I never stopped loving you. Even after the party when you had your say in front of everyone, all I could think was how to make you happy again. That’s all I’ve ever really wanted. In fact, that’s what attracted me to you at first. You looked so solemn and serious that I wondered how bright your face would light up if you shared a smile with me.”

He leaned up and took another kiss, this time forcing his tongue into Dermot’s mouth and wrestling with his for dominance. When Dermot fell backward on the couch, Xander followed, draping his body over the other man’s, shimmying from side to side to get Dermot’s legs opened a tad bit farther so he could rub his pelvis into Dermot’s hardening crotch.

Dermot attempted to break the kiss but Xander pursued him until a laugh finally forced him to back off.

“I need to breathe,” Dermot chuckled.

Xander fluttered kisses over Dermot’s clean-shaven chin, mumbling along the way, “It’s highly overrated.” He pulled the light green shirt out of the brown Dockers and started unbuttoning them from the bottom up, licking and nibbling the skin as it appeared to him.

“Ahh…Xander…um…”

It was Xander’s turn to chuckle. “All passionate noises you feel the need to make are not only welcomed but completely appreciated.”

“Smartass…ahh…”

Hands gripped Xander’s hair roughly and held his face against a chest Xander had no intention of leaving anytime soon. He let loose the nipple he’d tortured with his teeth and tongue and gave the other one the same treatment.

“Your lunch…you haven’t eaten yet…”

A hand left Xander’s hair and he glanced up to see Dermot lazily pointing to the box on the table.

“Is it sausage?” Xander asked cheekily.

Dermot blinked at him a couple times before smiling. “Um, no.”

Attacking Dermot’s belt and then his pants, Xander snorted. “I prefer your sausage. Got a taste for it, you know.”

“You didn’t just say that.” Dermot dropped his head back against the couch.

Finally Xander had Dermot’s cock freed and in his hand, stroking it up and down with a tight grip he knew his lover liked.

“Oh yeah I did,” he muttered before swiping his tongue across the spongy head and searching for every drop of evidence that Dermot was enjoying himself.

Xander intended to relish every second of this moment. He may have played it lightheartedly to Dermot, but his fear of never touching or tasting Dermot again was very real. And it scared the hell out of him.

He wouldn’t take it for granted ever again. Every caress, every single stroke would be done with gratitude in his heart that he was allowed to love this man. So he slowly ran his tongue down Dermot’s shaft and licked his balls, nuzzling his nose in the coarse pubic hair before leisurely making his way back up.

“Argh!” Dermot roared. “You’re killing me, Xander.”

Suddenly Xander was pushed back and to the left, thankfully missing the coffee table, and Dermot was on top of him.

“Ouch.” Xander laughed. “Did anyone get the license plate of whatever just plowed my ass over?”

“The plowing happens later. I just need…now…”

Before Xander could decipher what his lover was trying to say, Dermot flipped himself around and expertly undid Xander’s jeans, tapping on his hip until Xander raised his ass so they could be tugged partially down his thighs.

“Fuck,” Xander shouted as wet heat engulfed him completely. No niceties or playing to Dermot’s game, the man was all business.

It only took a few moments in that slick mouth before Xander’s balls tightened against his body. “Shit,” he mumbled, willing his hormones to calm down and let him get some action payback.

He grabbed Dermot’s cock and wrapped his mouth around the crown, pursing his lips tightly while he sucked the juices from the slit. A loud groan from his lover showed his approval but also ratcheted Xander’s excitement up another notch with the vibration.

Damn, he was so close to shooting his load, but he wanted Dermot there with him. He didn’t want to fall off the cliff into oblivion without the man he loved.

Stretching his mouth even farther, Xander inserted his middle finger in alongside Dermot’s hard dick. After thoroughly wetting his finger he pulled it out and tickled the back of his lover’s balls with the tip. Then he ran it across the sensitive thin skin of the perineum before circling Dermot’s hole, gently pressing down on the wrinkled skin, smiling when it trembled under his touch.

Taking a play from Dermot’s book, Xander pushed his finger in without warning, all the way back until he felt the little bump he looked for and tapped on it. Dermot jerked, his thighs shaking uncontrollably when Xander rubbed the sweet spot. The fluid leaking and running down his throat increased, getting thicker and more potent until the first full blast finally shot out and hit the back of Xander’s mouth.

Xander continued to massage Dermot’s prostate as he swallowed more and more of Dermot’s seed until the man twitched and jerkily pulled away.

As if his body understood that it was now time, electricity zinged through every nerve ending Xander possessed before converging in his groin.

“Dermot…” he managed to grunt out before throwing his head back and vocalizing his own release.

They lay there, holding each other while heartbeats and breathing slowly returned to normal.

Xander propped up on an elbow as he reached for the lunch box on the table next to them. “So, what’s for lunch?”

***

Smiling, Dermot scooted up, propping himself up against the couch for support. “See for yourself.” He watched with gleeful anticipation while Xander opened the box like a kid on Christmas morning.