Casting Down Imaginations (10 page)

ten

KAREN

I was
still laughing when I hung up the phone. Terrance was so funny. We’d just spent
the last three hours reminiscing on our old high school days together. Over the
past few weeks I’d really started to relearn how great his sense of humor was.
There was just something about him that made my insides buzz. He definitely
matured since high school. I found myself daydreaming about him through the
day, wondering what he was doing and who he was with. I hated to admit it,
especially since all the two of us did was talk, but I was starting to think
about our future together. Maybe Terrance really was the one for me. Falling in
love with him again would be the sweetest thing. It would be the perfect ending
to a high school love story. We broke up before, but true love always found its
way back home.

I
plugged my cell phone into its charger and retreated to the couch to take a
nap. I’d stayed up late the night before studying, and now that Terrance was
about to start his new night shift, I could finally get some rest.

I lay on
the couch with my eyes closed, head propped against the cushioned arm of the
furniture. That Terrance sure was funny. He had me cracking up on the phone,
wanting to know every little detail he missed while he was away, including what
was up with Anaya and me. He couldn’t believe that we both were at DU, but he
didn’t like that the two of us weren’t friends anymore. I didn’t like it
either. That fight we had was a long time ago and we were grown women now. We
should be able to put all of that behind us and at least be cordial to one
another. We’ve known each other our whole lives. I needed to go pay her a
visit, and there was no time like the present.

**********

Anaya
emerged from behind her room door after I knocked on it twice. College was
doing her some good. She was beautiful, dressed in a pair of black slacks and a
matching cropped blazer that fluttered at the waist with puffy short sleeves.
She wore gold earrings with a matching necklace and a cute pair of open toed
pumps. Her hair was gathered into a ponytail at the bottom of her neck and it
hung over her right shoulder in a heap of slick curls. She looked like a
million bucks. And I wasn’t mad at her for it, either.

“Hi,
Anaya,” I said, smiling.

She just
stared, surprised to see me. “Hi.” It was taking all she had inside not to be
rude and ask what I wanted.

“I just
came to see how you were doing,” I said, continuing to smile. “Can I come in?”

She
looked hesitant at first, but then moved aside and allowed me to enter.

“So this
is what the dorm rooms look like?” I asked, taking a look

around.

She
stayed at the door, letting it close slowly behind me. “You’ve

never
been in the dorms?” she asked.

Dang. It
had
been
a long time since we talked. It was good to see my old best
friend again.

“Nawh. I
live in the student hotel. It’s a long story. I’ll tell you about it some other
time.”

She
rolled her eyes, frustrated already. I pretended not to see it.

“So,” I
began, searching for small talk. “How you been?”

She
walked over to her sink and began applying makeup to her face. “Fine. How about
you?”

I was
surprised. “Good. I been doing good.”

“How are
your classes?”

“Good.”
This conversation was going nowhere fast. “I’m making all Bs. You?”

“Two As,
two Bs.”

I was
impressed, but then again, Anaya always did make better grades than me.

“That’s
good. So, you liking it here?”

She
frowned. “Not really. I mean, it’s okay I guess. Just school.”

“Really?
I love it here.”

“That’s
because you don’t have to live in the dorms.”

“You not
liking the roommate thing?”

She
shrugged. “She don’t say nothing to me, I don’t say nothing to her.”

I let my
eyes roam around the room, not sure where to take the conversation next.

“You’re
all dressed up. You got a date or something?”

She watched
me through the mirror while she lined her lips with color, then smiled. “Yeah,
you could say that.”

I
laughed. “Uh oh. Anaya you got a man?”

She
grinned. “Yeah, I guess you could say that, too.”

“Really?
Is he a student from here?”

She
nodded.

“Well…
Who is he?”

“You
probably don’t know him. He’s a junior.”

“So,
tell me anyway. What’s his name?”

“Reese.”

I
pondered over it for a moment. “No, I don’t know any Reese.”

“I told
you,” she said. “What about you? You got a man?”

As much
as I wanted Terrance to be my man again, we weren’t at a stage in our
relationship that I could call him so just yet. “Nawh. I’m just doing me right
now for the time being.”

