Brotherhood 02 - Broken Promise (22 page)

It was early evening and Sarah had come up to change for dinner. She was mentally and physically exhausted.

She wasn’t sure how she’d managed it, but she’d somehow survived the afternoon. Lady Penderly had held Jonathan and talked to him and played with him until he’d grown tired, then she and Lady Penderly had taken him to the nursery.

Sarah hoped she’d have a few minutes alone with him before he was fed and put to bed, but Lady Penderly said she couldn’t bear being separated from her grandson when she’d just found him and had stayed with him until he’d fallen asleep. Only then did Lady Penderly suggest they go back down stairs.

When they reached the study, the men had just finished finalizing their plan to expose Wesley Dunstan. Lord Penderly was anxious to go home to prepare for the part he’d play in making sure his grandson remained safe. When Lord and Lady Penderly finally took their leave, Sarah excused herself and went back to the nursery. She couldn’t stand to keep up her brave front any longer. She couldn’t keep her smile from faltering. And most of all, she couldn’t look at Austin and risk him looking at her. If their gazes connected, she was afraid he’d know how deeply she ached because of a loss that hadn’t even taken place yet.

Jonathan was asleep in his cradle and the nurse who’d come with Jonathan sat in a chair on the other side of the room. She looked up when Sarah entered, then lowered her gaze back to the blanket she sewed with a soft blue yarn.

The draperies were pulled, casting the room deep in shadows. Sarah was glad. She didn’t want a stranger to witness her exposed emotions.

She stood beside the cradle and watched Jonathan as he slept. He wore an angelic expression, and why shouldn’t he? He had no idea of the turmoil that surrounded his discovery. He was the innocent pawn.

She reached out and placed her finger against his palm. Even in slumber his fingers wrapped around hers. She smiled and rubbed her thumb across his soft flesh as if memorizing something she feared she was going to lose. He had such a strong grip, and well he should. He was a healthy and robust babe. Lady Penderly herself had marveled at that. He would grow into a strapping young man, identical to his father.

She pictured Lord Fledgemont and her eyes grew damp. He’d been so excited about the babe his wife was carrying. Yet he didn’t live long enough to know he had a son. He would have been so happy. Would have been the perfect father.

Jonathan’s sleeping body swam before her. The door opened behind her and she quickly banished the tears that ran down her cheeks.

She turned from the cradle and came face to face with the man her defenses were too weak to fight.

“I thought I’d find you here,” he said and closed the door behind him.

“I wanted to make sure Jonathan was asleep.”

He came across the room. Before he reached her he nodded to the nurse. “We’ll be here for a while. I’ll call you when we leave.”

The nurse gathered her yarn and left the room.

And they were alone.

Austin watched Jonathan sleep. “I didn’t realize babies looked so peaceful when they slept. You can tell they aren’t bothered by the troubles of this world.”

He stood next to her, his arm touching hers. His flesh warm against hers. “He doesn’t realize someone wants to harm him.” She whispered.

He placed his arm around her shoulders and brought her against him. “You don’t have to worry. He’ll be safe. I won’t let anyone harm him. And neither will Gabe. Or Harrison.”

His promise reassured her and she leaned her head against him. Her cheek pressed against his chest and she listened to the steady beating of his heart beneath her ear. If it was possible, she’d like to stay here like this forever. But it wasn’t. And never would be.

“Penderly will host a dinner tomorrow night to introduce Jonathan,” he said. “An army of guards are already in place at Penderly’s town house and they will watch Jonathan every second he’s there.”

“What if Penderly’s nephew doesn’t try to harm Jonathan tomorrow night?”

“He will. Penderly will announce that he intends to take Jonathan to the country the following day. He’ll also inform Wesley that before they leave, they’ll visit his solicitor to make the necessary changes to provide for his grandson.”

“You think he’ll be foolish enough to attempt to kill Jonathan with all of us there?”

Austin nodded. “That’s when he’ll have the perfect opportunity—when all of us are busy celebrating and won’t pay attention to who leaves the room. He’ll also want to make his move before Penderly visits his solicitor. He’ll lose everything once Jonathan is identified as the next heir.”

