Authors: Stephanie Witter

By My Side (25 page)

BOOK: By My Side

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“What? Don't tell me you're not accepted.”

“No, I'm in too.” I poured a mug of coffee. “But I don't want to go to New York.”

I said it. Gabe knew I didn't want to go there anymore, and he was worried I would choose another college just because of him, but it was also about my mom. She told me so many things about places where she went, about things she loved about New York that I didn't want to go to and always think about her death, about the fact that we couldn't talk about it together.

“Are you kidding?” Andy closed his door. I heard it slam. “Don't tell me it's because of Gabe.” He said his name. He broke the taboo. I will not scream at Andy. Calm down.

“Partly. I don't want to see him happy with someone else.”

“But he's ...”

“No! Shut up, Andy!” I yelled. Sometimes I was crazy, like right now. “It's also about Mom. You know she studied there.”

“And?” He didn't seem fazed by my outburst. Maybe I was imagining it, but he sounded even amused. “You can't always throw away memories of her. Once, you were more in a fight mode, and I preferred it.”

True, and? Once upon a time, I was sarcastic, and I was sure nobody missed this part of my personality, except me, probably. “It's hard, Andy, okay? I don't want to talk about her or about your brother anymore. Get it?”

“So, we bury New York just like that.” His happiness was no longer there. He was angry and at a loss of patience. I understood because I was fed up of myself, too.

“I do, but you don't have to.”

“Because you really believe I'll go without you? Never.”

“And Angela? She's going to Boston,” I reminded him.

“I broke up with her. That's why she didn't eat with us if you're wondering.”

Okay, it wasn't really a big love story between these two, but they were together for several months, and he wasn't sad, or maybe he hid it well. “Why did you break up?”

“Because I'm not really in love, and I don't believe in long distance relationship.”

“That's sad.” I was sadder than him. I really liked Angela.

“Forget about it and focus on New York. Just visualize the city. It's huge Lily. You could build your own memories and your own experiences.”

“I'm afraid,” I murmured, my eyes glued to my now empty mug.

“Of what? Gabe? Your mom? Just remember your dream. Before it was just about you among skyscrapers where there're buildings of famous publishers.”

“You're the devil here.”

“Thank you, sunshine. So, what do you say?”

I closed my eyes and saw the buildings, huge shadows in the sundown, the Brooklyn Bridge above the water. I still wanted it, but I wasn't sure if I was strong enough. What if I break down?

“Will you be there for me if I can't stand New York?”

He laughed. I was sure he's doing his ridiculous victory dance. I'll never understand the need people have to do a victory dance. Andy never explained it to me when I asked.

“You'll never regret it.”

“Okay, okay. Now you can tell everybody where we're going next to year.”

We hung up and I could still hear the happiness of my best friend. Maybe I won’t break down. Maybe I'll succeed to avoid Gabe. Maybe I'll find the strength to go to the coffee shop my mother told me had the most delicious coffee.

“Are you sure you want to go in New York?” my father asked me. He's not stupid, and he knew I didn't want to go when I stopped talking about it several months ago.

“Yeah, it's my dream. I want to try.”

He stood up from the couch and came to me. I was at the living room window. He hugged me. Perhaps we're not falling apart. “Andy convinced you?”

“He'll be there for me, don't worry.”

“Oh, I know that.” He released me and put a hand on his neck. “I'm more worried about me with my daughter far away from me. I don't want to lose you, even if I deserve it.”

“Dad, it's over. We all messed up at one point in our life. You're here now, and that's what matters to me. I need my father. And planes are a fabulous invention, you know?”

“I think it's a good idea. You already seem better.” His smile was soft and enforced his little wrinkles. We're all changing. We all aged this past year. “And Andy will not be the only one there for you.”

“I don't want to talk about him. It's been months.” Moreover, I didn't get over it. I was more pathetic than I ever thought I would be.

“So, let's see this acceptance letter. I'm so proud of you, Lily.”

I gave it to him. It was in my back pocket and wasn't exactly like when I first read it. I was nervous and having paper in my hands was better than my fingernails. Let's go to New York. For once, my heartache was calmer.

The airport of New York was overcrowded. Businessmen and businesswomen were running everywhere with their BlackBerry or iPhone glued to their ear or hand. Tourists and new college students—like Andy and me—were a little lost. With our luggage, we turned around three times before finding someone willing to tell us where to go to find a cab. We began to find the first signs of the exit. I was exhausted, but also excited. My father wanted to come to help me settle down in my dorm, but Andy and I succeeded in convincing him to stay home. It took two days to do it, but we did. I was an independent girl and I needed to remember it.

“I think we're nearly there,” I said to Andy, who had a harder time of worming through the crowd. For once, I was glad to be so short. That is, until I bumped into someone's chest. I blushed and closed my eyes. Will I fight with someone my first day in New York? I opened my eyes and inhaled deeply, musk and shampoo. I looked up and found grey eyes looking intently at my face. Gabe.

“I thought we'd never find you,” Andy said in a chuckle when he saw my face. I could already forget to avoid him. Wait! They made plans behind my back? What's that?

“You said nothing to me!” I yelled at Andy, who lost his little smile. People glared at me, but I didn't care.

“Why do you think I spoke to your father alone?” All the men of my life were sneaky freaks. Gabe was quiet, but a little grin appeared. His eyes were still intense and he hadn’t shaved for a couple of days. His hair was a little shorter than before, but as messy as I remembered. He hadn’t come to the graduation ceremony because his basketball season wasn't over and I was both relieved and disappointed. It's been a year.

“Whose idea was it?” I asked, eyes still locked with his. My heartbeat increased even more when he smiled broadly at me.

“Mine.” His deep voice had the exact same effect on me. I shivered. How could it be possible? It was a bad idea to come to New York.

“Why?”

“Don't play dumb. Because I missed you and because I can't forget you.”

I released my breath and laughed. He relaxed. I didn't realize he was so tense. He hugged me with so much strength that I couldn't breathe. It was so good to feel his body against mine, his hand on the small of my back and behind my head. Moreover, to smell him.

“I'm sorry to be so unforgettable,” I teased him. He laughed, and Andy joined him. For the first time I could remember, I said sorry to the man I loved, in my twisted manner, but I said it nevertheless.

“I love you, Lily.”

“I love you, too.”

We smiled at each other and kissed. His tongue teased my lips until I opened them. It was a deep, hot, slow kiss that made me dizzy and burned all over my body. I was craving more of Gabe, and I saw in his eyes that he felt the same.

“And I stopped to exist,” Andy said in a laugh. He was sincerely happy for us, like a real best friend and brother.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

              Stephanie Witter is a French dreamer. She started learning English at three, and fell in love with the language.
              Always with a book, or two close by, she started reading in English when she couldn't wait any longer for Harry Potter to be translated in French.
              After a while, reading wasn't enough. She started writing Young Adult and New Adult Contemporary novels filled with drama. Now she hopes to translate English novels into her mother tongue as her everyday job.
By My Side
is her debut novel.