Captured Secret (The Captured Series) (41 page)

He looks away from me to the foot of the bed. He looks tired. He looks like he’s been steamrolled. “Yeah, I’ll stay. I miss you too.” I have so much to say I can’t wait to spill it all out on the table and listen to what he has too tell me too.

My bladder is screaming and when I jump up out of bed, so is my head. I take Ibuprophen with sink water and head back to the comfort of my mattress. I see it’s noon on Saturday, so I cover my head to block out the light. Last night feels a bit like a blur. Happy hour, shots, stupid guys hitting on us. I grab my phone to text Sam and see if she got home okay. I wait for her reply and remember Max, and that I don’t think differently of him. I remember my tummy had pressure on it…and Max said he’s my knight in shining armor. TY!!! TY!! Oh God, Ty carried me in here!
You smell so good, I’m tingling between my legs. I miss you.
Oh, thank God I’m hiding. This is where I’m going to stay for the rest of my life. I cannot believe I said that.
Do I have no shame?
Do I have any pride?

My phone dings and it’s a picture of Sam and one of the guys from last night lying on her couch. I reply with a smiley face and am left with my embarrassment over my loose lips. I can only imagine what Ty thinks of me today. Wait...I wanted to talk and he said he would stay. After I rack my brain I realize that you have to stay conscious to talk… and that I did not do.
MORTIFIED!
I will return to sleep. Yep that is exactly what I will do. My head is banging and it’s much easier to live in a state of sleep.

Tonight, I pick a red dress that is very similar to the black one I wore to my fake Bar 21 outing with Max. I practically have the entire bottle of concealer under my eyes tonight. Max on the other hand looks stunning in his dark grey suit with a light purple tie. I apologize and thank him for getting me home last night. Our dinner is placed in front of us and the real conversation starts. “So you do understand that was consensual, right?” I take in a big breath and hold it for a moment. Our conversations are usually on the lighter side. I decide I am going to be an adult about this and look him straight in the eyes.

“It looked very consensual, so yes.”

“What did you think of what you saw?” He wipes his mouth after popping in a potato. “I guess I’m asking if you think it was too much.”

I pause before answering to get up my courage. “I won’t lie. I was surprised Max. It was erotic and different and well, I have never had that type of sex. No one has ever tied me up nor have I ever been very submissive. I usually like to be very involved. But what people do behind closed doors is their prerogative. I’m embarrassed to admit, but I uh, I did watch for longer than I intended to and for that I’m sorry.” I can’t help but look down at my food.

“Don’t be. I kinda enjoyed your eyes on us. It feels like a relief off my shoulders that you know something so personal about me. While we were in the moment it was exciting. And fuck Stella I hate myself for it but you were all very short tight black dress, and your makeup was dark, heavy and sexy like tonight. I know I’ve complimented you on this little red number you are wearing because it looks strikingly like the black one. When I saw you standing there, I have to admit I envisioned you walking in…kicking her out and taking her place. I’ve never been quiet that I think you’re attractive. But in that moment…” He sucks in a breath between his teeth. “You were so damn sexy it fucking turned me on.”

I blush, “You say that. But could you really be sexual with me Max? We made out once and that was like seven-plus years ago.”

“I don’t know. I’ve thought about it before when we were in close quarters. I really don’t know. I think I could but I’ve watched you grow up. And Ms. Tight black dress with fuck me hair was very un-Stella-ish.”

“Oh thanks, is this Stella that bad? You know what, don’t answer that.”

“Absolutely not. I don’t know…you had this burning in your eyes. You were all lit up and looked like you were on fire. You looked like you were on a mission.”

“I had just seen Ty,” I say softly.

“That explains a lot.” He sips his wine and we look one another over. “By the way she enjoys that. The female you saw. She’s the one I call when I am in the mood for that kind of play. Normally I just enjoy a woman and normal sex. Soft, hard, short, long it all depends on my mood. But I won’t sugar coat it, Stella. I crave that sometimes…the control. But you don’t find a girl in the bar that will let you tie her up on the first time and I don’t put that much time in women to gain their trust,” He speaks so open and shameless as another potato goes in. “You’ll hate me for this. But she wants to change our relationship from just sex too dating and talking regularly. I’ve started to text her here and there but I won’t do dates with her. Only…because I know she likes me more than I like her.”

