Burned (16 page)

You two take in the movie without me. I'm tired and it's a long drive

home for these

achin' hones.

I tried to talk her out of her plan, but Aunt J

could be stubborn.

Only so much fun an old woman

can take in one

day. Shoppin'.

Eating tili I'm

ready to bust. . .

I tried to thank her for making my birthday more

special than any before.

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Pshaw. What are birthday s for?

You'll take good

care of her, won't

you, Ethan? Not too

much candy, hear?

Ethan laughed, kissed her cheek, and promised

I was in very good hands.

311

Perfect Hands, Actually

They opened the Dakota's door, lifted me up onto the seat. Ethan slid under the wheel, sat for a moment, just looking at me.

Do you know how beautiful you are?

I shook my head. "I'm not. But you make

me feel like I am." I wanted to be beautiful.

To him. For him. I didn't really care how

anybody eise saw me. Only Ethan.

He reached across me, opened the glove

compartment, extracted a little box wrapped in gold foil. He cradled it in his perfect

hand, offered it to me like a toddler might.

Inside was an oval locket, etched

gold on a Serpentine chain, and inside that was a photo of Ethan.

So you II always carry me with you.

I fingered the intricate carvings, the interlocking links of chain.

And then I Turned it over. Engraved on the back were three magic words.

312

Ethan pulled me close, repeated

those words.
I love you, Pattyn.

He kissed me, delicious as honey.

His kiss held love. His eyes held love.

Goose bumps erupted all over my body. I was thrilled. Terrified.

But I couldn't deny how I felt about him. "I love you, too, Ethan."

313

We Went to a Movie

Probably only the third in my life, and my first ever with a guy.

I should remember everything about it. But I don't.

I don't remember the names of the actors, and all I can recall about the plot is that everyone

thought the main character was someone he wasn't.

(Aren't we all someone we're not?)

I do remember the smell of popcorn as we walked through the door, and whiny children, pleading for candy and soda pop.

314

I remember how people seemed to smile at us, a young couple, hand in hand. I wondered

if they smiled because they knew we were in love.

Or maybe they smiled at what they imagined

we did in the dark.

Doing stuff in the dark of the movie theater is what I remember best.

315

Also Remember the Drive Home

tucked close beside Ethan, his picture tucked close to my heart, where I would

carry him always

He drove slowly, and we

talked and talked about our lives

BE (before each other), and what might become of our lives now that they intertwined.

How would we keep our love

alive, with him at college and me at school, daily existence at odds.

Where would I go to school?

No one had mentioned

if or when my extended

vacation might end.

If I stayed with

Aunt J, my school would

be seven hundred miles from Ethan's.

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If I went home, our schools

would be less than two

hundred miles apart.

Not an insurmountable

distance. Unless you

figured in my dad.

Of course, there were ways around my dad.

Weren't there?

317

Even If There Were

Ways around my dad, did I want to have to find them?

Did I want to go home?

Living with Aunt J had opened

my eyes. To harsh realities.

Harsh realities smoldering at home.

To the true meanings of love.

Love, like between Aunt J and me.

Love I wouldn't find at home.

Love, like I had discovered in Ethan's arms.

Love that home might destroy.

But if I stayed with Aunt J,

Ethan seven hundred miles away, what would become of our love?

318

Three Magic Words

Had changed my existence yet again, words I'd feared and now embraced.

I
love you
played over and over in my brain, music without melody.

I sat very close, almost in his lap, head against his Shoulder, breathing

him in, hand on his thigh.

He was warm, and my warmth.

Streng, and my strength.

Ethan was no summer

Hing. Suddenly, certainly, he was everything.

How could I

ever live without him?

319

We Agreed Not to Worry

About it the rest of the weekend, five whole days to spend together, culminating with the July Fourth

BBQ and fireworks extravaganza.

I would meet Ethan 's dad that evening.

Meanwhile, I wanted one thing--

okay, I wanted several, but I had

one particular goal in mind, which I brought up on Saturday.

"Ethan, will you teach me to ride?"

And not Old Poncho. "Paprika."

Ethan was patient. Not so Paprika.

She took one look at the total "greenhorn," and decided to teach me the finer

points of equine bitchery.

She snorted. Kicked. Rooted

herseif and refused to move.

When I finally convinCed her otherwise, she lowered her head and bucked.

Then she reared and pawed the air.

