By Chance (4 page)

“We’ll raise the prices for those clients,” Wes replied. “And I’ve been over this with Jane already; we can easily afford to build another barn. A smaller one, no more than ten stalls. We can move all of our personal horses there and have the full twenty-four stalls for clients’ horses. In another year or two, we could add a boarding house for the owners so we can take more than local clients. We’ll still be able to take in the horses we get on our own, like Justin, but the real money is in retraining for clients. Jane also said our website needs some updating, but that we’re still getting small donations for the rescue horses. And we should expand the merchandizing aspect.”

Vince nodded and shifted his seat as Xander went back to grazing. “I’ll look into that. And I’ll think about the lessons.”

Wes grinned. “Good kid.”

“But only the disciplines I know,” Vince added. “I’ll do jumping, just plain old pleasure and trail riding. If you want to take eventers, Anna will have to be your trainer. That’s what she knows best.”

“I’m sure she could teach you about dressage and cross-country,” Wes pointed out. “If you really wanted to train eventers.”

“No thanks,” Vince replied. “I’m not adventurous enough for cross-country, and I hate top hats, which rules out dressage.”

Wes just laughed and shook his head.

D
USTIN
SETTLED
in easily to his job in the next several days, and soon Vince was happy to give him more to do. He didn’t let him ride any of the project horses yet, but he had him work on the ground with all of them. Vince was impressed by what he saw; Dustin was calm and confident with every horse he worked with, even Star, who was known to put up a fight every time someone tried to do anything with her.

He had a feeling that taking Dustin in was a good decision, even if his father was still skeptical.

And Jane teased him for his so-called bromance.

On Friday, Dustin received his first paycheck, and Vince took him out for the day so he could get a new learner’s permit and a copy of his birth certificate, then a few groceries and some more clothes. Dustin was clearly happy to be able to buy his own stuff now, but he still thanked Vince repeatedly for buying him so much the week before and for taking him out. Vince just told him that when he wanted to learn to drive so he could go anywhere on his own, to let him know.

“That way, you don’t always have to feel like you owe me for taking you places,” he explained.

“But then I’ll feel like I owe you whenever we go driving,” Dustin argued.

Vince smiled over at him from the driver’s seat. “You’ll make it up to me. Once you can drive, I can send you to the feed store and tack shop.”

Dustin smiled and nodded. “Sounds fair. I’ll let you know.”

That night, when Jane teased him, he responded by taking her clothes off. While they made love, he struggled to feel like he wasn’t trying to prove something, but in the end, he was left feeling vaguely empty, no matter how many times he told her that he loved her. And when Jane cuddled up to him like she always did, she just looked utterly sad.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. Had it really been that bad for her?

She just shook her head and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

She shook her head again and just held him. He sighed as he slid his arm around her and let the subject drop. He pushed every sudden concern out of his mind and focused on trying to relax. Things would be fine. They had to be. The other option was too painful to think about.

A
FTER
SPENDING
all the next morning riding Xander, he decided what he had to do about whatever was going on with Jane. He wasn’t completely sure he wanted it, but he knew it had to be done. So he went into the tack room and dug down into Xander’s tack box until he found what he was looking for.

Jane had always criticized men who thought it was okay to propose in public places, so he chose to do it when they were at home watching a movie on Friday night. He wasn’t paying the slightest attention to what the movie was; Jane always picked them, and he rarely cared about them. He was just spending the time working himself up, trying to decide what to say or when the right moment would be. She asked him twice if he was okay, clearly seeing how anxious he was.

The second time she asked, he turned on the couch to face her and pulled the ring box from the pocket of his jacket.

But he had barely opened the box before she placed her hands on his and closed it again. When he looked up at her, there were tears in her blue eyes.

“I can’t let you do this,” she said quietly.

Vince cleared his throat. “What?”

