Cher (36 page)

In October 1985, Cher, along with Bruce Jenner and Tom Cruise, went to the White House to take part in First Lady Nancy Reagan’s “Outstanding Disabled Achievers” press conference. The event was to focus on people who suffered from dyslexia. Cher professed, along with Jenner and Cruise, to having dyslexia, or an inability to read normally. She announced that she discovered she had dyslexia when she had Chastity tested and found that her daughter had similar problems. Said Cher of her own reading difficulties, “I see words and jumble them together. I see great billboards, billboards no one has ever invented. The brain has a way of compensating. I read my scripts very, very slowly, but I memorize them almost immediately. Now my problem is only annoying more than anything else” (137).

Aside from helping children who suffered from dyslexia, she also picked up a new boyfriend from the gig. In the spring of 1986, columnist Suzy reported that Cher was flying off to Chicago to accompany Tom Cruise on his latest film location. Possibly, Josh Donen’s marriage proposals were getting to Cher, and she needed a break from their relationship.

In February 1986, when the Academy Award nominations were announced, there was great anticipation that Cher would be one of the five nominees included in the “Best Actress” category, for her work on
Mask
. This would have pitted her against her friend Meryl Streep, who was also favored for a nomination, for her portrayal of Karen Blixen (writer Isak Dinesen in
Out of Africa
). The “Best Actress” nominees were Streep, Geraldine Page (
The Trip to Bountiful
), Whoopi Goldberg (
The Color Purple
), Anne Bancroft (
Agnes of God
), and Jessica Lange (
Sweet Dreams
). It was Page who emerged the winner that year.

In the Academy Awards audience that night with Cher was her mother, Georgia Holt. Mom said, “When I was in the audience on Oscar night I was so proud I can’t tell you. What’s so great is she’s living out her dreams” (138).

There was so much speculation about the reason why Cher and the film
Mask
were omitted from all the major award nominations. In fact the only nomination that the film received was for “Best Makeup.” Several people have stated that the Academy snubbed
Mask
, boycotting any major nominations going to the film, because Peter Bogdanovich threw such a fuss over Universal’s editing of the movie. Or was Cher omitted from the “Best Actress” category because of her “Las Vegas style” of dressing? Was she considered “inappropriate” for the honor just yet, in the eyes of the traditionally conservative older Academy voters?

Now that she was a former nominee—for
Silkwood
—Cher was invited on the show, to appear as the presenter of the “Best Supporting Actor” award that year. When she wasn’t nominated for her acting in
Mask
, she thought for a moment about not going to the awards telecast at all. Then she came up with an even better plan. She was going to make certain that her appearance on the program would be one that no one was likely ever to forget. And she was right.

She phoned Bob Mackie, and told him of the idea she had for her Academy Awards outfit. She had a vision of paying homage to the American Indian. Her vision started with a feathered headdress, mimicking that of the Mohawk tribe warriors. It was to be accented with a cashmere blanket with black silk Indian symbols emblazoned on it.

At the time she was living with Josh Donen, and it was his father, director Stanley Donen, who was the producer of the Academy Awards telecast that year. She made Josh promise that he wouldn’t be embarrassed by whatever it was that she was going to wear that evening. It wasn’t until they were ready to leave the house that he finally got a glimpse of this creation.
It didn’t matter to him that he was personally horrified, he feared that his father was going to have a fit when he caught a glimpse at Cher’s getup. He was relieved when his father approached him at the venue and told him that he thought Cher’s creation was hysterically funny.

Traditionally, the evening that the annual Academy Awards are presented is without a doubt the most glamorous night of the year for Hollywood. It was March 24, 1986, at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion in Los Angeles, and—thanks to satellite technology—an audience of millions of people around the globe sat transfixed in front of their television screens, avidly watching the presentation of the Oscars.

