Cartography for Beginners (22 page)

He'd followed the street's twists and turns for what seems like hours when he finally had to admit defeat. None of the Tube stations signs looked familiar and he didn't know the streets well enough to make his way back even to the pub, and the last thing he wanted right now was more strangers. Who knew who might even be hostile enough to tourists to deliberately misdirect him into a dangerous part of the city? There had to be a few of those.

It was time to admit defeat. It was time to call Stuart.

Leo fumbled his cell phone out of his pocket and pressed the speed dial button for Stuart, and nearly wept when he heard, "Stuart Huntsman," at the other end of the line.

He inhaled and said, "Stuart, come get me," and knew everything was going to be, if not okay, bearable for a while.

Chapter Thirteen

Leo didn't want to talk about it as Stuart drove him back to the house, so Stuart didn't press it. Once they reached the house, Leo went straight upstairs to his bedroom despite Dune calling from the lounge, "Dad? Dad, what's wrong? What happened?"

He looked at Stuart and Stuart could only shrug. "He called me to come get him," he said as he poured himself a drink. "That's all I know."

Micah and Dune looked at each other and got up from the sofa together to run up the stairs. Jamie and Ben did the same, the look on Jamie's face grim. Stuart sighed, finished his scotch in a burning gulp, and followed them upstairs.

What he found was a rather sweet scene: the boys had surrounded Leo on his bed in a protective circle, and Leo lay against Dune's chest as Dune held him and stroked his hair. "Really, I'm fine," Leo was saying when Stuart came to the doorway. "Rupert didn't do anything wrong."

"I'll go there now," Jamie said. "I'll have it out with him."

"There's nothing to have out," Leo said. "It was a lovely evening. He's a perfectly nice boy. I can see why you liked him so much, Jamie."

"It's been fifteen years," said Jamie.

"He grew up. So did you. I enjoyed talking to him. You can all stand down, for God's sake."

The boys looked at each other helplessly, as if they wanted to act and were frustrated they couldn't. Dune said quietly, "Then why did you ask Stuart to get you?"

"Because I got lost on the way home." Leo leaned his head against Dune's arm. Micah leaned against Leo, and Leo smiled as he patted Micah's cheek.

"Stuart, come comfort Leo," Micah ordered. "Jamie, move over so he has room."

Jamie moved closer to Ben as instructed, which left the open space by Leo and Dune's sides. Stuart sat on the edge of the bed, feeling everyone's eyes on him with various degrees of curiosity and disapproval. Ben had never liked him and he didn't expect that to change, but even Jamie and Dune looked like he was their least favorite person today. Even Leo's expression was guarded, which looked unnatural on his guileless face. Only Micah had his usual look of sweet openness. Thank God for that child.

Stuart leaned back against the headboard, which put him shoulder-to-shoulder with Dune, and folded his hands together on his chest. "I don't know how much comfort I'll be."

Leo hesitated, and then pulled Stuart's hands apart so he could hold one in his own. "You're always a comfort."

"Oh," said Stuart. "Thank you."

"How was your night?" Micah said to him. "Did you talk to your daughters?"

"Oh, yes," Stuart said. "Quite a bit. They had a lot to say, and most of it was even good. They've grown up to be lovely girls. Nicole is a dancer and Amelie was an actress until she stopped to have a baby. I expect she'll go back when he's old enough. She even showed me pictures of my grandson. They're calling him Gabriel."

Ben chuckled. "That's my brother's name. I'm betting they don't call him Gabe, though."

"No. Just Gabriel."

"You with a grandchild," Jamie said with wonder. "Never thought I'd see the day."

"Neither did I," Stuart admitted. "He's a handsome lad. He looks like his mother, who looks like my mother... I want them to come for lunch while they're still here. I can show them some family photographs."

"And then what?" Leo said, peeping around Dune's arm. "Are you still not certain you're going to your son's wedding?"

Stuart inhaled and said slowly, "I'm still not certain, since Jean-Claude is still not certain he wants me there. And apparently they're doing all of this without Joelle's knowledge, which I have to say I don't approve of. I don't want to spring myself on her unannounced. If we're going to see each other again, she should know what's coming."

"Call her," Micah said. "Call Joelle. If her kids are scared to tell her, you have to be the brave one."

