Carrying the Lost Heir's Child (12 page)

“And what have we started?” she prompted.

She wanted him to label their relationship. Okay, maybe that sounded immature of her, but baby or no baby, she found herself wanting to be part of his world, wanting to see what the long-term outlook could be for them.

Nash turned onto his road, then into his drive before he pulled to a stop, killed the engine and turned to face her. The porch light cast a soft glow into the cab of the truck and his bright eyes seemed to shine amidst those dark, thick lashes.

“You want me to lay everything out for you?” he asked, grabbing her other hand and holding on as if his life depended on this moment. “I want you to figure out what makes you happy. Do you want to go back to LA and have the baby? Do you want to stay here until the baby is born and then see what happens? I’m not asking you to choose between the baby and your career, I’d never do that. But whatever you decide, you better make damn sure I’m part of that plan because I want this, us, a family. I’m going to take what I want and I’m not backing down.”

Nash tugged her forward and claimed her mouth like a man starving for affection and staking his claim. With their hands tightly secure in her lap, Lily opened for him, relieved that he’d declared how he wanted to be with her and a bit aroused at the demanding way he’d all but marked her as his own.

Nash and his powerful mannerisms never failed to make her feel wanted and—dare she say—loved.

But she just realized she hadn’t brought up the job opportunity Ian had presented her with. She had until tomorrow night to give him an answer.

When Nash eased back and looked her in the eyes, Lily knew she had an important decision to make. And this time her career move would affect the man she’d fallen in love with.

Fourteen

L
ily had changed for bed, washed her face and pulled her hair back into a low, messy bun. She hadn’t seen or heard a peep out of Nash since they got home. He’d come in, tossed his keys on the entryway table and told her he’d be back inside in a bit.

That was over an hour ago. She’d given him space, but what was bothering him right now? He’d been so open in the truck, then it was as though he waged some inner war with himself and he shut her out...again.

Was he having doubts about what he’d revealed to her in the car? Was he still caught up in the whole Barrington saga? Perhaps he was worried about the baby. Or maybe it was whatever Damon had discussed with Nash in the stables. Nash hadn’t even mentioned the man-to-man talk and she wondered if she should ask about it or just let him decide if he wanted to open up.

Whatever had him closing her out right now, she wished he’d let her in. He only opened up to discuss his superficial emotions, but when it came to his fears Nash was a private man.

Well, too bad. If they were going to try to make this work, they needed to have an open line of communication at all times. The best of relationships struggled sometimes and they already had so many strikes against them. She refused to let go of the one man who made her feel like love was a great possibility and there was a chance for a happily-ever-after.

Wearing only her simple short blue tank-style gown, Lily padded through the house and slid open the patio door. Thanks to the light above the door she could make out Nash sitting out in the yard on a cushioned chaise lounge beneath a large old oak tree.

The warm summer evening breeze slid over her bare skin and for the briefest of moments she considered going back inside and allowing him the privacy he seemed to want. She didn’t want to be that nagging woman who was always trying to get her man to open up. Even though Lily ached for Nash to talk to her, she hoped he would do so on his own.

Before she could make a move, Nash glanced her way. Even in the dim light, she saw the angst in those stormy eyes. The man held so much inside, all that worry he could be sharing with her. She knew he didn’t want to upset her and he wanted her to be completely relaxed. But, how could she relax when she was constantly struggling with her own emotions and wondering what was on his mind that seemed to always put that worried look on his face?

Without a word, Nash extended his hand in a silent invitation for her to join him. Stepping from the warm, smooth concrete into the cool, soft grass tickled Lily’s toes as she made her way through the yard.

When she slid her hand into his, he maneuvered her around until she sat on his lap, her legs over his thighs and her feet brushing the top of the grass. Her head fell against his shoulder, a move she’d become so comfortable with.

Nash’s deep breathing combined with the crickets chirping in the distance had Lily smiling at another layer of the simple life she absolutely loved. Relaxing here would be no problem at all. And raising a child in this calming atmosphere would be a dream. Perhaps she could live here. Why not? Who said she had to live in LA? She was well-known, her agent shopped scripts for her and she would have to go on location regardless of where she lived.

When Ian scheduled her live interview, she could confess her pregnancy, open up about the man she’d developed a serious relationship with and explain they are keeping things private and had purposely kept away from the limelight.

Could the solution be so easy? So within her reach?

“Sorry I disturbed you,” she told him, breaking the silence. “I started getting worried when you didn’t come back inside.”