“Why would I hate you for that?”

“I talked to Pierce. He told me what had been going on and for how long. Don’t be mad at him Stel, I mean I sat through that fight between you and Ty. I heard all the details. It was difficult to hold my tongue as much as I did. Hell, it was difficult for me not to rip his fucking head off and shove it up his ass. I knew you were in no mood to spill your guts to me. So I asked Pierce.”

“I’m not mad at all. I didn’t tell them not to tell you. I actually was hoping they would so I wouldn’t have to. It’s embarrassing and painful.

“Why are you embarrassed? Because of the fight?”

“No. I really wanted to be with him Max. I…uh…ugh…”

“Tell me.”

“I fell in love with him. He doesn’t want a relationship. He just wanted sex. I thought I saw feeling for me building in him. I was wrong.”

“It sounds like he’s not the one. And don’t stress. You will find him. Start thinking of yourself and what you want. If you find another dude don’t hold back, just go for it.”

I just nod. I was going for it with Ty. Any other man I was ever with, I don’t think I ever gave them a chance. I put them in the hot, yet an asshole category before they even said hello. I never gave them the chance to prove themselves. I already had them figured out. Already knew they were going to fuck me over. But I didn’t think that with, Ty. Maybe cause he was so upfront. And stupid ass me is the one that has feelings for the man that doesn’t want anything other than sex. I did do it though…I jumped off the building and rode it down praying in the end the landing would be soft in Ty’s arms. Instead, it was hard and it fucking hurt. It still does. No one understands that. No one understands how much I wanted him and felt for him. No one. I’m sure they think it was just a fling. They don’t know. They weren’t with us. They don’t know the connection I felt with him.

I eat a bit of dinner and push around the rest as I drink my second glass of wine. My new friend never disappoints as I drink it down and erase the hangover and the sadness once again.

We walk over to Bar 21 after dinner. It’s elegant and geared toward the young. “Stella, brace yourself, we are walking into your own personal heaven.”

“What does that mean?” My confusion ends and I laugh as we walk over to his coworkers. There is about eight men all dressed in white button up shirts and ties.
That’s what he meant by heaven.
They are all super nice and I have a drink in my hand in less than five minutes. I make small talk and try to hold my own without Zoey on my side. It saddens me that she is not here and although it’s not been long, I feel like I’m losing her too. Losing her to Pierces friends and that includes, Ty. I’m sure she is hanging out with him at this very moment, probably twenty floors down and a block away, that’s how close we are to Ty’s flat. They are laughing, having some good food and I can’t help but be jealous and sad in the same breathe thinking they are not missing me.

I down my new comfort and another drink’s placed in my hand. Max keeps me close and I scrunch my face as some jack ass asks him if he paid for me tonight. When he receives the hard punch in the arm from Max, he exclaims his apologies and blames my red dress. I sit and enjoy my wine buzz and listen to the guys talk shit to each other. I swear they are worse than women.

Max is enjoying himself and when I can’t pretend to enjoy myself any longer I gulp down my glass and say my goodbyes. Maxem walks me down, finds me a cab and watches me pull away. We drive right down the main strip and make a right at the light that is so close to Ty’s flat I could throw a football at it. His Escalade is there and my body slumps from the flood of emotions I feel. I can’t help but wonder who’s on their knees tonight or is he out with my bestie collecting a one night stand. That thought makes me feel ill.

The wine hits me like a ton of bricks. I’ve drunk wine a million times, you would think by now I would know that you feel fine one minute and the next your all sloppy drunk. The cabbie slides my debit card and I’m unsteady heading into our condo. It’s dark, empty and I make it to the couch and pass out.