As in previous years, the men were in sleek black tuxedos, and the women were trying to outdo one another with their expensive and elegant couturier-designed evening gowns. In the middle of the star-studded show came the time for the presentation of one of the major acting awards. The show’s hostess, Jane Fonda, came out on stage, and announced, “To present the Oscar for Supporting Actor is one of the most glamorous people in this or any other business. And you’d better believe it. Wait till you see what’s gonna come out here. Ladies and gentlemen, in a word—Cher” (139).

The TV cameras swept up a steep staircase located centerstage, and there she stood—the one and only Cher, dressed in an almost nonexistent black outfit that exposed more skin than it covered. Across her chest were five diamond-shaped pieces of studded cloth forming a bikini brassiere, the top of which was held in place by a spider web of thin, studded cloth strips. She was naked from her rib cage to her pelvis, exposing her beautifully trim stomach and sexy navel. The separate bottom of her outfit was formed of black diamonds of cloth, only inches in height, and worn over skin-tight black spandex pants. Draped across her left shoulder was a one-sleeved black cape, and on her feet were knee-high black satin high-heeled boots. Strapped around her neck was a black studded choker, and dangling from her earlobes were long black beaded earrings. Her lips were glossed a beige tone of red, and thanks to contrasting contact lenses, the pupil of her left eye was brown and the pupil of her right eye was green. Finally, to complete the unforgettable ensemble, piled high atop her head was a two-foot-tall Afro-like headdress of black bird feathers, harnessed into a Vampira-inspired widows-peaked, bugle-beaded black crown. She looked like a cross between Big Bird’s evil twin sister and a Hell’s Angels biker from Mars!

Every eye in the audience was glued to Cher as she self-confidently
strode up to the podium and laughingly announced, “As you can see, I did receive my Academy booklet on ‘How to Dress Like a Serious Actress’!” Her appearance on the almost three-hour telecast only lasted a handful of minutes, yet she had managed to steal the entire show. For weeks to come, the question “Did you see what Cher wore to the Academy Awards?” was asked more frequently than inquiries about the actual award winners.

Detroit gossip columnist Shirley Eder said of Cher’s outfit, “I loved it, I loved it. It added the spice that it needed—that the show needed.” On television, venomously amusing critic Rex Reed claimed, “I think she looked like Chief Sitting Bull in drag” (140). TV talk show host David Letterman made one of the funniest comments of all when he said on his program that Cher looked like she was dressed for Darth Vadar’s funeral. Years later, people are still talking about that particular night. As recently as March 2000,
Entertainment Weekly
magazine called that very outfit, the all-time worst fashion statement in the entire history of the Academy Awards.

In an obvious spoof of herself, in the September 1986 issue of
Vanity Fair
magazine, and other publications, Cher was seen—with a straight look on her face—in one of the striking and now-famous Blackglama mink advertisements. Wrapped in a mink coat—and obviously naked underneath, Cher is wearing the outlandish Darth Vadar–inspired headpiece, through which runs the words “What Becomes a Legend Most?” In the past, since the late 1960s, the Blackglama mink advertisement had featured such other-era stars as Judy Garland, Gloria Swanson, Claudette Colbert, and all of the other grande dames of song and the cinema. Here was Cher, dressed in mink and a headdress worthy of a
Star Wars
appearance. The juxtapositioning of what she wore on her head and what she wrapped her body in makes this photo a classic in the series. If nothing else, Cher at least has a sense of humor about herself. The look of the ad is sheer class, yet the audacity of it is hysterically humorous.

The outlandish getup that Cher wore to the Academy Awards ceremony that year was obviously her way of stating, “If you think I don’t dress like a ‘serious actress,’ I’m going to show you my interpretation of what one does look like!” It was really her own personal Declaration of Independence from any convention, past, present, or future. But then again, this is what makes her “Cher”—the talented star and indefatigable rebel. Thank God, some things never change!