She took a deep breath and squeezed his hands, still holding the box. “I know, Vince,” she stated, looking up into his eyes. “When you were in Florida a few months ago, I had to use your computer when my laptop died. I didn’t
mean
to snoop, and I’m not proud of myself for doing it anyway.” She smiled a little. “You should probably change your password. The only thing easier to guess than ‘Secretariat73’ would be your name.” She took a deep breath again and went on. “I didn’t want to confront you, to come at you demanding to know why you had gay porn on your computer, to know what I actually was to you. I just wanted to be there for you if you really were trying to figure yourself out. I wanted you to tell me on your own.”

She squeezed his hands again. “But I won’t let you do this. I know you aren’t as happy as you should be. Save this moment for someone you really love.”

He was struggling to get a grasp on what was happening. It felt like she was ripping away all his hopes for a normal, stable life. She was telling him he had to face this life of loneliness and hopelessness and that she wouldn’t help him feel normal.

“I love you, Vince,” she whispered. “And I’m here for you. If you want to hide, that’s up to you. I’m not going to tell anyone. But I can’t be your cover anymore.”

The tears were trailing down her cheeks, and he realized then that he was crying, too. She reached out and pulled him close. He let go of the box and let it fall to the floor before wrapping his arms around her and leaning his head against her shoulder.

And somehow, he realized he was both relieved and terrified.

V
INCE
COULD
feel the power beneath him as Xander cantered down the arena and flew over the four-foot fence Vince had set up there. Vince relaxed and let his body follow the rolling motion of the thousand-pound steed’s powerful gait, letting him gallop away from the jump. He’d been riding for over an hour, trying to ignore his thoughts and fears about his future. He and Jane had spent the night just holding each other, trying to cope with the end of whatever they had had together. They’d spent a good hour that morning talking about what would happen next.

Then Vince had gone seeking the only companion he had ever trusted unconditionally.

He pulled Xander up at the end of the arena when he saw his father watching him.

“What’s wrong?” Wes asked when Xander stopped in front of him.

“What makes you think something’s wrong?” Vince replied, patting his horse’s neck.

Wes raised an eyebrow. “You’re riding bareback.”

“So? I do that all the time,” Vince argued.

“Yeah, but it’s usually when you need to ride and don’t feel like wasting time tacking up,” his father replied. “Which means something happened and you need the emotional support only this boy can give you. Don’t act like I don’t know you by now. Plus, this is the first time I’ve ever seen you
jumping
bareback, and that suggests you need something to focus on one hundred percent so you don’t have to process human feelings. So what’s wrong?”

Sometimes Wes’s ability to read a horse’s body language and behavior extended to people, and Vince had learned to both hate and appreciate that in his father. He dropped the reins and unbuckled his helmet. He tossed that over the fence—Xander hardly flinched—and pulled off his gloves to rub his hands over his face.

“Jane’s leaving,” he finally admitted. “Not totally,” he added quickly. “She’s still going to be keeping the books, and she’ll be around every so often, but we ended things last night.”

“Really?” Wes asked, his surprise clear in his voice. “Should I ask why?”

Vince sighed. He definitely wasn’t ready for that. He couldn’t even think the words yet, let alone say them. Even to himself. “We both thought it was the right thing to do,” he said instead. “But she’s still going to be around. We’re on good terms. She’s just going to move out tomorrow.”

“That’s really too bad,” his father said quietly. “But life goes on. You’ll find someone else.”

“Typical words from parent to child after a breakup,” Vince grumbled. “I’m not planning on it anytime in the near future.”

Wes nodded. “That’s just fine. Come on, we have horses to train. Focus on solving their problems, not your own, if that’s what you need right now.”

Vince hopped off Xander’s back, then led him to the closest pasture, where he took off his bridle and let him loose. He slung the bridle over his shoulder, collected his helmet and gloves, and headed into the barn.

After dropping his things off in the tack room, he walked back into the aisle to see all five of his stable hands quickly start acting like they were working and not trying to figure out what was going on. So he sighed and walked to where Dustin had Justin in cross-ties while he groomed him.