An twelve pack of Bud light cures my raging hangover from last night’s drinks with Max. The Sunday sun feels good on my skin as Samantha tells me all the details of her two nights with Kevin...or did she say Kelvin? We’ve been lounging by the pool all day and I’m stalling going back to my condo so I don’t have to see Zoey’s look of disappointment. I mean, a girl’s not allowed to pass out on the couch with her dress hiked up and your best friend and her boyfriend find you? Is it really that bad? Maybe I scared them because when I went into the bathroom to shower I scared myself. That reflection was like a horror flick.
Whoa!

This is our new routine. Sam talks and I consume alcohol. I really have no smiles. I have no conversation to add and she doesn’t seem to mind filling the void. We meant to eat today, but neither of us ordered anything. My Sunday is completed with me waltzing in very intoxicated, lying on the chaise and waking up at three a.m. and depositing myself in bed.

Monday hurts, bottom line. I can’t drink this hangover away because I have to work. I try to focus, yet my mind is crazy wondering how Ty’s first weekend without me went. I really didn’t see Zoey much and I’m not sure I would ask if we do talk today. Sam picked me up this morning for work because I never picked up my car this weekend. Ironically, we end up at the same place to do happy hour so I can drive home. I don’t drink much because I have to drive.

I pay my bills online and crawl into my bed for the nightly ‘I’m not intoxicated ceiling watching,’ where I ponder my pathetic life, and miss the hell out Ty and my friends.

The rest of the week was like watching a horror film in slow motion. Me showering, me going into work for another twelve hour day, me drowning in some booze, me not getting enough sleep and repeat the process day in and day out. I did this constant working over a month ago and it felt normal, minus all the drinking. Now I miss the butterflies in my stomach and the perma-grin that my part time boss gave me. Although I didn’t think I could be sadder, I don’t see Zoey much which intensifies the feelings. I know subconsciously I am making this decision. I just don’t want to hear about her perfect life.
You should win best fucking friend of the year award, Stella
. I have a hard time every time I see her face not drilling her with question after question about Ty. She looked worked up on Thursday night, because had to go to dinner again and be Ty’s support.

Friday is upon me and I think this is the happiest I have been in almost two weeks. I went in so early I thought I might actually die. But my hair is in need of highlights so I head to my girl in the late afternoon. She comments that I look like death and I tell her it’s her job to fix me with pretty hair. I usually talk a ton to her, but not today. I love that she gets it and doesn’t push me to tell her what is wrong. She walks away to clean up and allow my locks to process. I take a moment and listen to the voicemail that came in while she was foiling my hair. My heart speeds up as I hear a woman interested in Ty for a commercial gig. I write down all the info on the back of one of my hair dressers cards. I’m not sure what possess me…but I call back.

“Hello, Is Ms. Stevenson’s available?” I ask in my most professional voice.

“This is her. Is this Stella Avery?”

“It is. I’m returning your call for, Ty Caulder.” My heart is thumping at just saying his name.

“Yes, thank you for returning my call. My boss is Rich Wilcox. He’d like to get in touch with, Ty. He has some commercial work that he is interested in him doing as I said in my message. Would you be able to give Ty, Mr. Wilcox’s number? I was just instructed to get the ball rolling.” I tell her of course and then I take down all the necessary information. “Thank you for the prompt reply Ms. Avery. I got your number from a previous client. They weren’t sure if you were Mr. Caulder’s wife, girlfriend or maybe just an assistant. I would just like to be clear with Mr. Wilcox whom I left the message. You understand?”

I say my most hated line ever. “Of course, I’m actually just his assistant. Thank you again and I’ll have him call Mr. Wilcox either way.”

We hang up and I have an hour to decide how I am giving Ty this message. My hair is exactly as I wanted it yet I look really run down. I must sleep soon or I swear my eyes are going to sink into their sockets. My skin is dull, and it really shows next to the new bright hair. I get to my car, turn it on to cool it down, and pull up Ty on my phone to text him. Our last text hits me like a bulldozer.
Stella please I need to talk to you. I need to know you are okay. I’m crushed. Sorry for everything.
I start typing and then stop, put the phone down and think. I want to hear his voice so bad…I’m desperate. I should just text the info or send him an email. But, I pick the phone back up and hit his number out of my recent calls.