320

I dropped the reins, grabbed hold of the horn, and somehow stayed in the saddle.

But it wasn't what you'd call pretty.

321

Aunt J Had Come Out

To watch

my progress--or lack of it.

She doesn't like working behind fences. Take her out on the trail for a real ride.

First, Aunt J gave

me some pointers.

The key to Paprika is letting her think she's getting her way,

Don't fight her. Convince her.

Ethan clarified,
Gentle

hands, gentle legs.

Let the reins all the way loose,
continued Aunt J.
Now give her an easy nudge.

Instinct insisted I tighten my

grip, but I did as instructed.

There now, see how sweet

that raare moves? Just like a rocking horse.

A rowdy rocking horse, but she was cooperating.

Teamwork. With Paprika, it's all about teamwork.

Ask her to lope.

322

Lope? At my confused look,

Ethan said,
Canter.

A little tap with your

heels should do. Remember, it's a request.

I requested. Paprika

responded enthusiastically.

Now shift your weight to one

side, see how she moves

right along with you.

I shifted right. Paprika

moved right. Left, left.

That's it! Damn if you

don't look like a real

working cowgirl!

After an hour of coaxing and correcting, I almost felt like one too.

323

The Idea of a Trail Ride

Half scared, half excited me.

But Ethan insisted
I'd
be fine, so he went home for his black.

We hit the trail early afternoon, jogging down the jeep track

well beyond the cattle chutes.

Paprika was up for a gallop, and so was Diego. Ethan and I gave the horses their heads. What a rush!

If you've never ridden a horse at a dead

run, you can't understand the awesome

power beneath your clinging thighs.

It was total fear and total exhilaration, all wrapped up in one amazing bündle of horseflesh. And I (mostly) controlled it.

With much of her energy spent, Paprika

went docilely along with the game plan.

Ethan and I rode for miles and miles.

324

We paralleled a snake of train tracks, smack beneath steep ledges of granite, sandstone, and minerals I couldn't identify.

The cliffs were beautiful and dangerous.

Boulders, some the size of VWs, had

tumbled down to land like solitary soldiers.

Ethan pointed.
That's where theifll run their nuclear waste shipments. Can you believe

what total idiots they are? One rock slide . . .

I considered a head-on between a nuke train and VW-size boulders. One rock slide and everyone for miles around would be toast.

325

We Stopped for Lunch

On a shady bank of the little stream

bisecting the canyon.

"Thank you, Ethan."

The horses munched

contentedly as Ethan

unrolled a bamboo mat.

What for, pretty lady?

I let myself rechne, to better inspect the cloudless July sky.

"For teaching me to ride ..."

Ethan lay down beside me, took my hand and kissed my fingers.

You're a quick learner.

I closed my eyes, loving the wet of his tongue on my fingertips.

"For showing me this country . . ."

326

He lifted up on one

elbow, and his voice

drifted down over me.

I want to show you the world.

Drowsy with heat and the lull of his touch,

I licked my lips.

"For loving me."

He tilted my chin and I looked up into his electric green eyes.

Let me teach you what love is.

327

His Body Settled

Gently upon mine.

He kissed my eyes, my lips, my neck, then his mouth

crept softly down the length of my torso.

Something stirred beneath my skin, some being inside

I'd only suspected

existed, demon or angel, I couldn't say.

Either way, it woke a desire so bold it shook me to my

core, made me cry

out for more. I

wanted all of Ethan.

And he wanted me,

I felt it in the
fire
of his kiss, in the way his body trembled.

And yet, he hesitated.

Only if you're sure.

328

The old Pattyn had

vanished, smoke.

I didn't think about

Satan, didn't think about God, didn't

think about babies.

We shed our shirts, unzipped our jeans, and would have

made love right

that minute except for just about then .

329

All Hell Broke Loose

From a snag of rocks across the stream, and not a hundred feet

away, came a predatory snarl.

The horses reacted with terrified

whinnies and vicious thrusts of defensive hooves.

Ethan and I jumped to our feet, caught sight of the feline intruder-- a cougar, the size of a Great Dane.

He had wandered down the hill for a midday drink, to find horses and half-naked humans.

Ethan or I was the easier meal, especially once the horses tugged

loose and bolted for home.

The mountain lion approached

leisurely, intently, measuring

distance and possible resistance.

330

Ethan groped in the tall grass, ound a tree branch big enough to do some damage.