We were
quiet while she finished putting on the rest of her makeup.

“So,
where are you going tonight?” I asked when she was finished.

“To some
new restaurant my man is taking me to,” she bragged.

“Y’all
are going to dinner?”

“Yeah,”
she said, full of pride. “He just bought this new place, and afterward he’s
going to take me over so I can check it out.”

That
didn’t sound like a good idea to me.

“You
aren’t going to have sex with him, are you?” I blurted out.

She
snapped her head in my direction, ready to go off. “What?”

I
already knew where I’d gone wrong.

“Wait a
minute. Let me explain. I wasn’t trying to call you a slut or anything.”

“Well,
what were you trying to say?”

“I was
just saying that… Well, you know…”

She put
her hands on her hips. “Enlighten me.”

This
visit wasn’t going the way that I’d hoped. Silly me for thinking  she’d
changed.

“All I
was trying to say was that maybe you going over to his house might send the
wrong idea,” I said cautiously. “You don’t want to be looked at as that type of
girl. It’s gonna be late and he’s probably gonna have it on his mind already.
I’d just hate to see you mess up.”

She
laughed, clearly offended. “What? Like you?”

That
hurt.

“Look,
Anaya, all I’m trying to say is—”

“Who
asked you?! You know what? I am so sick of you, with your self-righteous self!
This is why I don’t like you. You come over here, pretending to be all nice and
stuff, acting like you want to be friends with me again after all this time. I
should have known you weren’t that cool. The only reason you came over here was
to prove how righteous and holy you are. Well guess what Karen, you’re not! I
know who you really are and I know about all of the lies you told. And I don’t
give a damn about you or what you think about me! Just get out of my room!”

Her
words stabbed me. Repeatedly. When I didn’t move she walked over to the door
and held it open.

“Get
out!!!” she screamed. Before I could attempt to defend myself again she
continued on her verbal rampage.

“Don’t
come back over here, either,” she said. “Just stay away. As far as I’m
concerned, you’re dead. I don’t ever want to see you again. You can keep your
ugly little attitude to yourself. See, it was one thing to put up a front in
front of people back home. But we’re grown women now. You’d think you’d stop
pretending by now. I know you’re not as holy as you claim you are.”

My body
tensed. She was talking about Jeremiah.

“Yeah,”
she taunted me. “Uh huh, I said it.”

Oh,
she is begging for a fight! I’ll pull all of that pretty hair out of her head!

“You
want to walk around acting all holy, like you never done anything,” she
continued. “But you must have forgot. I was with you when you were smoking
weed, sneaking out of your parents’ house, going to parties. That was me with
you, Karen, so I know the truth. I was there with you, Karen. It was me. When you
were getting drunk, that was me fighting to keep the boys off you because you
were passed out and couldn’t fight for yourself. I was the one that kept you
from getting raped! Me! Anaya! And you got the nerve to come over here and try
to judge me! Get out of my room! I hate you!”

I
couldn’t say anything. After all that, there was nothing left to say.

“And
just so you know, I was the one that told everybody you had an abortion,” she
said coldly.

I
gasped. “You what?”

She
started to cry. They were angry tears, from years of resentment toward me.

“Yep,”
she answered, wiping madly at her eyes. “It was me. I did it. And I know it’s
true! You always been like that, Karen. You always had to make it seem like you
never did anything wrong. I know you killed your baby so people wouldn’t look
down on you and your
perfect
family. Your mama probably told you to do
it so she could keep wearing her big hats and her shiny shoes, and God forbid
anybody look at Deacon Stephens like his children ain’t perfect. Well, I wanted
everybody to know that you really weren’t perfect. You’re just a screw up just
like everybody else, no matter what you say.”

My
religion was begging to leave me, but I held on with a tight grasp. I held my
clenched fist down at my thighs and walked into the hallway, determined not
look at her. If I did it was sure to be over for her. Both of us would get
kicked out of school, but it would feel good to hurt her for all of the things
she’d put me through.

