Cher (63 page)

And that’s how I keep my hair really nice. I don’t spray it, I don’t tease it, I don’t put lots of crap in it. I just wear it straight and long. I buzzed it and dyed it white once a long time ago, but mostly, it’s long now. But I have really cool wigs, colored striped wigs and everything, because it’s fun to be able to be more current. But I don’t want to be bothered with that kind of shit when I’m alone. I just want my hair. It happens that this year [1999], my hair is pretty “in.” “Cher hair” is coming back in a big way and I just happen to still have it (23).

Since she seems to perpetually be on the all of the “worst-dressed” celebrity lists, does she have any style regrets? She claims, “I don’t, because style’s not big enough to have regrets about. You go, ‘Oh, that was a stupid dress,’ and you move on. Or you say, ‘Oh, that was great,’ and you move on. Style is what you’ve got on the outside and it’s just for fun or to make some sort of a statement; but it hasn’t got very much to do with who you are on the inside” (23).

Cher claims that it isn’t easy being Cher—especially when she dresses to be noticed, which she generally does. Her every public appearance seems to be prefaced with the anticipation of, “What will Cher wear?” As she explains, “It’s just one of those things where you don’t know what you’re letting yourself in for. You try to make an impact on people, and then you do make an impact, and then you’re screwed” (212). Now that she’s been a fashion mannequin for the entirety of her public career, in 1998 she announced, “[I’m] not as into fashion, the quantity of it, as I used to be. I don’t have to be” (171). Yeah, right, like anybody is gonna believe that.

In fact she claims that she has no regrets whatsoever. “Too few to mention. No, I’ve had lots of them, but it’s the old, ‘You can’t cry over spilled milk,’ because you can become your own regret archivist, and who’s got time for that? Try to just log it somewhere and not repeat the mistake too many times” (214).

Has she ever longed for anonymity?

Sometimes I hate not having any privacy. But I don’t know that I hate being Cher because that’s who I am. I do wish I’d created myself smaller. Some people have great private lives, too. I didn’t create that somehow. I didn’t know the penalty for being too large. I wish I’d created [a /files/01/24/24/f012424/public/private persona like] Michelle Pfeiffer or Mel Gibson—people who when they’re off screen, they’re off screen. I’ve created something that was too flamboyant (23).

There are also times in which she longs to be in a different line of creativity. “If I could be anything,” she says, “I’d be a painter, because then I could just do my work and not need anybody to do it and not have to be judged at the moment of doing it” (119).

If Cher would pick her favorite song that she has recorded, what would it be? Hard-pressed to pick just one, she replies, “There are two, and neither one of them was a hit. One was ‘I Paralyze,’ and the other was ‘Save Up All Your Tears’ ” (214).

When I listen to music, it’s mostly the sound that gets me first, and if the lyrics are fabulous, well then, that’s a bonus. But my favorite song is “A Whiter Shade of Pale” by Procol Harum, and I still have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about. . . . The moment the organ comes in, I’m just toast. . . . I’m pretty eclectic. I like Marilyn Manson, too. I look at Marilyn Manson like a mother would, like I’m sure his mother looks at him. I don’t make a moral judgment; I just like the images. You know, I don’t like the content very much, but I think it’s a phase he’s going through (214).

Since that song “Believe” has become her new anthem, does Cher herself believe in life after love? According to her, “Definitely. I’ve experienced it. It’s been a long time; I’ve never been alone this long” (214).

Now that she is in her mid-fifties, can we look forward to her continuing to tour when she is sixty or seventy? “Oh, I can’t envision that,” she says.

This is just such a hard job. How Tina Turner can still do it blows my mind. Every night, for a nonstop hour and a half, I’m singing, dancing, running around backstage, ripping off my clothes and changing costumes nine times. I’m constantly moving. But, I’d rather take a gun and shoot the roof of my mouth off than just come out on-stage, stand there in one outfit and sing. That is sooo not me. I’m not a singer—I’m an entertainer. I’m there to make it sparkly. Maybe when I get really old, I’ll teach. Maybe I’ll teach acting to kids. The arts can keep kids from making terrible mistakes in their lives (191).

