Capture (27 page)

One corner of his mouth tightened.
“What if I want some of that responsibility? What if I want to be tied down to someone?”

He called me stubborn, when he was the one holding on to some stupid family legacy
of leadership? “Then I guess that’s your choice, isn’t it?”

“
Not just mine.”

Unbelievable.
I turned my head, so frustrated I couldn’t even look at him.

Blowing out a noisy sigh, he walked away.
I glanced in his direction in time to see him drop down onto his knees before the loveseat and begin to make his pallet on the floor from the stack of blankets and sheets I’d left for him.

Slowly I stood up, watching the movements of his broad shoulders and back as he spread out a comforter for a makeshift mattress, then added a second layer of blankets for warmth.
I wished I could reach out to him, physically or with the right words, and somehow make him see.

“
Why is it so hard for you to say what you want, Hayden?”

He stopped moving, staring at something I couldn’t see.
“I…don’t know. I guess because it’s never been about what I want. It’s always been about sticking to their plans for me.”

He sat back on his heels and looked at me, and the vulnerability on his face seemed to reach out and steal the air from my lungs.

I walked over to him, stopping before him, hesitating. He was so tall that even on his knees his face was level with my stomach. “I’m sorry I got you involved in all of this. I never should have made you follow that truck of prisoners to the camp. And I definitely shouldn’t have asked for your help with the prison break. I should’ve found another way to pull it off—”

“
Then I would have ended up going to some college my father picked out and eventually becoming a politician just like him. I still would have ended up leading people, but I never would have learned the truth. My grandma’s right. I’m a Shepherd. It’s pretty damn clear I can’t escape that destiny no matter what I do.”

“
I don’t believe in destiny. We choose our own futures. The families we’re born into are nothing more than an accident. Their choices have nothing to do with ours unless we let them.”

His eyebrows pinched together.
“How do you know that? How do you know I’m not supposed to lead others, when that’s exactly what I’ve been trained all my life to do and it’s all fate seems to keep pushing me towards?”

“
Does leading others make you happy?”

He shrugged.
“What does that have to do with it?”

“
It’s everything. If it doesn’t make you happy, then it’s what someone else wants instead of what you really want. And as for fate,
fate’s
not pushing you into it anymore.
You
are. I needed to rescue my dad and these people, and I’m grateful you helped them when I failed. And I know I sort of used their hero worship of you to get us all this far. But I didn’t mean to create a monster or make you feel responsible for everyone. What happens next to us all isn’t on your shoulders anymore. You’ve got to let everyone handle their own problems now.”

“
When I do that, people die, Tarah. Look at what happened to that cop in Oklahoma! If I’d been awake and telling others how to deal with the situation, he wouldn’t have figured out something was wrong, and Steve wouldn’t have overreacted and killed him.”

“
You don’t know that for sure. And besides, what about when you got shot and we had to figure out what to do next? You were unconscious. But we managed on our own, didn’t we? We worked as a group and figured out what to do, even if our decisions weren’t perfect. And we’ll do the same thing tomorrow morning when we all sit down and figure out where to go from here. Without you.”

He froze then slowly looked up at me. “Sounds like you’re trying awful hard to get rid of me now.”

“No, I’m setting you free of any responsibility.”

His jaw clenched.
“What do you want from me here, Tarah? Seriously. You keep pushing me to tell you what I want. How about you tell me what
you
want. You want me to go away? Then say the words.”

I growled in frustration.
“That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m just saying...”

I looked around the
unfamiliar room, trying to sort through my exhaustion to find the right words. Why was it always so much easier to write down what I meant in my journals versus saying it out loud?

I sighed. “I
’m saying I chose this path. You just got dragged into it. But you don’t have to be a part of it anymore. You’re free to make your own decisions from now on. And that’s what I want you to do.”

Most of all, I wanted to see his eyes shine again and his shoulders free of all the weight he had put on there and allowed others to add to.
Including me.

Finally I gave in to the urge I had been feeling for days and brushed his shaggy
, wet hair out of his eyes. “So yet again I ask what do
you
want?”

I started to let my hand fall away from his face, but he caught and held it.
It became hard to breathe as he studied my hand as if trying to read my future in the lines on my palm.

“
Do you remember when we used to play Medieval Times,” he murmured, “And Damon and I were the knights, and you were our queen?”

I blinked at the strange
subject change. Was he trying to distract me and make me forget my arguments? “Um, yes. Why?”

“
That was the last time I can remember doing anything I wanted to do. Well, that and play basketball. And even the basketball’s kind of turned into another way to keep my dad happy. He thinks sports help me learn leadership skills.”

So the only purely fun thing he’d done was play in the backyard with his brother and me.
That had been years ago.

The ache in my throat and chest intensified.
I wanted to shake every member of his family until their teeth rattled for brainwashing him into thinking his dreams had no value whatsoever if they didn’t mesh with what his family wanted.

