Christmas for Joshua - A Novel (17 page)

“
Ah, right.”

“
They’ll bring you before a panel of rabbis for questions about your studies and your commitment to observe Halacha for the rest of your life. If you pass, there will be another period of studying, followed by a hearing before a rabbinical court of conversions. Once they approve you as a Jew, you’ll dip in the mikvah and have a circumcision.” Rebecca held up her hand to stop me from protesting. “You’re already circumcised, so a
mohel
will only nick your precious dingo.”

“
Ouch!”

“
To draw a drop of blood, that’s all. Purely symbolic.”

“
Symbolic emasculation, that’s what this whole thing is about.”

“
And after the circumcision, you’ll be one hundred percent Jewish even according to the most religious black hat in Brooklyn. That’s it!”

“
That’s it?
” I kept my voice down even though I was ready to shout.

“
Why can’t you just listen?” She held up the notebook. “Judaism doesn’t solicit converts. There are no Jewish missionaries. In fact, Mrs. Schlumacher told me that they try to convince people not to convert. But for us, because we’re already Jewish in every other respect, they’ll do everything to smooth out the process and make it easy.”

“
Easy?” It was my turn to count on my fingers. “We’ll need to get rid of our dishes, pots and pans, silverware, kitchen appliances, and buy all new stuff. We’ll have to leave King Solomon and join some Orthodox synagogue. We must stay home on Saturdays and do what? No
Sixty Minutes
, no bike rides, no Jacuzzi dips, no going out with friends to see a movie. And speaking of friends, we won’t be able to ever again share a good steak at a restaurant or enjoy dinner at the Brutskys or at anyone else’s house for that matter. And no vacations where there’s no kosher food and a synagogue. We could vacation in Brooklyn, I suppose.”

“
Orthodox Jews go on vacations. There are kosher hotels, kosher cruises, even kosher National Geographic trips.”

“
So we can go to the Amazon on a kosher safari. That’s great. But what about the rest of the year?”

“
I don’t care about vacations.” Her shoulders slumped, and her eyes moistened. “We have only one daughter.”

“
Please don’t cry. I won’t have this discussion if you’re going to cry.”

“
I’m not crying, okay?” Rebecca blew her nose. “This whole thing is not about humiliating you. It’s about our happiness as a family, going forward.”

“
Caving in to religious arm-twisting will make us happy?”

“
Who’s twisting arms? It’s a genuine difference of opinion about what it means to live a Jewish life. You and I made our compromise years ago, and I’ve honored my part, haven’t I? Have I ever tried to pull you toward the way I grew up?”

I shook my head.

“
I didn’t, even though I missed some of my childhood’s traditions, because Reform life worked for us. It was a good compromise. But now we have to deal with the fact that Debra has made a different choice.”

“
Has she?” I stood up, unable to remain seated. “She hasn’t been home since before she met him. This is our chance to refresh her memory about our way of being Jewish, of being tolerant and flexible, of letting go of anachronistic customs that make no sense in the modern world.”

“
What’s anachronistic to you is fresh and beautiful to Debra.”

“
Nonsense! The only fresh thing is a boy with big teeth—”

“
You want to break up her marriage? Is that what you want?”

“
No.” I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “Of course not. But after Debra swung all the way to his family’s extreme observance, it’s time for the pendulum to swing back. Their visit is our chance! She’s been their captive, now she’ll be free to return to normal here, at home, while Mordechai is
our
captive. Don’t you see it? Let him make sacrifices for love, just like Debra has done for him!”

Rebecca shook her head, sighed, and looked at me at length before saying, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but you really don’t understand your daughter. She wasn’t anyone’s captive. She made no sacrifices. She really believes in living according to Halacha.”

“
Not true. You’re the one who doesn’t understand her. Debra is obeying Halacha for him, for love. Now it’s his turn to give up some Halacha for love.”

“
He’s in love with her, not with you.”

“
So what? Can’t he adjust a bit in our direction? I understand that he has to respect his father, on whom he’s dependent, but he can give me some respect too. I’m not a leper.”

“
It’s not only about you!” Rebecca stood, facing me. “It’s about how we—you and I—live in a way that’s already causing a rift between us and them.”

“
Is it?”

“
Yes! Do you really think they want to spend their honeymoon here?”

“
What do you mean?”

“
They’re doing us a favor!” Her voice broke, but she quickly recovered. “Debra and Mordechai and their future children are going to be strictly Orthodox.”

“
Not if we insist—”

“
We are irrelevant! They’ll be following the traditions of hundreds of Jewish generations, traditions that our Debra loves and enjoys and doesn’t view as
anachronistic
. Our lifestyle, as well as your religious status, are two strikes against us. We’re incompatible with our own daughter. That’s what Mrs. Levinson and Dr. Cohen-Schlumacher came to talk to me about yesterday morning. That’s what their husbands were trying to communicate to you over breakfast, before Aaron dragged you away.”

“
It was a double ambush—like a pincer, squeezing you and me at the same time.”

“
You’re paranoid!”

“
And you’re naive!”

Rebecca held her hands forward, as if pleading. “Can’t you accept that they’re only trying to help us remain part of Debra’s life? That they want to be family with us? That they actually
like
us?”

“
As long as we agree to adopt their way of life.”

“
What’s so important? A steak once a month? TV on Saturdays?”

“
Our way of life isn’t important? Our faith in a God who doesn’t dwell on technicalities that were relevant for tent-dwellers in ancient Canaan? Our loyalty to the synagogue, to our friends and community? Aren’t they important to you?”