As much as she loves acting in movies, she also admits that she can be difficult if things don’t go her way.

If you’re a man and you’re a strong negotiator in a group of men, they respect you for that and even admire you. If you’re a woman, they just think you’re a bitch. And, also, men wouldn’t try to pull some crap with other guys that they normally try to get way with when they deal with women. It’s hard, because I don’t think it’s really a woman’s way for the most part. You have to pretend to be tougher than you are. I do a lot of acting. The truth is, I’m usually the easiest person in the world to get along with on the set or wherever I’m working. I’m not a prima donna. But I don’t like having my eagerness or my gentleness being mistaken for weakness and then having someone try to mess with me. It really makes me cranky (23).

Ever since Sonny Bono’s untimely death in 1998, Cher has been singing a different tune when she thinks of him. Where once she would do her best to be snide about him, she now sees their relationship with different eyes. She now admits, “Oh, God, I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t met Sonny. I definitely wouldn’t be here. It’s weird. If something happened to your mother and then I asked you what your relationship meant
to you, it’s just part of you that’s hard to explain. It is what it is, but it’s inside me” (23).

If we are to believe that Cher is now self-confident and happy with herself, then what’s up with all of the plastic surgery? Is she finally done with it? Hopefully she is happy with the work that she has had done, and she will leave well enough alone. Although she downplays the work that she has had done on herself, the photos of her show undeniably dramatic changes over the years.

Ponders social critic and author Camille Paglia, “Because of her working-class background, a mass audience of women have a deep empathy with her emotional life. If Cher’s a joke, she made herself so by having too much surgery. Until she altered her nose she looked like an Indian princess. Then she started looking less and less like herself and started to drift, like Michael Jackson, into a solipsistic fantasy” (24).

And then there are times when she is incredibly frank. According to Lily Tomlin, “It’s a really interesting dichotomy. I remember after she divorced Gregg, she did this performance in an amphitheater. She had blow-ups of all her tabloid covers and she went through them all and told the audience what really happened. Even when you go out to dinner with her, she tells you so much personal stuff so flat out you’re amazed” (144).

Several years ago, Cher read a critical article about herself that claimed that after the nuclear holocaust, the only living creatures on the planet will be “cockroaches and Cher” (24). After getting over the shock of seeing such a statement in print, she was able to see the humor in such a prediction. Given the indestructibility of Cher’s career, it is a bizarrely complimentary conclusion to draw.

What is it that makes Cher a star? Is it her singing? In musical terms, she doesn’t have the technically best voice in the world, but the voice she does have is distinctively expressive, filled with emotion, and undeniably unique. “Gypsys, Tramps and Thieves,” “Dark Lady,” “The Way of Love,” “Half Breed,” “Take Me Home,” “I Found Someone,” and “Believe” aren’t so much songs as they are dramatic performances set to music.

Is it her body? One has to admit—she has never lost her figure. She still looks great, and always has. We have never seen a fat version of Cher, or one who is disheveled or unkempt. She is rather the opposite. Sometimes she is glamorous, and sometimes she dresses like she thinks everyday is Halloween, but she always dresses and behaves like a star.

Is it her acting? She has delivered several great performances in her film career, with her strongest work appearing in
Mask, Silkwood, Moonstruck, Mermaids
, and
Tea with Mussolini
. As a stage star, she was a delight to watch in
Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean
. Although some might argue that she isn’t the most flexible actress on the screen, whenever she appears in front of a movie camera, she is undeniably mesmerizing to watch.

Is it her living soap opera life, which has decorated the headlines since the 1970s? What would the legend of Cher be without the headline-grabbing twists and turns in her personal life? What would her life story be like without her affair with Sonny Bono, her disastrous marriage to drugged-out Gregg Allman, or her love affair with the infamous “Bagel Boy”? Then there are her mysterious illnesses, her controversial plastic surgery, Chastity’s sex life, her dreadful infomercials, and her dramatically candid statements about whatever she chooses to expound upon.