The door
to her room slammed loudly behind me as soon as I crossed over the threshold.
She did it just in time, too, because if it had been any slower I would have
jumped back and knocked her out.

eleven

Anaya

I flopped down on my bed and held my fists up to my eyes,
crying. I let it all out. I hadn’t realized how mad I still was at her. All
that stuff happened so long ago, but when she came over here acting like that,
it brought it all back up. I guess I was mad because I wanted my old friend
back. But Karen was too phony to ever be real and simply be herself. She was
always too worried about saying and doing the right thing. I shouldn’t have
brought her baby into it, though. That was mean. But I wanted that skank to pay
for the way she treated me. I couldn’t just let her walk out of here the way
that she was going to. No, I wanted that heifer to regret ever attempting to
walk back into my life. I knew she had an abortion, and one day she was going
to admit the truth about it all. And when she did I was going to be right there
to say “I told you so! You hypocrite! You liar!”

I made myself stop thinking before I started to cry again. I
couldn’t think about all of that stuff right now. Right now I had to hurry up
and fix my face because Reese was about to pick me up. I had to look good for
him so he would stay with me. He had a very promising career ahead of him and I
would be damned if he ended up with someone else. No one else was going to take
my place.

I just didn’t understand how Karen knew about tonight. How
did she know about the condoms I had in my purse? The black clutch bag sitting
on my bed was snapped shut, so she couldn’t have seen them. That was kind of
crazy.

My cell phone rang. I walked over to the bed where it was
and checked the ID. It was Reese. I knew he was waiting downstairs for me so we
could go on our date.

I hesitated for an unknown reason. Why was I so scared!?! I
was getting frustrated with all of this crap. I was a grown woman and still
scared to have sex. Why? Everybody had to do it sooner or later, and I was
about the only one who hadn’t done it yet. Reese and I had gone through so
much. He deserved to get some from me. I couldn’t even count the number of
times we’d tried to and then I ended up telling him to stop at the last minute.
A man couldn’t be played with like that, and I wasn’t about to lose another man
because I was too scary. I had to give him some. Tonight.

I flipped open the phone. “Hello?”

“You ready baby?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I answered with a cracked voice.

“You okay? You sound like you been crying.”

I cleared my throat. “Nawh. Yeah, I’m ready. Just let me
grab my things and I’ll be down in a second.”

After I hung up the phone I went back to the mirror and
added gloss to my lips for a little extra shine and gave my outfit one last
glance over. Once everything was to my liking, I grabbed my purse, double
checking to make sure the condoms were still there, and walked out of the room.
As much as I tried to hold my head high, I knew it was all in vain.

**********

Reese and I pulled into his gated apartment complex and
parked in his reserved spot.

“Here we are,” he said, prideful.

“This looks really nice,” I told him.

He smiled. “If you think these look nice on the outside,
wait until you see the inside.”

We got out of the truck and I followed him past the lighted
swimming pool up a flight of stairs to apartment 114.

“Are you ready?” he asked, turning around.

I nodded with a smile, even though I really wasn’t. I wanted
to tell him to take me home, but I was too scared to. I’d already came this
far. If I backed away now it would probably turn into another fight.

Reese unlocked the door and we walked inside. The place was
massive. The living room alone was three times as big as my dorm room.

“Where did you get all of this furniture?” I asked him,
eyeing the beautiful beige colored sectional sofa, big screen TV, tall floor
lamps, and the matching coffee and end tables in the room.

“Rented,” he answered. “You thirsty?”

I shook my head.

“Awh, girl. Let me get you a wine cooler.”

I hesitated at first, then consented. Alcohol would probably
help my nerves calm down.

“Your place looks real nice,” I called out, watching him
cross over to his kitchen. The open bar attached to the wall allowed me to see
inside. He opened his built in stainless steel refrigerator and pulled out the
wine cooler.

“Did I tell you how good you look tonight?” he asked. He
looked me up and down as he walked back over and passed me my drink.

“No.”

“You do.” He ran the loose curls of my ponytail through his
fingers. I flinched, remembering the last time he held my hair, but he didn’t
notice.