"And what do you recommend I say, Micah-child?"

"The truth, of course," Micah said.

"She'd appreciate the change," Ben muttered.

Before Stuart could form a suitable retort, Leo said, "Ben, leave this room."

"Leo," began Ben as if he couldn't believe he was being rebuked.

"I mean it. If you can't be helpful, get out."

Ben stared at him a moment, then said, "Fine," still sounding stunned, and left. Stuart watched Ben go, frowning. Ben had an ex-wife himself, but had managed to stay friends to the point that he was the godfather to her child with her new husband. Perhaps it was modern times that allowed such forgiveness and understanding -- perhaps it was the young woman herself.

He had little hope of him and Ben ever being friends, but he wished they could find some common ground, somewhere, for Jamie's sake. Ben had made peace with Micah, after all, and Micah had as tumultuous a history with Jamie as Stuart did. Of course, it had taken Micah defending Dune from an attacker to do that, as if Micah had to prove himself worthy before Ben relented. It would likely take the modern-day equivalent of finding the Holy Grail to win that young man over and get him to stop looking at Stuart with such disdain.

"Sorry about that," Jamie said softly, meantime, and rubbed Stuart's foot in apology.

"I'm used to it." Stuart rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Well, you shouldn't be. I keep telling him to behave. I'll talk to him again." He got off the bed, kissed Leo's forehead and said softly, "We love you, Leo," before leaving the room.

Dune rubbed Leo's arm, his cheek resting on Leo's hair. "I wonder if Ben's jealous," he said to Stuart. "You can do a lot of things for Jamie that Ben can't."

"And Ben does a great many things for Jamie that I couldn't," Stuart said. "It's no matter."

"If you say so," Dune said. He poked Micah with his toes and Micah grabbed his foot, smiling. "We should get to bed, babe. Lots of plans for tomorrow."

"Yeah." Micah clambered to his knees and kissed Leo's forehead too. "We love you," he said seriously. "We'll find the right guy for you."

"I know," Leo said, and watched the boys fondly as they untangled themselves. He kept the smile until they were gone, and sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead.

Stuart said, mostly because that weary look on Leo's face hurt more than he could bear, "Thank you for that."

Leo shrugged. "Sometimes Benjie has the manners of a feral child. His parents would be ashamed of the way he treats you."

"I don't mind it," Stuart said. "Well, I understand, anyway. I suppose in his place I wouldn't be patient with a former lover constantly hovering around, even if Jamie and I have moved on."

"Have you?" Leo said.

"Yes," Stuart said pointedly. "I feel more like a father to Jamie lately than anything else. I had a hand in helping him become the man he is today. That's something to be proud of."

"Very proud," Leo murmured. "I've wondered if the shows and all were out of guilt."

"Pride," said Stuart. "Unleashing my best discovery upon the world." Leo chuckled in understand, and Stuart said, "Tell me what happened with Rupert."

Leo groaned and covered his eyes. "I'm an idiot, is what happened."

"You're not. Tell me."

"I acted like a -- would 'twat' be appropriate here? I think 'twat' is an excellent word."

"It's a great word. I doubt you were a twat, though."

"I was. He was a perfectly nice boy, like I said." Leo removed his hand from his eyes to look at Stuart. "We had a drink, we had dinner, we went to a club, and then he kissed me while we were dancing and I panicked and ran off."

"That's hardly being a twat."

"I feel like a twat. And I interrupted your dinner when you were having such a lovely time with your family. Doubly a twat."

"The girls didn't mind." Stuart soothed him.

"Should I call him and apologize, do you think?"

"You needn't do anything," said Stuart. "Not until tomorrow, anyway. Call him tomorrow and tell him the truth, and he'll likely understand."

"I acted like I'd never kissed a man before." He sighed against Stuart, and Stuart stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head. Leo stared morosely out the window. "The trouble is that I don't want a perfectly nice boy. I want what I had. I want a familiar mouth, Stuart. I want a body I've touched a million times. I want Adam waiting for me when I get home."

Stuart glanced down at him in time to see Leo wiping his face with the back of his hand. "What about his new boyfriend?"

"Fuck him," Leo choked out and laughed damply. "I'm never going to get Adam back, am I?"

"Do you want him? Someone who thought little of you for so long?"