“
Sometimes I still dream about it,” he said. “I can still see you in that blanket you always wore like a robe with that old curtain rod for your scepter, standing on the steps of your back deck like it was your castle.”

My mouth twitched with the
sudden urge to smile. “I was such a goof.”

“
You were beautiful. You still are. I always thought you should have a crown too, but even without it, you looked…right. Like you really should be a queen.”

I pressed my lips together, remembering the pure joy and exhilaration of those times when life had been so much easier.
When I read motivational books about finding your dreams and following your bliss, those were the times I thought about. Talk about following our bliss. Back then, that was all we ever did. But then somehow along the way we let others’ beliefs and demands intrude, and ever since then no matter how hard I tried, I hadn’t found a way to feel such pure joy like that again.

Then Hayden did something that made me forget all about the memories and regrets.
He reached up, cupped my cheek and the side of my neck, and slowly pulled me down to him for a kiss.

I don’t remember consciously telling my eyes to close, and yet they did, shutting off my sight so every other sense became heightened and filled with him and only him.
The smell of Irish Spring soap on his skin, the taste of him on my lips, the feeling of his nose against the side of mine and his mouth moving over mine and my head tilting on its own in an instinctive search for the perfect angle for our mouths to meet. My heartbeat thundered in my ears, robbing me of all sound except a single moan, his or mine I couldn’t tell. Then his hands were on me, cupping my shoulders, sliding along my arms and around to my back, tugging me down to my knees and against him.

I held onto his shoulders, afraid otherwise I would fall, and then uncaring if I did, I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck so the short hairs there tickled my palms and the pads of my fingers.

How long had I wished for this, dreamed about this moment, yearned to feel exactly these sensations? And yet I couldn’t have ever possibly imagined just how intense it would feel to kiss Hayden. My first best friend. My partner in crime in leading this tiny, dangerous yet thrilling revolution.

The only boy I had ever loved, secretly or otherwise.

“How’s that for going after what I want?” His whisper was harsh against my cheek and ear as he held me so close against him that I could feel his heart pounding in his chest. His fingers were spread wide across my back as if trying to cover as much territory over me as he could.

I blinked fast, struggling to regain the ability to breathe and think straight.
“Are you sure that wasn’t just some really creative way to win an argument?”

He laughed
, and the husky sound of it sent a ripple like an aftershock over my nerve endings. “Maybe it was a little of that. But it was also something I’ve wanted to do for a really long time now. When I said maybe I want some responsibility and to be tied down to someone, I was talking about
you
. I want to help you, not just protect you.” He leaned back, his smile fading. “So now it’s my turn. What do you want?”

“
Right now?” I bit my lower lip as it stretched into a wide smile. “For you to do that again.”

Grinning, he
leaned in close again and ducked his head for another kiss.

But eventually the exhaustion won and we had to give in to the greater need for sleep instead of kisses. So
we pulled the comforter down from the loveseat to cover us then laid on the pallet together, my head on his shoulder, his arms around me, my hand resting on his chest so I could feel his racing heartbeat gradually calm and slow.

Part of me wanted to relax into the moment, soak it all up like a sponge and hopefully remember every detail of it for the rest of my life.
Another part of me wanted to analyze it, to question what this meant and when his feelings for me had changed and where we would go from here. I had to keep reminding myself to let the questions go and simply enjoy the moment for however long it lasted.

I fell asleep still smiling.

C
HAPTER 15

Monday, December 14th

Hayden

I
woke up alone. Worried, I turned and found Tarah watching me from the couch, her hair a sexy tangle over one shoulder.

“
Hey, what are you doing up there?” I must have been pretty out of it. I never felt her leave my side.

“
I had to move. You snore.”

I made a face.

She laughed. “Just kidding. Actually, I heard your grandma coming to bed, and I didn’t think she’d like me sleeping down there with you. So I moved up here.”

“
Sounds like everyone’s up already.” And all downstairs, judging by the muffled quality of the noise. Smells of bacon and eggs wafted in, making my stomach grumble. “Man, I’m starving.”

“
Me too.” She jumped up from the couch and tried to step over me.

I grabbed her ankles and tugged until she fell laughing on top of me.

“Hayden, I’ve got morning breath,” she squealed, trying to lean away.

“
So? Can’t be worse than mine.” I cupped her face with one hand, staring up into her eyes as light from the windows above the couch made her irises sparkle. “You’re so beautiful.”

“
Come here, cactus face,” she murmured with a smile, leaning down to kiss me.

It was the only way I ever wanted to wake up again, with her soft lips on mine, the tip of her nose brushing mine, her wild and crazy hair falling around both our faces like a dark cloud.
Perfection.