The key to Cher’s success isn’t any one of these, as much as it is a byproduct of all of these things. For an entire generation who grew up watching Sonny & Cher on television in their unique and strange outfits, Cher will always be that lanky thin girl with long brown hair and bell-bottom pants. For those who grew up in the 1970s, she is perpetually the wise-cracking wife of Sonny. For those who fancy the movies, it is Cher as Loretta in
Moonstruck
who immediately comes to mind. For 1980s rock fans, the thought of Cher in that barely-there “If I Could Turn Back Time” thong certainly leaves an indelible impression. And, now we all have the millennium-era Cher to ponder. She’s that bewitching temptress of many haircolors, and many fashionable personas, all set to an effervescently pulsating beat.

She is an Academy Award–winning actress. She is now a Grammy Award–winning recording star. She is truly one of the most colorful characters of the twentieth century. You never know what she is going to wear, or what kind of frank pronouncements are going to spring from her mouth. She is a fashion chameleon, a completely unique song stylist, and she lives the glamorous life of a classic Hollywood star. There has never been anyone quite like her. She is the diva for all seasons. She is Cher.

SOURCES OF
QUOTED MATERIAL

(1)
Mark Bego’s interview with Cher, March 1, 1979, the Pierre Hotel, New York City.

(2)
Soho Weekly News
, March 8, 1979, “Bob Weiner,” gossip column item.

(3)
The Movie Magazine
, Spring 1983, “Cher: Tender Moments with a Motorcycle Mama.”

(4)
Us
, July 1, 1988, “This Is My Life and I Get to Do Everything I Want,” Mark Morrison.

(5)
People
, April 10, 1978, “Cher, at 31, Faces Up to Feminism and New Hope That There’s Light at the End of the Tunnel of Love,” Lois Armstrong.

(6)
After Dark
, February 1979, “Conversations with an All-American Vamp,” Brant Mewborn.

(7)
Chicago Tribune
, February 15, 1976, “Mother Wants Life to Be Better for Cher,” Elaine Markoutsas.

(8)
Vanity Fair
, “Cher: Starred and Feathered,” Kevin Sessums, November 1990.

(9)
National Enquirer
, 1980, “Cher’s Father Admits I Was Hooked on Heroin for Years,” Bob Temmey.

(10)
People
, February 10, 1975, “Uncaged at Last, Cher Wings a TV Solo Where Sonny Crashed,” Barbara Wilkins.

(11)
Ladies’ Home Journal
, 1975, “Cher—Georgia Holt Has Been a Maid, a Waitress, a Six-time Loser at Marriage. Still, She Raised Her Daughter Cher ‘To Be Somebody,’ ” Ron Horner.

(12)
New York Post
, May 28, 1985, “The 9 Faces of Cher,” Stephen M. Silverman.

(13)
Cher!
, by Mark Bego, Pocket Books, New York, New York, 1986, © 1986 Mark Bego.

(14)
TV Guide
, December 25, 1976.

(15)
USA Today
, May 1, 1985, “Cher Owes It All to Dumbo.”

(16)
Cher Exposed: Her Life in Pictures
, American Media Inc., Tarrytown, New York, 2000.

(17)
Time
, March 17, 1975, “Cher.”

(18)
Playboy
, 1975, “Playboy Interview: Cher.”

(19)
Cosmopolitan
, January 1984, “Cheers for Cher,” Tom Burke.

(20)
Los Angeles Herald Examiner
, June 5, 1981, “Cher’s Dream: To Be the Ethel Merman of the ’80s,” Darcy Diamond.

(21)
McCall’s
, July 1985, “Cher Takes Off Her Mask,” Barbara Lovenheim.

(22)
Premiere
, February 1988, “Why You Can’t Laugh at Cher Anymore,” Jan Hoffman.

(23)
Celebrity Style
, May 1999, “Cher,” Michael Slezak.

(24)
New York Times
, June 30, 1996, “Queen of the Comeback, Cher Tries Yet Again,” Stephen Holden.

(25)
The First Time
, Cher as told to Jeff Coplon, Simon & Schuster Publishers, New York, New York, 1998.