Austin’s hand moved up and down her arm, absently touching her as if his mind was concentrating on something more important. There was also a hesitancy in his voice she wasn’t used to hearing.

“Penderly is a very wealthy man,” he continued. “Whoever inherits his wealth will lack for nothing the rest of his life.”

Sarah lifted her head and looked up. “But?”

“But what?”

“But, what is bothering you? I can tell something is.”

She heard him laugh softly.

“As usual, you’re far too perceptive for your own good,” he said.

She smiled and placed her head back against his chest. “I think you’ve mentioned that a time or two.”

He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “It’s nothing. It’s a bad habit of mine.”

“What is?”

“Never being satisfied with what’s obvious. Thinking there’s something hidden beneath the surface that I’m not seeing.”

“What doesn’t seem right to you?”

“Wesley Dunstan. Something just doesn’t seem right with him.”

“You think it’s possible he’s not the one who wants Jonathan dead?”

“He has to be. He’s the one Lord Penderly sent to Wakemoor. He’s the only one who knew about Jonathan. My gut tells me there’s something more. Something I’m missing.”

“That’s why you’re so good at what you do. Searching until you’ve found all the answers is what makes you so special.”

“You’re special, too, Sarah.” He placed his forefinger beneath her chin and lifted. “Don’t ever forget it. I never will.”

His gaze lowered to her lips then he slowly brought his lips down to meet hers. He was going to kiss her and she wasn’t going to stop him. She couldn’t. She wanted this. Even if she couldn’t consider a future with Austin, she wanted—no,
needed
every memory of him to take away with her.

He lowered his head and his lips touched hers. Tentacles of love and emotion wrapped around her heart and pierced her soul. She didn’t know it was possible to love a man this much, didn’t know that someone could steal such a large part of her heart.

His kisses were gentle, as if allowing his passion to consume him would be his undoing. As if giving in to the emotions they shared would spoil the bond that connected them.

She was glad. Glad that this last kiss wouldn’t contain a riot of emotions, a tidal wave of sensations she wouldn’t be able to distinguish or recall at some future time when she needed to remember what they’d shared.

She allowed him to offer her what he could, gathering the feel and touch of him to herself, harboring their mutual passion in a secret corner of her heart. Even though he may not need memories of their time together to survive, she did. And she refused to allow even one of them to escape.

He ended their kiss with a low moan. She wanted to believe he regretted separating himself from her but knew more than likely the sound was a sigh of frustration. He was probably annoyed because he couldn’t carry their actions to the next level, not here in the nursery, and not without being overcome with guilt.

“Oh, Sarah. I promised myself I wouldn’t make this more difficult.”

She didn’t know why, but his words affected her as if they rode on an arrow aimed for her heart. “Difficult? For whom?”

He looked surprised. “For both of us.”

She tried to smile. “My place is with Jonathan,” she said, forcing the words into the open. “You’ve always known that.”

“Yes, I have. But I’d hoped it was possible for you to change your mind.”

She lowered her gaze. “You knew that wasn’t possible.”

Every muscle pressing against her stiffened. “Yes, I suppose I did.”

For several long moments only silence stretched between them, then he took a step away from her. “It’s nearly time for dinner. We should get ready.”

Sarah let her gaze rest on Jonathan’s sleeping form one last time while Austin went for the nurse, then followed him out the door. They separated in the hall and she went to her own room.

The second the door closed and she was alone, she sank onto the nearest chair and buried her head in her hands.

Kissing him hadn’t made anything more difficult. It had made leaving nearly impossible.

…

Austin lay in bed with his head on the pillow and his eyes fixed on the ceiling. Tonight was the first night since he’d discovered Jonathan’s existence that the old terrors had resurfaced. The first night in months he’d felt the urge to race across the countryside to escape the walls crowding in around him. But this time he wouldn’t be running from those familiar nightmares that had haunted him since he’d sacrificed Lieutenant Dunstan’s life to save Thorn’s. Tonight he would be running from the pain and loss he knew he would feel when Sarah left him to go with Jonathan.