“You have pretty hair,” he said. “When I saw you walk out of
that dorm building tonight, I was like… Damn!”

We laughed and walked over to the couch. Reese turned the
television on. I was so nervous. I couldn’t believe I was actually about to
have sex for the first time.

“You comfortable?”

I jumped, startled.

“Are you okay?” he asked me.

I nodded. “Yeah, I just… I was just daydreaming, that’s all.”

He grinned. “About me? Yeah, I have been known to do that to
folks.”

I playfully rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”

“Why you sitting so far away?”

I noticed the distance between the two of us. I hadn’t
realized that my fear had driven me to the edge of the couch.

“Come on over girl and sit next to me.”

I reluctantly obeyed after taking a long swig from my drink
and setting it on the table. Reese wrapped his arm around my shoulders and
pulled me into his chest. It was step two of his plan to get me into bed with
him. Step one was the alcohol.

He leaned in and kissed me, full on the lips. That was step
three.

I squirmed a bit, but he didn’t stop. Finally I pulled away.

“Reese, I…”

I saw the irritation in his face, knowing what he was
thinking. I didn’t want him to think I was playing games with him, so I kissed
him in the mouth, refusing to let him down again.

He pulled away, shocked. I did it again, knowing if I kissed
him hard enough, he would agree. He did. Before I knew it he had me on my back
and my blazer was open. Reese’s hands were underneath my camisole, fondling
what he felt he had a right to.

I wanted to do this, but it just felt so wrong. I’d always
imagined my first time would be more romantic than this. But fairytales didn’t
always come true.

I kissed him harder, refusing to cry. Reese’s body responded
the way I knew it would. I moved from his lips to his earlobe, begging him to
take me. He reacted exactly the way I wanted him to, the way I knew how to make
him. He leaned over and began to kiss my stomach. His kisses were hungry. He
wanted to devour me. He’d been waiting so long for this, and it was finally
about to happen.

I lay my head back on the seat cushion, resting in the false
intimacy that the two of us created. I inhaled deeply as I felt the waist of my
pants loosen. The familiar sound of my zipper going down played with my psyche.
It was about to go down. The night that I’d been dreaming about for the past
few years was about to go down right now.

Reese continued to kiss my stomach as he slid my pants down.

Don’t be
scared. Don’t be scared... It’s a normal thing. Everybody has to do it at some
time or another in their life. You can do it, Anaya. You can do it. You want
this. He wants this. The two of you deserve this. You owe it to him. He’s your
man. You’re obligated to give him some.

I fought with myself as much as I could, my body and my
spirit going into full battle. Reese’s hand went past the access point as soon
as my pants were completely off.

I jumped.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

I thought for a second. I could jump up and grab my pants
and tell him to take me home. I could apologize and tell him that this was all
a big mistake.

“Anaya, what’s the matter?” he repeated.

I looked up at him. He was still hovering over me, ready to
pick up where we left off.

“Anaya…”

I cleared my throat.

“Anaya…” He tapped my thigh. “You alright?”

I snapped back into reality. “Yeah, I just…” I reached over
and retrieved the pack of condoms from my purse and presented them to him. “I
didn’t want us to get started without these,” I told him.

He was surprised. “I like your way of thinking,” he said.
“Are you sure you wanna do this?”

“Do you love me?” I asked him. It was bad timing, but for my
own peace of mind I needed to know the answer.

He looked into my eyes and kissed me. “Of course, baby. You
know I do.”

I swallowed. “Then yes,” I answered. “Yes. I’m sure.”

He stood to his feet and pulled me up to mine. We kissed
again, and then he took my hand and we began to walk.

“Where are we going?” I asked him.

“To my bedroom. I got a king size bed with satin sheets on
it waiting just for you.”

I followed him to the door across the room. He picked me up
and carried me inside and laid me across the soft bed. I watched him undress
down to the thick iced out diamond necklace that draped over his chest. One day
it was going to be wrapped around my neck, and then everyone would know that I
was his girl.

He finished undressing me, then climbed on top of me, ready
to do work.

‘
Alright, girl,’
I
thought as I braced for impact.
‘It’s all or nothing.’