He rubbed the chestnut gelding’s forehead and addressed all of them, “Come here, guys.”

Anna, Mia, Joe, and Chris all appeared from the stalls they had been cleaning, while Dustin stopped grooming to look at him.

“I’m saying this to avoid any rumors or speculation,” he began, still rubbing Justin’s face. Then he looked at all of them. “Jane and I ended things last night. We’re on good terms. She’s still our bookkeeper, and she’s still going to come around. Don’t treat her any different when she does. Like I said, we’re on good terms. Don’t act like it’s something serious if you see her or if you see us talking. Don’t think we are upset with each other, because we aren’t. Okay?”

Everyone nodded, and he nodded back. “Thanks. That’s it.”

As they went back to working, Vince went back to the tack room and grabbed the jacket he’d stashed there earlier, when he’d wanted to avoid all human interaction. He took it back to Dustin and handed it to him.

“This is yours.”

Dustin put his brush down and unfolded the jacket. It was the same red Anderson Stables OTTB Retraining jacket that everyone who worked there had. It was embroidered on the chest with Dustin’s name.

“Everyone gets one when they start working here,” Vince explained, seeing the expression on Dustin’s face. “It’s definitely not something you should feel like you owe me for.”

Dustin thanked him and took off the sweatshirt he was wearing to put the jacket on.

“So how’s Justin doing?” Vince asked, rubbing the gelding’s neck.

“He’s doing a lot better when I lead him,” Dustin answered. “He isn’t as excited as he was when he first got here.”

Vince nodded and patted the gelding’s neck. “They’re all like that when they get here. It takes them a few days to settle in. Is he lame today?”

“He wasn’t when I brought him in.”

“I think I’ll try riding him today,” Vince said thoughtfully. “I’m guessing you want to keep riding western?”

“What do you mean?” Dustin asked, looking at him like he had no idea how those two sentences fit together.

“I usually assign specific horses to specific people,” Vince explained. “I had you working on his ground manners, so I planned to ask you if you wanted to ride him, if he’s not too hard to handle. If he’s a nutcase under saddle, I’ll have Joe or Anna ride him when I’m not. I still like having everyone handle each horse at some point, but I know if I give most of the work to one person, it will get done. So if he’s not a handful and you want to ride him, I’d ride him in a western saddle because that’s what you are used to. Unless you wanted to start doing some English stuff.”

Dustin shook his head. “I don’t like looking at those tiny saddles. I’d end up in the dirt in no time.”

Vince chuckled. “Western it is.”

I
T
FELT
strange to have Jane cook him dinner that night, knowing she would be leaving in the morning. All her things were already packed and sitting by the front door, and so it was weird that they could eat dinner like they normally did, though they were both much quieter than usual. It was also weird to have her sleep in bed with him, but she clearly knew that he needed her emotional support. They lay there facing each other, holding hands and wondering what came next.

“I’m sorry,” Vince finally said quietly.

She smiled. “Don’t be. Sorry is the last thing you should be. I’m sorry I didn’t do this sooner. And that I tried to tease you into telling me so many times.”

He shook his head. “I can’t even tell myself yet.”

She leaned closer and kissed his forehead. “You’ll get there. I’m here for you. I promise. If you need me, I’ll be here.”

“Thanks,” he murmured. He really did appreciate how much she cared, but he couldn’t find a way to tell her that. Instead, he squeezed her hand and forced a smile.

H
ELPING
HER
load her things into his truck the next morning was also weird. And watching her drive off in his truck to take her stuff back to her parents’ house on the other side of town—she’d bring the truck back that night and take her car. Inside, the house hardly felt like home. He hadn’t even realized how much had belonged to her; he’d just been used to it after a year of living together. There were pictures missing from the walls, some dishes were gone from the cabinets, her little home office was just a barren room, half the movies and books on the shelves in the living room had vanished, and she’d taken the toaster. Not that he ever really ate much toast. That took too long.