"Shut up," Leo muttered.

"I'm not finished yet," said Stuart. "If Adam came back to you, wanted you back, after all the pain and the frustration and everything, what would you have?"

"I don't know anymore." Leo stared out the window again. "Did you know that Dune never called Adam Daddy when he was a kid? I tried to get him to, but he wouldn't. Adam was always Adam, and I was Daddy. But he called both Frances and Ocean Mommy." He looked at Stuart. "Dune won't even talk to him now. Adam changed his diapers and fed him and played with him as much as I ever did, but he won't give Adam a chance. It's my fault, isn't it? We were never the family we could have been."

"Dune's old enough to make his own decisions."

"Still," Leo said, "you saw Adam's face at the funeral, when Dune wouldn't even look at him. He was hurt, deeply hurt. We were cleaning out Frances and Ocean's house to help them move and found these old pictures of Dunie's soccer team when he was a kid. I'd completely forgotten Adam coached one year, but of course he did. He went to all the school plays and spelling bees, and he was right next to me, yelling and cheering, when Dunie graduated from high school and college. He's always been there and we dropped him like he wasn't important."

Stuart rubbed Leo's back and looked out the window, an ache in his chest. "I suppose when it's involuntary it hurts more."

"I think it hurts no matter what." He pulled away from Stuart so they could look at each other directly. "Call Joelle, Stuart. You need to make up with her, too. When we get home I'm going to convince Dune he has to rebuild his relationship with Adam."

"And you?" Stuart said. "Are you going to rebuild your relationship with Adam, too?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do. Kissing Rupert felt wrong. Maybe he's too close to the boys' age, maybe it's that I'm out of practice kissing strangers. But I do know it felt wrong and I need to figure out why if I'm ever going to move on, too. Maybe being friends with Adam is the right thing to do, but for now I'll settle for Adam and Dune making up."

"Brave of you," Stuart said.

"It gives me something to do, anyway." Leo wrapped his arms around his legs. "Maybe the days of relationships are behind me."

"Nonsense. You just have to find the right man, like Micah said."

"You make it sound so simple." Leo wiped his face with his sleeve. "Thanks for coming to get me."

"No trouble. It's what I do -- I come to the rescue."

"You're much more to us than that, you know." He leaned his head against Stuart's shoulder.

Stuart put his arm hesitantly around Leo so he could stroke Leo's hair, curly and thick, still ebony-black. "It's going to be all right, you know. Broken hearts heal." He rested his chin on Leo's head.

"That's what they tell me," Leo said. "I'm trying to believe it, but I don't. I really don't. I think all that's left for me is to be Grandpa Leo, Caretaker Leo, looking after other people."

"If that's what you want."

"I don't want that. I think that's all I'm going to get."

Stuart reproached him gently, "I thought you came here because you don't want to be bitter anymore."

"It's easy to say," Leo said, meeting his eyes. "It's a lot harder to do."

Stuart coaxed Leo's head to his shoulder and Leo pressed his face to Stuart's chest. An occasional shudder that ran through him, but no weeping. Stuart said as he rubbed Leo's back, "There's something I've always wondered."

"What's that?" Leo said, his voice muffled.

"The real story behind Dune's name. I mean, is it for the Frank Herbert novel, or something more esoteric?"

Leo laughed damply and straightened up. "We've always told him it was naming him after his other parents, but the truth is it's because he was conceived on the beach."

Stuart looked at him a moment, then started laughing. Leo smiled and joined him with a quiet chuckle. "I'm having a hard time imagining you and Frances at all."

"We were young and a little tipsy and we thought we were in love," said Leo with a shrug. "Frances wanted a nature name right from the start, so Dune is kind of for Ocean, but it's mostly because we... were on a dune." He looked at Stuart, who was still chortling. "It's no worse than naming a child for the city it was conceived in."

"No, no, it's perfectly-- I've always liked his name. I have."

"I was named after my grandfather," Leo said. "If we'd gone that route Dune would have been Douglas or William. Good names, both of them."

"I can't imagine Dune being Bill. Or Doug. Or even Will."

"Neither can I."

Stuart said, after a moment, "We gave my children names we liked. No deeper meaning than that. There's a Saint Claude and Nicole is for Saint Nicholas, but Amelie was a name we thought was pretty and suited her."