10

WITCHES OF EASTWICK

There have been definite cyclical patterns in the career of Cher. There are spans of years where she is everywhere: new recordings, movies, television, magazine cover stories. And there are years at a time when she is nowhere in sight of the public eye.

After
Mask
, Cher seemed to go into one of her quiet periods. She was sent other scripts, but none of them seemed right for her. She was offered the starring role in the film
Baby Boom
. She passed on it, and the part went to Diane Keaton. “Diane was right for it. I wasn’t,” conceded Cher (22). Then she was offered the diabolical lead role in
Black Widow
, but again, it didn’t feel right for her. Commented director Norman Jewison, whom Cher would later work with, “I’d never cast Cher as a femme fatale. She doesn’t have the technique to play a character full of deception. She’s just not devious” (22).

Throughout this post-
Mask
slow period, her public image was quite a dichotomy. On Valentine’s Day 1985, she was in Boston accepting the Harvard University Hasty Pudding “Woman of the Year” award. As part of her fete, she was seen riding parade-style through the streets with two men in decidedly bad drag, as is the age-old custom. That same month she also led the list of Mr. Blackwell’s annual “Worst Dressed Women.” Another long-running tradition, Blackwell’s list has usually featured Cher as one of its annual dishonorees.

Since her transition from television star/pop singer into a “serious” actress had represented a huge pay decrease for her, Cher began relying
on different ways of augmenting her once-huge income. In late 1985, she teamed up with nutritionist Dr. Robert Haas, and together they sold the rights to a health-and-nutrition book. Dr. Haas is the author of the bestselling book
Eat to Win
, and Cher is Cher, so the publisher paid an advance of one million dollars. Hey, Jane Fonda was making money on her exercise books and tapes. Raquel Welch had an exercise tape too. So did Debbie Reynolds. Suddenly movie stars were all following Olivia Newton-John’s 1981 song advice, let’s get “Physical.”

Speaking of their collaboration, Haas explained,

She basically was burned out from doing
Mask
. . . . of course it’s very demanding to do a movie, especially an emotionally charged movie like that. . . . but she also lost weight to play the part of a biker mom who was on drugs, and the way that she lost weight for the part was the wrong way, she simply starved herself, so by the time
Mask
was over, not only was she drained emotionally, but physically and mentally, and then she had gained weight back because usually when you starve yourself to lose weight, you generally put it back on plus some. So, Cher was now about eight to ten pounds overweight on that very small frame, which looks like a lot. So, we began working together and she saw results very quickly, lost the weight, and now has more energy than she ever had before (141).

Although she was now set to work on a health-and-fitness book, in actuality, what publishers really wanted was for Cher to write her own memoirs. She refused time and time again in the 1980s, stating, “People are asking me to do it. But everybody I’d be talking about is alive, and they’d be plenty pissed off. People don’t like it so much if you tell everything about yourself when you’re younger. I read a book about Bette Davis a long time ago—God, I didn’t know she had such a rough life. It makes me feel not so all alone sometimes. Being a ‘diva’ is a very difficult job” (4). For the time being, her book in the works with Haas was as close as she was to come to writing her autobiography in the 1980s.

When she showed up at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City for Diana Vreeland’s costume exhibit gala in December 1985, Cher not only arrived in a Bob Mackie gown, she showed up with Bob Mackie on her arm. Cher has remained one of Mackie’s most devoted clients, and she has always been one of his favorite mannequins.

In 1985 and 1986, television audiences witnessed the return of Cher. However, she was not hosting a new show or starring in a television special; she was plugging Jack La Lanne/European/Holiday Spas, in her new
persona as a 1980s exercise guru. According to her at the time, she’s always been into the health trip. “Exercising makes me feel good. I like to sweat, and I need to. I’ve got so much energy that it turns to negative if I don’t do something physical. I get mean, and I can be a real cunt” (6). There were also full-page print ads of Cher in exercise togs, advertising the health spas in Andy Warhol’s
Interview
magazine, with the diva looking fit and sassy.