Perfection soon s
hattered by a giggling, curly haired girl who burst into the room shouting, “Breakfast!” Pamela and Steve’s kid, Cassie.

Tarah burst into embarrassed laughter, which she tried to muffle by burying her face against the side of my neck.
“Come on.” She rolled up to her feet then pulled me up after her.

She grabbed her clothes and ducked into the bathroom to get dressed, then reemerged with a sheepish smile.
“My ponytail holder broke. And I feel weird about using your grandma’s makeup...” Which she’d obviously opted not to do, considering her face was still bare.

“
Nope, give it up, gorgeous. You’re still beautiful.” I pulled her to me for one more quick kiss before we headed downstairs.

I should have made my move with her years ago.
Why had I waited so long?

Everyone seemed to be up and roaming around, obviously enjoying their newfound freedom outside a cramped vehicle.
I snagged the only seat left, a barstool beside Steve at the kitchen island. We exchanged cool nods of greeting before ignoring each other again. News on the small kitchen TV competed with cartoons blaring from the living room. In the dining room behind me, people both sat at the table and stood around it eating as mothers tried to get their hyper kids to sit still in their laps and eat.

The kitchen was even more chaotic, filled with women and men trying to cook, clean plates at the sink and
load the dishwasher, or dart in for a refill from the coffeemaker. I was half worried Grandma Letty would already be frazzled and ready to kick us all out. But she didn’t look it as she stood at the counter flipping pancakes on an electric griddle with one hand, pouring a glass of grape juice for Cassie with the other hand, and laughing at something Pamela said as the younger woman cooked bacon and eggs beside her on the stove.

It was hard to believe all these people weren’t related.
If not for the worry lines still etched into every adult face, their shoulders slumped and rolled forward with some combination of despair and resignation, this gathering could almost be mistaken for one big family gathering for some holiday.

Steve snagged his daughter’s shoulder as she tried to run past us with her juice.
“Walk, Cassie.”

Cassie took off at a slightly slower pace, a ring of purple lining her upper lip.

Steve was still smiling as he raised his head and caught me watching them. His smile disappeared.

Tarah joined us, leaning her forearms on the end of the island countertop.
Keeping her voice low, she added, “Have you see the news this morning?”

In this noise?
Who could hear it? “No, what did I miss?”

She
swiveled the small flatscreen toward us and cranked up the volume enough for us to hear. It was already on a CNN show featuring international news. The clips of violence in streets all over the world made me nauseous. In the last clip, leader after country leader ceremoniously signed something while seated before their countries’ seals and flags.

“
The United Nations has banned Clann activities and abilities worldwide,” Tarah said, her voice hoarse. “And all the countries are agreeing to support it.”

“
They can’t all be anti-Clann,” Steve protested, his voice too loud. The lower floor of the house became quiet. So much for the holiday family fantasy.

He didn’t seem to notice or care as he continued,
“What about the smaller countries? The ones who always stay neutral?”

Tarah shook her head carefully.
“No one wants to go against the U.N. Not on this. They’re all afraid of what would happen if they get flooded with the Clann refugees no one else wants.”

What she meant was that none of the other countries wanted to get blown up by angry, displaced
outcasts like the previous U.S. president had.

“
Well, great. Now what?” Steve spat out.

Good question.
Because that sort of killed all my ideas for Tarah and me too.

“
I might have an answer for that,” Grandma Letty said, her confident voice breaking the tense silence. She flipped the pancakes onto plates and brought them over to the island, sliding a plate before Tarah and myself. But the smell didn’t interest me at all now as my stomach rolled and churned with acid.

Pamela turned the
stove off with a loud snick, her half turned body and frequent glances our way showing she too was listening in. At the dining table behind us, several chairs squeaked as people turned to listen.

“
I think we should create a safe haven for Clann descendants and outcasts right here in the U.S.,” Grandma Letty announced.

Someone in the dining room snorted.

“And how would that work?” I asked. “We’d need a huge tract of land. Not to mention a long list of resources just to get started.”

“
Well, I just happen to have a huge tract of land over in the Spearfish area,” Grandma Letty said. “Your Grandpa Mathew always wanted to build a retirement home on it but died before he could get around to it. It’s got a small river running through it with a stone bridge already in place and well maintained, and it’s deep in the middle of a narrow valley full of trees nestled between several small mountains. Do a little clearing and you’ve got the perfect place to hide a small and possibly self-sustainable village.”

“
A secret magical village,” I said, trying but failing to keep the disbelief out of my voice. I knew she needed my support right now in front of all these people, but really? A secret village?
That
was her grand proposal? “Even buried in the woods, people would find it. Planes and helicopters flying overhead would spot it in a second. Not to mention satellites and hunters—”

“
No hunting’s been allowed on it for years. And you told me last night you’ve got an outcast who can do a cloaking spell, which I’m sure could be used to shield it from view.”