“
They’re all important.” Rebecca sighed. “But not as important as my only child and not as important as the prospect of enjoying my grandkids.”

There was something comical about the idea of Rebecca as a grandmother. I chuckled. “It’s not a black-and-white choice. We can work with Debra and Mordechai, give a little, take a little.”

“
That won’t do.”

Her stubbornness was frustrating. “This whole concept is crazy,” I said. “How could I start living by religious rules that make no sense to me?”

“
But you expect Debra and Mordechai to violate religious rules they do believe in? To commit sins to accommodate you?”

I could see her point, but still, my heart told me that Debra couldn’t actually believe in all that Halacha business. Soon Rebecca would realize it as well. But right now, my goal was to get my wife off this conversion idea. “Tell me,” I said, “how would I go to work and look at Aaron’s face every day? What am I going to say to my best friend of twenty-five years? Sorry, pal, but I can’t socialize with you anymore because, according to Halacha, you’re a sinner?”

“
Then don’t go to work.”

“
What do you mean?”

“
We can move away from here.”

That statement shocked me more than everything else. “Move away?”

“
Back to New York.” Rebecca’s tone revealed that this wasn’t a shot from the hip but an idea that had fermented in her mind for some time. “Why not? We both love New York, and you’re entitled to retire from the VA with a pension, right?”

“
A very small pension. Not enough to live on in Manhattan.”

“
Dr. Levinson can get you another job, doing the same kind of surgeries you do here, but for a lot more money.”

“
He said that?”

“
Mrs. Levinson told me. And for what this house is worth, we can buy an apartment on the Upper West Side and make a new life.” She came over and held my hands. “We’ll be close to Debra, close to Broadway theaters and the best museums, close to
civilization!
”

Taking a deep breath, I asked, “You really want to do this? Leave Arizona? Start all over?”

She nodded. “I’m going to return to school, get a master’s degree, maybe a Ph.D.”

“
You could do that right here, at ASU.”

“
But isn’t Columbia University better?” She pressed my hands to her heart. “Think about it. That’s all I’m asking. We’ll be back in New York City, a new chapter, a new adventure!”

Having just returned from there, I couldn’t deny that walking the streets of the city, its sounds and smells, had felt familiar. Our student years had been the happiest, but could we recapture that youthful energy now, over two decades later? “There’s a contradiction here,” I said. “We’ll be returning to our student locales to prepare for becoming grandparents.”

Her eyes glistened. “I knew you’d come around!”

“
I didn’t say that. I still don’t like the way they treated me in the wedding and the manipulations that followed.
Scottish Pork Apricot à la Crème!
Give me a break!”

She laughed. “You said it was good.”

“
It was tasty, but it was designed to lower my guard and lure me into an ambush. For them, I’m still a shaygetz.”

“
A very handsome shaygetz.” She reached up and kissed my lips. “So you’ll think about it?”

Would I consider caving in and converting, becoming Orthodox, observing all those rules I believed to be nonsensical? It was a theoretical question, because Rebecca was wrong about Debra’s belief in the validity of Halacha. Starting tonight, my mission would be to prove it, to get my daughter back from the religious abyss, with her young and malleable husband in tow.

Rebecca took my hand and repeated her question. “Will you think about it?”

“
Thinking,” I said, “isn’t a problem. But don’t expect me to—”

“
That’s good enough for me.” Rebecca glanced at her watch. “I’m meeting the kosher caterer at the synagogue to plan for tomorrow night’s party. But Debra and Mordechai are taking the latest flight from La Guardia, so you and I will still have plenty of time to talk before they arrive.”

“
You want to tell them tonight?”

She nodded.

“
Too soon.” I shook my head. “It’s not a decision we should make in a day, committing to observe an Orthodox lifestyle for the rest of our lives. It’s a question of faith, not something to be done for expediency, when we don’t even know that we have to do it, depending on where Debra really stands in the long term.”

“
Don’t fool yourself,” Rebecca said. “She’s committed to an Orthodox life.”

“
If you’re so sure, let’s discuss the whole situation with them. Open it up. Stir the pot, so to speak.”

Rebecca looked down at her feet. “I would, but—”

“
What?”

“
There’s one issue that might come up. It could be embarrassing.” She exhaled. “For a mixed couple like us, once the non-Jewish spouse has completed the conversion process, there must be a new marriage ceremony, performed by an Orthodox rabbi.”

I let go of her hands. “What are you saying? That we’ve cohabitated all these years? Like roommates?”

“
Technically, under Halacha, but we know it’s not like that.”

“
It’s exactly like that! If we must get married again, it means we haven’t been married properly!”

“
A technicality, that’s all.” She tried to hold my hand.

“
If we agree to such a ceremony, it would amount to an admission that everything we have together, our life here, our family, has been wrong.” I gestured at the bookshelves and the myriad family photos. “All this is wrong?”

“
A small ceremony, in private, and the problem will be fixed.”

“
Is our marriage broken, that it needs fixing?”

“
From the point of view of Halacha, yes, it’s broken.”

“
And from your point of view?”

Rebecca hesitated.

“
Well?”

“
It is broken…from Debra’s point of view.”

“
Why are you speaking for her?”

“
I don’t want to argue about it. Dr. Cohen-Schlumacher told me that her husband can expedite things, shorten the conversion process to six months, make it less burdensome for us as a couple.”

I saw the redness spreading on Rebecca’s face and realized what she meant. “They want us to stay apart from each other during the conversion? Is that it?”

“
They didn’t make the rules. Halacha is what it is.”

“
Unbelievable!
”

“
It’s only temporary,” she said meekly.