Since he’d kissed her earlier this evening, a deep unrest gnawed at his insides. Sitting next to her throughout dinner had been torture. He’d tried not to let his gaze constantly turn toward her but he was drawn to her. He was mesmerized by the simple act of her lifting a fork to her mouth. Hypnotized by the movement of her mouth, the same mouth he’d kissed a few hours earlier.

He tried to keep from staring at her, but the second he relaxed his guard, his gaze found her. And even when he wasn’t watching her, he heard her voice, heard her laughter. Felt her presence.

He knew he wouldn’t fall asleep anytime tonight. Nothing would erase the feel of her in his arms, pressing against his body. He threw back the covers and moved to get up. He stopped when he heard a sound at the door and reached for the gun he’d kept near since Sarah had been shot. He released his grip when Sarah walked through the door.

“Is something wrong?”

She shook her head and softly closed the door behind her. For several long seconds she didn’t move. He heard her rapid breaths, a nervous quiver as she released a heavy sigh.

His heart beat faster. “Are you debating whether you should leave or not?” he asked, knowing that if she took that first step into the room he wouldn’t let her leave.

“No,” she answered, but she didn’t move from the door.

He held himself from going to her. If he did, it would be too late for either of them to stop. “Perhaps I should order you to go back to your room.”

“I have never been good at following orders.”

“Then, perhaps I should politely suggest that you leave.”

Another shaky sigh echoed in the silence. “Perhaps you should, but it’s too late for that. You know it as well as I.”

The blood pounded against his ears and his heart thundered louder. “There aren’t too many reasons a woman comes to a man’s room in the middle of the night, Sarah.”

She took her first step into the room and he knew it was too late with the same surety as she. She continued across the floor until she reached the edge of his bed. “There aren’t, are there?”

He looked up. “No.”

Their gazes met, then held in the shadowy darkness. He saw a thousand emotions in her eyes: fear, pleading, excitement, questioning, determination. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“I am only sure of one thing. If I let this one night pass I will regret it for the rest of my life. Please, Austin. Give me this one night.”

Austin knew what he should do, what was the right thing to do. He should send her away. But by the saints, he couldn’t do it. He wanted her too much, needed her too much. Wanted to experience one night in her arms as much as she wanted it.

“I could offer you a future, Sarah.”

“I’m not asking for a future. I’m only asking for this one night.”

Her rejection pained him, but he couldn’t refuse her. He didn’t
want
to refuse her. He needed to show her how much he loved her even though she didn’t want it. She cared for him, he knew she did. He was sure she even loved him. The kisses they shared proved that she did. But she loved Jonathan more, she considered him her own. He could never ask her to give him up. Having to make such a choice would tear them both apart, would eventually cause her to hate him.

He pulled back the covers and exposed his naked body. If she held reservations, the sight of him unclothed would provide her with a reason to leave.

She didn’t hesitate, but pulled the sash from her robe and let it fall to the floor.

Shimmering rays of moonlight washed over her, illuminating her flesh, accenting her perfection. “Ah, Sarah. You’re beautiful.”

She lowered her head and he knew if it were daylight he’d see a pink blush in her cheeks.

He held out his hand and she took it, then climbed in beside him.

She nestled close and he leaned over and kissed her.

Having her here beside him was his dream, and for this one night he’d let himself pretend that there would be other nights like this, that he’d never have to spend another night alone.

He deepened his kiss and allowed his passion to flow from his body to hers. He kissed her mouth, and her cheeks, and her neck, then moved lower still.

She moaned as he kissed his way down her body, then her arms wrapped around him and held him close. “I want tonight, Austin. Just tonight.”

Austin cupped his palm against her cheek and rubbed tiny circles over her skin. Her flesh was soft and delicate, and shivered beneath his touch. Her response moved him beyond expressing. She loved deeply and completely, and he was certain she loved him. It was inconceivable to him that she could give herself to someone she didn’t love.

His heart swelled in his chest knowing that she loved him. If only she didn’t love Jonathan more. But she did. She’d made that plain from the beginning.