Nash’s arms tightened around her waist. “I lose track of time when I sit out here.”

“I can see why.” Lily trailed her fingertips along his tanned, muscular forearm. “So quiet and peaceful.”

He flattened his palm against her belly, spreading his fingers wide. “How’s our girl?”

“Safe and healthy.”

He turned his head slightly to kiss her forehead. “And you? How are you feeling?”

“Hopeful,” she answered honestly.

The rhythm of his heartbeat against her shoulder nearly matched hers. There was so much going on inside her, so many unanswered questions, but there was something she had no question about.

“I love you,” she whispered into the darkness. His body tensed beneath hers. “I know we’ve really gone about everything backward and I don’t expect you to say anything back. But I have to be honest with you because I need you to know how serious I am here.”

When he remained silent a little piece of her heart crumbled. While she didn’t expect him to return her feelings, she’d had a thread of hope that he would. She wanted to know how deep he was in with her, but he continued to be a man of mystery, because she never could get a good grasp on exactly how he felt.

Oh, he’d said he wanted to be with her, but that didn’t necessarily mean love. And she so wanted a family, a real family. She didn’t want to settle for less...and she
wouldn’t
settle for less.

When the silence became too much to bear, Lily started to push off Nash’s lap, but those strong arms around her tightened. “Don’t go.”

On a sigh, she closed her eyes and leaned back.

“You’re everything, Lily,” he said after a minute had passed. “I had no idea what my life had been missing until you came into it. But I’m still working through some things, still struggling with my identity.”

The fact that she was worried about herself had guilt coursing through her. Nash had a great deal of life’s obstacles thrown at him all at once.

“I want to give myself to you completely.” His hands covered hers over her stomach as his soft, raw words washed over her. “I want nothing to come between us. This baby we’ve made is a blessing and I’m not taking our little family for granted. I just need some time to come to grips with everything and get things in order for us.”

Easing up, Lily turned in his arms. Tears flooded her eyes. “Oh, Nash. There’s nothing you need to get ready for us. I’m sorry I put you on the spot, but I couldn’t keep the truth from you any longer. I think I started falling in love with you the moment you first swept me up into that loft.”

Cupping her cheek with one of his rough, calloused hands, Nash’s eyes zeroed in on hers. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You deserve everything you’ve ever wanted,” she retorted with a smile as a tear slid down her cheek.

With the pad of his thumb, he swiped the moisture away. “I hope I get it.”

Lily laid a kiss on his lips before shifting to lie against him once more. “Am I hurting you?”

“Never.”

He may not have been able to give her the words she wanted to hear, but she knew he loved her. All those demons he battled internally kept him from speaking the truth, but Lily knew in her heart that Nash was in love with her.

“I have a film opportunity,” she told him. “I think it’s a good choice.”

His body stilled beneath hers. “Are you going back to LA?”

Lacing her fingers through his, she settled their hands in her lap. “Not yet, but I will have to for a bit if I take the role. I would actually do the entire film there. I also still need to go see my mom, too.”

“What’s the role?”

Lily laughed. “Something I’ve never done before, actually. It’s an animation and I’m pretty excited about the prospect because I think this will be a really big hit.”

Nash stroked his thumb across the back of her hand. “And what does Ian suggest?”

“He said it’s perfect, especially since I can record in a studio and not worry about my growing tummy.” Lily turned her head to look up at Nash. “But I wanted to discuss this with you before I gave him my answer.”

Piercing blue eyes met hers. “When does he need an answer by?”

“Tomorrow night.”

Lily’s heartbeat quickened. She’d never discussed her career with anyone other than her agent before. Never had anyone else to consider when making a film choice. This new territory was interesting and slightly nerve-racking.

“Do you want to take the role?”

“I think I do.”

Nash shifted in the chair, causing her to sit up and look down into his eyes.

“What would you do if you weren’t pregnant and you didn’t know me?” he asked, sliding his hand over her bare thigh.

“I’d take the role.”

With a squeeze to her leg and a sexy, rugged smile, Nash nodded. “Then that’s what you should do. I don’t expect you to recalculate your life, Lily. You still need to do what makes you happy.”

A weight she didn’t know she was carrying was lifted off her shoulders. “Ian said recording wouldn’t start for a couple months, but he’s getting me the script to look over. Aiden O’Neil is going to play opposite me.”

“Wasn’t he the guy in one of the scripts you just turned down?”