“
Mike’s cloaking spell only reaches so far,” I said. “No way it’ll cover an entire village.”

“
I could probably teach others how to do it,” Mike mumbled around a mouthful of omelet from the dining room table. “Working together, we might be able to cover a small village.”

Steve leaned back in his stool with his arms crossed, ignoring his breakfast.
“You can’t be serious. How do you expect anyone to survive in this village? Think about it. Food, water, clothing, shelter. It would take countless amounts of money just to get set up, and even more to keep it going.”

“
I can certainly help you get set up for awhile,” Grandma Letty offered.

“
Don’t you need to save your millions for your Clann hating son’s next political campaign?” Steve sneered.

I jerked towards him, but Grandma Letty answered him before I could.
“My misguided son makes his own way in life, as he always has.”

Pamela scowled.
Leaning a hip against the island, she crossed her arms over her chest and turned toward the rest of the group. “We could learn to be self-sufficient, Steve. Use solar, water and wind power. Grow our own food. Use the river for water. Make what we need. We can do our own healing, home school our children the way we want to. We’d be our own little town. Our kids could grow up surrounded by magic and people just like them. We could finally be ourselves and be
proud
of it.”

Steve looked around him, prompting me to do the same.
What I found was amazing. People who had been afraid and angry, their faces dark with despair and resignation, were completely transformed, their shoulders back, standing straight, their faces alive with...hope.

“
You’re all crazy,” Steve said. “You’ll get yourselves killed. There’s no way to keep a group this size a secret for long, especially if they try to stay in one place together.”

Pamela stared at him in silent argument until he stood up and stomped out of the kitchen.

After his footsteps faded up the staircase, Pamela said, “We
could
do it. How many of you would go?”

I swiveled my barstool’s seat so I could see the group behind me better.
The adults had all trickled in from the living room at some point, crowding into the kitchen and dining room.

Several people nodded or murmured their agreement.
A few even raised their hands shoulder high to signal their vote.

Everyone wanted
in. Including Tarah, judging by the way her eyes were all lit up with excitement. When our eyes met, she bit her lower lip and looked away.

I turned back to Grandma Letty.
She gave me a challenging half smile, one eyebrow arched, and said, “Well, how about it? Are you in, or are you out?”

Last night Tarah had told me to forget the Shepherd family legacy of leadership and go my own way, to do what I wanted from now on.
I looked at her again, openly staring, but she still refused to meet my eyes. She was trying to keep her face blank, probably so she wouldn’t influence my decision.

“
You know the logistics of pulling this off is going to be a nightmare,” I muttered, looking around me at all the hopeful faces. “We’re going to need immediate temporary housing, at least till spring, before we can build more permanent shelters. We’ll also need water treatment systems, septic systems, green power of several kinds like Pamela said—”

“
So that’s a yes?” Grandma Letty prompted.

I turned to her, Tarah’s words from last night running through my mind on a loop.
What do you want?

I wasn’t sure I wanted to make this my life calling.
But at least for awhile, it seemed a good route to take. “Yeah, that’s a yes.”

Excited conversation broke out all around us, allowing Tarah to edge closer to me without an audience and whisper,
“Are you
sure
? You know you don’t have to do this.”

“
I know. And yeah, I’m sure. I want to do this.”

Finally she met my eyes, searching them to make sure I wasn’t lying just to make everyone else here happy.
After she found whatever reassurance she needed, she smiled and took my hand in hers. “Okay, then. If this is what you want to do, then we’ll do it.”

It
was
what I wanted to do. I just hoped it wasn't a huge mistake. For all of us.

The next few days flew by in a storm of activity as we tried to get it all pulled together.
Bud was kept knocked out except for brief semi-conscious bathroom breaks or to eat groggily. Pamela and some of the guys shopped together online for solar, wind and water energy and treatment systems, while the other ladies kept the kids busy in the basement, which turned out to be a crafter’s mecca. There was a reason Grandma Letty hadn’t set up any sleeping pallets down there...you could hardly walk between the towering shelves and tables full of craft supplies. This at least gave the kids plenty to do as they made little gifts for everyone for Hanukkah and Christmas. Also sharing basement space was the laundry room, which was kept going full tilt twenty-four hours a day as my grandma nearly bought out the local Goodwill and consignment shops for clothing for everyone, and the ladies tried to keep us all in clean clothes.

When we weren’t shopping at Wal-
Mart, we were shopping online or with Grandma Letty at local mobile home centers. The shout of “mail!” became like a fire drill bell, signaling for everyone to either run upstairs or down to the basement to hide as Grandma Letty and I accepted countless deliveries of power systems, seeds, and books on everything from farming, weaving and soap making to raising sheep, cows, chickens and goats. We had so many books we could start our own library. It was probably the first town building we’d have to build in the spring, just to have somewhere to house them all.