Lily nodded. “He declined after he heard I wouldn’t do it. He’s a good friend, like Max. And this will be a good change of pace for me. Hey, no hair and makeup, either.”

Nash laughed. “You’re stunning no matter what you have on.” Those eyes darted down to her lips as his fingers trailed up her thigh and beneath the cotton gown. “Or don’t have on.”

The man could get her body to respond with the simplest words or lightest of touches.

“You know you’re the only man I’ve let get this close to me since the scandal.” She trembled as his hand continued to glide over her skin. “I never thought I’d get this close to someone again, let my heart be exposed to the chance of being ripped apart.”

Nash’s looked at her seriously. “You humble me, Lily.”

“If you want to try to make this work, you’re not going to be able to avoid the media. Not once the pregnancy is out there.”

The muscle in Nash’s jaw ticked. She knew he didn’t want to be thrust into the public eye. Resting her hand against the side of his face, rubbing her thumb along his bottom lip, Lily leaned in and whispered, “Take me inside and make love to me.”

In one swift move, he had her lifted and turned to straddle his lap. Then his hands were lifting her gown to her waist. Lily leaned forward and clutched his shoulders as he worked the zipper on his jeans.

“Or not,” she added as he threw her a crooked grin.

“I don’t want to wait,” he said, easing a hand between her legs to stroke her until she thought her eyes would roll back in her head. “Do you?”

Lily shivered, holding on tight to him so she didn’t fall. “No,” she whispered as he continued to torture her. “Please, Nash.”

* * *

She’d come out here wearing a flimsy nightgown, sans underwear and she thought he could wait to get inside the house? Hell no. Nash wanted her here, now.

He also wanted to not discuss how the media would hone in on them. The last thing he needed was being identified before he could fully disclose the rest of his life.

The little moans escaping her, the way her hips rocked against his hand and seeing her eyes closed, head tilted back as he pleasured her was nearly his undoing. Not to mention the perfect distraction for both of them.

Damn it, he owed her so much...a debt he could never repay because while she was freely handing out her love, he was still betraying her by keeping a lie bottled inside.

The thought of having her walk out of his life once she learned the truth would be the equivalent of taking a knife to his heart. Because he loved her. God help him, he did. And when she’d whispered those sweet words to him, it had taken all of his willpower to remain silent.

He couldn’t tell her he loved her, not when there was such a heavy lie that still hovered between them. He could only show her how much she meant to him. Once he revealed himself, after he’d talked with Damon one more time, Nash would truly open up and tell her every single thing she deserved to know.

Nash removed his hand, gripped her hips and eased her down onto him. Making love to Lily with the warm summer breeze embracing them like lovers, Nash wrapped his arms around her and tugged her toward him, capturing her mouth. Her fingers slid into his hair, sending him another reminder that he was living a lie. The longer hair, the scruffy beard, the rental home...all of it was a lie.

All of it, except for the fact he loved her, loved this baby and wanted a lifetime with them both.

As her body started to tremble, Nash felt himself losing control. She broke the kiss, looked him in the eyes, just like when they’d been in his hallway.

Those dark eyes held his as her body tensed. “I love you,” she told him as her body broke.

And as Nash followed her over the edge, he wished he could repeat those words back to her.

* * *

The food had been amazing and now the entire Barrington clan was gathered on the back lawn, waiting for the fireworks show that Damon had no doubt shelled out a pretty penny for, considering they’d planned this impromptu party very last-minute. But when a man had his financial padding, he could afford to snap fingers and plan such niceties with little notice.

Blankets were lying side by side and some front to back creating the effect of an oversize outdoor carpet. Ian, Cassie and little Emily sat on one blanket. Another quilt had Grant and Tessa all snuggled together. Lily was nestled between Nash’s legs, her back leaning against his chest. And surprisingly Damon and Linda were on a quilt together, laughing and...whispering?

Was something going on there?

Nash smiled. Good for Damon if he was seeking happiness. He’d been without his wife for so many years, concentrating on raising his family and climbing to the top of the horse racing industry.

Nash rested a hand on Lily’s stomach. He would do the same thing for his child. Nash wanted to give his baby, and Lily, everything they deserved and more.

She’d already made plans to visit her mother this coming weekend. Nash figured while she was gone, he could have a heart-to-heart with Damon and come clean with him.

He kept telling himself he was waiting on the right opportunity. No other time would work to his benefit except while Lily was gone. He could only hurt so many people at a time without crumbling himself. And he had to remain strong or he’d never be able to fight to keep what was his.